Wedding Blog
With our wedding quickly approaching and RSVPs coming back, it’s tough to look at some of the “no” responses. Some of our closest family friends and relatives cannot come, and although I expected it, it’s still tough to swallow.
But there’s one emotion I didn’t expect that came along with the guest list and invitation process that’s taken me completely by surprise. There’s just one invitation I wish I could have sent—an invitation to my birth mother. I’ve known I was adopted for as long as I can remember, and I truthfully LOVE my family. They’ve been so supportive, and I’ve never felt like an outsider. As a matter of fact, my Dad is also adopted, and I think that is a special bond we’ve always had that brought us closer. People will always say, “you and your Dad look so much alike!” We just laugh and agree. I guess I see the resemblance. 
I know very little about my birth mother, but I do know she was very, very young and completely committed to my adoption.
She drove from her hometown to a hospital in another county to give birth to me because the adoption laws were much more strict in her county. This was all to prevent her parents from adopting me, so I know that she really wanted me to go to a good home.
But even though I know that my family loves me and my birth mother has made it nearly impossible to find her, I still have this hope that maybe she’ll show up at our wedding. Call me crazy, but it would be so special to look into the crowd and see someone who resembled me and know that she was the one… that she was my mom.
I’ve struggled with even mentioning this to my family, and now that we’re inside the one month mark there’s no way I could actually invite her, but I know there will be a moment where I’ll wish she could see me and how happy I am with the love of my life. I’ll just smile and know that she loved me enough to give me to a loving and supportive family. That’s her gift to me.
Is there a special person you’ll stop to think about or thought about on your wedding day?
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I was so touched by this story Miss C. It is so sweet to hear that both you and your dad are adopted. I love adoption and I love when children know from the get-go that they are adopted. Your birth mother would be so proud of you if she could see you today!
What a touching post. I love too when children know up front that they are adopted. That’s a nice bond to share with your father.
Thanks for sharing Miss C — She’s definitely going to be there with you in your heart if nothing else.
Man…there must be pollen in the air because my eyes all of a sudden got so watery. Very touching story Miss C.
I really appreciate your sharing this post with us. Its very sweet and very touching. I wish she could see you on your day to know what a wonderful person you’ve become.
Her birth mother would be exceptionally proud of you Miss C. She sacrificed a lot so you could be this amazing, happy bride that you are. You always carry a piece of her with you, in your heart, just like she will always carry a piece of you with her, in her heart.
Your post gave me chills. Life has a way of working out the way it is supposed to. You are an amazing woman and ALL your parents must be very proud of you. =)
I’m sorry that your not able to find her in time to invite her. But I wish you all the best on your special day. She probably thinks about you as much as you think about her. My grandparents on both side of my family: mother and father have both passed away and I see the wedding shows on tv where the grandparents are there and it just makes my heart melt. I also wish my aunt Ruth could be with me on this special day…she would have loved to meet him. Gosh I feel the tears coming on now.
Thanks for sharing…brought tears to my eyes.
It’s understandable you have all these emotions now that your wedding is so close! It’s very sweet of you to wish you could share your happiness with your birth mom and let her know how incredibly wonderful your life is…
That’s so sad, but you’re very lucky that she did what she knew was best for you. Did your parents ever meet her, or was the adoption anonymous? Do you think you’ll ever try to find her?
The one invitation I wish I could write would be to my maternal grandparents.
Grandad (as he would have been called) passed away when my mom was in her 20’s, before any of his grandkids were born. My parents always say what a great guy he was and how he would be proud of us.
Grandmom passed away when I was seven. She was one of the most loving people I’ve ever met, but I feel like I didn’t really know her. I know that, when I was born prematurely and spent 8 weeks in the hospital, she made 200-mile round trips to visit me, four days a week. I know she was a very religious woman who would be disappointed that I grew up to be (and marry) an atheist…but she would still love me anyway. As I got older, I often wished I’d been old enough to get to know her better.
Bizarrely, even though I don’t believe in god, I do believe in the idea that our deceased relatives watch over us. So I know they’ll be there somehow, and they’ll be proud.
