Wedding Blog
Honestly, we have no clue. But that doesn’t stop everyone from asking…
Neither of us is adverse to living in the other’s country, which actually makes the decision harder than you’d think. The tough part is that whichever country we choose, one of us will have to move there without a job while all the immigration paperwork goes through.
This can take a very long time and I’m honestly not sure how we can afford rent, etc., and we’d like to be able to get married and have our own home. England tends to have shorter paperwork times, which means that potentially I could be legal faster in England than Mr. D’orsay could in the US.
One day, in the future, whenever we decide to have kids we’d like to be near one of our families. We also don’t want one side of our family or friends to feel left out because we live in a different country. Mom D’orsay keeps saying, “Someone’s mother isn’t going to be very happy, someone’s mother is going to be sad,” which honestly, doesn’t make the decision any easier.
Even tiny wedding details like the wedding registry come into question when making this decision. Should we register for a US voltage KitchenAid or a UK voltage KitchenAid? How would we transfer it? Should we register for it at Bed, Bath and Beyond because of their return policy? It can get a bit silly, but we I really do worry about these things.
When I really sit down and think about it, I know that England is only slightly farther away plane-wise than California, and Mr. D’orsay and I could end up out there. Which would put us near none of our families and I’m all right with that for the pre-baby time. The world has become so networked, that people really are only a webcam or plane ride away, but I don’t feel any closer because of those things, just more connected.
I hope to be able to tell you and our families our decision before the wedding; I’m glad you’ll all be with us as we struggle to figure out where we plan to spend the next few baby-free years.
How did you and yours decide on where to live? I’d really love to hear how you guys are making these types of decisions! <3
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Once you are more than 800 miles from either parent- someone will complain. My Mom has already told me that she won’t come to visit us if we move outside of California. So ridiculous. I have given up on getting family input on where we live. I wish you the best of luck figuring it out. And hopefully, you can find a spot that both you and your Mr. will love!!
With your registry that has got to be hard, I forget that things have different voltages. I would make sure that either can be converted I would guess getting the lower would be better.
We were just having this discussion last night. I can’t imagine having to pick which COUNTRY to live in…we were both born and raised in the same town and know we want to stay here for now so we are just looking whats available as far as one bedroom cottages or small houses to start out in. The bummer part is we both LOVE where we are living now (seperate spots but each one absolutely GREAT). neither of our places can end up being OURS so we are both whining, lol. Planning a wedding, honeymoon and finding a new place to live is quite a lovely load…
Oh, Mandi. Exact same boat here. We can luckily stay in the vicinity for the next few years while he finishes grad school and I work, but after that, there are only a few places around the country where we could end up due to the limited nature of his profession– none of which are really close to where we are now and where our families are.
Good luck, Miss D’Orsay!
We have it really easy. For now we are moving to the city where I have a job and where my FI’s school has a campus. And, when he graduates, Uncle Sam will tell us where we (really he) can live. We are content with knowing where we are going to be for the first couple years, but the parents are already grumbling about after.
Wow, the different voltage would complicate things. I hadn’t thought of that.
Even though we’re working on a much smaller scale, DH and I have struggled with this. We’re within two hours of my parents and siblings, and see them at least once a month. His family is a 9-hour drive from us. Not a huge distance, but it’s definitely enough to keep us from being able see them more than couple times a year. We spend nearly all our vacation time going out there. He had moved away from his family before he met me and is resigned to not living near them - but every time he mentions how he wishes he could see them more, I feel sooooo bad.
Hello there!
My fiancé is american and I am french, but we have already decided to live in the US since both our jobs are here. I wish you the best of luck to decide which country to live in!
I know the process to get my visa to come here was pretty easy since my work took care of most of it, so maybe your fiancé or you could find a job first, it could help. And companies usually pay for your move as well 
My problem with the registry is slightly different. We will register in the US, and everything will be online so people don’t have to bring gifts with them in France for the wedding. The only thing is that my family and friends in France will have to pay all these fees when they buy gifts off of our registry because of the different currency but we don’t want to register in both countries neither since we will have to take the plane back to the US.
Anyway, I can’t wait to know what’s going on with you. Hopefully we can help each other out!
Dorothée
Hello Miss D’orsay!
