Wedding Blog
I’m gonna be honest here: I’m not doing a whole lot of what I usually consider “real” wedding stuff. In fact, I haven’t spent money on anything directly wedding-related in, um, months. Since I picked up my second wedding dress and paid the remaining seventy bucks, in fact.
All along, I’ve been feeling like a slacker (and a little bit dishonest) for not putting my money where my blog was, so to speak. If you look through my archives, you’ll see that most of my posts have been about relationships and marriage rather than weddings, and that’s not by accident. I do tend to spend more of my time on energy preparing to be married than to get married, but with the economy the way things are, I want as little of our money tied up in contracts and promises as possible. While we’re continuing to work on our house and talk about our plans, we haven’t bought any of the many things on our wedding lists.
Now I’m ‘fessing up, because this economic thing isn’t just about me and my cheapness any more. Many, many friends (on the ‘net and otherwise) are being affected by it, from reduced hours to lost jobs, not to mention the general stress that seems to be pervading life right now. And that leaves you and I, dear friends, in an odd and often uncomfortable situation.
Trying to plan a wedding in the midst of all this uncertainty and pain can be… weird. We just got back from a fabulous holiday with my enormous extended family, all of whom fully expect to be invited (and to be expected to attend) to our wedding hundreds of miles away. I’m feeling like I can’t ask them to come, but I can’t not ask them to come. It breaks my heart to think that my people would feel bad at either not being invited or not being able to afford to join us.
Sigh. So now what? Well, I guess now’s the time to get back to the basics, to remembering that our wedding is about us and our beloveds, pledging our hearts and minds to each other for the rest of our days. Our wedding is about celebrating our union with our dearest friends and family, celebrating with food and drink and toasts and dancing, celebrating our luck and blessings in finding and choosing my guy. Our wedding is about finding creative solutions that allow our guests to join us (or not) gracefully and without added stress.
That means that we are adding a hometown reception. My mom has graciously (and excitedly) offered to host a party for us at her home, complete with dancing and toasting and our wedding duds. We’ll invite everyone to both celebrations and let them tell us which one they prefer to attend (a couple of my aunts were happily planning a road trip, so they might want to join us in Knoxville).
Look, this economic uncertainty doesn’t appear to be letting up anytime soon, and while that makes life tough, I think it can make wedding planning simpler. Gone will be the days that we feel like we need to go crazy, to show how much money we can afford to spend, to feel sucked into the wedding industrial complex vortex. We’re free (free!) to DIY our hearts out, to cut down the craziness, to focus on our people and our dudes.
Join me! We’re baking our own cakes (or talking our friends into it) even if they’re not perfect. We’ll string our own lights (bought at 90% off after Christmas) and maybe (just maybe) cater our own food. We’ll handwrite our invitations (or, what the hell, use a handwriting font and our $40 Canon printer). We’ll figure out how to ask for help from everyone we know (more on that later) and will make our wedding about the people who love us, not least of whom is that guy I’m marrying. We’ll see whether we can use things we already own so that we don’t have to buy anything new (um, we’ll try, anyway… no promises).
Will you be simplifying your wedding in these rough economic times?
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i think if you do all of those things, you will find that your wedding will be 100% more beautiful than the majority of ones who do crazy-spending.
i could *never* justify, especially in this economy, having a lavish wedding. it has never made sense to me at all… it seems like such a… twisted thing that weddings have become. so disappointing. so much pressure. so much pride that some put into the money they’re spending.
the two receptions was a wonderful idea! good luck 
it will all be perfect because you + him will be there… that’s all that it really comes to.
Regardless of the economy, we’d be having a thrifty wedding. I just can’t justify spending all that money on just one day. Hell, I even get mad at myself for WANTING a wedding. I’m a practical person at heart and weddings, while lovely, are not exactly something a thrifty, practical person would willingly spend their money on. Well, if I wasn’t one of those girls that LOVES weddings. Although the more I get into planning, the less out of love I fall with weddings. I have a feeling by our wedding next November I’m very much not going to care about any of that stuff.
we are making our cake [well, cupcakes and a yummy dessert buffet], having friends help us cater [BBQ reception!] and i’m doing all the flowers. I personally think that DIY weddings are just as chic as paid for weddings, but they are so much more meaningful. You can customize as you wish, get all of your crafting instincts put to good use, and you don’t spend as much money. I think it’s so sad that we put so much into a celebration, which yes, is grand, but will eventually be forgotten. [the food, the decor, only you will remember in the end] why not spend that extra cash on your new life?!
@Anonymous: random, but i am logged in, why don’t i have a name anymore?! 
I like this post…
I have had a simplified vision for my wedding all along. The economy troubles have not directly affected me or my fiance, but neither of us make very much money to begin with. Part of me still worries that our guests will be expecting something a lot more lavish than what we’re hosting, but I hope our wedding can help contribute to breaking the trend of big, grand weddings that cost more than the bride and groom can afford.
Hooray to “cutting down the craziness”!
Thank you for this post! I have been facing the same issue, with trying to decide who to invite and not wanting to offend anyone by not sending an invite, or make anyone feel they have to attend if they can’t afford it. I think doing a hometown reception is a great idea.
I’m also really enjoying the DIY projects, including making my own save the date cards and invitations.
Its seems like now my wedding is a way to get out of the recession- spend your way out! And what better way considering most of my wedding vendors (and others I would guess) as small business people.
I’m spending for my country!
I’d love to be able to DIY wedding stuff but I know my weaknesses, and girlie, crafty stuff is definitely one of mine. I’m a computer engineer, I’m comfortable with math and science. I’m not comfortable with arranging things artfully. I see girls who can do this stuff and look at them in awe, it’s just not me, so unfortunately, I will be spending money on my wedding. Hopefully not too much.
