Wedding Blog
Mr. Cupcake and I have always been pretty realistic with our Christmas gifts for each other — we don’t go overboard buying each other frivolous items that we don’t need, and we always have a modest spending limit for each other (I think our highest ever was $150). This year, due to the suffering economy, we decided to cap things off at just $50 each; times are tight and neither of us really needs anything, and, as we all know, it’s the thought that counts. We were trying to figure out lots of ways to simplify the holidays this year and not go broke. We had many discussions about buying a tree this year, wondering if it was worth spending the extra money when we won’t even be home on Christmas day. And then, the unthinkable (but frighteningly possible) happened:
Mr. Cupcake got laid off.
It has only been a few days since we got the news, and it is still a little surreal. We have been very aware of the dwindling economy, but we thought we were safe in terms of our jobs… when Mr. Cupcake called me with the news, I really thought he was joking at first. The timing is pretty unfortunate, but, then again, no time is really a great time to get laid off. (But seriously — less than three months after our wedding and two weeks before Christmas??? Certainly I can say that it’s just a tad bit depressing.)
We are doing our best to stay upbeat, and we already have a pretty great repertoire of unemployment jokes to keep the mood light (”Eat up… this is our last meal for a week!” is a favorite of the day). We are certainly learning firsthand the meaning of “for better or for worse”, and it is humbling yet reassuring to know that we are in this together, no matter what. A few tears have been shed, and we are doing our best to support each other during this difficult time. Many resumes have already been sent and now the waiting game has begun. It is all a very real reminder of the curve balls that life can throw at you.
We have no choice but to focus on making the holiday season about family and togetherness this year, and not about material things (which is how it should be regardless). This is the first time since living together that we haven’t had a real, live, beautiful Christmas tree in our apartment, but yesterday we found a charming $6 tabletop tree that had our names written all over it (and fit into our new, very tight budget).
Mr. Cupcake took this with his iPhone, and I like the ethereal glow it gives our mini tree. 
You can see that the “tree stand” is really a wine rack in our living room… some of our favorite heavier ornaments are sitting under the tree made to look like toys… and the tree is kept company by some vintage angels that belonged to my grandmother (on the left) and the Ralphie bobble head I got Mr. Cupcake for our first Christmas together. The lights were so extremely long that we ran them from the tree over a doorway!
A close-up. Isn’t she lovely?
We got out our lights and ornaments and chose a few lightweight ornaments that wouldn’t cause the whole thing to tip over. We got a kick out of the fact that our tree fit in a plastic bag at the store — Mr. Cupcake joked that he had them throw in some twine just in case we had to strap it to the roof of our car. We have already spun our situation into the sob-story we’ll tell our kids in fifteen years: “The year we got married, Daddy got laid off and we had to walk 10 miles barefoot in the snow to buy a fake $6 Christmas tree that we paid for with nickels we found in between the couch cushions!”
Our $50 gift budget has now decreased to a card and maybe a mix CD for each other, unless we come up with anything else creative (but not necessarily artsy, as that is more my department than Mr. Cupcake’s). I had already been procrastinating on my Christmas shopping so I had not yet bought a thing for the rest of our family members when we got word of the layoff; now it looks like we’ll be keeping things simple with a few handmade items and baked goods. As cheesy as it sounds, we need to remember that it’s not the presents that matter when we are already blessed with the gift of each other and our fantastic families, and we have absolutely no reason to feel bad for ourselves.
Other bees have had similar stories of unemployment, and now I am realizing firsthand just how real this recession is. How have the recent financial hardships taken a toll on your wedding plans or newlywed life? Has it affected you more than you expected?
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Share this post: Downsizing Christmas
I’m so sorry to hear this news, Cupcake! Looks like you and the mister are dealing well, and you are so right, you’ve already got all the gifts you need– each other and families!
