Wedding Blog

Has anyone here ever had an “unlimited” invite to the ceremony but only invited a few guests to their reception?

Just a weird random idea - any thoughts?

Thanks!

Trailmonkey

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Dear Trailmonkey,

Under most circumstances I do not think it would be proper to have a large ceremony but a small reception. As I see it, the purpose of a reception is for you to greet your guests and thank them for coming and for them to say hello and congratulate you—not to throw a big party or to treat everyone to an expensive meal, although these are also nice gestures.

To not have some sort of reception (by which I mean any room in which you can all gather to talk for a decent period of time) for all your guests would make you appear an ungracious hostess and hurt your guests feelings, which of course is not what you want.

If you have your heart set on a fancy party but are prevented from realizing it due to financial concerns, I would encourage you to have a small reception for everyone after the ceremony and to have the big party at another time or date. How about a simple punch and cake reception immediately following the ceremony? I have been to weddings with these and they were very enjoyable. You can do it very classily and elegantly too. (Remember that it’s the feeding of the guests that’s the largest reception expense, so no dinner = no dinner bill.)

Finally, any invitations to a not-the-actual-reception big party should be addressed separately from the wedding invitations, much like you would send invitations to a rehearsal dinner or Sunday brunch (in fact, why not throw the big party for the limited guest list in place of the rehearsal dinner or Sunday brunch?). Including reception cards for some guests but not others in their invitations sounds like a nightmare waiting to happen: word will inevitably get out to the uninvited, leading to confusion and potential hurt feelings. I would give the big party a name other than “reception”, just so there’s no lingering confusion. Billing it and treating it as a separate event will avoid the vast majority of the problems just described. Hopefully with this sort of arrangement you can include everyone in some way, maximizing both your party and your pocketbook.

Good luck!

Chelseamorning

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