At least you can be with your fiance while you decide! Mine is in the UK while I’m in the US. Apparently, my British PhD wasn’t good enough to get a job (and the work visa) in the UK. =(
We decided that he would move to the US to be with me. It was difficult, but he has more transferable skills than I do. Applying for all those jobs in the UK and failing over and over again confirmed it. And yes, the process is taking a very long time (at least 6-8 months just to get the petition processed!). We haven’t set a date for that reason.
I suppose I’m lucky in the sense that his family loves the US and basically want to visit all the time. Probably should start saving for a house then…
Whereever you decide to get registered, just make sure you check the voltages of the appliances. As long as you’re within both the US and UK ranges, you’ll only need an adapter. If you’re not, then you are going to blow a lot of fuses. You could also look for surge protectors, which help a little.
Good luck, and whatever you decide, it will be the best decision!
P.S. My mom hates the fact that I play rugby, but I’m planning on playing up to the wedding. I’ll walk down the aisle in crutches if I have to! FH plays too, so we’re completely okay with it.
@Miss Peep Toe: yipes 
At least San Francisco is an ultra awesome city
@blightygirl: hurray for more rugby! I’m sorry about your UK job experiences, it is a huge fear of mine. I feel your USCIS petition pain
@peachypear: in each city we’ve lived in I think we’ve both missed our family and friends. It doesn’t mean we’re not happy to be where we are, its just hard not to miss them. I would try not to feel too bad about it
Oh, that would be tough for the registry! I wish you two the best figuring this out. Have you thought about healthcare? It’s pretty awful here and free in the UK, right?
Hi There! I am from the UK, not far from Lancaster actually and I am going to live over in NY where my fiance is from. I love it there, and have worked all over the world for 7years so I dont have strong roots in england. Luckily my family are very supportive and love vacations. FLights are so reasonable price-wise and length that its not such a big deal to fly over the pond anymore. My brother actually lives on London and my Mum probably see’s him less, I think its just the thought of being further away thats hard but in reality its such a small world now-adays that no-where is too far.
RE: plugs/voltages etc. Apart from TV, DVD players etc which are different the other stuff should be easily adapted if you ever decided to change countries. You can buy adapters all over the place.
RE: medical system. I know that the media over in the US have raved about our FREE medical system but really we do pay for it in taxes and it really is in a bad state. A lot of people pay extra for private healthcare.
Good Luck!! x
I feel your pain. My fiance is from Scotland, currently finishing a four-year postgraduate degree that will limit his job opportunities to the UK, and I’m sixth-generation Texan who desperately wants to live near my family… we’re still working on a solution! Immigration certainly complicates things even further.
FYI, they do make voltage converters that actually drop the voltage down from the UK 240V to US 110V, so you can safely use US appliances in the UK - they vary in price depending on the wattage you need, but I have one for 100W that was 30 pounds at Maplin. I assume they make them to go the other way too! Lots of common appliances also have a 110-240V range, so they just need a little plug adaptor, which is pretty cheap.
Best of luck figuring it out - I look forward to hearing about how you come to a decision!
We went based on family. He is from Jersey, and I from MA. I would have moved to Jersey, but his parents retired and when we were making our decision, thewy had been mentioning moving to North Carolina. He isn’t close to his extended family, but I am. Both my parents live in MA, as does almost all of my extended family and some of his. He is really close to one aunt and she happens to live in MA. His family already comes up to MA for Christmas every year. And the job market is a lot better in my area than his. So the decision wasn’t super hard, although I always worry about us not spending enough time with his family. We save almost all of our vacation time to be with them, but it can be tough having to choose.
Ew that is tough with the registry, sorry :-/
I would take the attitude I decided to take with our wedding - choose what makes you and Mr. D happy and if your family and friends love you then they will be alright with your decision. You’re not harming anyone in either decision so just go with what works best for you
The voltage sure does complicate things- I hadn’t thought of that aspect. Other than the electronics, maybe you could register in both England & the US so family/friends coming from each have the opportunity to bring/buy you things? It would be cool if you could “theme” the registries… like, if your US registry was for kitchen/dining room/lighting items, and your UK is for bathroom/bedroom/living room stuff so you can still coordinate and not end up duplicating too much?
