Wedding Blog

My cousin was married for several years and has a couple kids. About 7 years ago, he came out and (of course) got divorced from his wife.

Now I didn’t think I needed to invite his ex-wife, since we weren’t inviting their kids (another cousin of mine did invite his ex-wife to her wedding, but she came with the kids, which, IMHO, would be much less awkward).

Well, I sent out the STDs last month, and when I went to my aunt’s house for Christmas, she was all upset that her ex-daughter in law wasn’t invited.  In fact, she said to me, “Xxxx didn’t get her magnet.”  Well gee… maybe because we didn’t send her one?

I feel like my family sees their divorce as less real because he’s gay, and that it would be different if he were dating another woman or something, which to me is completely ridiculous.

What would you do, hive? Invite her, or not? We’re already inching closer to our venue’s max capacity as it is.

And to quote my dear friend Mugatu, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

dotcommer

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Dear dotcommer,

The “gay” question is a red herring–situations like these can happen in any divorce situation, particularly if the split was relatively uncontentious. The question is, although she is no longer related to your family by marriage, and regardless of how close you are to her personally, to what degree is your ex-cousin-in-law with the children still regarded as part of the family?

As an illustrative example, my aunt has been married/committed to three men over a course of nearly 30 years: the father of her children/my cousins (who was out of the picture from nearly the get go), the man who basically raised my cousins (with them from age 5 through high school), and her current beau of about 6 years. At Christmas, all of the exes and the current flame come over and socialize with one another and the family. Weird, maybe, but despite the fact that she’s no longer with these guys (the second of whom she never even married) they’re still part of the family. That could be the case too with your ex-cousin-in-law.

I am guessing that since the cousin’s kids are your aunt’s grandchildren, she has a closer relationship with the ex-DIL than anyone else in the family might. In that case you would not need to invite her. However, if she’s still treated as part of the family (for example, still present at family gatherings like at the holidays) despite her lack of official documentation, then you should invite her and the kids. Even if the kids are the only link to the family, she comes as a package with them. Personally if there’s any ambiguity I would err on the side of generosity and invite her and the kids. Remember, you are not going to get a 100% RSVP rate, especially in this economy. Good luck!

chelseamorning

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