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While I am on the subject of rings and wearing them or not, I thought I would write about one related subject that was on my mind.
Mr. G and I have friends who got married a few years ago. A couple of months after they got hitched, her new husband stopped wearing his ring. First, he said it didn’t fit properly. So she offered to have it re-sized. Then, he said he was just not the jewelry/ring wearing type of guy. So now he goes everywhere—without it. He never wears his wedding band.
I know I just wrote a post about my ring and not wanting to feel dependent on wearing it. I proclaimed that I want to be able to walk into a room, and feel the same way, regardless of whether I have my ring on or not.
But what if your man wants to go sans ring? What then? Does he not want to feel dependent on his ring either? Is he not a “jewelry person”? Does he want to appear single? All of these questions, I would think, would be common reactions for a woman whose man decides he doesn’t want to wear his wedding band.
My dad doesn’t wear his wedding band. Several years after my parents were married, he claimed he gained weight and that it was uncomfortable for him to wear it. Mr. G’s dad doesn’t wear his wedding band. He never did. Mr. G said that many Korean men of the older generation don’t wear wedding rings. I asked him if that was also the case with older Korean women. He said, no. Well then, why don’t the men wear theirs? I thought that was interesting.
The difference between what I was trying to say in my last post and in this one is that my issues have nothing to do with wanting to walk around without a ring on. It is about differentiating between how I feel with and without my ring. These men are choosing *not* to wear their rings at all. I don’t think it is an identity issue as much as maybe an issue of comfort or aesthetics? Or is it more?
What would you do if your fiance or husband didn’t want to wear his ring?
Not sure what I would do, I guess we would have to sit down and have a long talk about why. Howver, I don’t expect this to happen.
When Mr. Calioc and I bought our rings we bought them with the intent to exchange them during the ceremony and then wear them. Before the wedding we talked a little bit about rings and he told me this: That he expects the ring to feel a little uncomfortable and strange because he has never worn jewelry before (he hardly even wears a watch), but that he thinks it is supposed to be that way because it will force him to be aware of the ring and the committment that he made. The ring is there as a reminder and symbol of the committment we made to eachother, and therefore like anything new it may take awhile to get used to, but eventually it will feel like a part of him.
I liked his answer. A practical answer for a very practical man. Oh, he also said that he wouldn’t let me spend hundreds of dollars on something that would sit and collect dust!
I would be concerned about his reason. It is hard for me to understand that there would be a legitimate physical reason for him not to. It took a week or so for me to get used to wearing my ring all the time, and I expect him to do the same. If not, there’s always the infamous ring-tattoo option.
my first instinct is to whip him jk =)
my dad doesn’t wear a ring…neither does the FI’s dad. this is a cultural thing for their generation though.
with that said, today’s generation is different. I’d be highly bothered if he doesn’t wear his ring
I would be really hurt if my FI didn’t wear his ring. Life is about symbols and gestures. Our wedding rings stand for our promise to each other. It’s not about branding or a sign we are “off the market”.
Interestingly, my FI and I have been having this conversation the entire time we’ve been together. His brother-in-law doesn’t wear his (he’s a mechanic) and it’s fine with his sister. FI is a musician (bass player) and says that though he’ll wear his all the time, he might not be able to wear it on stage, because it might interfere with his playing. I still haven’t figured out how I feel about it. The confident part of me is totally fine with it, and “know” he’s “mine”, but there is something about it that gets to me, because I know he’d be less excited about me not wearing mine. Interesting thoughts…
Mr. Dumpling doesn’t plan on wearing his, and I could care less. If I thought he didnt want to wear it cause he wanted to hang on to his bachelor days, I wouldnt marry him. Its not a big deal.
Interesting question Miss Glitter. After getting engaged, I asked to see my dad’s wedding ring. He couldn’t get it off his finger, because it was stuck. He does a lot of manual labor working on apartments and he never takes it off, even though he has a diamond on his wedding band. My mom was pissed that he didn’t take “good care” of it. So interestingly, it’s the opposite problem. My dad doesn’t take it off when he should! I think these issues will be different and unique to each couple’s relationship. It’s yet another discussion you and the FI need to have and come to a decision that makes the unit happy.
