Wedding Blog
As soon as Mr. Peep and I were engaged, Sister Peep (the original and best party thrower) insisted on throwing us an engagement party. (Seriously, before they even bought their new house she called and said that it had a great deck for a party—an engagement party, hint, hint. No joke.) I, personally, was a bit hesitant. I hadn’t had a party thrown for me in a long time, except for that one time when I was 22—we bought a keg and barbecued and decided to call it my birthday party—but I don’t really think that counts.
Once we decided on a guest list of 60 for the wedding, I thought that the idea of throwing us an engagement party would be thrown out the window.
Woo hoo! Practically everyone on our guest list was from out of town—so having them come up for a pre-wedding weekend to celebrate seemed excessive. And proper etiquette states that you only invite people to your engagement party and showers if they are invited to the wedding. Or, so I thought.
Sister Peep was so insistent on throwing us a party for all of our San Francisco friends that I decided to email a Wedding Etiquette guru to find out if it was appropriate to invite folks to our engagement party that wouldn’t be invited to our wedding.
A bit to my dismay, she thought it was perfect solution to celebrate with more friends and family. The more the merrier.
And while I think the jury may still be out on this question, we gave Sister Peep and Brother Peep (he didn’t want to get left out of the party planning) the go-ahead to plan an engagement party.
But that was just the beginning of the party planning. It seemed like everyone wanted to throw us a party. Future MIL Peep wanted to be able to celebrate with her girlfriends in Texas; Cousin Peep wanted to throw us a shower in LA; and Parents Peep wanted to throw us a post-wedding shindig in my hometown (a la Mrs. Avacado) after the wedding.
And of course, Sister Peep and her hubby can’t wait to throw us respective bachelorette and bachelor parties.
Here’s the catch: The majority of the guest list at these parties are not invited to our wedding!! Yep, we are that couple. Back in October I had a shower hosted by Future MIL and SIL PT in Houston for a bunch of women I barely knew, and are totally not on the invite list.
Do I feel guilty or wrong? I did for a while, and then Mr. Peep’s Aunt said, “Everyone just loves the two of you and we just want to celebrate it. And it’s always more fun to get together on a joyous occasion!” And she was right, the shower and the engagement party were both fantastic and most people knew they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding, and they seemed okay with that.
So that’s how our 60 person wedding has turned into a traveling party. I have just learned to sit back and accept the fact that everyone loves a good party and my only role is to sit back and soak in the love.
Have you thrown etiquette a curve ball in your planning process? Or have you had a party thrown for you under a bit of protest?
|
Share this post: Throwing Etiquette a Curve Ball…
My engagement party is tomorrow night. My firends rented a place downtown and invited a bunch of our college friends that will not be invited to the wedding. I was nervous at first, but they made sure to state on the invite that because of our destination wedding, they wanted to do something so everyone could share in the celebration.
I’m really looking forward to it. Our old roomated and other college friends and more will be there and it will be great to celebrate with them!
We have way too many friends so we are throwing a backyard BBQ party the weekend after the wedding for all of our friends that we couldn’t include on the official invite list.
I think that’s a great idea 
We’re actually doing something similar and stating it on our casual invite that because we have limited room available for family at our wedding - we’re having an engagement party to celebrate with friends (or something along those lines)… Anyway, your traveling party/wedding celebrations seem like oodles of fun!
You’re so lucky to have people wanting to throw you so many parties! How loved you are Not surprising though…
Um, did you do your LA party yet? Let’s meet up!
Sounds like the parties will be the PERFECT way to celebrate getting married with all the people who won’t be at your wedding! Mr Peep’s aunt is right - everyone wants a piece of you. Best let them have it and party on!
I’m so happy you wrote this, it makes me feel a little less guilty about some similar parties in the works for the boy and I. We are having a 50-60 person wedding, and there are currently 3 showers and a hometown reception in the works all with people invited but aren’t on the wedding guest list and all I’ve been able to think is Emily Post would hate me for this. I’ve been stressed about it, but I suppose I have to look at it the way you mentioned…that we are very fortunate to have so many people who love us and want to share this with us in any way they can.
My parents through us an wedding shower in my home town. A majority of the list was not on our invite list (since the wedding was in CA) but they didn’t care either. They were just happy to celebrate with us and have an excuse to get together!
Hmm … for engagement parties, especially if it is early in the planning (before you have a guest list) or thrown for you by someone else (as in your case), it was my understanding that it is perfectly acceptable to have people invited who are not ultimately invited to the wedding.
As for the shower, if it’s thrown for you by FMIL (or someone else) with their friends’ invited, it may be understood that they will not be invited to the wedding, and in which case it’s okay to have them at the shower. For example, a shower hosted by a coworker for coworkers does not mean they will automatically invited to the wedding.
That was just my understanding of things. It’s thoughtful you to consider these etiquette matters!
I’m really glad to have found a post discussing this issue. I have also read everywhere that guests invited to the engagement party must also be invited to the wedding. I have a problem with this though.
In my situation, fiance and I are both in our late 20s’, all my family is in FL where I grew up, and my parents have offered to have a small wedding ceremony & reception there for us next year (about 55 people). However, I have been living out in CA for the past decade, and my fiance’s family is all in this area, plus many of our friends and coworkers too. Most of them can not afford to go across the country for our wedding, and we also wanted our families to meet before the wedding. Everyone wanted to still celebrate with us somehow and we hate the idea of totally leaving out one group of people that is still special to us. Having a wedding on each coast was out of the question because of the costs (fiance’s parents can not afford to help, and we are trying to save for a home down payment.)
The solution we came up with was to have a small engagement brunch party here in CA in a few months which fiance & I would pay for, invite our immediate families, plus our CA friends and coworkers. (About 35 people). A lot of these guests would NOT ALSO be coming to the wedding. I don’t THINK anyone would be too offended by this, but I was worried about ‘bad etiquette’. We are not planning to also have a bridal shower. We already have most of what we need to set up a home, as I’ve lived on my own for 10 ys now. Does this sound like a good or bad idea? Comments appreciated! =)
@Stacie: I think what you are doing is perfect. And very similar to what we did. Enjoy every moment of your celebrations- it goes by WAYYY too quickly.
@Mrs. Peep Toe: Thank you for the response! Your post on this matter has made me feel more at ease. =) I am very excited to be able to celebrate with those close to me (on both sides of the country). =D
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Peep Toe, San Francisco
Age and Occupation: 29, Policy Analyst
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 36, Olive Oil Production Manager
Engagement Date: December 16, 2007
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: November 26, 2008
Venue: Hotel Vitale
About Me: I am a west coast lady who loves the San Francisco Bay Area. I love living with Mr. Peep and our animals: Huck the Dog and Ferris the Cat. I work to save the environment in San Francisco, while Mr. Peep makes ridiculously delicious Olive Oil. On any day you can find me reading the latest book I have gotten my hands on, eating Swedish Fish, and perusing wedding blogs! We are both champagne drinking foodies on a Bud Light budget. We are planning an eco-chic, intimate, and interfaith San Francisco City wedding.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics