Wedding Blog
We speak the same language and we were once ruled by the same king. I’m even living in the same village that George Washington’s ancestors are from!
However, and it may not surprise you very much, but the US and the UK are very very different—even the wedding rituals—which can bring up a few awkward moments. Just try to figure out what a “bridal shower” would be if you didn’t already know.
Some things are the same, just called by other names. Bachelorette party = hen do, bachelor party = stag do. Though, they’re usually done in nearby cities or even other countries (Prague is popular)! Often people will dress up, seeeriously dress up, as in Halloween dress up. Here is an example:
(source)
mmm…tutus…
Mr. D’orsay’s explanation of a typical English wedding:
A typical UK wedding usually kicks off at about 10-11AM with the bride and groom each preparing at their own homes. The bride is then usually driven from her house (with all the neighbors watching and/or clapping) to the church. It’s also usual for the bride to be “casually late” to the church. The church ceremony happens, the register is signed and then everybody heads on to the reception for food and drinks (food is usually referred to as the wedding breakfast, even though it happens in the early afternoon). The wedding breakfast is eaten and then it’s time for the speeches — bride’s father, groom, and best man. Depending on the religion of the bride/groom’s family, sometimes a sweepstake occurs, with people betting on how long the speeches will last.
The night-do starts abut 7-8PM where additional guests will turn up (people that weren’t invited to the reception/ceremony) and alcohol is consumed, usually accompanied by a buffet. Cash bars are the norm but often the first few drinks are free. Depending on the bar license, the official night-do usually ends at about midnight.
There is no rehearsal dinner or bridal shower, and the weddings pretty much last all day. As a side note, I have no idea what the rental feels for this would be. I can’t imagine what it would be like to rent a venue for an entire Saturday!
You can see how it can all get confusing!!!
Have you had to explain any cultural differences or traditions to each other and your families?
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That sounds similar to what I was proposing as a way of saving money: ceremony + reception for family and close friends during the day, and then later everyone meets out at a bar to party it up, only it’s pay your own way. Maybe that’s considered tacky.
What about fascinators? That is my favorite part of British weddings, all the fancy headwear!
Ohhhh I went to a friend’s wedding in London a few years ago and I loved the DISCO, as they called it, portion of the evening when the extra guests arrived for cake and drinks. I think here in the US people would feel so slighted only being invited to the late portion but I thought it was great. Really interesting extended friends and coworkers showed up at that part! Just wish we had done a proper Hen Night for her there (she had her Bach here) - like in The Wedding Date. LURVE IT. Congrats! Can’t wait to hear more about the transatlantic planning!
Hehe I’m from London and sometimes the differences between the UK and US that I read about on here are soooo vast! I remember reading a post about having extra people come to the reception who were not invited to the ceremony and some posters were so heated about it - yet its the norm in England. In fact, people who aren’t immediate family or really close friends would never even expect to come to the ceremony! There are other differences too - presents are far less important in England as far as I can tell from all the weddings I’ve been to - no-one spends too much and no showers! But there are weird British things too - my fiance is German and can’t understand the obsession with wearing hats, cheesy discos and the fact that my family would be really disappointed with anything other than fruit cake for the wedding cake!
Having said that though, can I please reassure you all that not everyone dresses up for their hen (bachelorette) parties in England- most people do the meal/bar thing in perfectly respectable clothing! You won’t find me or anyone I know in a tutu EVER 
The dollar dance is a pretty popular tradition in the midwest (guests line up and pay a dollar - or more - to dance with the bride or groom for a few seconds) but when Mr. PN saw it for the firs time he was horrified. I had to explain the whole thing but he still didn’t like it. I guess in his mind it was like begging. What I like about it is as the bride/groom you get to dance with everyone and spend a few seconds chatting. Plus you get money for the honeymoon
@Victoria: Dang, I was hoping for a tutu on my Hen night. I *think* we’re heading to Blackpool. Which I was told by an old woman from Yorkshire who worked in a Cracker Barrel that Blackpool is the “vegas” of England. I have since been assured it is not…
thankfully they’re not so wild about fruit cake/christmas cake/christmas pudding. In fact, I’m sure there is an untouched one downstairs…
@GME: I love the hats too! So much so, I’m “sort of “wearing one myself! If I can just get everyone else to wear one too…
My French husband’s family had a hard time understanding why we wanted to have groomsmen and bridesmaids, why they had to wear similar outfits, and why I was “making such a big deal” about the whole wedding. I guess Americans are a lot more into weddings than the French! I am glad that we went through with everything though…in the end all the French commented on how beautiful and fun the wedding was!
Erm, Miss D’Orsay I would definately have second thoughts about Blackpool. I am from the North West of England and I can definately say that Blackpool is really not nice and pretty rough at night (i.e. fairly violent due to our lovely binge drinking culture). Much better are Edinburgh (HIGHLY recommended), Newcastle (Currently live here and so friendly and fun), Liverpool (my home town).
I am thinking of going to Belfast for mine, very short flight and cheap with EasyJet.
Sorry, don’t want to appear bossy- just worry for you in Blackpool!!!
My co-worker is from Ireland and he said the same thing, that the ceremony and “dinner” are for close family and friends, then everyone comes later- it is such a cool idea!
I am running into the differences between and East Coast (Fiance) and West Coast (me) - as they are different - open bar vs no open bar, speeches, who to invite - it is different.
Go Liverpool! You’ll never walk alone! (I’m surrounded by Man U fans, I can only type my support!)
I hear Blackpool in general isn’t that great, we’re really only going to see this - http://www.funnygirlsshowbar.co.uk/ . I have heard such nice things about both Newcastle and Edinburgh though - think I can squeeze 2 hen nights out of being here?
