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I’ve only ever been a bridesmaid to my sister two years ago, and to my aunt when I was 8 years old.
My sister called me on the phone to tell me she was engaged and said, “You’ll be a bridesmaid, right?” I’m not going to lie to you, I was (and still kinda am) a bit bitter about not being her maid of honor. But I didn’t see anything odd or strange about how she asked me to be part of her wedding party.
When Mr.D’orsay proposed, I had just torn all the ligaments in my ankle, and was on painkillers for a week. I was about to pack my entire house in a day to drive back to Maryland from Miami.
I’d like to think I asked MB to be my Maid of Honor over the phone, but I’m pretty sure it was on Gchat.
My bridesmaid Beth who is in Australia? Maybe I asked her via Skype, or maybe it was Gchat. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure it was a Facebook message.
My sister? I either called or emailed her.
And Rachel, my cousin? I believe I Facebook messaged her as well.
WHOOPS!
In retrospect, I REALLY wish I had the foresight to have done something as sweet as this:
To make myself feel better I’m chalking it up to a rookie mistake, because I’m the first of my friends to be married. The real shame is that I only had one chance to ask these women to stand up with Mr.D’orsay and me on our special day. Not only that, but to be there throughout all the DIY procrastination, dress shopping, and the hunt for the elusive kitten heel gold D’orsays we’ve been searching for.
Anyone else make my rookie mistake? If you could ask your friends and family to be bridesmaids all over again, would you have done it differently? How?
Oooooooh… I totally did the same thing. I’m pretty certain I texted my sister, and I definitely was on the phone with my cousin. Sigh. But I was just so excited to ask them, I don’t think I could have waited the time it would have taken to DIY a postcard, let alone a whole photo album! 
Yeah, considering my diy background you’d think I would have jumped at the chance to do something really nifty. However, I was so excited to choose the members of my bridal party that I asked my MOH over facebook chat..FHs sister while she was in town, straightening her hair….
the last one I did ask in person…but yeah, nothing cool like that!
I think I e-mailed all my bridesmaids and might have asked my sister. It’s just the excitement I say!
I so wish I had done something crafty too, but I did ask my maids in person! But they were all really awkward moments. Not like over a great dinner or a glass of wine.
I wish I had done something special too. I called my friends/sis/cuz and asked them over the phone, as none of them lived in the same city as me at the time. One of my friends asked me to be in her wedding in an adorable card she sent me in the mail (we got engaged on the same day!), and it was so sweet and cute, I felt really bad about how I had asked her just the week before!! Oh well! What can you do!!!
I lived a few hours from most of my bridesmaids and ended up asking about half of them over the phone and about half in person. Definitely no cute crafts involved, although like you, I wish I had thought of that. DH asked at least one of our groomsmen over Facebook, but in his defense, he was halfway around the world and it was pretty much the only way we knew we could get a hold of him!
i was so excited that i just asked in the “i’m engaged!!!!!!” phone call.
seeing as this is my one and only marriage, there are TONS of rookie mistakes being made.
to make up for it, i’m DIYing b’maid gifts.
I put a lot of time into my asks, and they were my first DIY effort as part of the wedding planning — homemade cake-in-a-jar jars with a Cuttlebugged card.
my girls are my best friends since high school…they KNEW they’d be my bridal party, and my little sis would be my MOH.
although, she loves holding it over me that i told her she couldn’t have a maid and matron of honor (this was like a decade ago!) and now i’m having both…..so her being maid of honor isn’t “as special”.
i did what you did! i asked them all over the phone… i guess it never occured to me to make a thoughtful card or whatnot… i chalk it up to not being a Weddingbee reader back then!
I asked two of my BMs in person, and the third I sent a cute “be my BM” cookie in the mail, but how about doing something crafty to honor your best gals a few months after the wedding? Ideas anyone? Like something with a picture from the big day maybe?
I asked all of mine in person, and I am quite frankly very relieved that one of the bees did it just as casually as I did.
Honestly, all these creative ways of asking your bridesmaids to be in your wedding strike me as a little bit silly (unless the individual you are asking happens to be personally very attached to these types of gestures!). Most people really don’t care about a lot of fanfare, and are more touched by sincerity. I have thanked my bridesmaids and my MOH on many occaisions and was happy to take them all out for lunch on our dress shopping day in part to show my gratitude for their participation.
If you’re feeling really bad about, you could always try to do something extra special/meaningful for their gifts!
Guilty! I wish I made them something crafty, too. I posted dedications to them on our wedding website and sent it to them to preview asking them via… you guessed it… gmail.
This is one of my first wedding related regrets as well. I so wish I had made something special and meaningful for my girls but I was so excited I couldn’t wait. They did not seem to care, they were all excited anyway, but I plan on making up for it with my gifts to them come wedding day
both times i served as a bridesmaid i was just asked by the person…though one was in a voicemail message if that counts!
i think it’s a nice gesture to do something special but not necessary. as crafty as i can be i’m pretty sure i’ll just be busting at the seams to share the good news anyway that i won’t have the patience to even make a card. lol
Yep! I had only been a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding when I was 15 so I had no idea about all these great ideas. Plus, my two wedding party members were kind of a given and they knew it…
I didn’t see the point in waiting to ask my dearest friends to be my bridesmaids. As soon as I got engaged (in Thailand! ), I g-chat asked, email asked, etc! Also, I lived in New Mexico at the time (far far from everyone I know), so I had to ask everyone else via phone when I got home. That being said, the 1st thing on my DIY list is to send each of them a cutesy “will you be my BM?” card in the mail. It’s not just an invitation, though - I’m including everyone else’s contact info, the date of the wedding, location, BM dress ideas, wedding colors, tasks I could use some help on (if they feel inclined to help! )… you get the idea. If it were me, I’d feel it a bit impersonal getting asked with just a card in the mail. Like, “woah, this is unexpected! you’re engaged! great! why didn’t you just call me about this earlier?” If you want to send your BMs crafty wedding party stuff, you should absolutely do it!
BTW, I’m also “that sister” who didn’t ask her only sister to be the MOH. Are you asking her to be your MOH? We’re such different people, I feel like she hardly knows me. I absolutely want her by my side on my wedding day, but I felt my closest friend would be able to anticipate my stresses / “get what I mean” when it comes to weddingness. At least for my sake, don’t judge her so hard. Maybe talk to her about it some time. If my sister’s ever upset about anything, I find out about it through my mom. She said she’s happy being a BM, but I don’t think she’d ever say what she really felt.
I didn’t know to do anything but ask. That was long before I became acquainted with the wedding world and Weddingbee. It went something like this, “Uh, me and FI are getting married.” They said, “Cool…” Then I said, “Uh, I think I’m supposed to have bridesmaids. You wanna be one?”
That was it. No fanfare, no warm fuzzies… Very suave if I do say so myself (Not!). Though scandalously, one of my bridesmaids asked me if she could be in my wedding. Of course, I said yes.
I’m the first in my crowd to get married, and I definitely feel like there’s a lot that I don’t know and have no one to ask about. That’s why I’m glad I found the hive!
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK Age and Occupation: 24, nonprofit communications Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop Engagement Date: August 10, 2008 Wedding Date: August, 2009 Venue: Oakland Manor About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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