Your post made me all teary-eyed. Your birth mother sounds like an amazing and brave woman, I’m sure she would be extremely proud of you
One invitation I wish I could send is to my ex-bff, I was the MOH in her wedding but after we got in a BIG fight and haven’t spoken for 3 yrs.
Miss C, this is a beautiful, sweet story. I like to think that the universe works in such a way that your mother is thinking about you, too, and hopeful that you’ve found exactly the happiness you have. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this, Miss Champagne! What a touching story.
What a touching story. I have tears in my eyes and I don’t have much else to say except thank you for sharing, Miss C! I wish your birth mother could see you today. {big hugs}
What a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it with us!
and THIS is why I love weddingbee- you ladies are so supportive thank you so much.
oh and @ChaiAnkh99: I did actually try to find her when I turned 18, but she made it too difficult so I never tried again- I figured she wanted it that way, and I just kinda left it alone. Maybe someday I’ll try again.. we’ll see
::sniff:: It’s my allergies, I’m telling you. Thanks for sharing - although the source may be different, I definitely share in your wistfulness. My maternal grandmother (who was just the funniest, sweetest, sassiest lady around), passed away 1.5 years before I met my fiance. I always end up telling him stories about her and thinking to myself, ‘Damn, she would have loved him.’
This is so touching. It’s good to know that you feel fortunate to have the adopted family you have.
Thanks for sharing…you’re so blessed to have such a great family.
You guys do resemble each other! I understand how you feel sorta. My brother died when I was in high school and I wish Mr. Dumpling could have met him. I think he’d be really fun at the wedding too!
My grandma adopted all three of her children. She used to tell them that she was luckier than other moms, because she got to pick them out. When she told me that (I was little), I cried for days because I thought maybe my mom would of picked out another kid besides me if given the chance.
Speaking of my grandma, I am so so sad she won’t be at my wedding (in a physical sense). I am going to carry calla lillies down the aisle, because they were what she carried. I hope that she sees them and knows I am missing her.
Thank you for sharing, Miss C - I am in the same situation. I was also adopted as a baby, and my birth mother was very young when she had me. My parents are all I’ve known and I love them dearly and am so glad they’re apart of my upcoming big day, but I do wish I could send my birth mother an invitation too.
I am not adopted, but a birth mother. Under very difficult circumstances I gave up my daughter at birth in an open adoption when I was 16 years old. 10 years later we still have close contact: she was a junior bridesmaid in my wedding, and her whole family attended. I am very very lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with them all, and I know its not the usual situation, but I wish all the adoptions could turn out as well as mine did.
Man, the teary eyed flu must be going around cause I got it too, 
I’m sorry that she won’t be there for your day but i’m glad you’ll have your family that loves you so much there with you. Maybe you could make wedding scrapbook to save for her in case you find her someday. If you saved some newspaper clippings, invitations or photos from your wedding it might be a way for her to have a piece of your special day. It might also be a way for you to include her on that day. Just a thought…
what a sweet story, you must make all your family proud
Thanks so much for being open enough to share your touching story. It sounds like you have been blessed with a wonderful family, both your birth mom and your parents. I’m sure you’ll have her in your thoughts and in your heart on the special day.
I have been thinking that I will miss having my Grandpa around on our wedding day. He passed away 4 years ago and I think of him often. I know my Grandma will be missing him, too, this year would have been their 60th anniversary.
Firstly, Miss Champagne, let me say, that my heart goes out to you, and I hope that you can make peace with this in your own way.
There are a couple of people that I am sure on that day, I will wish could be there (if circumstances were different, and relationships hadn’t changed), but there will be one person in my life that I ache to have at my wedding. In this way Miss Champ and I are similar, my mom will be missing, but for different reason. My mom passed away from cancer 3.5 years ago. She was my best friend and my number one fan. I miss her everyday, but now I miss her more than ever. Knowing that she will not physically be there hurts more than anything. My FI and I are working hard to include her in as much as possible (I will be walking down the aisle to one of her favorite songs, will be married in her wedding dress and, will carry a picture of her down the aisle). Still I will be thinking her every minute of that day and wishing that she could see how happy I am and just give her one big hug
Thanks for sharing your story I know these types of posts are difficult to share, but as you can see from the comments, they are people that can relate & I know it helps others as well!
I am sad that dad won’t be there. I really don’t have a relationsip with him anymore. Luckily, I have a wonderful step-dad and I can’t wait to walk with him down the aisle.
Miss C- I’m in the exact same situation! I completely understand what you’re going through. Sometimes it’s hard to express the want to be “involved” with my birth mother without hurting the parents that have raised me my entire life. I have always considered my adoptive parents my “real” parents, but I know they’re still sensitive about it. Feel free to message me if you ever want to discuss this with someone who understands exactly.
This was a great post - thank you for sharing, Miss C!
Miss Champ, thanks for sharing something so personal with us!
What a touching story, thanks for sharing it with us.
Oh Miss C. That was truly beautiful. And I know how you feel. The one invite I wish I would be able to change is to my parents. It will read, Mrs. B XXXXX(last name) instead of Mr. and Mrs. R XXXXX. My dad passed away 10 years ago this June. It will be bittersweet knowing he missed this by a decade. I also wish I could send one to my paternal grandparents, his parents, but they are all passed on also.
I feel however they will be with me in spirit that day. The very idea of my dad NOT being able to walk me down the aisle just makes me cry sometimes. He would have been so happy. Those who know me, way back when, knew that when I married my xh, my dad wasn’t the happiest man. But he loved me and wanted me to be happy. Jokingly before walking me down the aisle, he said “hey J, let’s make a run for it! The limo is outside waiting, we’ve paid for the party, let’s ditch this and have one helluva party!”.
Right as he said that with a laugh in his voice, the photographer snapped that picture. To this day, it’s the only picture from my former life with xh that I kept. Because of the look on my dad’s face. He did get a wonderful grandson out of it though, although he didn’t get much time with my son. I wish more than anything I could have him here.
Geez. This always happens (tear up and sniffing) when I read heartfelt thoughts such as the lovely, lovely sentiments you wrote.
I pray somehow she makes it. But either way, I feel she will be in spirit if not there in person. Could you do a search? Zabasearch? One of the online sites where you can find somebody for a small fee?
You are so blessed to have such a wonderful family and even a birth mother who loved you to do the right thing.
Nothing but hugs.
I totally know what you mean. The one person I want to be involved in my wedding is the one who shows no interest. My mother.
She has been divorced 3 times, and has admitted to being jealous of my fiance and I’s 5 + year relationship, that started when I was 14 years old.
My FMIL is closer to me than my own mother, but that doesn’t take the place of my own mother.
I guess the sad thing for me is that I know my mom, I’ve grown up with my mom, and I’m the only one in her life that didn’t leave her. I think this wedding, in her eyes, is me leaving her, and she resents me for it. Still, try as I might, she has no care to be there for me.
I cry over it every day, but I just need to learn to realize the other women around me, just dying to fill that gap for me.
Miss C, thank you for sharing your story with us! When I read it, I sort of wish you were on NBC’s Today Show, where they can surprise you by reuniting you with your birth mother! I do hope you find her, even if it’s later in life.
Oh Miss Champers thank you for sharing something so close to your heart… I think you & your dad look very much alike.. fate if you will, you know?
I too am adopted and now have an adopted little girl. I feel I have come full circle. I have the most amazing family and the biggest blessing was that somewhere along the way they all forgot I was adopted. Oh how I pray I give that blessing to my daughter. I have found my birthmother after needing to know some medical history. Actually, it was far more simple than I imagined—-my smart sister-in-law thought of a way to find her via searching on the web(I would be happy to share). My story was unusual in that my birthfather and birthmother actually ended up marrying later and had a son. My father has died and I never met him. I have met my birthmom on one ocasion, I can’t explain it. In many ways I didn’t have as many feeling as I thought I would. It was interesting realizing those things we have in common. We still e-mail now and then and I know she feels guilty and sad about her decision but I truly believe she gave me a wonderful gift.
I hope that if you desire to find your birthmom that will happen. Since your wedding day is so close I can’t imagine your first meeting on already such an emotional day. For me I think it would be too much to drink in and enjoy for one day. I hope you can enjoy your special day with no regrets and one day have a lovely meeting with someone whom I am sure has thought of you often and has hoped and prayed that you would be okay and have a wonderful life, better than what she ever thought she could give you! Take care and I wish you the best of luck and that your married life is full of wonderful times!
I know this must be hard to share such personal feelings that are so rooted in family and marriage - take heart! I’m sure your heart will be so full of joy and love on your wedding day.
you are all so sweet and SO SO supportive. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost a loved one. @Cindy: you are so right- weddings are already such an emotional time, and it’s really when thoughts of loved ones lost and far away surface.
I cannot thank you guys enough for all your support- things like this are hard to share, and I appreciate your willingness to share your stories as well.
Miss C, thank you for sharing your very personal story. I’m sure all of your parents are so extremely proud of you and the wonderful person you’ve become.
You’ve made me tear up for the 2nd time today. The first time was when my MOH called to tell me their 10 year efforts to adopt ended today at 1:30…and that somehow their new daughter looks alot like her dad
We’ll be thinking of my FI’s mom during our wedding. She was diagnosed with a type of degenerative dementia right after we met…so I never really met the “real” her. It’s been really hard for us knowing she won’t be at our wedding, and especially having to explain it to people when they assume her absence means she’s deceased. We just pray that somehow in her confused world she still knows how much we love each other, and how happy we are.
awwww what a sweet sweet post miss champagne! what an amazing bond you and your father must share. i’m sure if your birth mother knew who you’ve become today, she would be so proud.
How sweet that your dad, adopted himself, then went on to spread the love by adopting you! :’) Thanks for sharing.
That is such a heart-warming post. Sometimes to love is to let go. I am taking care of, basically a foster mom to a 6 yr old girl and 5 yr old boy, siblings. They are so sweet. The best thing their mom did was to let them go to a better home and environment. Thanks for sharing your story and your birthmom will be so proud of you if she’s ever to meet you.
dude….since i’m a cry baby…i teared up reading this. VERY touching ms. champs
If those people said you and your dad look alike physically, they need their eyes checked or need to stop kissing your butt!
But if they meant it because you both look so happy then they have it right on!
Hi there,
You should have ur birth mum there,it’s not too late.Dream sdo come true,if we don’t sit on them
Good luck on ur wedding day,and send pics xx
@Kimberly B.: good for you! I’ve thought about adopting a child of our own, and we may end up doing that but there’s a part of me that wants a biological connection. Who knows- either way we’re so blessed!
I am also adopted and just recently found my birth family. a year and a month ago to be exact. I am also planning a wedding. A wedding with the love of my life my biological sister introduced me to. I completley understand the want to have your birthmother there with you even though you have the most amazing family and friends for support. Just know that she is out there thinking of you, and all the better you are happy as can be. She will be there with you on your wedding day, in your heart. and thats the most important place! good luck with everything!
Wow. What a compelling story. I didn’t read all the previous comments, but I’m sure you touched a number of readers, and we’re all sending warm fuzzy thoughts to you!
I’m not adopted, but my mom almost gave my oldest brother up for adoption (I’m soo glad she didn’t!). She always told me that if she had given him up for adoption, she would never have wanted to be contacted by him, because it would have been the hardest decision she’d ever made, and it would have been for his own good. She’d have wanted him to be perfectly happy with his adopted parents.
(Whew, that was a little confusing with all of the would haves!)
I’m glad that you’ve come to terms with the sacrifice your birth mother made. I think it’s the best gift you could give to her, even if she’ll never know.
Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and heart. I am sure your mother would be so proud of the woman that you have become.
Your post made me cry. It is a really honest and difficult thing to admit… to both yourself and your family. Thank you for putting yourself out there for us. I hope you will have some peace by the act of sharing your feelings.
I was adopted too and once I got engaged found my birthmother with the hope that she’d want to come to the wedding. We met and I didn’t feel any bond or connection to her whatsoever.
I’m grateful to her for the hard decision and sacrifice she made on my behalf, but there’s another woman who has been making hard decisions and sacrifices for me for 28 years now. My birthmother, while a great person, is not my mom.
So I’ll send a few pictures to my birthmother after the wedding (cause I do want her to know that she made the best decision and that I’m very happy) and having my mom and dad walk me down the aisle will be even more special because just like I choose my fiance, they choose me too!
