Wedding Blog
I’ve learned a lesson. Well, okay, I’ve been learning a lesson, continue to keep learning a lesson, am trying to learn a lesson.
Easy is not always best.
Way back when we first got engaged, I came up with this crazy two wedding solution to keep my family from having to travel. Seriously, C.R.A.Z.Y., complete with repeating our vows days after we said our vows so that both sets of parents would get to see us speak our vows. Thought I learned the lesson.
Then I came up with this no wedding party solution to keep from having to deal with details that might overwhelm me. People love us, however (we’re lucky), and want to be included. I thought I learned the lesson.
And now, I’m going back and forth on groomsmen attire in order to keep them from having to go shopping just for our wedding.
Hello, lesson? Have we met? I think so!
Consider this a reminder that keeping things easy isn’t always best. In fact, many of the great things in life aren’t easy, and in the end, you’re glad and relieved and proud that you made it through. Right? That’s why we’re in relationships?
Embrace the difficult, the challenging, the tedious — but make sure that it’s really important you and your people. Try to remind yourself to look at it from each person’s perspective, not from your own. A man will not die because he has to go shopping for properly fitting gray slacks. You might die if you have to go with every one of them, but individually it is handleable.
Have you tried to make something easier on people, only to discover that they’ve preferred to do it “the hard way”?
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How about on myself? I rushed through a wedding-related craft/project this weekend, only to realize on Sunday I should have taken it slower and done it correctly. So, now I’m redoing it!
we thought an online RSVP system would be “easy” but even the youngsters were confused!
I kept feeling like I was putting my wedding party out by changing the date of the wedding (happened once) or asking them to drive to San Diego (about an hour). Finally one of my BM was like STOP apologizing this is your wedding and of course we’re going to be there and I’ll do whatever I can to help 
Oh my. I hear my own story in your story Miss Cheese. We went from just having siblings in our wedding party and now have 8 b/c it means so much to people to be apart of the wedding. We didn’t have the heart to leave anyone out. In the end, it wasn’t worth it to deny them the privilege. Sometimes it’s just easier to say “yes” than “no”
I thought I was making things easier on my bridesmaids by not giving them a specific color or style of shoe and not telling them what kind of jewelry to wear. Turns out- they wanted guidelines! It really made it easier, not harder, for them.
Did you read my post about bridesmaid dresses? Totally hear ya Miss Cheese!
I’m glad you posted this. I’ve been tearing my hair out trying to figure out how I was going to host the rehearsal dinner at my fave restaurant without putting everyone out!
@MightySapphire: Think of it this way: to them, it’s only one day out of their lives. Even if they’re eaten alive by mosquitos in horribly uncomfortable underwear sitting next to a complete moron while eating spoiled food and drinking terrible liquor (and walking uphill both ways to their car), it’s only one day. For you, it’s months and months so you tend to look at the impact as if it lasted as long.
I chose not to have bridesmaids, in an effort to make is easier on my two best friends (who I would have picked). I hated the idea of forcing them to buy dresses that they’d never wear again, and feeling obligated to be separated from their sig. others all night at the wedding for photo ops, etc. Not to mention all the drama that having bridesmaids inevitably creates (no matter how sweet your friends may be)! Well, more drama ensued than I ever could have imagined! Surprisingly, a third friend got very pushy with my bridal shower arrangements, and basically coerced my mother into picking a date that suited her needs, with no concern for my other two best friends. She also tried to boss my other friends around, and acted as if she were competing to be the ‘would-be’ maid-of-honor. My mother, being a pushover, caved in to this girl’s needs. And my best friends were rendered powerless in the situation- after all, they weren’t ‘bridesmaids’! I still feel guilty about this, and my wedding was 1 1/2 years ago!
I have to remind mysel of this about our venue! We’re getting married at my Mum’s house, which is in a beatifully secluded in the mountains, on an inlet (double score!) It’s a relaxed, breathtaking natural location, but it’s a good hour and half drive from town, and it’s too far for cabs, shuttles and other types of alternative transportation. We’ve been driving ourselves a bit nuts over picking and choosing who to provide accomodations for, as they are limited in the area. I try to remind myself that if someone has to drive to our wedding, and can’t imbibe freely all night for ONE NIGHT, it’s not the end of the world for anyone and they’ll still have an amazing time That’s what I keep telling myself anyway!
I think I’ve been learning the opposite lesson…Easy is sometimes oh so much better! I naturally take the more challenging route (for everything!) and put so much pressure on myself that I sometimes have to step back and realize that it’s making everyone around me go crazy. Great post Miss Cheese!
Absolutely! I’m completely concerned with making things easier for other people, all the while making it harder on myself. No thank you!
Great post, Ms. Cheese! This reminds me of a great article I read in Yoga Journal magazine this weekend about the importance of feeling vulnerable. Vulnerability (which for me includes letting our friends and family support and love us throughout the wedding planning processes) can be really uncomfortable, and I found a lot of great insight in this article.
Thanks for always being willing to share!
oh yes: enter bridal party attire! exhibit a: BM dresses, exhibit b: GM suits/tuxes, exhibit c: BM wraps/jackets. I GIVE UP!
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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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