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A recent question posed to the feisty Dear Abby (sidenote: I *heart* Dear Abby. And Margo.) got me thinking about dietary lifestyles and wedding receptions.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter and future son-in-law are being married this summer. They are both vegans, and are planning a vegan dinner for their reception. I thought it was a very cool way of showing what different types of vegan dishes could be planned, but I’m getting grief from my husband. He thinks it is “selfish” of them not to offer a meat dish. I couldn’t disagree more.
I told him I think they are right, but that I’d write to you and ask your opinion. It will have no effect on their reception, but I’d like to quiet things down on the home front. — FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW
DEAR FUTURE M-I-L (Abby even knows the wedding acronyms - she is so with it!): This will be your daughter’s day, not your husband’s. I’m sure the food they offer will be not only delicious, but also sufficient to satisfy the guests, who may not even realize they aren’t being offered meat.
If your husband is concerned about what will be served, he should eat before going to the wedding. Please tell him I said so, and let him chew on that.
I’m a vegetarian (Mr Quiche is not) but it never occurred to me to have a vegetarian reception. However, I have to agree with Abby on this one. If the couple wants to have a vegetarian wedding feast, then that is what they should have. Unfortunately, they don’t delve into the details of who is paying for what, etc., which may muddy things up a bit.
Same goes for alcohol - for a couple who doesn’t drink, should they feel like they have to have an open bar (or a cash bar, for that matter)? Again, I think it is completely appropriate for the couples’ lifestyle to dictate the reception, should they so choose.
Does you reception reflect your dietary lifestyle? What’s your opinion on this topic?
The alcohol conversation has been an interesting one for us. My FH and I drink, but neither of our families do. Naturally, my parents don’t want to pay for an open bar, so now my FH and I are debating if it’s worth it to pay for it ourselves. (We aren’t exactly rolling in dough!) I’m just afraid a cash bar would be tacky…what do you all think??
We are both meat-eaters, and my fiance has a love affair with bacon that cannot be battled. But at least 50% of our guests are vegetarians, and so we worked with our caterers to create delicious and satisfying vegetarian dishes as well as things like short rib sliders and bacon and smoked gouda polenta. Yum!
We’re offering fish and pork (and a vegetarian option) at our reception. They’re Mr. MagPie and my favorites, and we’re looking forward to a unique meal — and not giving guests the usual “chicken or beef” choice!
We had a mostly vegetarian reception (a fish appetizer and a duck in the passed hor’dorves). Mr. PN is a major meat-eater but I don’t eat meat (red meat, polutry, etc.). I think everyone enjoyed the food and most people didn’t miss the meat. We got some grief but people didn’t care too much.
My FH doesn’t eat beef so we have chosen to serve Chicken and Pork at our reception. My Dad lives on red meat so my parents are having a hard time understanding why we won’t be serving it. Abby is right, the day is about us. We should be able to eat everything offered that day.
Our venue is allowing us 4 different options for a reasonable fee, so we are going to have a beef, chicken, fish and veggie option. Mr. Taffy and I are both pescatarians, but I will probably do the “tasting” for the chicken and beef choices when we go to choose our dishes.
@august15bride: The word “tacky” is very subjective, in my opinion 
Read what the Offbeat Bride has to say here http://offbeatbride.com/2008/07/tacky. Someone will always find something “tacky” & there isn’t much you can do about it! If you want a cash bar, by all means - have a cash bar!
Oh, and btw Miss Quiche, I love your blog post title — it’s like the most bizarre features section headline for some crazy newspaper.
While all of my family and some of my FIs family drink, my FI and I do not. We will be having a dry reception. We have many people from our church attending as well who do not drink, and while it would not bother me or my FI, I think it would make them feel uncomfortable. Plus it’s cheaper! 
We just met with our chef about the menu because I have several food allergies (eggs, gluten, dairy, soy, beans,..the list goes on). The CHEF was adamant about making sure all the food was safe for me to eat so he took our requests and is working on coming up with the same food without the ingrediants I’m allergic to. I was actually unsure of this (I don’t want to force my cheese-free lifestyle on others) but he’s confident people won’t even notice.
We are going to have the cake be primarily the normal ingrediants with a layer that I can eat…luckily the resort has a chef there that is allergic to gluten, etc, herself who can work with our chef and pastry chef.
My FI and I drink, but our families don’t. The question was easily settled, though, because our venue doesn’t allow alcohol (we’re getting married in “the dry capital of the world”)!
His friends are pissed, but I told them that if they sneak alcohol in, they’re going to be the ones paying me back the $200 deposit.
