Wedding Blog
Snippets of lyrics from Tim McGraw’s song:
They say not to have too much fun
They say not to get too much sun
Democrat, Republican
I guess I’m screwed, I’m neither one
Don’t say ’hell’, say ’what the heck’
Do what’s politically correct
Don’t pray in school, but have safe sex
Isn’t that what they expect?…Well I wonder if they’ve got a life
A broken car and two ex-wives
Do they drink beer on Friday night
I wonder if they like to fight
And I wonder if they’ve got a soul
Or if they like their rock-and-roll
Where do they live, I’ve got to know
So I can tell them off
Or where to goWho are they?
Yeah you know what they say
Who are they?
Someone I gotta pay
Who are they?
And I don’t care anyway
Who are they?
So who, exactly, are “they”? I see so many posts on the boards asking if it is it okay to do this or that — and it’s completely legitimate – I, too, have asked myself some of those same questions.
Kara321 recently asked, “Can you throw your own engagement party?” Soon2BeMrsC asked, “Too Late for an Engagement Party?” (I certainly hope not, as ours was 5 months after our engagement!).
Here we are, just into the honeymoon phase of our engagement and we’re already wondering if we’re doing something wrong. Supporting fellow brides’ decisions seems to be a general consensus amongst the board – it’s one of the reasons I love this site as much as I do.
Of course you can throw your own engagement party. Have a 1-month engagement. Have a 3-year engagement. Have 7 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen (us!). Walk yourself down the aisle. Wear colored shoes. Hell, wear a colored dress if you so choose! Have a full bar. Have a cash bar. Do the hokey pokey AND turn yourself around! But what you shouldn’t do? Worry about what other people may or may not think is tacky.
I am really not a bitter bride. But I guess I just like to make my own rules. It’s the one day where you can do WHATEVER the hell you want… so do it! Your wedding should reflect you, not them.
So, who are “they”? Emily Post? Love you for your manners and general etiquette, my dear, but times have changed (and thank goodness!). If you want to dance and swing your arms around like “swinging ropes”, do it! Shout! Switch yourself this way and that! Boogie down, brides!
What have you done that “they” would shudder at? (Okay, another thing you shouldn’t do? End your sentences with a preposition. Oops!) 
Sorry, I couldn’t resist a picture of Tim. *Swoon* I mean, he wears Rock & Republics! So do I! It’s fate, Edward, that’s what this is!
P.S. - Sorry for all of the !s and “____”s and (___)s. I was on a roll this morning.
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Share this post: Who Are “They”?
I have been fighting with “Them” about favors. Mom said “they” expect them. I say they’re a waste and no one cares if they’re there!!
We had a cash bar *gasp* We saw each other well before the ceremony *double gasp* We didn’t put our invitations in inner envelopes, have out of town bags, send out save the dates, or have anything thrown/lit/blown as we exited the church *ohmygoshicantbelievethis*
And to think we are actually married now, without having all of this. Oh, the horror!
(Love this post, BTW)
hahah i LOLed on this one and I emailed it to my mom. She is always talking about “they” more in terms of health and medical trends trying to get my dad to be more healthy. He always says “Who are they? I’d love to meet these wise theys.”
Re: your post I think you are spot on. We have to remind ourselves of these things when we get caught up in planning and what is appropriate. It can be hard though knowing some of your friends are “theys” One of my BMs is a real stickler for etiquette and sometimes I just say I don’t really care. But other times I do find myself wondering what she’s say if I did this or that. Thanks for the reminder its about what we want not what they want.
This is great! So much of wedding planning is ‘what should be done’ or based on ‘what so and so did.’ I thinking we are bucking a few things- even things my FMIL really wants us to do. Opps.
We are not having flower girls or a ringer bearer. We are not doing bouquet toss or garter toss. We are not cutting cake. We are going to see each other before (for pics) and arrive at the ceremony TOGETHER (as in: in the same vehicle). We are going to greet our guests outside the church AS THEY ARRIVE.
So much etiquette is outdated, but I tend to be a “follower” just in case. I am terrified of offending older members of my family, and if it doesn’t hurt me to follow old school etiquette rules, I will. On the flip side, if it hurts people TO FOLLOW etiquette rules, then break ‘em! Mr. Peng’s extended family was invited to my shower and not to my wedding… but I wasn’t hosting the shower (obviously) so was it really my place to say… “No, these women can’t come?” Don’t be ridiculous. And it was a fun time all around!
I agree, but sometimes I still get bummed when say that I’ll regret this or that…so much of my wedding DOES take my guests into acct, and not just me, so my guilt doesn’t last long! What I did to help expectations was to do a list (on our website) of which traditions we are following and which we aren’t. Then, hopefully no one will be wondering when the bouquet toss will happen (never). My single friend said she really liked my list!
Amen! I used to always bug people by asking “who are ‘they’?” when they said something about “They say…”
Glad I’m not the only one!
(And nothing but love for parenthetical asides!)
LOVE THIS POST! I completely agree! I’ve done my share of “will *they* like this?” but after some thought I think “WHY DO *I*CARE?!”. I’m still keeping our guests/families/friends in mind but I want to show them who WE really are and what better time than our wedding?
So we’ll have that Futurama cake topper, I’ll wear my super cute Etnies at the reception and I’ll rock my black and white polka dot dress!
I hope other brides feel comfortable with doing their own thang as well!
Love love love this post. Thanks for putting some things in perspective for me!
Love it! “They” can get over that we’re not sending STD’s, we’ll probably have a cash bar, we’re not making OTT bags, we’re not using inner envelopes, we’re not having a ring bearer or flower girl, we’re not having a sit down meal, and I just might wear cowboy boots instead of something dainty.
“They” say you have to have a first dance, and a father-daughter dance, well, kids, we dont’ like dancing, and we are not dancing at ALL. So take that, “theys”!!
This was a much needed post!!! Thank you!
Miss Quiche I just have to say I love this post, Well Said! and Ditto!
=) THanks Quiche! “They” aren’t the ones getting married so “they” don’t get to make all the decisions =) Great post!
a. Thank you for this. b. It’s actually totally okay to end sentences with prepositions. Grammarians and editors now widely recognize that rule as archaic, arbitrary, and nonsensical. And that is something up with which we shall not put!
This reminds me of this:
http://www.jennifermendelsohn.com/sullatips.htm
I actually write that URL on the bottom of “congratulations on your engagement” cards.
Too true. I thumbed my nose at “them” several times - when we saw each other before the ceremony, we walked down the aisle with both our parents… the list goes on on and on. And these are all things that made the day unique and special! So screw “them”. Great post!
P.S. “Do the hokey pokey AND turn yourself around”–> ha ha ha!
I do think on the other side of the spectrum, brides can get so caught up in saying “It’s my wedding and I will do what i want” that they forget the enormous contribution their friends and family make to make the event happen.
So yeah, wear your colored shoes and dress your bridesmaids in black (because apparently that is a TERRIBLE thing to do in Poland, but I say “I’m not Polish” to Mr. Avocado’s gradnma”.
But, don’t get so caught up in focusing on sticking it to the man that you make poor grandma feel like she got shoved into a corner, you know?
Miss Quiche, I commend you on a wonderful post. “They” would hate that I’m doing things to please my mother and my FILs that I don’t necessarily want to do and it makes me feel oh so gosh darn happy to see them so happy that I want to honor them in a way they know how to understand.
Right - it certainly isn’t about sticking it to anyone, just the silly worries over such non-important things!
Yay ladies!
I love this post! I needed this! I feel like I am caught in having a traditional “looks normal wedding” and having a “Mr. FF and I’s” wedding! Which would be full of fun, color, skulls hiding is different places, Mr. Wee search! Or just be normal and classic! Thanks so much!
Amen. I’m so over conventional. I think that celebrating your marriage should be YOUR style. Yes, you should make it a good experience for everyone involved, but who cares about following the rules!
Apparently, it’s a Chicago thing to end sentences with a preposition - I have the hardest time not doing it!
amen to you, miss quiche!!!
amen to you, mrs. penguin!!
amen to you, mrs. avocado!!
I don’t care about “them”. I do care about my guests. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any. So I try to avoid stuff like a cash bar so it’s more convenient for them. What makes everyone that matters happy is all that matters!
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Mrs. Quiche, Chicago/Montego Bay
Age and Occupation: 28, Interior Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 42, Telecom Guru
Engagement Date: July 2, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Venue: Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
About Me: I love Chicago and can’t imagine living anywhere else (Well, except Paris. Or anywhere in France, for that matter!). I’m a full-time worker, part-time student, soon-to-be-step-mom, indie music lovin’, architecture and design fanatic, macaroni and cheese addict, vegetarian, Francophile, Ohio State football obsessed, wedding planning girl. Mr. Quiche and I are “Partners-in-Crime” and cannot wait to celebrate our marriage surrounded by our family and closest friends. I plan on DIYing my little heart out (or as much as a suitcase to Jamaica will hold).
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