Wedding Blog
While I am on the subject of rings and wearing them or not, I thought I would write about one related subject that was on my mind.
Mr. G and I have friends who got married a few years ago. A couple of months after they got hitched, her new husband stopped wearing his ring. First, he said it didn’t fit properly. So she offered to have it re-sized. Then, he said he was just not the jewelry/ring wearing type of guy. So now he goes everywhere—without it. He never wears his wedding band.
I know I just wrote a post about my ring and not wanting to feel dependent on wearing it. I proclaimed that I want to be able to walk into a room, and feel the same way, regardless of whether I have my ring on or not.
But what if your man wants to go sans ring? What then? Does he not want to feel dependent on his ring either? Is he not a “jewelry person”? Does he want to appear single? All of these questions, I would think, would be common reactions for a woman whose man decides he doesn’t want to wear his wedding band.
My dad doesn’t wear his wedding band. Several years after my parents were married, he claimed he gained weight and that it was uncomfortable for him to wear it. Mr. G’s dad doesn’t wear his wedding band. He never did. Mr. G said that many Korean men of the older generation don’t wear wedding rings. I asked him if that was also the case with older Korean women. He said, no. Well then, why don’t the men wear theirs? I thought that was interesting.
The difference between what I was trying to say in my last post and in this one is that my issues have nothing to do with wanting to walk around without a ring on. It is about differentiating between how I feel with and without my ring. These men are choosing *not* to wear their rings at all. I don’t think it is an identity issue as much as maybe an issue of comfort or aesthetics? Or is it more?
What would you do if your fiance or husband didn’t want to wear his ring?
|
Share this post: Prescribing Meaning: Another Consideration
Not sure what I would do, I guess we would have to sit down and have a long talk about why. Howver, I don’t expect this to happen.
When Mr. Calioc and I bought our rings we bought them with the intent to exchange them during the ceremony and then wear them. Before the wedding we talked a little bit about rings and he told me this: That he expects the ring to feel a little uncomfortable and strange because he has never worn jewelry before (he hardly even wears a watch), but that he thinks it is supposed to be that way because it will force him to be aware of the ring and the committment that he made. The ring is there as a reminder and symbol of the committment we made to eachother, and therefore like anything new it may take awhile to get used to, but eventually it will feel like a part of him.
I liked his answer. A practical answer for a very practical man. Oh, he also said that he wouldn’t let me spend hundreds of dollars on something that would sit and collect dust!
I would be concerned about his reason. It is hard for me to understand that there would be a legitimate physical reason for him not to. It took a week or so for me to get used to wearing my ring all the time, and I expect him to do the same. If not, there’s always the infamous ring-tattoo option.
my first instinct is to whip him jk =)
my dad doesn’t wear a ring…neither does the FI’s dad. this is a cultural thing for their generation though.
with that said, today’s generation is different. I’d be highly bothered if he doesn’t wear his ring
I would be really hurt if my FI didn’t wear his ring. Life is about symbols and gestures. Our wedding rings stand for our promise to each other. It’s not about branding or a sign we are “off the market”.
Interestingly, my FI and I have been having this conversation the entire time we’ve been together. His brother-in-law doesn’t wear his (he’s a mechanic) and it’s fine with his sister. FI is a musician (bass player) and says that though he’ll wear his all the time, he might not be able to wear it on stage, because it might interfere with his playing. I still haven’t figured out how I feel about it. The confident part of me is totally fine with it, and “know” he’s “mine”, but there is something about it that gets to me, because I know he’d be less excited about me not wearing mine. Interesting thoughts…
Mr. Dumpling doesn’t plan on wearing his, and I could care less. If I thought he didnt want to wear it cause he wanted to hang on to his bachelor days, I wouldnt marry him. Its not a big deal.
Interesting question Miss Glitter. After getting engaged, I asked to see my dad’s wedding ring. He couldn’t get it off his finger, because it was stuck. He does a lot of manual labor working on apartments and he never takes it off, even though he has a diamond on his wedding band. My mom was pissed that he didn’t take “good care” of it. So interestingly, it’s the opposite problem. My dad doesn’t take it off when he should! I think these issues will be different and unique to each couple’s relationship. It’s yet another discussion you and the FI need to have and come to a decision that makes the unit happy.
I am adamant that Mr. G wear his ring when we do get married… he also claims he’s not a “jewelry kind of guy.” It’s not like I’m asking him to wear chandelier earrings and a couple bangles…! My dad no longer wears his, but he’s got gigantic sausage fingers (with a weird ligament problem in the joint) that even the NE Patriot championship ring maker said he couldn’t make a ring for.
That said, I’ve encouraged Mr G to find a ring that he likes and I have suggested titanium for it’s lightness and modernity. Mr. G is a scientist, so the geekier the better. I knew the suggestion had stuck when he brought home a new watch and new glasses that he was excited about because he said they would match his wedding ring. What a 180!
I don’t know how I’d feel. He has a band that he’s worn for the past 5 years that I gave him, and I think he’ll be very receptive to wearing a band after we’re married 24/7 because he does that now. However, if it was a job or comfort issue, then, I suppose I’d be OK with it. I mean, if he did marry me, shouldn’t that count for something? A band isn’t the be all or end all. ^_^
My guy is a mechanic- so he can’t wear a ring to work or else the heat from an engine might melt the ring into his skin. I’m not spending more than $200 on his ring because I know he will probably never wear it. He bought a watch once, and wore it for a whole 3 days before it went “missing” in the bottom drawer. So no, I wouldn’t be offended if he never wore his ring. A ring doesn’t mean anything to me
Before my wedding we talked about the wedding bands we wanted, and then came to the mutual decision that neither of us would end up wearing our bands. So we didn’t buy any in the first place.
Admittedly, choosing not to wear a ring you already own is a slightly different situation, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a guy never wanted to wear a ring in the first place, but felt obligated to choose a band, etc., either because his fiancee is so excited about it, or because of social expectations.
Either way, I don’t think it’s automatically a negative thing if a guy chooses not to wear his band.
Seriously I would be really upset if FH didn’t want to wear a ring :-/
I would be very disappointed that my husband didn’t wear his wedding band. As it is, my fiance chose to purchase a promise ring to wear while we’re engaged (this is also being used as his wedding band….shh…don’t tell anyone). He said he wanted to proclaim to the world that he was engaged, just like I do with my wedding band.
He hates wearing the thing (it’s a little big for him), he always removes it when he comes home, but he wears it every single day - just as I do with his.
I like it that way!
My fiance is not a jewelry kind of guy either. I brought him back a bracelet frm Italy a long time ago (in the beginning of our relationship) that he wears on special occasions. I suggested something not so fancy, titanium and the such. When looking around online he saw a titanium ring that he thought would look so nice with the bracelet that we ordered it and he wants to wear it now. Am sure he’ll make the effort to get used to wearing the ring even though he isn’t a jewelry kind of guy. He knows how much it means to me.
On my guy’s situation, I just kind of expect him to wear it.. and I think he does too. I think I’m the one who will have to take my ring off occasionally for work, and I think in that situation he will be totally fine with it.. It’s not like I’d just be taking it off to go out for a night with my girls.
Oh, I feel I should add: because we didn’t exchange rings during our ceremony, we replaced that portion of the ceremony with a holding of hands in a ring to symbolize the exact same things.
Now every time we hug it’s a reminder of that portion of our ceremony, the promise of forever, etc. We didn’t lose any symbolism by opting out of the rings, and it was actually my favorite portion of the wedding.
My feelings would be hurt. I am proud of my engagement ring as a symbol of his promise to me… the wedding ring is the same thing. A symbol of the commitment you’ve made to each other. I feel like if he doesn’t wear his wedding ring, then he isn’t proud of the commitment. He doesn’t have a job that he has to take it off for, so there is no reason for him not to wear it.
My hubby takes his ring off for work, so he leaves it in the car and puts it back on by the time he comes back home. I think he’s forgotten like once or twice and I joked with him that he wasn’t married anymore. I know marriage isn’t about a ring, but I think if he never wore it I would be a little bothered.
As a newlywed, I would be definitely bummed if my husband choose to quit wearing his wearing entirely. There are situations during which I don’t mind if he takes it off (i.e. golf, basketball, playing guitar). However, I think it’s sexy to see him across a room with his ring on his finger. I think it’s a little way of letting the public know that you are married and you should feel pride in that.
It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when married men don’t wear their wedding ring. To me, it is a symbol to the rest of the world of their love and committment to their wife. It’s not about being owned, or taken. When the rings come off, questions come up (for example, this post).
My husband lost his ring about a year and a half after we married…I watched him do it, in fact! He hasn’t worn one since and I’m not sure he ever plans on wearing one. It’s not a big deal to me at all. My husband shows his love and commitment to our marriage and our family with his actions and words, not by wearing a piece of jewelry.
