Wedding Blog
“All single ladies, please report to the dance floor immediately! It’s time for the bouquet toss,” the DJ belts out.
“Come on, single gals, you know who you are. Don’t make us call you out by name.”
A few uncomfortable moments pass. No one is moving.
The bride takes the mic in her hands. She begins pointing at her single girlfriends and calling them out one by one. I sit coyly in the corner thinking I’ve got this one in the bag. I’m engaged after all. I’ve redeemed myself from participating in this long-standing tradition once and for all. At this particular moment, my self-confidence is soaring. But then I hear, “Miss Glitter!! I see you back there hiding. Just because you are ENGAGED doesn’t mean you CAN’T participate. Single is single. Get out here NOW!!”
Drats! What good is being engaged if it can’t get me out of a simple bouquet toss?! 
The bride may have been technically correct. I may still have been “single” despite my engaged status. But, come on. There is a reason I didn’t run out and claim my spot center stage. I didn’t want to. And I would guess some women might agree with me. That’s usually why they hide behind the centerpieces or are conveniently in the bathroom when this sacred event takes place.
It’s one thing if you have a ton of friends that are about college-aged or a lot of young family members. They can all stand in a group and have a blast with it. But it is different when you start to get older. This clip kinda sums up my lack of enthusiasm about the whole thing. I’m like that girl closest to the camera that can’t wait to get back to her seat!
I hate to trample on or mock tradition. But, I am wondering if there is a way to neutralize the whole process to make it more tolerable for all involved parties. I wouldn’t mind throwing my bouquet into a sea of guests mixed by age, gender, and relationship status and giving everyone a chance to catch it. I think that might be fun! No one gets called out. No single teenage cousins have to stand by themselves while everyone else scatters to the wind.
Are any of you thinking about nixing the bouquet toss/garter toss? Or are you thinking of putting a fun twist on the old tradition?
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I was just thinking about the same thing! I would love to know if anyone’s come up with a great way to still somewhat keep the tradition, but avoid the “i don’t wanna do it!” attitude from guests!
I hate being called out for the bouquet toss! I agree that the older you get, the worse it is. I’m not planning on having one at our reception, but I’ve heard some family complain, so maybe, if there are enough single and willing ladies, I will consider having one. But I won’t call anyone out, that’s for sure.
We’re skipping the bouquet toss. We won’t have many single guests and I think it would just be awkward for the ones will be there. I was at a wedding a couple of years ago where there was only one other single girl there. So the other single girl and I had to stand out there to catch the bouquet by ourselves in front of everyone.
I’ve told a couple of the single girls we’re inviting and they’ve all been relived to hear we’re skipping the toss.
Ugh, no offense to those who still do this, but we will not be doing the bouquet/garter toss at our wedding. I dread it when its done at other weddings and if I end up getting dragged onto the dance floor, I make every effort to NOT catch the bouquet. The last thing I want is some random guy putting a garter on my leg in front of hundreds of people. No thanks! I say its time to come up with some new traditions ladies!
OMG the expression on the lady was hillarious…it appears that they are clapping out of kindness and not really enthused at all.
I hate the bouqet toss. It’s not even about being single and being called out - it’s the expectation that every single woman is so desperate to get married that they’ll all want to come out for the toss!
we were going to attach gift cards, so there would be more enthusiasm but decided to TOSS the bouquet toss instead! 
I was one of the last one married (at 29), so I got so sick of this tradition…HELLO, they even made me do it @ 16, ewww. I would love it if someone implemented our idea, tho!
Few ideas …
- Have an ‘anniversary dance’ (bouquet is given to the couple that have been married the longest - thereby celebrating marriage rather than picking on singledom)
- Have the bouquet as a ‘prize’ after some kind of quiz or sweepstake (e.g. guess the first dance song)
- Throw the bouquet as you leave, but just to the whole group - don’t single out the single ladies
- Decide to give it to someone specific as a gift
- Keep it for yourself and enjoy it a few more days!
i love the idea of putting a fun twist on the whole thing—i like the idea of breakaway bouquet with different charms symbolizing different things..
I’m going with fun twist on new tradition. But…I’m not ready to reveal my plans yet!
We’re doing it for all ladies!! Mainly because we have like two single gals coming to the wedidng. And the garter toss will be for all guys since we only have a couple of single guys.
I H.A.T.E being called out, and typically hide in the bathroom as does my FI for the garter toss. However, our family seems really upset to just “not do either of the tosses”. So I’m wondering how I can word it so that it’s ALL ladies/gents in the crowd, and toss a breakaway bouquet.
I’m wondering could I ask all the “ladies who are happy where they are in life” or “ladies who love the new couple” to come up and instead of the next to marry…it be a symbol of good luck or something similar? I’m just having a hard time with the wording….
Ha! I’m so with you on this, Miss Glitter! No bouquet toss. No garter toss! Aside from awkward, we’re old and all our friends are basically married!
hahah I was thinking of calling everybody up too! When I “toss” just handing it to my best friend.. she’s going to kill me! haha
We skipped them both, and had quite a few guests tell us that they were so glad. I suppose you can rework the tradition, if perhaps you just really want to throw stuff, but I thought it was unnecessary. We wanted our reception to be more about socializing and dancing, we wanted people to enjoy the live band, and we wanted more time to mix with our guests, as opposed to more time with them just watching us go through one ritual or another.
We are doing an anniversary dance instead as mentioned above. For the single ladies we will be having the traditional cake pull. I don’t think this is as dreaded as the bouquet toss.
I am also NOT doing the bouquet toss. I don’t waste time on it and am planning on keeping my bouquet - I paid enough for it and want to enjoy it a little longer than just a few hours…LOL!
Same here - no bouquet toss & ABSOLUTELY no garter toss. I’m not even wearing a garter, let along having Mr. Quiche toss it to a few guys who could really care less…
I LOATHE the bouquet toss!! It’s so awkward and pretty much all of us have been through it. My friend told me this story about her cousin’s wedding where another younger cousin of theirs caught the bouquet. Well, an older bachelor caught the garter…. it was just weird!! I like Lou’s suggestions!
I hate the bouquet and garter toss. although the garter toss can be funny at times. I want to skip before but my FI really wants to do the garter toss.
Having an Anniversary dance sounds like a nice alterternative.
We’re not doing this either. My girlfriends have various reasons for being single, but I don’t think they need to be called out for it.
I hated the bouquet toss from the time I was old enough to do it. I can’t imagine anyone will miss it. (No garter toss either).
I got married in October and we did the anniversary dance instead of the bouquet/garter toss. We don’t have many single friends left and it seemed cruel to make them do this. I’m glad that we nixed both tosses - the couple who won the anniversary dance has been married for over 40 years and were so happy!
We are going to do the anniversary dance, and then present the last couple dancing (his Grandparents) with the bouquet.
I went to a wedding last summer where they offered an incentive (gift cards) for participating in the bouquet/garter toss. Got people out of their seats without having to be called out and made for some really cute pictures.
I skipped it. No one noticed the day of. One or two people mentioned it the next day. No big deal.
I have two thoughts on the bouquet toss…the 1st is that I hate it. And I wish more than anything that I hadn’t done it at my wedding because it was awful.
HOWEVER….as a bride who had to actually BEG her friends to come up to do this time-honored ritual at her wedding, I do have THIS to say to single ladies: DO NOT MAKE THE BRIDE BEG. Get up there and stand in the back…but don’t make her beg. It’s her wedding day, and who knows why she included it, but for the LOVE OF GOD don’t make her beg!!!
I briefly considered tossing individual flowers with “love” quotes or fortune cookie fortunes tied to them. Eventually I decided, why draw attention to the fact that I’m not into the toss? We axed it entirely, along with the garter toss. Didn’t hear a single complaint.
