Must They Jive?

January 20th, 2009 @ 1:37 pm by Mrs. Green Tea

For many of us, today is a big day tied with many emotions from all over the spectrum. In the GT household, one of us is celebrating in proud red and white stripes, while the other is humming a little bluesy tune.

Since neither of us enjoy political discussions, our differences in political views have not been too hard to deal with. We respect each other’s opinions and agree to disagree. In fact, often times it is tougher for me to deal with my own family or the in-laws, as they can be more hardcore and outspoken about their positions that are also opposite from mine (yes, I am greatly outnumbered)!

Our differences and ability to be understanding surprise a lot of people.

Some have pointed out that one’s politics are often tied to that person’s core values. Some of my frank co-workers even joke about how it’s only a matter of time before this becomes a problem in our marriage (which Mr. GT and I find hilarious)!

So I’m wondering, is alignment of political beliefs a requirement for you in your significant other? Do you feel that the lack of alignment can inhibit marital bliss?

Oh and, don’t forget your FREE donut! Happy Inauguration Day!

Tags: relationships, sacramento |

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24 Responses to “Must They Jive?”

Bee

Miss D'orsay (message) 1,303 posts, Bumble bee

For us it’s a bit more Passion vs former indifference. When Mr. D and I met I was a community organizer and he was quickly infected with my fever for politics. After living with me in the US during the run up to the election I think he knows more more about the US political climate than the UK’s!

1/20/09 @ 1:47 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Penguin (message) 2,149 posts, Buzzing bee

Mr. Peng and I share similar political views (not totally in-line, but enough so to lump us into “one group” if you will). I do think, especially around elections, that it would be somewhat of an issue in our household between the two of us if we didn’t share political views. I’d probably avoid talking about the situation, because Mr. Peng can out-argue me any day.

But like you, some of our parents have opposing views than us, and we get along quite fine by not talking politics AT ALL which would be hard in a marriage, I suppose. Sometimes someone in our family will make political statements that make me cringe, but I don’t love them a bit less, at all… it doesn’t fire me up like it would if say, some blogger I knew made a comment that I dissagreed with. I’d get all heated up over that. But if a family member shared an opposing view, it totally slides off my back. You gotta love your family!

1/20/09 @ 1:48 pm (reply)

Hostess

Mrs. DG (message) 4,236 posts, Honey bee

I’m so grateful that Mr. Doctor and I share our strong political views. I’ve spent the last 20+ years arguing politics with my family. Their views are the extreme opposite of mine, but we’ve found as much common ground as we can.

His family shares our views, and it’s like a breath of fresh air to talk politics at the dinner table.

My family is fabulous, but it is incredible to not have to walk on eggshells with his family!

1/20/09 @ 1:50 pm (reply)

Guest

MicheleLouise

My husband and I are fairly similar though we voted for different candidates this year, sometimes we have voted for the same one. Luckily neither one of us is very political or really enjoys talking about politics so it pretty much goes under the radar for both of us.

1/20/09 @ 1:59 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Perfume (message) 1,642 posts, Bumble bee

Perhaps not if fundamentals such as respect, trust, etc. are in place. Would it be too predictable to cite James Carville and Mary Matalin?

1/20/09 @ 2:04 pm (reply)

Guest

EDB

Because I do political/community organizing work I would find it very hard to be with somebody who did not agree with me, because I would feel that they were not supportive of the work that I put so much of my time into.

1/20/09 @ 2:11 pm (reply)

Guest

Kate

I’m sure for some, it would be fine, but for me being married to somebody that didn’t share my political views wouldn’t be an option. I see my political views as the way that I choose to live my life {my views on abortion, gay rights, etc. } and if the person I want to spend the rest of my life with doesn’t share those ideals and fundamentals it just wouldn’t work. There are issues that I will NOT budge on and I wouldn’t be able to be with somebody who felt differently.

1/20/09 @ 2:25 pm (reply)

Member

budgetbeautiful (message) 1,188 posts, Bumble bee

We’re pretty similar in our views. I’ve been a Democrat pretty much since birth, he was raised more conservative and voted Republican until the last eight or so years. He has become a bit more leftist than myself, but our views match up. Our parents are more conservative than we are, but we just don’t press the political issue with them.

1/20/09 @ 2:26 pm (reply)

Member

renaissancetrophywife (message) 233 posts, Helper bee

For me, it’s not so much about politics as it is about values. If we didn’t share the same views on some major issues that also happen to be politically charged, it would be a dealbreaker, absolutely. While I have good friends who are complete opposites of me in terms of political leanings, someone that I’m marrying and raising a family with is going to need to share my core values.

1/20/09 @ 2:31 pm (reply)

10.

Bee

Mrs. Pinot Noir (message) 772 posts, Busy bee

Mr. PN recently told me that he would never have married me if I was a Red Sox fan. I replied I never would have married him if he was a republican. We certainly have different viewpoints on some issues (he is much more of a centrist than I) but I know that for me my politics are tied very closely to my core beliefs and I don’t think I could have gotten to know someone enough to fall in love if their beliefs were so opposite of mine. I know this isn’t the case for all couples. Just look James Carville and Mary Matalin!

1/20/09 @ 2:44 pm (reply)

11.

Member

Truc (message) 23 posts, Newbee

I know that it’s possible for politically active people on opposite sides of the aisle to have a happy partnership. That said, about the third question I asked my now-fiance was “so are you, um, a Democrat?……”

1/20/09 @ 2:51 pm (reply)

12.