I am also getting married out of state and having a second reception in my home state for all the people (mostly my FI’s family because they are all local while my family is quite spread out) who could not make it out to the ceremony. We are actually getting married in another state because it was cheaper for a nicer wedding (making use of military facilities).
We’re also DIYing our decorations (including centerpieces) and our stationery. Our afternoon ceremony and reception lend themselves to our simple menu and alcohol-free bar. Although, after reading ac’s comment, I can now feel patriotic when I make payments for the caterer and photographer!
AMEN sista! I found ways to save $1000’s by cutting back back back and out out out. My great grandma told me a wedding is not made greater by great amounts of stuff but instead by great love for each other and for your guests! Can’t wait to hear more along the way!
No doubt, lady!
We’re doing a LOT of stuff ourselves, to keep our budget from getting out of control. Our guest list has been fluctuating from about 75 to over 180, and in this economy, it’ll be tough whichever number we end up with.
That said, we figure, the more the merrier. We’re including all our cousins, aunts and uncles because they mean so much to us, even though it’ll be touch on our budget. I guess it’ll stretch our food budget a bit, but there’s really no way around that, when it comes to family.
We have trimmed back on things like matching thank you cards (very few people will notice) fancy favors (making chocolate-dipped madeline cookies) and table decor (we’re using old-blue mason jars to hold our Costco flowers).
I know that I love the look, and the pricetag, and that’s perfect for me
I love this posting! I think that I can’t stomach to spend so much at a wedding. It’s just one day.
Miss Cheese, yet again you amaze me! We are planning such similar affairs, including the hometown 2nd event. My mom is doing the same thing, and it has given us such peace of mind to know that people won’t feel forced to travel so far in these hard times. Plus, it breaks our guest lists down to such doable numbers for both events.
We’re very budgeted, and doing so much of everything ourselves, or super cheaply. (My dress was $300 total, and is my dream dress!) We are using a plethora of Michigan wildflowers which grow on our property, and are using my fiance’s band’s PA to hook up the ipod music.
Please continue with your amazing posts–you are such an inspiration and I LOVE being able to relate!
Yay Ms. Cheese!
We’re cutting waaay back too. My dress was a whoppin’ $90 (and beautiful!), our reception site at our church is $500, and we’re going on a minimoon to the beach one state over. At last count, we are doing everything, including my e-ring, our wedding bands, our honeymoon, the ceremony, reception, *everything*, for under $7000 without credit cards. (lol! That’s still too much for us and we’re looking to cut back even more.)
Thanks for all your posts on *marriage* (the more important part, anyway) and a realistic wedding.
HERE HERE Miss Cheese!!!!!! Your posts are exactly the reason why I started the creation of my website for budget wedding planning.
When you keep your priorities in order and remember the end goal here (being Mr. and Mrs.!!) you will sure to have a lovely affair whether you spend $500 total or $5,000 total
You seriously have the BEST posts! I love it! Weddings have gotten to be so much of a dog and pony show rather than what it is supposed to be… the celebration of two people united as one to share the rest of their days together. I totally agree that brides nowadays (I’ll admit I was one of them) get completely caught up in tiny details and trying to impress everyone rather than keeping it a simple and beautiful party for others to share in the couples happiness. If I had it to do all over again, I would completely join in on the DIY train and make it as simple as possible. Thank you for your awesome posts on things that really matter!! You rock!
You go, Miss Cheese! My fiance and I are doing a very similar thing. Many members of my family live overseas, where I grew up, so we went over there and my parents threw us a big engagment party for all of those guests and now they don’t feel so trapped about “having” to come to our wedding. At our real wedding in a couple months, we are doing as much as possible ourselves and some friends have volunteered to do other parts as their wedding gift to us. Also, marrying during the “off-season” has gotten us some amazing bargains from the vendors we are using. We didn’t want to spend so much money on one day and neglect preparations for our marriage. Stick with it - I am sure it will all pay off.
I love your posts, and I think it’s great to see more emphasis on the actual marriage than just the wedding. I think that getting caught up in the idea of fancy table linens and rental chairs and invitations is a really effective way of keeping yourself so busy that you never really think about what you might really need to do to prepare to share your life with another person in a lasting way.
We always had a very minimal celebration planned, because for us it was always much more about being married than throwing a party. My parents very graciously helped out a lot, in a large part because they wanted something larger and more traditional than we could afford. We are also lucky in that our jobs are pretty secure, at least at this time, so concern over the future for us is more about driving the same old car for a few more years, or limping along with the same really old kitchen appliances (functional but temperamental). But we are really aware that we are very lucky. And we agree that our wedding couldn’t have been more special and more wonderful if we had spent twice the money.
I have never commented on other bee’s posts (I am a frequent lurker) but I really feel compelled now. You really summed it all up for me..your last paragraph was inpspiring..lol!!
I myself am feeling these hard economic times and have postposed booking vendors (besides my reception) b/c of the uncertainty..I am also going to DIY all that I can..and although my venue includes a cake I am still making it myself. Heck, If Im brave (or crazy) enough, I may even do my own flowers..EXCELLENT post!!!
I just love you, Miss Cheese.
My FI is a pastor and we have been blessed with some talented folks in our church who are willing to help. We have a photographer who is giving us a stellar discount, a cardmaker who is doing our invitations for **FREE**, and a free ceremony site with musicians of our choosing.
I think almost every bride has talented people in her life that would be thrilled to help with wedding “stuff”, but many times she is just too afraid to ask. Luckily, I didn’t even have to ask!
I just came across this site today where you can make your own font based on YOUR handwriting and it’s free! I haven’t tried it yet…but this may be a simple way to get “hand written” invites without having to write each one out!
I love the idea of 2 celebrations. Good luck with everything!
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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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