Weddingbee Blog

I am pretty much the last of my friends to have a child. It’s quite interesting actually, about 95% of my non-married friends have kids, but only about 30% of my married friends have kids. That being said, I’ve seen my friends with kids go through lots of drama. Drama with their baby’s daddy (whether they are still the boyfriend, or now the ex), drama with the court, drama with the now boyfriend, drama with the ex’s new girlfriend…

As their friend, sometimes they call me to vent or ask advice. And I have to admit that sometimes I have a hard time sympathizing with them, because technically in my relationship, I am the “other” woman. Now, before I confuse you, I did not know Mr. Sushi when he was dating his ex (we’ll call her “A”). I didn’t come into the picture until about 3 months after they had broken up. Mr. Sushi and A were young when they had Lil’ B. By the time I met Mr. Sushi, he was 22 and Lil’ B had just turned 1. I was the first (and only) girl he seriously dated after his relationship ended with A, so it was really hard for both of them to adjust to each other being back in the dating scene and coming to the realization that their relationship wasn’t going to work and that they weren’t going to be the “traditional” family.

A and I have a decent relationship. I wouldn’t call her my friend. I’ve never, ever hung out with her, but I wouldn’t be opposed to it.

We’re always very polite to each other. I’ve even bought and made her Mother’s Day and Christmas gifts (always from Lil’ B, of course). But it definitely wasn’t always this way. The first year Mr. Sushi and I were together was hard for her. I can totally understand where she is coming from; I’m the new girl that’s around her son and I think deep down she was afraid of her son calling me mom. This is something I would never let happen. I love Lil’ B, but I would never try to take the place of his mom, as he already has one. On the weekends that Mr. Sushi would have Lil’ B, she would go out with her friends, like any other 22/23 year old would, and would drunkenly call him at 2, 3, 4 in the morning. This is something I found very disrespectful. Not only to me, but also to herself and her son. Did she really expect Mr. Sushi to put his one-year-old son in a car at 3 AM to pick up his drunken mother? Where were her friends? Thankfully 3 years later, we’ve gotten past all the drama and have started to become a family. All of us. I hope that one day we’ll all feel comfortable enough to maybe even take vacations together. A pipe dream? Maybe.

While I might not know firsthand, I can imagine that being a parent, especially a single parent, is difficult, but what I think most people forget (or don’t even consider) is how hard it is to be the one dating a single parent. Just about every fight, issue, decision, and situation your significant other has with the mother (or father) of his/her child affects you too, yet you have no say, because… well… he’s not your kid. He might not be my son, but I’ve spent time, money, and rearranged my schedule for him. And while I’m totally okay and happy to do all this, it’s sometimes hard to hear my friends complain about their baby’s daddy’s girlfriend, because I am that girl.

People give credit to single parents, and no credit is given to those dating the single parents. Am I asking for you to tell me that I’m doing a good job? No, but I just wanted to spread awareness that the girlfriend of your baby’s daddy isn’t out to make your life hell, and that we don’t always have it easy either. It is not realistic that your ex won’t date until your kid is 18. So give your baby’s father’s girlfriend a chance and trust that your significant other is not going to intentionally endanger your child or choose to date someone without your child in mind.

Is there a child in your relationship, either yours or your SO’s?  How is the dynamic between you and your SO’s child’s mother?