Member

Crash (message) 378 posts, Helper bee

I don’t think couples need to agree on every political matter for the marriage to work. What is important is respect for the other’s opinion. I have dated people in the past whose political views were so different from my own that I was not able to respect them, and that did not work. My fiance and I basically agree on social issues, but not fiscal, and are able to agree to disagree and even have a good natured debate every now and then without issues.

1/20/09 @ 3:11 pm (reply)

13.

Guest

emel

I am not a citizent here but I am very much interested in politics and my fiance and I are very extreme ideas in terms of politics. It has been very hard to deal with especially since all of his family think same as him and I am a foreigner sometimes the things they talk about foreign people could be hurtfull. I am very frank person and I do not hide my emotions I tell people whatever I think so it has been extra hard for me to be polite with them but they do not talk about these issues in front of me anymore. I think it is very hard situation but when it comes to the bottom line important point is not politics. He has the same family values as I do, he loves me greatly and can put the politics aside for me (I could not but he did for me). He makes so much effort the make me happy. there are many more to count that can beat the just sharing same political wievs. It is very challanging but if you do love the person it can also lead to very fruitfull discussion.

1/20/09 @ 3:23 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Peep Toe (message) 1,636 posts, Bumble bee

Mr. Peep is even more passionate about politics than I am!! Which is one of the reasons I love him so dearly! I couldn’t imagine marrying someone with different political beliefs. But I totally get you on the family thing. Poppy Peep and I have a our fair share of politically based fights.

1/20/09 @ 3:45 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Quiche (message) 2,188 posts, Buzzing bee

Mr. Quiche and I are on the same side of the fence with this. He is a polititcal junkie, so I do think it would be hard on us if we didn’t share (at least some of) the same views. We differ slightly on some issues & it really isn’t a problem at all.

1/20/09 @ 3:46 pm (reply)

16.

Guest

leslie

I just wanted to say great picture. I found that link earlier on my other blog obsession and have been eager to obamicon me when I get home tonight…

1/20/09 @ 3:47 pm (reply)

17.

Guest

Meghan

Honestly, I think it isn’t a problem at all. My mother is a blue-blooded democrat, my father a red-blooded republican, but they both have become much more purple over the years. My fiance and are follow the same trend, and I sympathize with you on the in-law front. His family is amazingly outspoken of their beliefs and i am outnumbered. I tend to keep quiet and vent to him in the car about things that were said afterwards.

There’s no reason political differences should be a hinderance in a marriage as long as you respect each other and don’t pick fights.

1/20/09 @ 4:05 pm (reply)

18.

Member

rubyhillbride (message) 23 posts, Newbee

My fiance and I have very different political views as well… there have been many tears and fights over the years. However, I find that having two people discuss issues from both sides very enlightening and make us better as a couple. Sometimes when look at things through our own little pinhole, we don’t really see the big picture and often miss things that are important to us. I don’t think our differing beliefs would pose a huge problem for us in the future, as long as we both understand that even though we usually see things differently, the most important topic that we should see eye to eye about is our love for each other.

1/20/09 @ 4:20 pm (reply)

19.

Member

MegK (message) 164 posts, Blushing bee

I agree with Kate. I absolutely could not marry someone who disagreed with what I view to be moral and ethical issues (the social ones in particular). I’m all for being accepting of difference in politics, but there are some things that make me think very unfavorably of a person if I learn that they believe certain narrow-minded things. I absolutely couldn’t marry someone who didn’t share similar values.

But my FI is if anything, more liberal than I am, which is difficult, so we haven’t run into any issues.

1/20/09 @ 4:23 pm (reply)

20.

Hostess

chelseamorning (message) 1,482 posts, Bumble bee

When I found out my husband was a republican two weeks into our dating I almost dumped him for it. I am so glad I chose to explore what was behind those views because I found that we do share the same core values, which is the most important thing to me. I am not really interested in politics, so although he is, we don’t discuss it much, which keeps the fights away.

In our time together both our political leanings have become more moderate and similar and I am grateful for the broader perspective. I think narrow-mindedness knows no political affiliation.

1/20/09 @ 4:55 pm (reply)

21.

Guest

Mandy

My FI and I share the same moral views, as well as many of the social ones. However, we differ in what is most important and how we choose who to vote for. We are both independent of parties, but we voted for opposite people for president. Sometimes, it can be difficult, but I enjoy the discussion for the most part. Neither of us are die-hard political junkies, so we don’t get into fights over it or anything.

1/21/09 @ 12:43 am (reply)

22.

Guest

JanieLeigh

we definitely have to be on the same page politically. i’m a conservative and the way i vote reflects my core beliefs and values, which MUST be present in my partner. thankfully my fiance is a conservative and so our both of our families (in general). our similar views on politics allow us to have lots of good discussions. it’s nice

1/21/09 @ 1:23 am (reply)

23.

Bee

Miss Taffy (message) 2,607 posts, Sugar bee

Mr. Taffy and I are both liberal and agree and pretty much everything political. Other things, not so much! The biggest thing is my sweet tooth. He is seriously horrified by the fact that I want to wake up and eat candy or anything sweet. On the other hand, I am not a beer drinker and don’t understand his obsession with beer. One time, he thought I was ridiculous for buying three different kinds of ice cream. I had to explain that I wasn’t going to sit down and eat all of the ice cream in one night, but that one week I might feel like rocky road, and the next week I might want vanilla. I told him it was exactly like him buying a few different kinds of beer at once, so he will have some variety when he wants to drink them. Now he understands a little more…

1/21/09 @ 10:59 am (reply)

24.

Guest

Kit

My only political views are based around my ethics, so I could not commit or even spend time with someone of significantly different values from that which I view as ethical (not just moral, as in what I think I should do, but ethical, as in what I think others should do).

2/1/09 @ 10:24 pm (reply)