For Better or for Worse?

For Better or for Worse?

January 14th, 2009 @ 5:29 pm by Mrs. Green Tea

This past weekend over dinner with BIL GT (aka our officiant), I confronted him about the biggest mistake he made at our wedding…

It turns out, on the day of our wedding, BIL won the Best Lead Actor award from the local theatre! He found out at the reception and did not tell us because he didn’t want to ’take away’ from our day. I gave him some playful guilt about how he should know us better than this, to which he responded with, “Well, my brother will only get married once, but I will receive plenty of awards.” Touché, but oh how I wish we could have shared the happy news with everyone there and then!

When we were planning the wedding, I actually really wanted the day to be significant in multiple ways. Our initial wedding date (which changed later) fell on my cousin’s birthday unintentionally but I was thrilled when I realized it. I thought, “Ooo, I can get her a giant cupcake birthday cake as a surprise!” I was even hoping someone would propose at our wedding (and yes I did have the nerve to ask around)!

I figured since there was food, music, alcohol, cake, and even a professional photographer(!), what better time than this to celebrate everything? To us, it would have definitely added to our special night. After all, the people there are those we love most!

But then when I stepped back to think about it, I probably would have done the same thing if I were in BIL GT’s shoes. Furthermore, I’m starting to think that maybe others don’t share my ’sharing enthusiasm’ either! Maybe someone would prefer the sole limelight on their birthday, or perhaps rather their engagement not be overshadowed by anyone else’s big event!

Do you think other celebratory events happening on the day of your wedding add to or take from your wedding? And would you mind sharing your own significant moments at someone else’s wedding?

Oh and, congratulations BIL GT on your much deserved major award!

Image by Travis Hoehne

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20 Responses to “For Better or for Worse?”

Guest

Melissa

Yeah, I was the opposite from you. I specifically told my sister’s boyfriend that although the family would all be gathered and there’d be a photographer there, the wedding was *not* an appropriate place to propose. I’d feel bad, but she’s engaged now and has asked me to hold off starting a family until after her wedding, so I think she wins the “it’s all about me” title.

1/14/09 @ 5:34 pm (reply)

Member

Crash (message) 378 posts, Helper bee

One of the groomsmen asked if it would be OK if he proposed to his girlfriend at our wedding. I was delighted, but immediately started having nightmares that she said no and the day was ruined. My FI thinks its a bad idea and rude of him to even ask to take away from our day like that, but I guess I’m in your camp, I think it would be lovely, as long as he’s really, really sure she wants it (as with any public proposal). Since the wedding is still 8 months away I hope he can figure that out by then.

1/14/09 @ 5:37 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Penguin (message) 2,148 posts, Buzzing bee

You brought up a good point! I’d never go out there and make some big announcement at someone else’s wedding so I guess I’d be taken aback if someone did it at my wedding. Also, I wonder if I’d have even noticed because I was so busy that day… unless it was a “grab the mike and shut the music off I have an announcement” type of thing.

OMG it never even occured to me, like Crash mentioned, if someone proposed and the girl/boy said no!!!

But I’d like to pretend that I am as gracious of a hostess as you and would welcome something like that. But I can’t promise that I actually would be had the topic arisen. Just being honest

1/14/09 @ 6:12 pm (reply)

Guest

peachypear

I understand your BIL. My cousin’s bridal shower fell on my birthday. I intentionally didn’t say anything, but our aunt spilled the beans. Her MOH (and also my cousin) felt awful for picking that day and the bride’s family kept apologizing. I just kept saying “really, no problem.” …then they wanted to add my name to the cake or sing happy birthday, and I had to put my foot down. Granted, it wasn’t her wedding, but it was still her moment. And my birthday wasn’t in any way ruined. It was nice to spend it with all my family.

But then, on the flip side, we ended up getting married the day before my SIL’s birthday. DH didn’t tell me when we picked the date… I found out the week before. I felt awful, even though she was fine with it. I felt even worse, though, when in all the wedding hubbub I forgot to even wish her happy birthday!

1/14/09 @ 7:33 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Green Tea (message) 705 posts, Busy bee

i kinda think it’s all just preference, and not so much whether a bride is self-absorbed. someone who’d rather keep the attention directed to themselves is certainly no less selfish than me who wanted to steal a piece of my guests’ happiness to add to my own at my wedding.

i appreciate the honesty girls, as i didn’t realize one would possibly come across as more gracious than the other. had i felt the opposite, this post woulda been ‘good thing that BIL GT kept his mouth shut or i woulda been pissed!’… perhaps i’m just shameless

1/14/09 @ 7:41 pm (reply)

Guest

Lyolyok

I think the more celebration the better but I know not everyone feels the same. However now that you mention it I can’t help thinking how awful it would be if she said no…. It would cast a cloud over the day, make her feel awkward and publicly embarrass him. I guess it depends on how sure he is of a “yes”.

1/14/09 @ 7:58 pm (reply)

Member

NixLapi (message) 406 posts, Helper bee

My FI’s BFF got married on my FI’s birthday - and they had the DJ annouce it, which I thought was super sweet!

I’ll be sharing my day with a new neice or nephew (who will be about 2 months by then, but much of the family will be meeting him/her for the first time). We’ve joked about including a “two-fer” note in the invites - “come to our wedding and meet the baby too”!

