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I feel fat today, and I want to sob.
I guess I should have knocked some wood, because right after my last post on the Flab to Fab series, I was tested and I failed. Sorry to be less than inspiring, but I just have to be honest.
Let’s start with the bad news.
The Food:
It all started last Tuesday, at buffet #1. Buffets are an overeater’s biggest enemy. Being a broke overeater makes it even harder to resist. I mean, c’mon, a seemingly endless sea of gourmet goodies… for free? I ate way too much. Worse, as I was eating, I knew it was wrong. “You don’t need that cake,” I’d say to myself, “you’re not even hungry!” But still I ate it, with shame in my heart. It was the most powerless I’ve felt in the 3 weeks since making this wed-solution. I really let myself down.
So, you’d think I’d learn from it, right? Hold on, as I take you on my downward spiral of diet despair.
Next came my birthday last Friday.
Mr. Meatball made me a glorious cake (butter yellow layer cake with coconut and heath bar crumbles and chocolate icing? YUM), and I ate far more than my share of it, and the other birthday goodies at my disposal. Not the way I hoped to kick off my 31st year. Sunday was yet another party, with yet another buffet. My social nervous habit of constant noshing kicked in full-force, and I left the party angry, bloated, and disappointed with myself. It’s been a stressful few days since, especially since I’ve started a new job. Every moment is a struggle not to nibble just to calm myself. I don’t know why I still crave it, knowing I never feel good after giving into that urge. Sadly, that common sense doesn’t affect the desire for more. Insanity, I know.
In just one week it really feels like I’ve undone so much. Despite having worked out 3 times, I still feel overstuffed and uncomfortable. I dare not step foot on the scale.
Tonight, I get on a plane for MaPo’s wedding, back to Chicago where even greater food temptation awaits me. I’ll be far from Tiger and my workout regime. I’ll be in the land of french fried hot dogs and my dad’s amazing (albeit rich) cooking. I’m terrified.
My plan is this: To think before I eat. And while I eat. Between bites, before bites, I need to constantly evaluate why I’m about to put it into my mouth and if I really need it. Is it the right choice, or is there a better one? I also need to remember that I’ll be back in Chicago 2 months from now, to avoid “last chance” syndrome.
I just don’t get it. I have control over everything in my life, but this. I’ve mastered self-awareness and constantly strive to understand my motives and behavior to make myself a better person… ever-growing. Even so, (and it might sound dramatic to some of you out there) right now, I feel like a drug addict, jonesing for a fix. And I hate it.
I refuse to give up, though. I’m more determined than ever to overcome this hurdle, and not let it drag me down.
The workouts:
Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday: Workouts with Tiger
No extra exercise at all.
We did yoga one day, which was a great stress-reliever. The other 2 days were circuit training and we had a great time, as usual. I can feel my heart and lungs getting stronger, and my energy is up. All very good things.
This week I hope to Shred It at least twice while I’m in Chicago, to keep the momentum up and keep myself motivated to eat better. Then, when we get back I’m going to ask Tiger to ramp it up and give us some more intensity to get my metabolism back on track and remind myself of how powerful I truly am. That’s the key, I guess… not letting my failures dictate my future.
How’s your fitness wed-solution treating you? How do you dust yourself off after falling down?
Getting back on the horse is the biggest hurdle. Don’t lose faith! I find when I miss some gym days, I feel fat and upset, but if I wallow in that, I just continue to eat poorly. Hello stupid logic, MagPie!
Don’t worry — this is a huge struggle for so many of us. I agree with MagPie that perhaps the most important thing in a long term lifestyle change is to simply forget about your failures and move on. Don’t feel guilty, don’t try to be “better” than before to make up for it. Don’t beat yourself up, period. Just start again at this moment and you’ll be fine! Persistence, not perfection. 
i think that you getting back on track is a great thing! a lot of people fall off and then stay off. it’s nearly impossible to stay “perfect” during any fitness regimen. it’s more important to know that should you mess up, you can always start over again the next day. keep up the good work miss meatball!
The key to sticking to healthy eating is to give yourself ‘gimmes’. If you’re constantly depriving and punishing yourself, then you’ll never stick to it.
There are certain days you’re allowed ‘off’ - your birthday is definitely one of them.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. This is a continuous thing, and you shouldn’t think of it as falling off track.
What’s up with cake always wanting to get all up in our face?? Damn it’s good though. I mean yum-o. You know what else is tasty? Brownies. woah. The Mr. and I finished a whole batch of brownies this weekend. As in, two people ate a batch of brownies in 2 days. Talk about a couple of oinkers! We’re really not that chunk-o, we just love candy. delicious candy. My point: don’t stress out about it too much. I still exercise every other day! Why tell myself I can’t have sweets when I know I’m just going to anyways? It’s all about the moderation (and the monthly cake binge).
I have just started being serious about my bridal fitness and it’s tough! I struggle everyday because I’m a lover of food.
I think it’s just re-motivating yourself, which can sometimes prove to be difficult. Hang in there!
You sound like you already live a healthy life! Maybe instead of trying to control every bite, you need to let go of the idea that you can control every bite. Eating birthday cake is not shameful. Let yourself enjoy your food, whether it’s salad or cake.
Hang in there Meatball!! I am right there with you. I realized I had pizza four times last week!! What the hell! Focus on the fact that you feel stronger physically and maybe next time you can put the fork down and step away from the cake! ummm, cake!
