So… How Does That Work?

So… How Does That Work?

January 22nd, 2009 @ 12:05 pm by Mrs. D'orsay
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For 3 months until we moved to England, Mr.D’orsay and I lived with my parents.

For the next 6 months, Mr.D’orsay and I will be living with his mother and brother.

Living with our respective families certainly has both its positives and negatives. Though in our opinion, we experience mostly positives! We’ve saved so much money (or really, saved the money we needed to spend on plane tickets) and had the opportunity to really bond with our families as a couple. Mr.D’orsay has had so many nice chats with my parents and I’d often come home to find Mr.D’orsay and my dad hanging out. My parents have really gotten to know him, which I think is even more important since they didn’t have the longest time to get to know him before we became engaged.

I’m not going to lie to you guys; for all the positives of living with parents, there are a few negatives as well.

We both found it difficult after living on our own to move back in with our families. There is little time or space to find intimacy with each other. If we have a fight, it’s tough to separate, because there is nowhere to go! Equally, we each occasionally need our own alone time, which can be difficult in a house with others.

It’s also the little things, such as dinner. Mr.D’orsay and I became used to cooking our own dinners in Miami, but in Maryland, my parents would often cook dinner for four. It will probably seem odd to many of you that I’d occasionally not want dinner cooked for us. But we felt less like a couple sometimes when my parents cooked for us. Some days I really would have liked us to choose our own dinner, cook it like we used to, and eat as a unit.

There are many things we’ve put off purchasing because we don’t have a home for them. We don’t have our own kitchen, dining room, bedroom or even our own walls. Because we don’t actually live anywhere, we don’t have an opportunity to nest or have a sense of permanence about where we live. So, in some ways, our permanence travels with us, between us, wherever we go, and isn’t tied to a place or a home that we call our own.

Have you had to move back in with your parents? How have you dealt with the positives and negatives of moving back?

Tags: baltimore, budget |

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12 Responses to “So… How Does That Work?”

Member

rhodeygirl (message) 107 posts, Blushing bee

I am considering moving home for 6 weeks before the wedding so I can rent out my condo at a convenient time (and also move my stuff down to my fiance’s stuff before the wedding) but I am unsure how it will be when my fiance visits (long distance relationship) or even just how my dad and I will do living in the same house again. Thanks for posting about this because I am having a tough time deciding!

1/22/09 @ 12:11 pm (reply)

Guest

Emily

My fiancee and I are alos considering it - we don’t want to be locked into another year long lease but can’t afford to pay the inflated prices for short term leases. But I imagine we would really struggle with the same things you talked about (like not having enough space, or even feeling like I’m encroaching on my in-laws space).

1/22/09 @ 12:30 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Peep Toe (message) 1,804 posts, Buzzing bee

That’s a tough one. Glad you guys have found a happy medium!

1/22/09 @ 12:31 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Sushi (message) 1,480 posts, Bumble bee

I lived with Mr. Sushi and his mom for 6 months. I was able to save tons of money and I really got to build a bond with MIL Sushi, but it was also difficult having a mother figure who was all in my business, ALL the time. Something I hadn’t experienced since my teenage years. I probably would have stayed in her house longer, but I was really used to my space so I used the money I saved and used it on a down payment on a condo.

1/22/09 @ 12:35 pm (reply)

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 5,590 posts, Bee Keeper

yes, but living with my parents and he living with his parents is a big difference from living together with parents! (Still not what I would’ve imagined after college)

The time will go by quickly!

1/22/09 @ 12:43 pm (reply)

Guest

Suzanno

I think it’s wonderful that this worked out well for you. I have only had one short period in my life when I considered the possibility of moving home - I was laid off, and it took me a few months to find a new job. My mom made it clear that I was welcome if I really felt I had no other choice, but also made it clear that she and I my dad would prefer to just help out financially for a few months. In the end, I sublet a room, and they helped with a few bills, and I found another job.

