Wedding Blog
Lately, I have become acutely aware that sometimes when I am out in public, I look down at my engagement ring and it gives me an air of confidence. Not because I am necessarily thinking, “This was given to me by the man I love.” Let me clarify. The ring and the ring’s presence on my finger has been known to make me feel different, and sometimes better, about myself.
This is difficult for me to admit because it sounds so… well… shallow and materialistic. What kind of woman would feel better about herself because of a ring? Me, apparently.
But it’s not just me. Society seems filled with reasons to feel better about yourself because of your ring. Why else would women feel competitive when it comes to their bling? And, men aren’t off the hook either. When we first got engaged, Mr. G seemed to think that the bigger the rock was meant something, too. It said to people, “Back off, men, this lady is taken!” Or, “I must love my lady a whole lot to give her this much bling!” Yikes.
Ultimately, I realized, for me, it doesn’t really have as much to do with the size of the rock. It has to do with the meaning I prescribe to it. I think my e-ring is fabulous, but I don’t want it to define me. I still want to be able to go out in the world, sans ring, and feel the same way I normally would. I guess I am trying to differentiate between wanting to wear my ring and needing to wear my ring. I never want to feel, for whatever reason, like I “need” to wear my ring in mixed company. Never, never, never.
I am not saying that we, as women, shouldn’t feel happy and excited about our rings. I just don’t ever want to get to the point where I depend on having it on my finger; that I somehow wouldn’t be the same woman if I walked into a room without my ring on.
Does that make any sense? Do any of you ever have deep thoughts about your ring?
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I hear what you’re saying. At a certain point it felt silly saying “my boyfriend”, when both he and I knew it was so much more than that. I started feeling like boyfriend can apply to 15 year olds together for one week, and we have something more than that! The ring was just the symbol to the world that yes, we do have something more than that, something so great that it’s worth the money and time spent to pick out this ring, and we want to show the whole world! My fiancee’s wedding ring only cost $200, but I still can’t wait for him to wear it as a symbol of our relationship.
I thought that was your ring at first and I was quite shocked. That is a HUGE ring.
But to comment on the actual post topic, as I work on being a hosewife, cleaning and cooking and crafting (haha, like I craft) I find myself wearing my rings less and less, and I’m okay with it. There aren’t many other women like me I know, but I was much the same way as you when I was engaged. My ring meant that I was special enough to be wanted and now that we have our marriage I guess I realized I don’t need that validation from the recognition of the world anymore, you know?
OK…. yes, I agree with everything you are saying here.
But…. THAT. RING. IS. ENORMOUS. I think that may be the biggest ring I’ve ever seen on someone that wasn’t a celebrity.
Wait…. is that a picture of your ring?
I totally agree! hear hear girl!
and omg, that is a HUGE ring
Sorry for the confusion, gals. THAT’S NOT MY RING!!! I tried to find a picture of the most ridiculously ginormous ring - just for fun. 
Shew Miss Glitter, you had me worried! My ring doesn’t look anything like that! lol
Oh thank god that’s not your ring … that’s hideous!
LOL. Ok. It’s funny because I was just thinking like, yes, everything she says is true, but yeah I WOULD feel different wearing that thing. I mean, one hand would drag on the ground! Thanks for the great post anyway.
I definitely agree… wearing the ring, regardless of the size of the rock, does make a woman feel different. You’re spoken for!! You’re loved and you’re in love and the rest of the world can see that!! I feel naked now without my ring.
That is a sick ring…and by sick, I mean Harry Winston. Regarding what the ring represents, etc. I actually forget to wear mine sometimes…and I guess I really don’t feel any different. I’m about to marry a wonderful man and that is the one fact that is important.
I find myself glancing at the left hand of brides-to-be in the Macy’s housewares department, at the bridal salon, etc. And I curse myself every time I do it! The style, design, size or presence of a ring shouldn’t have any connection to the strength, commitment and future success of a relationship.
My ring is different- 3 different golds, 3 different color diamonds- and it says “Me” all the way. I look at it, and I let it define me, because it does- it gives people the right impression. It’s small but beautiful and captivating and a little odd but timeless- all at the same time.
Great post Miss Glitter! I thought it was weird myself. I am a total feminist and thought it weird that I loved looking down and staring at my ring. It’s just so me and reminds me of how well the FI knows me to have picked out the most perfect ring for me. The ring was away for 1 week for resizing, and I was totally sad. I really do love wearing it. I think you should love your ring. You shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to wear it. It’s just like everything else you own now. You don’t have to be obsessed with wearing it, but definitely enjoy it when you have it on!
I hate not wearing my ring. Not because of what it says but because I have grown used to wearing it. I don’t look at it as much as I did when I first got engaged, but every now and then the sparkle catches my eye, At that moment I think how lucky I am…on a side not, I feel naked with out my ring. I feel for it when it isn’t there and worry about where I left it. I always leave it in the same place, on my nightstand.
Because my finance and I believe in being as socially conscious as possible, my engagement ring has (recycled!) diamonds from a ring I inherited from my grandmother and a setting made of reclaimed platinum that my finance paid for, so it’s always going to have a lot of meaning for me, even beyond the “is it bigger/smaller, or loved enough or not”.
I definately feel different when I’m wearing my ring. Much like using “Mrs.” instead of “Ms.” as a married women, it tells the outside world your relationship status, and for those of us who are private people by nature. No ring doesn’t mean not committed, but ring is a clear sing of some kind of committed relationship. Obviously I wouldn’t be getting married if I wasn’t happy to make some kind of statement to the world about my intentions with West Coast Groom, but it does feel different when I wear it.
I was just wondering if any Bee had posted something about social status and their e-rings. I love my ring. I also get stuck in the stupid competition thing, and sometimes I wish it was bigger, other times I feel embarrassed its too big in comparison. It’s weird. But one thing I do like is knowing that it does give my fiance a kick to see it on, and that it makes him really proud.
I admit, I look at my ring a lot. Because it’s pretty, yes, but more so in awe as I think to myself: holy crap. I’m MARRIED. I’m like, an ADULT or something now. Holy crap. It reminds me that I’m mature (um, sometimes) and it gives me confidence to make decisions which are hard.
I agree on the utmost level!! I guess I feel as if when people catch a glimpse of see it, they’ll automatically know that I’m a mature/strong/loving/established female.
Mine has been at the jewelers for a couple weeks because we’re having it slightly modified so my band will sit flush. I have to say, it makes me surprisingly sad to see (and feel) the empty finger. In fact, I think I’m going to get a manicure after work to distract myself from the fact that it’s not there!
Thanks for all of your responses thus far. This post (and my next post) are mostly just food for thought. I’ve been thinking a bit about my identity, and what marriage will mean for me, as an individual and a woman. While I love my ring and all of the things it symbolizes, it isn’t everything. And, God forbid, if it was.
This totally makes sense and I feel the same way. I LOVE my ring and I LOVE wearing my ring Its pretty and FH did a lot of research to find me the diamond he did. I love when people comment on how sparkley it is and I feel guilty if I forget it.
@Mrs. Sea Breeze: I totally get that I’m an adult feeling too. Especially since I still live at home, its kinda like my proof, like “Hey, I’m an adult, I’m moving out soon, I’m getting married.”
I definitely relate to what you are saying Miss Glitter. I love my ring, but I think that ultimately I would have loved any ring because of what it means. You are so right that it can’t be what define us or give us the confidence. I’m looking forward to your next post for some more food for thought.
I totally thought that was your ring til I saw the image source at the bottom. I hear ya on this…I love my ring as well, but I think (hope) its only because of the meaning behind it. I guess it does make me feel a little special to wear it, but I sometimes don’t wear it. And I guess its like the other ladies say, it makes you feel almost like a grown up. I can’t wait to pair my band with it and to finally be able to call my man my hubby (for real)! Only 8.5 months to go…
I love my ring, and I sometimes get a little smirk when I glance it twinkling in the sun. I do know what you mean.
I also sometimes wonder if people automatically assume that they can charge me more (like for negotiable prices in a boutique or contractors working on our house) when they see the cts. on my finger.
BU
One reason I like my ring is that it makes people realize I’m not quite as young as I look. I travel for work 100% of the time, and since getting my ring, fewer people have mistaken me for a student!
@linzella: I identify with you, linzella! I’m a graduate student, and as part of our program we teach first-year writing classes. So I teach college classes to students who aren’t that much younger than I have, and I feel like wearing a wedding ring makes me look a little older.
Don’t feel shallow Miss Glitter! I too stare at my ring finger all the time, but it’s not as though I “compare” mine to other brides/engaged ladies…
More so, I felt like before I had it people assumed I was single (I guess technically I was?), but I feel as though people take me more seriously now that I’m engaged.. I know my Future In-laws take “us” as a couple more seriously now that we’re engaged…
At first i when i saw my ring i thought it didnt define me as a person, its wasn’t my style and it just didn’t look like anything i imagined…now i realized that he found the ring and it WAS me to a T. Maybe my FI knows me better than i know myself. Sometimes things come together and they fit. I feel as if people with larger rings are trying to have a competition with others. Like my ring is bigger than yours, well at least thats what it seems lately around those around me getting engaged. I wouldnt change my ring or anything about it…my ring is for me and of course my ring is going to look great on ME not anyone else… i liked your post…
Honestly, I sort of hate my ring sometimes.
I love looking at it and remembering the love.
But I feel guilty for having a diamond (somebody slaved over this) and I don’t like that people interrupt conversations to ask me about my marital status.
I understand. Like others before I was engaged I didn’t like saying boyfriend. Because we are so much more. I love wearing my ring and it makes me feel better know that it is there. But sometimes I forget it which I am fine with. But Mr. FF isn’t! He is big about me wearing as it shows love and the whole “this is mine” thing! UGH. Men! But we love them!
This post rings true for me (pun intended!) because my fantastic boyfriend and I talk marriage but I won’t take the plunge until he gets an engagement ring - we’re just starting out after law school with lots of debt, so it’s going to take a couple more years to afford a ring. I wish I wasn’t so materialistic, but I had to admit to both of us that having a ring on my finger - whatever the size - fills a social need that I can’t get over. *sigh*
Weddingbee is great (as if I didn’t already know that). My boyfriend and I had this exact conversation a couple days ago. We’re moving in together in May, after I graduate, and I keep trying to explain why the ring and engagement are important to me. Like Jocelyn said- it takes the relationship to another level. After three years, and being 22 years old, the phrase ‘boyfriend’ seems to underwhelm our relationship. It was great to read everyone’s opinions on this topic.
I had this experience last night. My fiance is a musician, and I was at one of his gigs. I just looked down at my hand, and then at him, and had this intensely wonderful feeling.
I agree. I definitely wanted to be engaged to let others know that we knew we were more than just “boyfriend and girlfriend.” The ring made me feel happy that I could proclaim it.
On the one hand, I hate women defining themselves by their relationships. On the other, being loved is certainly worth bragging about, and maintaining a healthy relationship is something to be proud of, even if there are a lot of other accomplishments that should be more important in a public setting.
[...] difference between what I was trying to say in my last post and in this one is that my issues have nothing to do with wanting to walk around without a ring on. [...]
I totally was feeling the same way as you before I got engaged! I am so glad you blogged about this, Miss Glitter!
What the ring looked like didn’t even need factor in, it’s the fact that I have it on my finger, that someone wants to tell the world to “stay away - she’s spoken for!” (although I do LOVE my e-ring!)
I definitely feel different when I wear my ring - even safer, as a flash of my left hand puts off even the most aggressive of male attentions. Maybe it’s not so much the ring (though it’s hypnotic with its sparkliness) so much as what’s attached to it, in meaning. “Don’t leer at me, creep! I have a big, protective husband!” 
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting
Engagement Date: May 6, 2007
Wedding Date: June, 2009
Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel
About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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