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When Mr. D’orsay saw how stressed I was getting about wedding planning, he offered to help share the workload.
He asked what was stressing me out the most, and thus I gave him the task of finding a caterer. I often take for granted that I’ve had a bunch of event planning experience, and that for people who haven’t done it before, it can be more overwhelming than it seems. We had an awkward balance of me becoming a nag about catering and Mr. D’orsay trying to squeeze info emails and appointment set-ups in between a pretty hectic work schedule (further complicated by the US/UK time difference).
So, we learned an important lesson: If I wanted other people’s help I should have properly delegated the task. I had two choices: I could either adopt the mentality of, “it’s just easier if I do it myself,” or I could dig out my organizer manual and remember how to “set people up for success”. Because one of the guiding principles that I often followed in my old job was that if you can do it all yourself, you’re doing it wrong.
Our wedding really has become much more of a communal project.
Mr. D’orsay and I talk about the projects together, make the decisions together and are really planning this hand in hand. Not only that, but Team US has been a true bunch of lifesavers. I organized a crafting session for my final full weekend in town, and so many of my dear friends came to help. Now they have such an intimate role in the wedding. And who knows? They could even receive the invite that they made! The best part is that they’re excited about the wedding now too, and I got to catch up and reconnect with dear friends before I left.
Have you found it hard to ask for help? Who are your biggest helpers?
Sometimes i do think as brides we want to take on the world, but its true - delegating can make life so much easier! Very good reminder post… i’m relying a lot on my close girlfriends… i think they will be a great emotional and mental support for that day in particular! 
I told Mr. MagPie early on that I wanted his assistance and input, and let him tell me the areas he didn’t really feel he needed to help with — BM dresses, detailed floral decisions, etc. But, we agreed ahead of time that he WOULD help assemble some of my DIYs, and was primarily responsible for our transportation, hotel room block and honeymoon planning. It feels good knowing I don’t need to worry (or even think!) about those aspects of the wedding!
I hope, as the wedding approaches, to lean a bit more on my BMs (and my MOH sister) for support, ideas, etc.
I am having a hard time asking for help, but thank goodness people have been offering it! My whole family is offering to help us put invitations together, as well as each take a small part in wedding day coordination, so I don’t have to hire anyone.
My graphic designer cousin is helping design and print all the stationery and my hobby florist aunt is helping with ALL the flowers and decorations!
I’m so blessed with help…and everyone is so excited about it!~
Miss D’Orsay — can you please share some of your tips for “setting people up for success?” I have a tendency to want to control every detail, but I need help letting go and asking for help!
I always need to remind myself that it is okay to ask for help and I’m not burdening people. My biggest helper is of course the FI. But our families are also very anxious to help along with some of my most crafty friends.
My FI & I have really done everything together. He wants to be involved, he takes on projects on his own, like transportation and the rehearsal dinner. We’ve gone to every meeting together, set up budget, worked on details, done a wedding show! I have yet to feel like I’m drowning, and if I did, I know that he would be the one to pick me up and help us come up with a plan that works
When it comes to the wedding, the main reason I have not been asking for much help is that I don’t want all the details to be common knowledge before the big day! I want our families to be surprised and delighted by it all, and if they all sit around the table helping me making paper bouquets and invitations, I feel like that’s kind of lost. I know that may not be true, but it’s how I feel.
I also know that if it was up to West Coast Groom we would have gone to Vegas months ago, and then had a backyard BBQ at his parents’ house (or something similarly low key). If it was up to him, the wedding would be extremely simple. And since I’m not going way over the deep end with details, I have really only involved him in big decisions, like choosing the food, booze, cupcakes, tuxes etc and have not bothered him with things like table cards, paper pomanders and centrepices. Basically, it’s my choice how much work I make this out to be.
In answer to your question about who is providing the bulk of the help, I am very fortunate to say that my wonderful MOH and best friend has been an endless source of enthusiasm and support. Her listening ear and kind heart have been a bigger help in my life than any DIY project I could have delegated to her (though she certainly has offered lots of help there too!)
I actually had a discussion last night with my fiance and he is taking over calling some new florists for us! I had no idea he’d be willing to. Sometimes you just have to delegate…he saw I was stressing about it and offered to take care of the part I hate - the “interviewing”. Who knew he’d be so great at taking the wheel. It’s working out much better for the both of us.
@katiemax: I started to write a comment several times, but it kept getting too long! I’ll write a post
we totally need to delegate more- with things getting so close, the list is getting longer every day!
My FMIL has been a tremendous help to me. My mother does not live in this country, and even though she would help me if she was here, the fact is that she isn’t. In her place, my fiance’s mother has booked hotel rooms for our guests, found our venue for us, booked honeymoon flights, spent 11 hours making invitations with me, has planned what I am sure will be a fantastic shower, and given us both countless hugs, all while being very careful not to step on our toes or impose her own vision of our wedding on us. She is amazing, and I would have fallen flat on my face without her!
We didn’t do a ton of delegating before the Day-Of, mostly for reasons of geography. (Everyone lived far away from where we live and were marrying….) But on the Day-Of, friends and family did all the decorating and tearing down, the schlepping of gifts and food, and various other tasks. And far from resenting the imposition, most people told us they LOVED the chance to chip in and help make the day special! It really felt like a loving community, rather than just a professionally-hired party….
I know I’m going to have a hard time delegating when the time comes. It’s not that I don’t know how to delegate, it’s that I’m such a perfectionist that I’m afraid I won’t like the job done when they hand it back to me. (even though I’m sure it’s perfect). If I do everything myself, I reason, then I know it will get done exactly like I want it to. Even if I die from the stress! 
[...] asked a great question after my “Remembering to Delegate” post. I started to write a reply, and then realized it was getting way too long for a [...]
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK Age and Occupation: 24, nonprofit communications Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop Engagement Date: August 10, 2008 Wedding Date: August, 2009 Venue: Oakland Manor About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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