Wedding Blog
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Life is starting to get back to normal at the Pinot Noir house. This weekend Mr. PN and I were out and about when we started reminiscing about our wedding planning. Throughout our engagement we both received quite a bit of unsolicited wedding and marriage advice. Some of it was good, some of it was funny, and some of it was simply inappropriate.
The week before the wedding I was shopping for a bottle of wine for a night in with SIL Pinot. I mentioned to the salesman that I was getting married in Napa the following weekend. His response was, “Congratulations. I’ve been married 9 years. The secret to a happy marriage is to treat him like your boyfriend, and he should treat you like his girlfriend. Go out to dinner and a movie. Watch porn together. You know, the stuff that you do when you are dating.”
On my way to California for the wedding, with my dress in tow, the airport security agent at Newark Airport told me this: “Don’t do it (as in, don’t get married). And if you do, don’t change your name. It is a huge pain the a** to change it back when you get divorced.” I was too shocked and tired to respond (it was 5AM). I wish I had said, “Wow. Thanks for that great advice! You’re right – I shouldn’t get married. Can I have my dress back?! I’m outta here.”
The man at the jewelry store where I had my ring cleaned the day before the wedding told me this: “You sure don’t look too happy. Cheer up. You’re getting married tomorrow!” I was running around trying to get stuff together for the wedding day before the rehearsal dinner and was feeling pretty stressed. His advice reminded me to cheer up – I was celebrating!
On our honeymoon in Hawaii, a craft seller told us: “Whenever you have problems, remember this: See that girl you married? She was the best you could do. See that boy you married? He was the best you could do. Because if that wasn’t true, you wouldn’t have gotten married.”
What is the best or worst wedding/marriage advice that you have been given?
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omg, I can’t believe how rude some of those people were! It makes me sad when strangers feel the need to be negative.
Wow - some were so rude! But some were sweet. The worst advice I ever got was on a plane - I don’t know what it is about planes that make people think that they can say anything! It was before we were engaged, and after mentioning that I was flying to visit my boyfriend (we weren’t engaged yet), the older man sitting next to me told me to not get married to him because I was too young, and “getting married young ALWAYS leads to divorce”. I especially appreciate advice like that from someone who doesn’t know anything about us or our relationship!
Darn. I missed out on the ‘watch porn together’ part of our dating relationship.
And I don’t care what you actually mean, “The best you could do” never sounds good.
I can’t believe people said those odd & inappropriate things to you! WOW! Why do people say “Don’t do it!”? I just don’t understand….
The changing the name back thing is true though - a friend of mine got divorced and she was having a rough time. 
I haven’t gotten any advice yet, thankfully! 
Hahaha….who assumes that watching porn is something so natural in every relationship that they would say it to anyone walking through a liquor store?
@Johnsbride09: i concur, “the best you could do” does sound bad.
the best advice i received was from my jeweler who told me to always put my husband first.
the worst advice came from my father and was directed to my (now) husband: “are you sure you want to marry her? she can be really independent and bossy.” thanks, dad.
This wasn’t so much advice, but is similar to your name change advice … when I changed my name, I dropped my middle name and kept my maiden name as my new middle. The IT guy at work who changed my account settings said he’d never seen it done that way before “but I guess it’ll be easier if you ever get divorced.” Uh, yeah … that’s why I did it.
I can’t even count how many people would start talking divorce with me when they found out I was getting married. It was horrible!
The porn one is funny… and the one about changin the name is scary but i’m sure true in many cases. Just makes you realize, gotta take it all with a grain of salt 
Whats wrong with people? I always give relationship advice, and sometimes its negative because my friends need to hear the truth, but to tell a complete stranger that they will probably divorce is beyond rude. Yes, most people do divorce, but its not something you need to be reminded of especially by a stranger and especially right before you get married.
Oh wow, I didn’t really go for much of your advice except the ring guy. I’m lucky to not have received much of this yet — but will have to brace myself for when it comes!
Ha! I can’t even count of the number of strangers that would see my ring and say “Don’t do it!”. Usually that was followed by some creepy pick up line. What is it about an e-ring that makes people so crazy??
I really get annoyed when people tell me not to get married or ask “what do you want to do that for?” Even if they are joking, it seems a little off-base. And, someone told me not to change my name, too, for the same reason you stated. That’s so inappropriate!