DH has two kids in college; one is a few hours away and just home for the holidays, the other lives with us and attends school locally. We’ve agreed that we would absolutely rather help the kids out financially in the short term than have them live with us after college. Believe it or not, most parents are pretty happy to have their kids out of the house. Some of our friends whose kids are finally off to college or graduated and in their own apartments are absolutely giddy. Our few friends who have their adult kids living with them generally feel like it’s something they had to do for one reason or another, but are looking forward to the day when the kids are gone again.

1/22/09 @ 12:49 pm (reply)

Member

Kendicles (message) 80 posts, Worker bee

I can TOTALLY relate..except my situation was a bit different. My fiance got promoted and moved to San Diego, which happens to be where my parents live. Not wanting to be unemployed, I stayed in LA looking for a job in San Diego. Instead of selling our place, we rented it which meant I needed a place to live. So I moved in with HIS parents. Yes- he was living with mine, while I was living with his. We did this for about 6 months…Definitely was interesting! But it actually brought all of our families closer together…but I totally relate to the dinner thing!

1/22/09 @ 1:34 pm (reply)

Guest

ann

I couldn’t agree with you more about living with parents. After we were married we moved back into my parent’s house (we both joined the Air Force as officers and my husband was supposed to leave for training immediately while I wouldn’t have to leave for 6+ months. ) We thought his training would take 6 months and instead of being on my own in Detroit (which is’ pretty dangerous if you’re alone) I’d stay with my family. Well, the AF put back his leave date 8 months as soon as we moved in. I don’t mind living with my family (we have our own apartment, minus a bathroom and kitchen), but I definitely miss being on our own. It’s been an adjustment! We’ve thought about moving back to our old place, but it would cost us so much I’m not sure it would be worth it.

1/22/09 @ 1:35 pm (reply)

Guest

Shamrock

I’m in my final year of medical school and moved home this year for the first time since college to save money. It is a pain in the butt sometimes but I think it is totally worth it. It’s only temporary, and with the economy the way it is, it was a nice way to help me feel less worried about the 100k+ student loans I have piling up. It is a little hard when my fiance visits but I know my parents are really glad they’ve gotten to know him better. Since you and Mr. D’orsay don’t know where you’re living yet, in the long run you’ll be glad you spent that extra time with both families.

1/22/09 @ 1:49 pm (reply)

10.

Member

slicey19 (message) 3,075 posts, Sugar bee

I can see where that would get frustrating after speding just two weeks over the holidays at my FI parents’ house. I feel like I can’t just cook something in their kitchen and if we don’t want to eat what they are eating we usually go for pizza or something. My friend and her husband lived with her parents for about 4 months and they alternated cooking dinner with her parents to share responibilities and allow them to choose, maybe you could try this. Also, I can totally relate to the not having place to put down roots. We own some IKEA furniture but don’t want to get anything too nice becasue we don’t have a steeling plan yet, however I did bring my down comforter from the US (because I loved it) and a few other homey things that can get into a suitcase and move with us wherever we are.

1/22/09 @ 2:19 pm (reply)

11.

Member

NixLapi (message) 558 posts, Busy bee

MY FI and I are moving in with his parents in a few weeks to save $ for the wedding/upcoming house purchase. We all get along great but will be sharing the main bathroom and kitchen… my FI and I have also been living together for almost 2 years now, so it will be really tough to pack up and use their “stuff” instead of mine. But it will only be for 6 months, so in the long run it’ll be well worth it!

1/22/09 @ 5:09 pm (reply)

12.

Member

MrsSl82be (message) 8,508 posts, Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve lived with my FI and his dad for 2 years now. He’s usually here during the week, and at his gf’s on the weekends. We get along really well, he gives us our space (we have a living room upstairs next to our bedroom while he’s mostly downstairs) and its worked so far. I would love to have our own place but prices around here hacen’t fallen as fast as we had hoped!

1/23/09 @ 9:41 pm (reply)