Wedding Blog
I hope you all had an amazing holiday. I took some time off from blogging in order to fully enjoy our first Christmas as husband and wife.
While we wrapped up 2008 with many wonderful memories, these memories also left us a bit strapped for cash and vacation time. As a result we spent our first married Christmas in New York City, and our first Christmas away from my family in Minnesota. Mr. PN and I have spent the last 4 years celebrating Christmas in Minnesota. It’s a pretty big holiday for my family and I’m grateful that I’ve got a monopoly on it*.
Since we weren’t headed back to the frozen tundra for the holidays, we took this opportunity to get our first Christmas tree (isn’t it cute!?). This also afforded us the chance to start building the traditions that will continue throughout our marriage as our family grows.
Sounds romantic right? Well, as we all know marriage is about compromise and blending tradition is no exception. My family tradition has always been to open gifts after our Christmas Eve dinner, and then we get our small gifts from Santa on Christmas morning (socks, toothbrush, etc.). Mr. PN’s family tradition is to open all the gifts on Christmas morning - no peeking on Christmas Eve. Can you see where this is headed?
On the 23rd we finally had the conversation about how exactly our order of events would go. I insisted we open gifts on Christmas Eve and Mr. PN was adamant that we wait until Christmas morning. And neither of us would budge. We decided to act like adults and take some time to cool off and think about what really mattered (code for: I cried in the bedroom while Mr. PN pretended nothing was wrong and continued making dinner). After about 10 minutes of “acting like adults”, we comprised by agreeing to open gifts from my family on Christmas Eve and from Mr. PN’s family on Christmas morning.
We both agreed on cookies for Santa
All is well with the world - for now. We still haven’t decided how we will handle this situation in the future. It will only become more complicated when we start our own family and mix in our in-laws (currently separated by 1500 miles).
Have you had to make any compromises while blending family traditions? How did you cope?
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I’m glad you found a happy compromise 
So far Christmas and Thanksgiving have worked well for us (and in my favor 
) FH’s mom lives 5-6 hrs away and he’s not a huge fan of his steps on his dad’s side so we end up with my family on Thanksgiving and Christmas. We usually go to his mom’s before Christmas and his dad’s on Christmas Eve, if the steps aren’t there.
My family’s tradition was to open Christmas presents after the Christmas Mass or right after mignight. We also don’t have stockings (France) but put sleepers under the tree.
I agreed to follow his tradition: open one present on Christmas Eve and keep the rest for the next day (fine by me) and then we have both stockings and sleepers. Sleepers so Santa knows where to put each person’s present and stockings for the little stuffs.
My whole family is in France, so in many ways we don’t compromise on family things as much because there isn’t a choice. But I do try to include a lot of my culture in things.
TV is one of the hard things to compromise on (football season… arg!) I try to watch my programs when he isn’t home and same for him and we watch together programs we both enjoy, but it doesn’t always work.
I guess it’s always a work in progress.
I feel for you, Miss P.N.–holiday traditions are really important to both my husband and me, and it took us a few years to figure out the details. The most important thing we did is to think of it as inventing a *new* set of traditions together, rather than just taking one person’s tradition and dumping the other one. You might want to talk about what elements of the gift-opening are most important to you: the big surprise on Christmas morning? The Santa story (sounds like in your family, big presents are from each other, and little presents are from Santa)? What does Christmas Eve vs. Christmas day represent for each of you? The fun part is coming up with new celebrations–so if you decide to focus gift opening on Christmas morning, what are you going to do instead on Christmas Eve to make it extra-special too, or vice versa?–A big feast, family games, an outing somewhere, gathering with friends, making special decorations/cookies, a charitable activity… Inventing our own Christmas traditions really reminded me and my husband that we had become each other’s family.
My family always opened presents on Christmas Eve. It’s would be weird if we didn’t. I think it’s a Scandinavian tradition.
Mr. Cookie and I have the same compromise. We do Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas with his. It works out perfectly. Although, we still haven’t figured out Thanksgiving.
We always opened a set of heinous matching pyjamas on Christmas eve and the rest on Christmas morning. Luckily, Mr. Doctor’s family has a similar 1 gift on the eve policy.
But they have this weird thing where they open all their gifts at once all at the same time… no time to enjoy, thank the giver or have the spotlight. No one even really sees what the other person gets. Weird, right?
I go to their house, so I have no say… but I did bring it up to Mr. D. Hopefully, if we ever do our own Christmas, it’ll be somewhat slower paced.
Love the ‘adult conversation,’ and so glad you found a compromise. We always opened one on Christmas Eve and the rest in the morning. And we always did it one present at a time with the youngest first!! Since I was the youngest- it always worked in my favor!!
I am also glad you found a compromise. This was my first Christmas with FH’s family in MN who also open their gifts on the 24th and stockings on the 25th. I wonder if it’s a MN thing? Could you open 1 gift on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas or vice versa?
I agree with opening 1 to a few presents on Christmas Eve. That’s what we did when I was a kid (my parents both moved away from their families so we just did little family Christmas) and I could choose to open the big ones or little ones then, saving the rest for the morning. It works out great for kids, since they can never wait anyway!
I understand that you feel like you’re losing something if you concede/give up your own traditions, but you guys can pick some amazing things together
@Mrs. Cookie: “My family always opened presents on Christmas Eve. It’s would be weird if we didn’t. I think it’s a Scandinavian tradition.”
I think it’s common in a lot of Eastern European countries too, my family is Polish and we open presents on Christmas Eve too(except a few from santa Christmas morning). We also have the big meal on Christmas Eve.
I was very impressed that the two of you were able to come to that compromise (especially with Mr PN being so stubborn - I can say that as his sister). I am very surprised that no one noticed the shot glass of milk and 100 calorie pack of cookies!! Also, what happened to all of those beautiful Christmas photos with our messy hair?!?! Or at very least the one with you two in from of the tree.
I am so with you on the crying in the bedroom while he goes about his bizness. 
Like Anon above, I’m Polish so we do prezzies on Xmas eve too. Luckily Mr Breezy is pretty easy breezy (sorry, that was an accident I swear) and doesn’t care much. I think your compromise is good. Maybe in the future you can try divvy-ing them up 50-50, and do half on the 24th and half on the 25th, just to be fair?
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Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley
Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher
Engagement Date: November 10, 2007
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 25, 2008
Venue: Auberge du Soleil
About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).
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