Oh man. I’m pregnant. I can’t read stuff like this. My fiancee is wondering why I’m bawling my eyes out. This was such a nice post.
I’ll hold my fingers crossed for her to be there. I had a similar feeling when my volume of poems was published, I wished for my father to be there and see me. I wish you all the best, on that day and on.
What a beautiful post. If only she knew what a wonderful person you had turned out to be. It sounds like she made the best (and hardest) decision all of those years ago.
I was adopted at birth by my parents as well. My dad and I look a great deal alike and get comments all the time. My parents kept in loose contact with my birthmother all my life because they found her through a friend of theirs and relative of hers, and I’m now in contact with her. I would love for her to attend my wedding and I fully intend to invite her; we e-mail occasionally and I write my half-sister letters. I’m grateful to know her and enjoy her presence in my life, but she’s not important to me like my real family.
Adoption touched our family on a very personal level in recent years. I am glad that you can appreciate that she did what was best for you. Adoption is a choice the birth mother must face and decide on again everyday. She must wake up every morning and remind herself why she made that desicion and who she made it for. She would be very proud. Trust me.
During this process I’ve learned - I shouldn’t plan during work bc I’m always crying (or teary!). Thank you so much for sharing. I’m a strong believer in adoption and plan to adopt at least two children of my own (fiance fully aware) and even though I’m still young and this scenario won’t be until much later I will be aware. I’m a little speechless right now but thanks for being honest =)
What a beautiful post and very timely for me. I was thinking (and crying) just this morning about my favorite cousin who will not be there. She was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at three and told she wouldn’t live long enough to go to Kindergarten. Well, she was 14 when I was born! Hers was the first wedding I ever attended. I was 14 when she passed away from the disease at 28. I’m 28 and getting married in a few months and a friend’s cousin was recently diagnosed, flooding back all the memories of my dear cousin and making me wish her smiling face was there. I am going to have a candle in her memory.
Thank you for sharing what must be a very difficult topic to share.
Even though you’ve never met your birth mom and she will not be at your wedding, she will be there and always with you in spirit.
I was very touched and got very teary eyed after reading your post. I use to see a show called The Locator. I would ALWAYS cry while watching the show. They are filming season 2 at this very moment. I think you should go for it and sign up. It would be the perfect wedding gift ever!!! Here’s the site if your interested http://www.wetv.com/forums/we-tv-shows/the-locator/index.html
@Priscilla: well thank you so much for that link- maybe I’ll look into it! It’s always nice to hear other’s stories about locating a loved one. thanks:)
I just read this post and had to reply to say please don’t ever give up hope! I am a birthmom. I let go of my little girl 21 years ago. We reunited 3 years ago and I am excited to say (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!!) I will be attending her wedding next week. Dreams really do come true just have faith. And know that even if you and her never meet, she really must have loved you to do all that she did.
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Your birth mother sounds like an amazing woman! Thanks for sharing this, Miss Champagne. It’s great that your father was also adopted- what a neat bond to share!
wow what a lovely story… my son was going to be adopted, but it ended up that i kept him (i wanted to really bad, but didn’t have anyone’s support.. i finally just said it’s me and him and that’s all there is to it!). it’s so nice to hear how amazing she was and how she still is an important woman to you. and you will have her there, she’ll be in your heart. she’s your blood, so she’s always with you. ok, i’m corny, but from a “birth mother’s” perspective that’s a reality.. i’m sure you understand what i mean!
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Miss Champagne, DC/Vail/Colorado
Age and Occupation: 26, Eye Doctor
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Attorney
Engagement Date: March 13, 2006
Wedding Date: February 2009
Blogging Since: July 30, 2008
Venue: Small church ceremony with mountain-view log cabin reception
About Me: I'm a small town mountain girl with a city heart. Found my way to the east coast, and Mr. Champagne kept me here so we're planning a wedding from afar in my hometown Vail, Colorado. I'm secretly obsessed with reality TV, Wii games where I can shoot a gun, country music, and Caesar: Dog Whisperer. I also spend time pretending to golf, backseat driving, having one way conversations with our MinPin Maxwell, loving champagne, and wedding perfecting… I mean, planning. I use way too many repeated symbols and letters when I write, and I'll love Mr. Champagne endlessly…
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