1/14/09 @ 9:02 pm (reply)

Guest

I don’t know why anyone would want to propose during a wedding. I know everything is already nice — food, music, etc. and everyone is already feeling the love, but really, would it make much of a difference to wait a day? That way, you won’t have to worry about taking the spotlight away from the bride and groom (and you won’t have to worry about major public embarrassment if the girl/guy said no (as Crash and Penguin said above.) Just my 2 cents

1/14/09 @ 9:04 pm (reply)

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 4,094 posts, Honey bee

my wedding date is my grandma’s birthday. I think I am planning to have everyone sing happy birthday to her towards the end of the night because my family and I have a particular way of singing happy birthday that we share…and as I am moving across the country, this may be the last time I get to sing with them for a long time!

I don’t think I would ever mention another significant event at something as big as a wedding. At graduation dinner with 3 close friends and our families, my friend’s brother announced they were pregnant. It definitely took away some of the excitement of graduation for him, I think.

1/14/09 @ 9:21 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Mrs. Avocado (message) 1,407 posts, Bumble bee

I think it’s a wonderful idea to celebrate other milestones as well, and I bet if we were to look far back enough in history we would find that it used to be the case as well. Think about it? A wedding is a time full of friends and family, and usually the majority of the people know each other somehow or other.

I guess I don’t think there used to be this “my day and no one elses mentality”. I think that weddings used to be bigger celebrations (think about it, most cultures have a history of weddings where the festivities go on for days at a time) because it was a party for everyone. More of an attitude of “Let’s all send off the couple we helped create through our contributions over the years.”

Have you ever heard of the red “you are special” plate? Wouldn’t it be lovely to see brides giving those to one of their guests so that that person could be celebrated for a few moments as well? I kind of wish I had had a reason to do that now!

Wow I guess I didn’t know I agreed with you so vehemently. Of course, no one would ever step up and say anything ahead of time because that would be considered “rude” by society, but I think if the bride can sleuth things out it’s a wonderful idea.

1/14/09 @ 9:33 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

buttercup

We didn’t have proposals or anything at our wedding. But I made it a point to have the DJ announce my parents anniversary which was on the same day. And also my grandparents 50th anniversary which was the month before. And play a special song for each of them. It wasn’t a big deal, but I thought it fit in well because it was still celebrating marriage, just our families’.

1/14/09 @ 9:34 pm (reply)

12.

Hostess

BeachBrideT (message) 1,056 posts, Bumble bee

I think that you are the opposite of most brides. Many brides would be upset if someone tried to take away from “their” day, by a big announcement about an award, or a proposal. I personally don’t think a proposal at a wedding is appropriate, but other than that, I would love to share my day with a birthday, anniversary, or another big announcement (like winning an award). But a lot of brides don’t feel that way, so props to you for being so generous and so genuinely happy for others!!!

1/14/09 @ 10:20 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Green Tea (message) 705 posts, Busy bee

@Mrs. Avocado: LOVE the red ‘you are special’ plate! i would sooo have gotten one if i knew about it and had someone to give it to at the wedding. it’s even my wedding color! (yes of course you can count on me to ruin the sentiment with shallow color concerns…)

1/14/09 @ 10:48 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Peep Toe (message) 1,636 posts, Bumble bee

My birthday was the day before Mr. Peep’s sister’s wedding. I didn’t want any attention, but I really couldn’t escape it with his entire family around.

1/14/09 @ 11:03 pm (reply)

15.

Guest

Beth

I’ve been to one wedding where a couple got engaged at the reception. It was a close family member (bride’s sister) and they had the couple’s blessing as the proposal was an arranged part of the bouquet toss/garter toss (they basically fixed it, he caught the garter and she caught the bouquet) so it sort of fit into a part of the reception when the focus is taken off of the married couple a little bit anyways.

1/14/09 @ 11:08 pm (reply)

16.

Bee

Miss Dumpling (message) 650 posts, Busy bee

I would not like to be proposed to at a wedding…..mainly because everyone would be staring at me…yikes. @ Avocado: I love red plates! I used to get one when I was little and was a good dumpling. =)

1/14/09 @ 11:21 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

stacy

We got engaged on New Year’s Eve — the day after we attended a destination wedding in Mexico. The bride was super excited to share her “week” with us when my now-husband asked if it would be ok. The bride and groom even helped him hide the ring from me until he popped the question.

1/15/09 @ 12:48 am (reply)

18.

Member

mrsbear (message) 156 posts, Blushing bee

we got married on my FIL’s birthday, and my ILs got married on my FIL’s father’s birthday. i think everyone (including my FIL) thought it was sweet that my hubby thought enough of his family to want to make it a tradition.

1/15/09 @ 1:58 am (reply)

19.

Guest

bellenga

We’re planning a surprise vow renewal for my grandparents at our wedding because this august will be my grandparent’s SEVENTIETH yea 70th wedding anniversary!

I’d love it if somebody also got engaged (hint hint..like my stb maid of honor) at my wedding too.

The more happiness that is generated on our day, the better.

1/15/09 @ 9:45 am (reply)

20.

Guest

eileen

I believe that it’s actually considered in bad taste to propose at another’s wedding.

1/15/09 @ 3:10 pm (reply)