Wedding Blog
Confessions of a bad bride…
I didn’t take my mom on the first dress shopping trip. I had just gotten back to Maryland and was feeling pressed for time. I had the intentions of finishing all our planning in the three months we had before we hopped on a plane to England. I felt incredibly pressed for time and since I could decide on a venue I decided to look for a dress.
My parents were on vacation in Florida and MOH MB and I were both unemployed; what better time than then was there to go dress shopping? So I enlisted MOH MB to go to David’s Bridal with me and trust me, there is no better time to go than a weekday afternoon. We had a great time and I was pretty matter-of-fact about everything. In the end it came down to 3 dresses; coincidentally they were the first 3 dresses I had tried on. One had a drop waist and made me look like Pamela Anderson, the second was pretty and $200, and the third was all vintagey and lacy, and although it was my style I knew it didn’t make me look as saucy as dress #1.
In my heart of hearts I knew that dress #3 was for me, and I began to feel guilty because I had “that look” on my face, and “that feeling” in my chest about the dress. I really liked the first three dresses I had tried on, but obviously wanted to wait for my mother to be there for the final decision and purchase. I told her about our dress excursion when she returned and I could see she was pretty sad about not being able to be there.
My mother convinced me to go to other bridal salons and try on more dresses. I was very nervous because I’m a bridal size 12/14 and as we both know—those are not usually sample sizes. She encouraged me to try on relatively poofy Maggie Sotteros and whatnot. I ended up getting kinda grouchy because I distinctly remember a dress that wouldn’t fit over my thighs or over my chest. So they just held it up to me—ugh! In retrospect I wish I had:
A. Eaten before I went so I didn’t get grouchy with my mother
and
B. Tried on the biggest, poofiest dress in the store.
I knew from the beginning I didn’t want a large ballgown; I needed a dress I could boogie down in. I needed a dress that would allow me to be neurotic and run around doing things that I as the bride, am not supposed to be doing on my wedding day. So I didn’t really try many different styles of dresses on and I really wish I had. I also didn’t bring a camera with me which would have been beneficial for all of us. 
What dress shopping tips do you have?
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Ah, I know the feeling! I committed a cardinal sin: trying on dresses with FMIL first! I was visiting his family for Thanksgiving and both FSIL and I had just gotten engaged, so we hit up David’s. Luckily I didn’t find the one for me (although FMIL did make make me try on some very poofy princess dresses that I had no interest in… and took pictures). So I didn’t tell mom I’d already been once and scheduled to go with her and MOH, but then mom was sick and didn’t make it and I DID find two that could very well be the final. I’ll go back to show her those so at least she can help me narrow it down.
PS, I am also a size 12 and I actually got stuck in a dress. Don’t know how I got it on so easily, but it took me about 15 minutes to get out cause I couldn’t fit it over my hips or my head. I seriously thought I was going to tear it.
I live in the UK, far away from my mommy, so I went with FMIL (and Friend with Good Taste and Judicious Use of Opinions - a must for bridal shopping) first in Dec, then again in January with my mother when I was back in the States. We still hadn’t set the date at that time (it ended up being set in May for Sept!), but I was aware it could be any time so wanted to be prepared.
It was good that I went with FMIL (mother of 3 boys with being the first FDIL), but I’m glad I got to give my mother the experience (I’m the only girl she’s got, too!).
I admit to get tetchy with my mother as well. To my irritation, she was tearing up and in love with and certain each one was the one with each dress, which really didn’t help me. I also feel bad that I felt teary and bridey with FMIL but not with my mom (I think I steeled myself to be strong knowing that one glimpse of a tear in my mom’s eye would bring on the waterworks and just overdid it).
These are a few of the many things that are going in the “to learn from” list for future me-situations (as well as future me-as-mom situations!)
No tips, but I’m the same size is wedding dresses and like you also wish I tried on different styles.
No tips, but I’m the same size is wedding dresses, so I feel the pain about them not fitting…why don’t they have larger samples!?! And like you also wish I tried on different styles.
In addition to all things that I did listed above, I also made a point to try on “one of everything”. Some dresses doubled up in categories, but I tried some combination of lace, mermaid cut, poofy, organza, structured/flowy, beaded/plain, sweetheart/v/boat/halter necklines, different configurations of straps, etc…
Another tip my wedding-dress-making (but unfortunately 3000-miles-away-from-me) cousin made was to not go with something that draws attention to your “bad” area. Think you have have big butt - don’t try to hide it with a but bow. Think you have a thick waist, don’t try to hide it with a dress with decorations/ribbons/ruching at the waist. You may have to try on a lot of different dresses to find out what parts you want to highlight and what parts you want to hide, but it’s definitely worth trying on different configurations so you can actually see what it looks like on your body.
(Also, I’m a size up from you so definitely feel the this-would-look-so-different-if-it-actually-fit” pain as well! This also works in the converse: less-stellar dresses in the correct size looked amazing, and I had to remember it was probably mostly because it actually fit, not because the style was right. This is where having a handler you can trust is most key so they can help you see what actually has potential and what is as good as it’s going to get.)
My mom wasn’t able to go dress shopping with me, she was a month away from retiring and working around the clock! I think she was a little sad, but she probably would have been more stressed out to try to fit that in! When my dress came in, she went with me to see it, in my size, for the first time. Trying it on in my size was such a difference! That’s when we had the bonding moments. 
This might sound horrible, but… I don’t really WANT my mom to come with me. I’ll probably be about a size 20 in bridal dresses, and every time my mom goes shopping with me, she makes me feel bad about myself. She is constantly making comments about how much better things would look on me if I lost weight. That is NOT what I want or need when I’m shopping for my WEDDING dress! I would LOVE to have her there if she wasn’t like that, but she is, so I don’t want her there. And of course, I can’t say that to her, because she really wants to go. But then the other night on the phone, she suggested waiting until March to go dress shopping “so I have some time to slim down”. Argghhhhhh.
Sorry had to get that out.
I’m the same bridal size (and assuming street size?) as you and ran into the dress-not-fitting problem a lot. Mostly my problem was having dresses slide over my bum. I guess this baby’s got some back! I really wasn’t getting upset or grumpy about it, but my consultant kept saying things like “It’s the dress! It’s not you!” “You’re not the only one this happens to!” I kinda felt like she trying to rationalize a break-up with me!
You and I are also the same size and I was absolutely mortified to bring my mom gown shopping. She called me fat the whole time. Maybe it’s an Asian thing (or maybe it’s because I have a good 40 pounds on her…. prooooobably that) but I wish I had gone alone, to judge myself!
My mom couldn’t come with me on my first trip and it was kind of a bummer. But, lucky for me when I did go shopping with my mom I ended up finding my dress!
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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