The recession hasn’t yet hit me and the FH, as we are both dirt poor grad students to begin with. However, when the first really big dip in the market happened earlier this year, my dad mentioned that he had lost the equivalent of a wedding that day… he tried to be cheery and joking but I knew he was serious. Eek!
oh my god the “Daddy got laid off and we had to walk 10 miles barefoot in the snow to buy a fake $6 Christmas tree that we paid for with nickels we found in between the couch cushions!” bit had me cracking up…although this isn’t a very humorous topic, you always manage to find the humor in things and make me smile i have a job interview tomorrow, which i am trying to not get my hopes up for, but it’s the first i’ve had since may so cross yer fingers! i’ll be crossing all of my body parts for your hubs too! haha
sorry to hear about the news…while my husband and I are still intact, there is a good chance either one of us may face a layoff soon. Over the past 1.5 year we have been obsessively payoff all our debt so that has been a huge weight off our shoulders. We have also cut our holiday shopping for our family to half of what it use to be and well a $25 limit to each other. Our goal is still to buy a house eventually but given the current state of everything that is very low on our priority list. Honestly, at times I am so stressed out that I don’t even have many encouraging words for my husband. The only thing we can do is continue to hope for the better. Anyway, thanks for sharing.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I feel like every day, I hear of another company downsizing. I am impressed by your good attitude, though, and you are right, you will have good stories to tell your kids and grandkids down the line. Here’s to a brighter picture next year!
I’m so sorry to hear the news. I think people are finally starting to realize that this recession is not just a soundbite in the news. You are definitely not alone. I’ve had numerous friends get laid off and I myself am having the hardest time finding a job, (I just graduated from law school and passed the bar). But I really think it’s times like these when you realize just how much you love your family and how in the end, they are all you really need. Best of luck to you and your hubby. It sounds like you have an excellent attitude about the whole thing and I’m sure you’ll get through it.
Thank you for sharing! It’s so scary with the economy and all the layoffs, but I think it’s so beautiful that you and the Mister are taking such good care of each other and creating such lovely and funny memories together…I love your tree (and Mr. Cupcake’s comment about tying it to the roof of your car…he should have done it just to get the funny looks from other drivers!).
you’re not alone! and thanks for sharing your positive attitude! i’m sure things will get better soon!
sorry to hear this and thanks for sharing with us. the layoff at my company will be this week… very scary!
I love your tree! I’ll be keeping you and Mr. Cupcake in my thoughts and hoping that something opens up for him soon.
You’re not alone at all. Just within the last couple of weeks, I’ve heard more and more about people being laid off, or having their hours reduced, or losing commissions due to the flagging economy. Hang in there, and thanks for sharing with us. It’s encouraging for people to know they’re not alone.
Your positive attitude is inspiring! Fingers-crossed that Mr. Cupcake finds a job soon.
Do I spy a Cupcake ornament on your tree? 
You’re not alone Mrs. Cupcake. My wedding is in May 2009 (that we are financing ourselves) and I was laid off at the beginning of November. The only way I can describe it is that it was incredibly shocking, as similar to your hubbie, I was not expecting it at all. However, I have found that the bright side in this whole situation is that my fiance has been more supportive than I could ever have imagined. When things like this happen it really makes you feel to have the love of your life supporting you, and I’m sure you are doing that for Mr. Cupcake. You’re in my thoughts and I hope things get better soon.
I love your positive attitude as well- and I love the story to tell your kids. Mr. PT’s hours have been reduced, and he’s found crafty ways to come into work and get things done. And while our tree is a bit bigger- it was small enough to fit into the car. No twine needed in this household either. Hope Mr. Cupcake finds something soon!!
Sorry Mrs. Cupcake! You are great for staying positive. We are in the same boat as you as we got married 11/1 and my husband got laid off the week of our wedding. Nice timing on the company’s end! It has been really difficult and stressful on us and our marriage as we were just ready to start with different goals of saving with the wedding finances just about to be behind us. The best thing to do is stay positive though as unforutnately when bad things happen, lots of bad things tend to happen such as our computer breaking on Friday night. We just shake it off though and realize at least we have each other and hopefully the new year will bring better things! Keep smiling!