When it comes to drinking, I wouldn’t expect a non-drinking bride and groom to serve alcohol at their wedding if they don’t drink. That’s a very personal choice–there are lots of different reasons why people drink or do not drink. I don’t, however, like cash bars. I think there are other ways of achieving the savings or consumption control that you want, that don’t require your guests to spend money at your wedding.
When it comes to food, I think the bride and groom’s taste and diet should be the first consideration, but I don’t think your wedding is necessarily the best venue for trying to convert the family to mysterious seitan dishes or other products that will be totally foreign to them. If a vegan or vegetarian wanted no meat at all, that can be achieved while still providing things meat eaters will find delicious if the meal isn’t full of meat substitutes.
It seems like everyone feels differently about how much they should consider their guests preferences in their choices of food and drink. West Coast Groom and I are serving Pork Tenderloin, Seafood, several salads and a vegetarian pasta dish. I’m happy with provided choice, and not getting too specific about it. West Coast Groom’s attitude is that people should eat whatever we serve them, so hopefully we’re landing somewhere in the middle!
Both me and my FI are vegetarian, so it was natural to us that we’d have a vegetarian reception. It’s both a moral and environmental choice for the both of us and neither of us would have felt entirely comfortable having meat at our reception. That being said, we made sure that our menu would appeal to all diet-types. I think lots of fake meat would not go over well.
We also are having no booze. My FI objects on moral grounds (not religious) and I drink very rarely. Combine that with a daytime wedding, family histories, and the cash layout, alcohol doesn’t make sense for us.
I’m sure some people will be put out by one or both of our choices, but they are choices that reflect who we are, so oh well!
My sister is gluten free, and if she happens to marry someone who is as well I fully support the idea of a gluten-free reception for them. I don’t like when people say that their way is the best way to eat. If you went to a Chinese wedding would you demand a steak for dinner?
I agree that the bride and groom’s preferances should be given top priority, but I also think they should think about their guests, too. If the overwhelming majority of guests are not vegetarians, then I think the couple should include a meat option. Ditto if the overwhelming majority are vegetarians and the couple is not. I just personally feel that if guests are coming to my wedding (many from out of town, paying for hotels, travel expenses and giving us a gift), they should be served something that they would eat.
That being said, I don’t think it necessarily includes an open bar. Money obviously comes into play there (as does religious/moral beliefs). My fiance doesn’t drink but I do, and the family/friends are split, but we decided to do an open bar. We also don’t eat seafood, but are having a couple seafood hors d’oeurves, for those who may enjoy it.
You touched on the subject… if my parents were paying, and I was a vegetarian and they were not, and they had a preference… I would go with whatever their preference was, since it was their money.
I always would err to the side of “crowd pleasing” though…. I know I’m always excited to get a nice steak at a wedding, and I know many people feel the same way. So, I’d probably still pick crowd pleasing favorites, no matter my dietary choices and restrictions.
PS: that’s weird that it has me as a guest, when I’m a member…
We went to a wedding in Milwaukee in July and the bride and groom served a mostly vegetarian meal (crab cakes were served as an appetizer). I thought was great, though I did overhear a few people asking “Where is the chicken”. But you can never please everyone. Especially not at weddings!
I totally agree as well. I mean, its nice to have a variety of options but if you feel strongly about your diet, then.. well, its a good way to open people’s eyes to your lifestyle and expose them to something new. Our wedding is brasilian bbq… so we’re not even offering a vegetarian dish. Well i guess if you just eat the plated rice, cheese bread, and salad it’s vegetarian… So we’ve been handing out plenty of warning to people.. that this is gonna be a meat filled event. So far only my cousin is the vegetarian i know, and i think she’ll just munch on the rice and veggies and cheese bread
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Mrs. Quiche, Chicago/Montego Bay Age and Occupation: 28, Interior Designer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 42, Telecom Guru Engagement Date: July 2, 2008 Wedding Date: May, 2009 Venue: Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay About Me: I love Chicago and can’t imagine living anywhere else (Well, except Paris. Or anywhere in France, for that matter!). I’m a full-time worker, part-time student, soon-to-be-step-mom, indie music lovin’, architecture and design fanatic, macaroni and cheese addict, vegetarian, Francophile, Ohio State football obsessed, wedding planning girl. Mr. Quiche and I are “Partners-in-Crime” and cannot wait to celebrate our marriage surrounded by our family and closest friends. I plan on DIYing my little heart out (or as much as a suitcase to Jamaica will hold).
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