Funny Girls is a good night out. I transvestite show. A good laugh. As long as you dont ‘big up’ Blackpool you can have a good laugh there. If you have people who know the area or places to go with you, you’ll be fine. And in Blackpool- Costume is almsot compulsory!! 
I am the reverse, english getting married in NY and was very upset that the wedding will only be 5hours long. SHOCK HORROR!! In England the ceremony and dinner is for close relatives and friends then in the evening its a good old knee’s up for anyone and everyone you know. Its a good way of getting everyone invloved without the huge cost. If you have any questions about the UK dont hesitate to give me a shout (PM)
Oh yes! You can have as many hens as you want- it is your right!!!
Seriously though, I went to University in Edinburgh and the place is so beautiful, as are the Highlands. You have to try and squeeze in a trip during your stay here. The Nortumberland coast and countryside are so beautiful too. Ok, I am biased, I am live here, but trust me!!
Ah yes- Funny Girls!! It is suposed to be brilliant! Just dont expect too much from the town in general. (although you can’t beat fish and chips on the sea front).
lol about Liverpool. I am a Scouser and die hard Liverpool fan. My father would actually disown me if I even acknowledged Man U. I dod work in Manchester for two years and love the city- just not the football! I guess you probably know how serioulsy people take football here? As Shankly said, it is a matter of life and death. I think I will have You will never walk alone at my wedding for my dad as I knwo how much ot would mean to him.
I am really lookign forward to following your wedding planning story and I hope everything goes very well for you. If you ever need hints of good places to go or even just a friendly ear from a fellow Northerner jsut let me know!
Good luck!
P.S. You totally have tp dress up for your hen. Ok, I agree it is a bit tacky but at the same time fun! I am the maid of honour for my cousin and am thnking of hiring an actually hen outfit for her. Not sure how impressed she will be but it will be funny!
Oh I hope your BMs read this and put you in the most re-donk-ulous outfit ever for your hen do! How FUN would that be?!
As somebody who is marrying a British guy, thanks so much for the explanation!!!
Here in Nottingham, we see groups of girls dressed like that pretty much every other night of the week== butterfly wings and feather angel halos are very big too. Don’t forget your “L plates!”
After reading your post the movie “The Wedding Date” makes for sense, like the part where she celebrates her hen do and it’s a golf theme.
As a mid-west girl living in Brum (Birmingham, or, rather, “Burrmingum”) who planned her US wedding remotely last fall - I can see you’re going through some of the same conversations I went through!
I think your fiance forgot one to mention one of the most important parts of the wedding day - while the bride is “casually late to the church”, the groom and the waiting guests are usually across the street from the church in the pub!
As far as the bachelorette party goes - I’m not a big one for going out drinking on the high street (I have much better alcohol at home and can wear much more comfortable shoes without sweaty, creepy guys (been to a Flares or a Reflex yet??) - for my hen do, I booked a belly dancing class in the afternoon, had the girls back to mine for a pre made dinner (pasta carbonara and lasagna!), then went out for a quick spin at a few bars (a drink/bar/theme for every year we’d been together), then back to the house for drinking and dancing in our jammies until the sun came up! It was fun and we were able to include nans/mums/aunties in the belly dancing with us younger crowd, which was a really good laugh and bonding experience.
I did wear the “Bride to Be” sash with flashy buttons and we did each others’ makeup, so there was so worry that no one new we weren’t out on a hen do. By the way - quite a few bars will give free (cheap!) champagne/cava or other treats if a group comes in obviously on a hen do.
(And don’t forget, there will probably be the suggestion of going out for a curry after the clubs close!! Or at least thinking about having the taxi stop at a chippie on the way home! :))
I’m in a wedding in Manchester in March - this was great to know about. I have heard about the ‘hen-do’ (and I can’t help but laugh everytime I hear that). It should be interesting. Thanks for the fore-warnings!
As an American marrying a Brit in England I’m slowly learning the rules of the British vs American weddings. We’ve chosen to combine the two traditions because about half the guests will be American even though the wedding is in the UK. My favorite part of British weddings is the fascinator and have made sure to have a veil that is fully “british” ie, feathers off the side of my head =) They also place much more importance on the “stag” or bachelor party and plan it well in advance making sure to embarrass/damage/harass the groom over the weekend long affair.
First of all, congrats on beeing a Bee, it’S so nice to see another American living in Europe and planning a US wedding. We are having several issues others mentioned, the Germans don’t really get the matching outfits and can’t believe the wedding needs to end by 11 as a typical German wedding goes until at least 4am with the cake cutting at midnight! However, it is becoming an event and they are already making arrangements to travel in 2010.
Oh man … apparently when I visited Berlin it was Bachelorette/Stag weekend. We saw 8 different parties from probably as many countries. We ended up sitting in between a bachelorette party from the Netherlands and a stag party from Northern England. Two of the guys ended up naked during dinner and there was really entertaining acapella karaoke. Things are definitely different there.
On a side note…you really should check out pictures of chav weddings online. 16 year old elementary school dropouts with dresses more expensive than my car. They are HI-larious.
You can start here:
i’m attending a dear friends wedding in Ripon in early May. being from Chicago, and this being my first “proper English Wedding” i’m hoping someone would be so kind to advise me on attire for the day. i had thought a lovely blue, satin cocktail dress would be appropriate for the day (with fascinator, of course), but now i’m thinking since there’s the church at noon, then the wedding breakfast, then the evening do, i might need a costume change. what would be appropriate for the day portion of the event? and would the dress be better suited to the evening? does one wear the fascinator all day?? any help would be MUCH appreciated…..
ahh you gotta the love the tradional english wedding - dont forget about the hats! oh and ’stag’ and ‘hen’ dos (your equivalent of bacholor/bacholorette) are always pure british class…except me! we dressed up as flapper girls and went to a burlesque club hehe
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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