My husband got laid off the week before thanksgiving (<6 months after our wedding)with no warning and almost no severence. Here are a few words of wisdom I heard from someone else who has gone through this re: a laid off husband/fi/whatever “worship him”. Getting laid off is really tough on the male ego, especially when his wife/fi is now the one footing the bills. I think it can really test a relationship, and making him feel good/valued/ special is sooooo important. Its potentially the best advice I have gotten in a long time.
We’re in the same boat. Fortunately we bought something for everyone on our honeymoon. We were planning on supplementing some of the gifts, but now everyone’s just getting what we already bought. The tough part of the gifts, like you said, is what to do about each other. Not only is it Christmas, but both of our birthday fall around the holidays. We’re finding alternatives, like making each other’s favorite meal and a good back rub.
Honestly, all I can keep thinking is “I wish we hadn’t spent the money on the wedding.” It doesn’t seem important now.
It’s been hard emotionally. Not only do I feel the pressure of being the primary paycheck, but I’m also four months pregnant! We’re a little scared. Fortunately we had been saving up for the baby, so we know that we’ll be fine as long as it doesn’t get worse, but it may mean less maternity leave and no paternity leave 
We have our fingers crossed that things start to turn around within six months! We’re just trying to stay positive - and occasionally joke that there’s no one else we’d rather be in the poor house with!
The tree is tres adorable. And I’m sending Mr. Cupcake good job-hunting vibes.
My fiance has been laid off since April. If you look on the bright side, it really is good to get used to living on one income and reduce any excess in your life. Then you can try to live like that in the future, so you never get into a position where you over finance yourself. Plus, I have a full-time house cleaner an errand-runner! Remember its not forever, things will get better. One day he might need to return the favor, you two have a long lifetime ahead of you.
Do expect that friends and family may have a hard time really understanding though. We still get a lot of pressure from friends and family to do dinner, gifts, etc… They seem to forget after a few months..
As someone else mentioned, is a bit ego buster for guys, so whatever you do try not to get on his back even if it takes a few more months. Its not his fault and when stress levels get high you might look to someone to blame. You will both get through it!
oh no! I am so sorry to hear about that. my cousin just got laid off too.
i do love this post though, because christmas is NOT about the presents. i love that you are taking such a hard time and turning it into something positive. baked goods for your family sounds great- you can pack them up in pretty tins and give a nice gift for < $5 a pop, plus you can have a fun afternoon out of it!
wishing you and ur hubbie luck and a merry christmas!
I am sorry to hear about Mr. Cupcake’s situation. My FI got laid off right before we got engaged, and we definitely struggled a bit until he found a new job. However, I will definitely echo some points you have already made that were true for us; having less creates a focus on the non-material, which will bring you closer, and something about going through the “for worse” moments makes you an even stronger couple when the “for better” moments come your way. Best wishes for a Happy New Year and Merry Christmas!
Luckily we pretty much do live on one income - that is something I have been serious about maintaining. My paycheck goes for the mortgage, utilities, cable, internet, and phones, with enough left over for me to be able to pretty much shop at will (I’m not a huge shopper). My husband feeds the savings account, buys the leisure activities, and pays the tuition bills (his two kids are both in college). However, given the economy, we have talked a lot about what would happen if one of us were laid off. In our case, it would mean that we wouldn’t have a lot of trouble making ends meet - but the lovely private college his son is currently attending would have to be exchanged for something closer to the local state college his daughter is attending. And both kids would need to pay more of their own expenses.
My experienced has been that when you’re living with somebody else, it’s easy to let your actual expenses creep up to the point that you’re spending most of both incomes. We have a lot of friends who wouldn’t be able to do much more than pay their mortgage if one was laid off. While we could have bought a much nicer house, and my husband really, really thinks I ought to have a new car, we have all we really need.