This is hilarious. We got our first piece of marital advice this weekend when we were shopping for wedding planning books. A sweet older lady came up and said, “Be sweet and kind to each other.” Then she asked us if we had a minister. We said no, not yet. Then she told us that we HAD to marry before God and that my fiance should regularly get down on his knees and pray for our family. We smiled politely as we are not particularly religious.
I’m thinking that unsolicited advice of any kind usually says much more about the person giving advice than anything else.
@Johnsbride09:
“The best you could do line” wasn’t said in any sort of malicious way by the craft fair man. It was actually part of a larger more positive conversation about marriage and dealing with the inevitable difficulties that come with trying to spend the rest of your life with someone.
Um, my aunt actually told me to put my fiance’s “man parts” in a box and only let him have them when I want him to. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN??
best advice: “have lots and lots of kids if you can. they’ll remind you everyday why you got married, continue to stay married, and most importantly, how strong your love is.”
worst advice: “get a pre-nup. divorces are a b*tch.”
people say the strangest things!
Wow. I haven’t gotten any advice yet, but some of those are really really awful!! It’s a shame that some people feel a need to project their own negative experiences onto those around them.
Worst advice came from a coworker - “Don’t get married if you don’t want to get divorced.”
Best advice from my doctor who was treating me for strep throat a few days before our wedding (!) - “Take time to listen to each other and relax”
People are so negative! I can’t believe it.
I don’t think I’ve gotten any advice yet, but it will be interesting to see what people say.
I haven’t gotten any bad advise since I’ve gotten engaged but before people would say why do you want to get married? Mostly people at work in miserable relationshits (not a typo) - I wanted to say, “not everyone’s relationship is as bad as yours” but I just keep my mouth shut and smile and say nothing. Since we’ve been engaged I’ve only received happy advise and those pre-engagement negative ppl just haven’t said anything.
Best piece of advice we’ve gotten was, “Is the subject you are fighting about going to matter in ten years. If so fight away, but if not it doesn’t matter.”
LOL about the security person at the airport. When I was trying on shoes at {store} the salesperson said “You’re shopping for wedding shoes?? Oh you shouldn’t get married! You’ll regret it when he leaves you!”
I was SHOCKED!!! You want my business??? Not exactly the best week of the month to be testing my patience, and I feel bad now but I replied:
“Well I’m not surprised why YOU’RE single!”
Fortunately, I haven’t been the recipient of “bad” marriage advice, but lots of people let me know their thoughts on marriage when they found out we were engaged. Here are some I found interesting:
-He will always treat you like his queen so long as you treat him like your king
-You should never get married thinking you will be able to change the things about your partner that you don’t like. You have to accept and love your partner as he/she is…sure, they will change over time and you will work to strengthen and improve your marriage, but don’t get married thinking you will have the right to “fix” them
-They key to success in your marriage will be learning to say I’m sorry and to forgive each other
I’ve had about as many “don’t do it”s as I can handle, but I haven’t gotten any serious advice yet. But I’m loaded with comebacks for when it happens.
I think it’s funny that it’s always the people who fail at marriage who seem to want to give you advice. Hmm, maybe listen to the people who got it right?
We have a friend who is a feminist and doesn’t believe in marriage (I know not all feminists feel this way, but she does). When she found out we were getting married she asked me why I would do that when I have my life ahead of me. I haven’t even traveled yet, for goodness sakes! It really irked me…and to top it all off, she’s mad because she doesn’t understand why I don’t want her to be a bridesmaid!
Unfortunately I feel like most the marriage advice we get is negative. It makes me sad I plan to always be positive when giving out advice about marriage. And to encourage my mormon friends to talk about sex before they get married. I’ve learned that it is the one piece of advice that should be given unsolicited friend-to-virgin, no matter what.
Wow, great picture, great post as well. I can learn a lot from this story. Old times are the time to do greater things with your partner.
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Mrs. Pinot Noir, New York/Napa Valley
Age and Occupation: 24, Health Educator
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 31, Market Researcher
Engagement Date: November 10, 2007
Wedding Date: October, 2008
Blogging Since: June 25, 2008
Venue: Auberge du Soleil
About Me: I am a Minnesota raised, NYC transplant planning a destination wedding in Napa. I'm balancing my love for the environment and my hubby-to-be's love for tradition to create our "green wedding in disguise." Our wedding will include local food and wine, antique touches and lots of love and laughter. When wedding planning isn't taking up my free time (and money) I love to read, cook, workout, watch baseball and travel! Follow along in my adventure as I attempt to plan an eco-friendly and socially responsible wedding (with eco-oblivious Mr. Pinot Noir).
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