I am adamant that Mr. G wear his ring when we do get married… he also claims he’s not a “jewelry kind of guy.” It’s not like I’m asking him to wear chandelier earrings and a couple bangles…! My dad no longer wears his, but he’s got gigantic sausage fingers (with a weird ligament problem in the joint) that even the NE Patriot championship ring maker said he couldn’t make a ring for.
That said, I’ve encouraged Mr G to find a ring that he likes and I have suggested titanium for it’s lightness and modernity. Mr. G is a scientist, so the geekier the better. I knew the suggestion had stuck when he brought home a new watch and new glasses that he was excited about because he said they would match his wedding ring. What a 180!
I don’t know how I’d feel. He has a band that he’s worn for the past 5 years that I gave him, and I think he’ll be very receptive to wearing a band after we’re married 24/7 because he does that now. However, if it was a job or comfort issue, then, I suppose I’d be OK with it. I mean, if he did marry me, shouldn’t that count for something? A band isn’t the be all or end all. ^_^
My guy is a mechanic- so he can’t wear a ring to work or else the heat from an engine might melt the ring into his skin. I’m not spending more than $200 on his ring because I know he will probably never wear it. He bought a watch once, and wore it for a whole 3 days before it went “missing” in the bottom drawer. So no, I wouldn’t be offended if he never wore his ring. A ring doesn’t mean anything to me
Before my wedding we talked about the wedding bands we wanted, and then came to the mutual decision that neither of us would end up wearing our bands. So we didn’t buy any in the first place.
Admittedly, choosing not to wear a ring you already own is a slightly different situation, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a guy never wanted to wear a ring in the first place, but felt obligated to choose a band, etc., either because his fiancee is so excited about it, or because of social expectations.
Either way, I don’t think it’s automatically a negative thing if a guy chooses not to wear his band.
Seriously I would be really upset if FH didn’t want to wear a ring :-/
I would be very disappointed that my husband didn’t wear his wedding band. As it is, my fiance chose to purchase a promise ring to wear while we’re engaged (this is also being used as his wedding band….shh…don’t tell anyone). He said he wanted to proclaim to the world that he was engaged, just like I do with my wedding band.
He hates wearing the thing (it’s a little big for him), he always removes it when he comes home, but he wears it every single day - just as I do with his.
I like it that way!
My fiance is not a jewelry kind of guy either. I brought him back a bracelet frm Italy a long time ago (in the beginning of our relationship) that he wears on special occasions. I suggested something not so fancy, titanium and the such. When looking around online he saw a titanium ring that he thought would look so nice with the bracelet that we ordered it and he wants to wear it now. Am sure he’ll make the effort to get used to wearing the ring even though he isn’t a jewelry kind of guy. He knows how much it means to me.
On my guy’s situation, I just kind of expect him to wear it.. and I think he does too. I think I’m the one who will have to take my ring off occasionally for work, and I think in that situation he will be totally fine with it.. It’s not like I’d just be taking it off to go out for a night with my girls.
Oh, I feel I should add: because we didn’t exchange rings during our ceremony, we replaced that portion of the ceremony with a holding of hands in a ring to symbolize the exact same things.
Now every time we hug it’s a reminder of that portion of our ceremony, the promise of forever, etc. We didn’t lose any symbolism by opting out of the rings, and it was actually my favorite portion of the wedding.
My feelings would be hurt. I am proud of my engagement ring as a symbol of his promise to me… the wedding ring is the same thing. A symbol of the commitment you’ve made to each other. I feel like if he doesn’t wear his wedding ring, then he isn’t proud of the commitment. He doesn’t have a job that he has to take it off for, so there is no reason for him not to wear it.
My hubby takes his ring off for work, so he leaves it in the car and puts it back on by the time he comes back home. I think he’s forgotten like once or twice and I joked with him that he wasn’t married anymore. I know marriage isn’t about a ring, but I think if he never wore it I would be a little bothered.
As a newlywed, I would be definitely bummed if my husband choose to quit wearing his wearing entirely. There are situations during which I don’t mind if he takes it off (i.e. golf, basketball, playing guitar). However, I think it’s sexy to see him across a room with his ring on his finger. I think it’s a little way of letting the public know that you are married and you should feel pride in that.
It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when married men don’t wear their wedding ring. To me, it is a symbol to the rest of the world of their love and committment to their wife. It’s not about being owned, or taken. When the rings come off, questions come up (for example, this post).
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting Engagement Date: May 6, 2007 Wedding Date: June, 2009 Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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