It sounds like you’re actually in a similar situation, if you’re not so much worried about how to pay the electric bill, but only worried about Christmas presents. As long as you can afford the things you really need, it’s not so bad going without the things that you would just really like to have, at least for a while. I wich Mr. Cupcake the best of luck in his job search.
I love how you are making this Xmas into something to tell your children about! And I (as we all do) pray it’s something our children will never have to experience first-hand.
We are also downsizing this Xmas - we agreed with our families to forgo the gifts for anyone over the age of three.
I’m so sorry for you and Mr. Cupcake! Layoffs are very depressing, especially two weeks before Christmas! Jeez. My fiance’s job is pretty secure. Mine is not. I do think I’d probably survive another round of layoffs, but who knows. We have a layoff game plan, and I think every couple should have one in this economy.
I’m getting married May 2009 and found out last week that I’ll be laid off after the holidays. Merry Christmas! It’s comforting to know that we aren’t the only couple that is having to deal with suddenly losing income. I hope your Mr will find a job soon! Best of luck!
It sounds like you guys are trying to make the best of it. Mr. PN and I always have a super low budget. Last year we spent $10 and this year we are spending $20. It is fun because you have to be creative with such a small budget! Last year I bought Mr. PN a New York Yankee’s beer cosi and a scratch off triva book. He bought me a t-shirt that said I heart NY.
Like so many others, I lost my job. And we put off the wedding, I didn’t want any unnecessary expenditures. We bought the house 2 months prior and we needed my check. We cut out most things. Then we found out because of Wall St. his company was closing their doors. Then I panicked. Stupidly.
You will find it hard…one of the hardest things to ever get through. One day, something awesome will happen, it’ll take you by surprise, and you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it will be the most wonderful feeling ever. A relief…and “relief” isn’t even a good description. You will never spend $ the same way ever again.
As for gifts to each other, we do other things instead. For Hanukkah/Christmas, we do Chinese food and a movie (rented at the supermarket for $1). Decorations are made or use whatever we have here. Gifts for others, baked goods. That’s it. Even for parents. We’re lucky we don’t have kids. Bdays, cards only and we bake a cake.
As for your husband, men will always think they are the “providers” - you will be providing the support. You will be the stronger of the two - you will find a way to do this w/o hurting his ego. All that you do, will remind you and him what marriage truly is all about. You will question yourself - even doubt yourself - don’t. Picture your life without him…and vice versa. As unhappy as this glitch is, imagine not being in each others lives. And remember, most importantly, have faith.
Forgot one thing, I made sure we socialized. I wanted to keep him in the forefront of people’s mind. Friends, families and any social thing that was free. I had “business” cards made up for both of us on MOO (absolutely awesome site) with our names, phone and email (separately, of course). The greatest thing I ever did (and it was $20). Passing these cards out - he got a job!!!! And so did I.
I love your tree I’m sorry to hear about Mr Cupcake’s job. You are in my prayers.
P.S. I LOVE getting baked goods for gifts, so I’m sure others will really appreciate it as well
You make the best mix CD’s ever…so that’s no small gift
@Mrs. Candy Corn: best of luck with your interview! I’ll be crossing my fingers and toes for you, as well…
@Christine: it’s scary that you know the layoffs are coming, I can’t imagine just having to wait with baited breath to find out the verdict. Best of luck to you, I hope you are passed over for any layoffs!
@Mrs. Cookie: you sure do I didn’t show the full shot as I’m waiting for Mrs. Bee to show it in all its glory with the rest of the bee ornaments…. It was the first ornament I put on our tree!!!
@Janna19: no surprise — Mr. Cupcake liked your advice the best
@Erin: I’m trying to remember that hindsight is 20/20 so I don’t get stuck regretting any wedding spending. We had an incredible day and had no idea what was to come, so we’re just going to call this a learning experience and perhaps think things through a bit more for future large purchases. Best of luck with your baby — it will all work out for the best!!!