I think bouquet tosses are fun. I never had a problem. All of my friends who aren’t engaged or married barrel up there and try to get it. Then again, I’ve never been to a wedding where the bride or anyone else forced people to participate or embarrassed people by asking them to participate. Yikes!
We are going with bouquet toss, but we are doing the German tradition of auctioning off the garter to the highest bidder. You could auction off the bouquet too — it’s a good way to get money for the honeymoon! We do it so that every bid must be paid not only said.
I will not have mnay single people at our wedding either. I was going to nix the tradition all together, or try the anniversary dance but not a fan of that either. I think changing tradition might be better, tossing the bouqet to all the ladies married or single and change the meaning to mean that homever catches it will have tremendous luck or success or continued love or a new pair of hot shoes! And for the men, something different..
I bought 2 dozen single stemmed roses and tied a $1 to each stem - “singles” for the singles. When I threw the bouquet, the roses separated so no one person was targeted and the ladies who managed to catch a rose or two or five got money out of it.
I went to a wedding where the bride called all of us single ladies out…no one moved. She started pointing…no one budged. Finally she started calling out names. We all gave each other the same look: “Please don’t make me do this.” When the bride tossed the bouquet, not one person moved. Our hands were at our sides. The bouquet hit the floor. At first there was a stunned silence. Then there was a loud roar of laughter. We all started to tell each other “You pick it up!” “You do it!” FINALLY one of our friends ran to pick it up from the crowd and saved the day: My gay and totally fabulous friend Ken.
If you’re going to do it, be prepared for the fact that no one else does. I would have been mortified to be the bride (although honestly if you have to beg, you should probably just skip it!)
There isn’t a word strong enough for my dislike of the bouquet / garter toss. I was forced (physically) during one wedding and it was thrown AT me, which was nearly the most embarrassing moment of my life. I’m sure that the poor couple’s wedding photography include the most horrified girl ever, who ended up leaving the wedding early to not be anywhere near the dancefloor to see if they did a garter toss. Needless to say, I will NOT be having this at my wedding. I want my guests to be comfortable, and not put on the spot.
I’m also one of the last of my friends to get married and I’m not big on tradition so we are nixing it!
Instead I’m going to give my bouquet to the woman who means the most to me, My Mother!
I thought it would be a great way to recognize her and all that she is to me!
I’d love to nix them both, but I think my FI would have a fit. I’m trying to decide if its a battle I really want to fight with him. He’s super traditional, so in his mind, its almost not a wedding without one - lol.
Yeah, no offense to anyone who likes them, but I’m not into any of the traditions we have in America - bouquet toss, garter (*shiver of ickiness*), etc.
For our ‘bouquet toss’, we’re doing an anniversary dance where all the married couples will get on the dance floor, then the DJ will ask them to step out based on how long they’ve been married - “If you’ve been married longer than 10 years, stick around…” Whoever has been married the longest will be given the bouquet to keep. (We think it will be his Grandparents - 57 years!!)
For our cake, we’re switching things up a bit and following a retired tradition where the Bride and Groom serve the guests part of the ‘cake’ (We’re having a Croquem Bouche) in hopes that the couple will always have sweetness to give to others.
You get the idea…
Mmm yeah, no bouquet or garter toss at the Snapdragon wedding - I have always hated them!
I read an idea in a magazine saying instead of embarrassing your friends with the bouquet toss - give it to the couple that’s been together the longest and ask them to say a few words of “marriage wisdom”. I thought that was a sweet suggestion and might just do it… =)
We skipped a lot of the traditions - and the bouquet toss and garter were the first to go! I really dislike both, and had no interest in having them be part of our day. Luckily my husband agreed. We did traditions we liked - first dance, father/daughter etc. dance, the hora, BM & MOH speeches. I guess I didn’t really see any need to give my bouquet away (I think its lovely, but I didn’t really know why anyone would want it all that much!) Anyways, we considered the anniversary dance because I love the sentiment, but our goal was that after dinner we wanted a huge dance party with minimal interruptions, and the anniversary dance would take time away from that WHILE clearing the dance floor. So we skipped it all. Cut the cake with no announcement, no stopping of any of the action. We did add in my husband sitting in with the band to play a song (he is a crazy good drummer). Pick and choose what makes you happy and then what your guests will enjoy!