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Remember- 1 piece of cake wont make you gain 10 pounds. Moderation goes a long way, I find if I “forbid” french fries, of course it’s the first thing I go for. However, if I say “5 friench fries off FI’s plate” it seems to work just fine. Just work a little harder at the next work out.
Thank you for being so honest! I appreciate it! My wedding is two months from today and I have been working hard to get in shape (lose about 6-8 pounds and tone up). I have been working out with a trainer and doing Weight Watchers online and it had been going great. Then this weekend I lost it- bad! McDonalds, movie theatre candy, giant sodas, no work outs. But Monday I woke up with a good attitude- I refused to beat myself up because then I would eat more. You’ll do great- and you’ll do better if you don’t let myself feel so guilty! (BTW- WW points are great because it makes you account for everything and gives you flex points to use when you need to- i save all mine for the weekend- Super bowl party!)
You’re not alone in the lack of control, Meatball! I feel the exact same way, I have control over every aspect of my life except when it comes to food. Hang in there, you’re on the right path!!
Hang in there, Ms. Meatball!
It might *feel* like you’ve undone a lot of your work this week, but there’s no way that one week can make or break you.
Be kind to yourself, and just keep plugging away. Next week, this won’t even be a blip on your radar.
Everyone has to take a little diet break and that was yours so now you can start back up again. I need those times (some times) do snap me back into it, the OH what I was doing made me feel healthier and better about myself, more than food I’m going to keep doing that. Hang in there, you’re gonna kick arse!
Don’t give up hope Ms. MB!
I’m a counselor in real life and here’s what I would tell a client: show up in Chicago with a very clear, specific plan. Don’t just say, “I will eat less” but tell youself, “I will have two appetizers during the cocktail hour, dinner and half a piece of wedding cake” or whatever. Writing it out might make it easier to follow (sort of like a contract with yourself). If you stick to your plan give yourself a reward - a night of guilt free TV watching, a date night, etc - so that you’ll have something tangible to look forward to.
Hope this helps!
Oh sweetie, deep breaths! You have only proven that you are human. Good for you for recognizing your weaknesses, but don’t expect to change everything through sheer force of will. Try taking small steps, which gives you more success. I took Miss Ballet Flat’s lead and cut fast food (one of my big vices) out of my week. It’s only Wednesday and it’s hard… but I’m excited that my goal is in view!
Hang in there, Miss Meatball. ^_^
When I have a lazy week and don’t exercise as much as usual or visit the future in-laws (omg, they cook great food in HUGE quantities ALL day!) I just have to shake it off and start a new day/week with a blank slate and try not to dwell negatively on falling off the wagon. I say, Yes, I ate very poorly last week, but I’m going to do better this week.
I try to choose healthy choices at least 50% of the time, and let myself indulge in little things now and then. We had cake here in the office yesterday, so I had one piece and when I wanted to go back for more I made some hot chocolate instead, satisfying that chocolate craving in a (rather) healthier way.
Small things will help, like instead of making brownies have a couple mini Reese’s Peanut Butter cups (frozen!). I think about 4-6 of those = 1 serving, which feels like a lot!
Anways. Too much rambling. Good luck! ^_^
do you keep a food journal? If you write everything down (and I mean everything!) that you eat/drink it might really help you be conscious of what you are eating b/c you’ll be focused on the fact that you have to write it down later. I know most nutritionists recommend this habit. We’re all here cheering for you!
Just do like Dory from Nemo…Keep on Swimmin! When I have a huge task ahead, that’s one of my mantras.
I’m dieting too! And from the looks of the others here, we’re all in this together!
I’ve been doing weight watchers online and it helps. The sheer act of plugging in all the stuff I’ve truly eaten in a day and then seeing the big reveal with the points values has made me become more compliant.
I faltered too, last weekend when my monthly visitor, Aunt Flo, made me pick up some chocolate Krispy Kreme doughtnut holes. I ate 12 of em. (ok everybody shake your finger at me! lol!) I wanted to cry but it was sooooo good.
Just keep on swimmin’. It’s the big picture that matters and all the things you are doing consistently that will be what makes you one fab, not flab bride. Even then, you’re lovely on the outside as well as within!
UGH! I totally feel you Miss M! I have been working so hard and some days (today, just NOW!) i let myself down. I got on the scale on Monday and it has not budged. I want to give up — but I won’t and neither will you!! Keep going!
I’m so sorry you had such a rough week. But you’re still miles ahead of me! I just can’t bring myself to work out and I really need to. I hope you hang in there!
I also started a new job recently and the hardest part for me has been that someone ALWAYS brings in food. Cookies, cakes, candy, etc. etc. etc.! It’s been really hard. I now try to indulge only after I’ve had my meal so I can choose smaller pieces of cake or maybe only one cookie. It’s helped a lot. I hope you’re trip goes well; I’m from Chicago as well and always feel much heavier after I visit!
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Mrs. Meatball, Hollywood Age and Occupation: 30, Actor/Writer/Office Maven Fiance's Age and Occupation: 28, Actor/Writer Engagement Date: October 7, 2007 Wedding Date: May, 2009 Blogging Since: September 16, 2008 Venue: Private Garden/The Bungalow Club About Me: I love melty cheese and diet coke almost as much as I love my man. I'm from Chicago, he's from NYC, and we both miss public transit and great pizza. We have an adorable muppet dog called Paco. I'm part hippie with a healthy dash of hip hop superstar, have excessive empathy for animals, and have not one, but two bionic eyes (long story). We're broke and it ain't no joke. It can't stop us from planning the bold and whimsical wedding of our dreams, but we've had to get pretty creative to make it work, yo!
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