Wedding Blog

One of my BMs has been dating a total dud for the last 3 years (they went to college out East together). I have only met him 2 or 3 times and he was totally boring/antisocial/moody each time, and my fiance has never even met him. I am getting married and we are having our reception at a small venue with very limited space. We are already over the max amount of people we can invite—is it so terrible if I tell her, “Sorry but your BF is not on the list…”? I keep stressing to her that the location is small and that we are having only friends and family that are close to us as a COUPLE, but I don’t think she gets it. I need HELP!!!

chicagokatie

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Dear chicagokatie,

Here’s a question: if you really liked your BM’s BF (but were not especially close friends with him), would you feel differently about inviting him? Perhaps the idea would seem a little more palatable if you found him more pleasant. Or perhaps you would still feel as you do now: that you’d rather invite your friends than her (hypothetically) nice BF. That might give you some insight into why you’re not into inviting him.

You could put him on the unofficial b-list.

That is, don’t send him an invite, wait for some “no” RSVPs, and then verbally confirm his invitation (he and she already assume he’s coming, and if he’s a mid-20s guy, it’s highly unlikely he’ll notice the missing invite either way, if the mid-20s guys I know are any indication). But probably there will be a good number of “no” RSVPs, at which point you can make room for her BF, which would be a wonderful thank-you from you to your BM for all her hard work. If you get all “yes” RSVPs (which is really rather unlikely, given the economy, etc), or if he’s at the bottom of a long b-list (another story entirely), then you can talk about not inviting him at all. In the meantime, discuss the problem and this solution with her. Maybe this compromise “wait and see” approach will make everyone happy.

chelseamorning

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