No bouquet or garter toss for me either!
But I do agree with Mrs. Corn that if a bride at a wedding you’re attending chooses to do the bouquet toss, it is not nice to make her beg! She’ll be more humiliated than the few single girls catching the bouquet - and it’s her wedding day!
Hopefully a bride who tosses her bouquet anticipates a decent number of younger, single gals at her wedding. If that number is uncertain, don’t do it! Hold an anniversary dance or give your bouquet to a special woman like your grandmother!
No bouquet or garter tossing for us.
I was thinking that maybe before she leaves I could give my FI’s grandma my bouquet as a keepsake. But I am concerning that people will think that I am implying that she is the next to marry (her husband passed away)- so I may just skip that too.
At my sister’s smallish DW, there were only two single girls (of which I was one). So they tossed it to ALL the ladies in the room. The one engaged girl caught it! Funnily enough, I had a nice bunch of single girls at my weddinmg, so no one felt too “spare”, but the one engaged girl caught it that time too!
we’re doing the anniversary dance! Bouquet toss is a litttttle tacky!
Honestly, we were dead set against doing this (well, I was anyway). But come day of the wedding, the florist had thrown in a toss bouquet for free and my dad gave me a garter (I guess he really wanted us to do it and just hadn’t spoken up before). We didn’t have a DJ or mic or anything so we just circulated word that the tosses were happening - no dragging of anyone unwillingly, just whoever was interested. And after the fact, I am happy I did it. One of my bridesmaids caught the bouquet for the first time after being in 11 (!!!) weddings. I have the most amazing picture of the two of us (and another of her catching it triumphantly 
) that I would never have gotten had we not done it. So, in the end I am very thankful we did as it was a moment during the day that the two of us got to share as friends.
I’d like to say that I like the bouquet toss I participated in my fair share and caught two…. I’ve actually never been to a wedding where the Bride had to BEG girls to come out and I kinda think it sucks that girls wouldn’t just participate instead of being party-poopers, there I said it. It doesn’t have to be just single ladies, like JaymeLyn, I’m thinking of doing a break-away bouquet with charms and having all the ladies (that want to, not calling ppl out) come out and having it not be just a singles thing… especially since I won’t have many singles there.
I like the anniversary dance idea and may do that. Even though I am one of the few in my group to get married already, I hate the bouquet toss and am not doing that or the garter at our wedding.
Whoa, apparently we all have our own reasons for nixing, keeping, or changing the bouquet toss. Thank you all for your responses. I honestly thought it was more of a wedding “don’t” NOT to do the toss. Guess that shows how much I know!
The toss is all in what you make of it. Also, I think that it differs according to your crowd. As a bride, you should gauge what will or won’t make your crowd comfortable. If you’ve got awesome girlfriends who would be psyched to do the toss, GO FOR IT! If you have shy friends or ones that are sensitive for whatever reason, think of an alternative or nix it. It’s all good. I guess that’s the great part about getting married today — anything goes!!!
I think the toss can go either way. Be fun and silly or super awkward. Usually I’m super awkward, but I still go participate for the sake of good picture that the bride can have of a bunch of people jumping for her bouquet. I like the idea of giving it to the longest married couple in the room or having some goodies attached to the bouquet for incentive.
My florist offered a breakaway bouquet for the toss, but I’m passing. I can’t think of anything more awkward!
I didn’t plan on tossing my bouquet, but a single friend of mine requested it later on in the evening. I happened to have a lot of single female friends, and they all ran up on the stage. It was surprisingly low-key and silly and fun. AND the friend who caught it ended up getting engaged no more than a week later (her fiance had informed me of his plans at our rehearsal dinner - I nearly squealed when she caught it!)