@Suzanno: luckily we still rent and don’t have a large mortgage hanging over our heads, so that certainly helps to ease some stress. You’re right in that since living together our expenses have creeped up, so this will surely be a really good learning experience in how much we can really live on and how much we can save once we’re back to two steady incomes.
@ainsley: you are probably the recipient of more of my mix CDs (err, tapes!) than anyone else in my life, so it’s nice to know that you think mine are the best
I’m so sorry to hear that. Times are so hard and it’s very scary. People all around me are getting laid of and I’m extremely scared of what will happen to my job. I’m the only one working full-time because my fiance is in school full-time so we live off of one income and that’s mine. We have cut back alot on spending, eating out & shopping for clothing or what not. We have two little girls and we started shopping for them (Christmas) in July so they were ok, but everyone else got nice gifts but not as nice as I usually buy. And to be honest if the economy doesn’t get better by the end of next year (2009), we may be pushing back our wedding date in order to pay for it.
We moved in June, and were lucky because my husband was able to find a job. But I never found anything. So we moved again for a great financial opportunity, we are going to watch someone’s house for a year and won’t have to pay rent or utilities. And my husband was able to find an even better job with our second move, and I’m so thankful for that. But I still haven’t found anything… I joke that maybe I should take him on my interviews Due to me never finding a job though, we had to cut stuff out of our wedding, which was last month. And everything still turned out fine, and everyone was impressed by our wedding, and trust me it wasn’t fancy. It had more to do with our relax and have a good time attitude, and everyone did just that.
This was an idea from last year, but my sister organized a $1 gift exchange between us kids and our spouses for Christmas instead of a regular gift. Last year was more of a competition, this year is more of a necessity. Besides helping free up some money, it definately challenged my creativity!
Sorry to hear the news. As a vendor, I’m seeing a lot of this and people are really worried. We’re re-evaluating our pricing and will change things a bit from this point forward.
In the short term we’ve really reduced the deposit required, and have bigger plans we’ll be releasing soon. I don’t want to see something as important as a wedding become a burden.
If you’re in Toronto looking for a videographer keep an eye on our blog for something that might help.
http://durhamweddingvideo.wordpress.com/2008/12/15/economic-stimulus-package/
When I saw the picture of your tree I nearly shrieked with excitement that you have the Fisher Price Farm ornament!! My mom bought this for me as my ornament this year. And I thought it was the cutest thing ever. By far one of my favorite toys growing up!!
@Kristin: Mr. Cupcake’s mom just gave that to him this year! It is so cute… I’m impressed that you saw it in the photo
I’m so sorry to hear about this, cupcake! Being laid off really did bring Mr. Taffy and I closer, the one benefit from it all. I know that Mr. Cupcake will find something soon!
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband’s job loss, along with everyone else’s!
I mostly wanted to say that your little tree’s not alone! Our tree this year is a $10 Charlie Brown tree from Walgreen’s that I received at a gift exchange. I wish I could attach a picture of it, it’s pretty sad with it’s 6 branches, but the funny thing is I kind of love it. It is a good reminder of the for richer or poorer bit.
That and I’ve always picked the ugly duckling trees….Anyways, good luck with everything. We’ll be thinking of you!
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Mrs. Cupcake, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 27, Graphic Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Construction Project Manager
Engagement Date: February 10, 2007
Wedding Date: September, 2008
Blogging Since: December 7, 2007
Venue: The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
About Me: Mr. Cupcake and I hit it off at a Halloween party and immediately began a long-distance relationship. After two years, he moved to my neck of the woods, and a year and a half after that, he proposed at the “place we fell in love.” I am a true perfectionist who enjoys designing and creating more work for myself, so wedding planning is my perfect outlet. Mr. Cupcake and I are both old souls, and we hope to weave that aspect of our personalities into our wedding day.
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