Also, have you considered the housing prices/condo prices in your decision? I mean, I realize a lot depends on your job situations at the time, but the prices in England are sooo high (even through the bursting of the housing bubble!). Not to say they aren’t high in the US, but still! Good luck in whatever you decide though!
@ Ms. Peep Toe- my mom says the same thing (well, if I move out of province though). But I like to think where the babies go, the grandparent’s follow!
When we moved to the same city as Mr Breezy’s family, he promised me we would spend the major holidays (Xmas, Easter, Thanksgiving) with my family and it’s worked out well. Of course, the plane ride for us is much shorter than what you’d be faced with, but maybe one extended holiday a year overseas (whichever direction it ends up) might work?
Hi;
It is very hard disicion. I am from Turkey, Istanbul and my fiance is American. as a traditional Turkish family we are very much close and I really would like to live close to them but My fiance does not know English. this is an advantage in your situation that you both speak the same language. Also my fiance is not really good at learning languages. I am not sure about paper works in England but in the US it takes too long!! I already had student visa for my Ph.D but I applied for green card but it has been already 8 month with no answer. If you ever decide to go to England try to search how long the paper work takes. wish you best luck in whichever you selecet.
Soory I meant he does not know TURKISH
hello i’m from singapore, and i’m moving to san francisco when i get married! to be honest, we haven’t even started the paperwork yet, and i know how much fuss that will be. it’s tough for me to move, but because i’m just fresh out of school, while my fiance has already started working, we decided it would be better for me to move over. i’m hoping paperwork will be smooth for us. 
We JUST (as in yesterday) finished the initial K1 fiance visa process from filing the paperwork to him entering the country and it took us about 6 months total, but we still have another 6 months to a year of paperwork and interviews before it’s all done! We decided to live in the States based on my job, which is far less flexible than his (I work for a non-profit, he is a teacher). We still haven’t ruled out moving back, but the decision essentially will be based on where any potential children would have better education, health care, etc.
Our registry will be all US as that’s where we’re based now–we just figured if we moved we’d be able to sell some things and purchase others, as to move both of us to the UK would take far more money than we have now anyway! As for families, his is very close-knit and quite sad about him leaving, but we live fairly close to NYC, and getting from there to London(where he lives) is very, very easy. We expect to see them as often as we can get a week’s vacation.
Good luck with your decision!
I feel your pain. My fiance is Australian and I am from Boston and our relationship has been a constant struggle over where to live (legally) and how to make the distance work. I’ve been living over in Sydney with him for almost 3 years, purely because it was easier for me to obtain a visa for Australia than it was for him to get a US one. He’s tried to get a work-sponsored visa for awhile, but we’ve found that most employers aren’t interested in the added hassel of sponsoring someone and most of the visas end up going to IT geniuses from other countries. We are now waiting for his fiance visa to come through in the US - it can take about 9 months. We then get married in October and (fingers-crossed, if we can both find work) will try to live in the Boston area. I am EXTREMELY close with my family so it has been hard to be away. I have missed out on some things; weddings, graduations and recently my first Christmas without my immediate family members. And I know it will be hard for my fiance when we move to the US as he is also very close with his family. Either place you end up, you’ll have each other though
Oh and about the registry: I’m doing my registrys in the US as they can all be purchased online. I’m trying not to register for too many electrics because of the voltage thing but the ones I am registering for are in US voltage. (I can’t NOT register for a Kitchenaid Mixer!) I’m thinking about doing a registry at a department store in Australia as well for none electric things though. That way people here can purchase locally and it can all come with us when/if we move. Good Luck with everything!
Miss D’orsay & other ladies who have vissions of Kitchenaids dancing in their heads! I was pouting over the mixer dilema as well, until my (insanely smart) fiance pointed out that it could be purchased in the States, then professionally rewired once we got it to Italy. He checked it out, and the motors are exactly the same, no matter where you purchase it… it just comes down to the wiring/voltage/plug (I’m going w/ it, he has a degree in engineering & product design).
Because GOOD(goes without saying how important that is) rewiring will be expensive (thinking approx. €100), the Kitchenaid’s the only electrical item that made it onto our American registry. But considering they go for nearly €1,000 (yes, one. thousand. euro.) here in Italy it’s a total steal. And more colors are offered in the US than anywhere else :P.
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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