We decided we didn’t like participating in those events, therefor, are not going to have it at ours (plus we really don’t have a ton of singles coming and we didn’t want to call attention to them).
I had all the ladies at the wedding come up - hey - everybody likes flowers! I also did the Martha Stewart thing where you bind together 5 smaller bouquets and when you throw it it breaks up and 5 people each get one. I don’t know how everyone else felt, but my single friends appreciated it!
We plan to skip it. All of my friends are either married, engaged or have a bf. And those few who are not are wonderful, smart young women who don’t need flowers to help them find a husband.
When considering the bouquet toss all I could think about was my 37 year old single BFF and how inappropriate it would be to call her out there for it. (She’s divorced, but that is still single)
So, instead I am going to give my bouquet to my 8 year old daughter who is one of my bride’s maids. She would get the most enjoyment out of it anyway and no one is “called out”.
We just went without. And come to think of it, I’ve never been to a wedding with a bouquet toss! I think a lot of people are just opting out.
I plan on making my toss bouquet out of origami flowers folded from dollar bills of different amounts. THAT should get them out there!
We skipped both tosses, and I was absolutely fine with that. What I later thought about doing, though, was having all the girls like 12 and under come up- we had tons of children at our reception, most of whom I babysat a lot, and it would have been fun to let one of them catch it. Instead, I let them take the flowers out of the centerpiece vases, and they seemed happy with that. I hate bouquet tosses, and didn’t want to force people to do it. I like the ideas other commenters have had, with money or a bouquet that separates so no one is singled out.
We’re nixing both! FI was totally weirded out by the thought of taking my garter off in front of all of our friends and family - and i HATE being dragged on the floor for the bouquet toss!
This is definitely something we WILL do without. Some traditions are meaningful and touching, others are just traditions for tradition’s sake. I don’t like the connotation that all the single ladies are just clamoring for the chance to get married, and it seems no one likes to participate.
Ok…ya’ know that incredibly awkward part in the movie Erin Brokovich where Erin is in the office with Ed Massery and desperately needs a job and has to whisper at him in front of all the bitchy office staff, “please don’t make me beg”.
Yeah, that is what I felt like up on the dumb stage doing the bouquet toss that I so stubbornly insisted on because I-had-waited-32-years-to-get-married-so-I-was-going-to-do-as-many-traditions-as-I-could-damn-it when I had to literally lean down to the table where my single usually-up-for-these-types-of-silly-things ladies were sitting and whisper in front of all my friends and family, “please don’t make me beg”.
I will say it again, no matter WHAT your feelings are on the subject do. not. make. the. bride. beg.
I’ve been to WAY too many weddings where the poor bouquet falls straight to the floor because noone wants to catch it. I’m with you Glitter, unless we can come up with a clever (and non-invasive) way to do the toss, it’s getting crossed off the list!
@Mrs. Corn: Corn, you make a very valid point. I’m sorry that you had to stand up there and beg! Thank you for bringing this to everyone’s attention and showing us the other side of things. I will say that I’ve always obliged when the bouquet toss was announced. The only time I resisted was the time I described above. I really thought I was being clever with the whole “I’m engaged” technicality. But it is never cool to leave a bride high and dry on her wedding!!
Oh gosh…I wouldn’t expect an engaged person to be called out. Nor would I expect a bride to personally point at individuals and say their names…there are levels of embarassment for everyone.
I’m just saying that I have always been a bouquet toss hater, which makes it even sillier that I included it at my own wedding, and no matter how much it irked me, I always got up there for the bride.
Blech. Not a fan of perpetuating the idea that all women should desperately want to get married. People might get huffy, but it’s not like we’re doing anything normally recognized as an American wedding, so they can eat the bouquet for all I care. I’m not actually carrying a bouquet anyway.
I love the anniversary idea. At the last wedding I attended, the bride asked for a show of hands for engaged girls (AND guys) and gave her bouquet to the couple who was next in line to be married. It was really sweet.
Also, gift cards on the bouquet = brilliant!
I have two close girlfriends that are single that are coming to the wedding so at their table will be a single rose along with a note from me instead of the toss.
Haha. I love that girl that claps twice and then darts to her seat. I’m not doing a bouquet or garter toss. Blech.
I think this post is very interesting. As a kid, I liked flowers and thought that it would be fun to catch. I went to multiple weddings over the years, and caught at least one a year through high school…not really trying…just was in the right place at the right time. I really think it’s rude to allow the bouquet to fall on the floor. It is thrown with joy to share with one’s single chic friends that you may also find the joy that the bride has that day. If you are engaged the bouquet is meant for you…after all it is for the next to marry. Recently, I was at one small wedding in which I was the only single adult woman at the event. (I was also the bride’s best friend, and so I was honored to be presented with a small bouquet from the bride and groom. ) At another wedding, I found myself hoping that there would be a few other single ladies at the event, so if there was to be a toss… I wouldn’t want to be the only one called up or find that there were only one or two of us. I think it is thoughtful to share your joy with others. The dance for married couples is nice, but realize that the singles aren’t included at all in that event, and they may be finding themself excluded from all the other slow dances as well, so it’s really not that fun. A festive toss with fun friends is great, and you can always be creative how you include the participants…
@driftslikesmoke: I’ve been wanting to do this too, but can’t find a tutorial for origami flowers from bills. Any suggestions?
This may have been suggested 73 times already, but I don’t want to read through all the comments.
I was going to give my bouquet to the oldest married couple in the room (my grandparents) but then it was too ugly so I didn’t. But you could do that!
absolutely no garter or bouquet toss.
why would i want my FI going up my dress in front of my grandparents? just tacky tacky tacky.
no bouquet nor garter for us too!
oh, what was awkward at a wedding i attended was that they had all the little GIRLS (not even teenagers, but like 4-8 year olds) up at the bouquet toss, and of course, the little kids pushed and shoved and scrambled for the bouquet while all the ladies stood back.
it was kinda weird.
We (I) plan on nixing the bouquet & garter toss. Every wedding I’ve attended it’s awkward and not so fun… I’d rather keep dancing!
I’m making my bouquet from silk flowers, so I want to keep it and treasure it afterwards. I’m planning on making an extra one, though, and after the garter-toss (FI really wants to do it…), I’m going to honor my 92-year-old grandmother (and only surviving grandparent, to which I am her only granddaughter and the first grandchild to get married) with it and a crystal vase for her to keep and treasure too!
um the dad in the video is hysterical! i am doing the bouquet toss simply because i don’t want the darn thing, & i have been subjected to far too many! i’m worried there won’t be enough single ladies/men @ our nuptials!
No way am I doing this at my wedding in August. How mortifying for me *and* the 3 or 4 single girls that will be there. I’ll probably give it to my mom as a memento of the wedding. Another idea is to give the bouquet to the longest married couple, I like that idea too.
I have always hated the bouquet toss! As a surprise I’m giving my bouquet to my mother and giving a short speech on how much she has meant to me. I’d rather do that or give it to the couple that’s been married longest than to call on the few single girls left and make them feel bad.
We aren’t having a bouquet/garter toss. We will be giving the bouquet to the couple that has been married the longest. Thus, celebrating marriage, rather than singleness.
OMG - I have TOTALLY BEEN TO THAT WEDDING!!! I was definitely the girl standing on the end just waiting to get back to my seat.
I agree that bouquet tosses can be TONS of fun with the right group. I actually don’t find it at all embarrassing or demeaning, like I’ve heard others say. But it definitely wasn’t part of our wedding. Why? Numbers. You know how many single women we had at our wedding - TWO. And one was still reeling from the recent end of a long-term relationship.
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting
Engagement Date: May 6, 2007
Wedding Date: June, 2009
Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel
About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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