Men who cheat are going to cheat, no matter what. Mine is not, no matter what. Ring or no ring, I know he’s committed to me. Also, he has no game whatsoever and whips out pictures of our daughter whenever a girl gets within 15 ft. of him. 
What a sweet dad!
My Dad doesn’t even HAVE a wedding ring! He didn’t want one. My Mom’s was stolen by a maid a few years into the marriage, and she got a simple gold band to replace it, but she hasn’t worn it for most of my life. It doesn’t fit her anymore and she doesn’t really care anyway!
Mr Ruby Slippers’ Dad doesn’t wear his either, so I was really hoping Mr Rs would want to wear his, and luckily he DOES. He gets all weirded out if it’s not on. I love it…I would feel weird if he didn’t want to wear it.
HEELLLLLLLL no he’s wearing his ring!
Lucky he keeps telling me how he can’t wait to 
My FI has been married before…and he decided not long after they got married not to wear his ring. Not that he isn’t a jewelry person, he wore another ring in that finger instead. He just didn’t like his ring.
Knowing that, I had him pick out his wedding band, so that I’d know he’d like it. Also I ask him all the time if he’d consider not wearing his ring. He’s always enthusiastic “NO WAY!”
And if he didn’t want to wear it anymore? We’d find another one he did like. And if he didn’t want to wear any ring? I’d kill him.
Although it wouldn’t be a deal breaker, we would have to have a LONG conversation and he would have to have a really good reason. My dad never wears his ring (took it off a few months after my parents got married when he was drafted and never put it back on) and it has always bothered me - especially since he spent most of my childhood traveling. I am willing to compromise on a lot of stuff, but my spouse not wearing his wedding ring would be tough.
We aren’t exchanging rings in the ceremony so no, it’s not a big deal to me. I know people say the ring is a good thing because then it will alert women that the guy is married and to leave him alone. Personally, I don’t think that a ring is much of a deterrent these days, and further, the guys actions should reflect that he is married, with or without a ring.
Just my take.
Yeah, it would bother me if FI didn’t want to wear his ring. It’s a public proclamation of our promises to each other and it would feel weird if he didn’t want to wear it. That being said, he’s worn a ring that I got him for his birthday 3 years ago almost continually, so no worries
My dad never even got a ring in the first place. Didn’t want one. My parents have been together 30 years and counting. For the longest time, I thought it was normal for men to NOT wear a ring.
My fiance wants to wear one, which makes me happy. But if he didn’t, I’d be ok with that too. It certainly doesn’t mean he’s not committed to me, and I know that.
My Mr won’t be able to wear his at work (he’s a mechanic) so he will only wear his when hes not at work, if that. He did say he would get a ring tattooed on his finger, but i told him thats completely up to him since I wouldn’t do it.
My dad didn’t wear a wedding band for the first 28 years my parents were married. He just finally got a new one about a year ago, and wears that everywhere but work. his original accidentally got thrown away and he just never replaced it. My mom never let on that she cared.
@miss stout: I sometimes get front row tickets to the symphony from a coworker. I’ve noticed that a lot of the musicians switch their rings to the other hand to allow them to play. Perhaps this could be an option for your FI?
I think if it were a matter of personal safety, I wouldn’t mind if he wore his ring to work. My biggest issue would be if he didn’t want to wear it at all, considering it was a fairly large purchase. It would be more the fact that we decided to buy his band, and I would have a problem if it just sat in a drawer.
Some of the best words I’ve heard about the subject…
A wedding band is NOT jewelry. It’s a wedding band.
Mr. Avocado doesn’t wear his, and I don’t think he will ever wear one. Doesn’t bother me one bit. He shows how committed he is to the relationship in many, many other ways.
I grew up with my father never having a ring, he just never got one, so it’s not like I grew up with a standard of sorts, however, I am adamant that my Future husband does wear his ring.
When I got my engagement ring (we dont have a band yet, since the wedding is 8 months away) I went out and purchased him a ring the next day to wear too signaling that we are both engaged.
Alot of people, mostly women are the only ones who have a had a negative reaction to it. I tell them basically to shut it, I am a feminist, and we are equal, if wear a ring, he does too.
My dad never wore his ring—in fact, for most of my childhood, I thought only women wore wedding rings! I know he never wore it because he hated how it felt, but it was very important to him to have the rings included in the ceremony. Now my mom wears his wedding band in addition to hers!
I guess because of that, it wouldn’t bother me at all if FI didn’t want to wear his ring. I guess I know he loves me and that’s what counts! But he’s pretty excited to wear it, actually
I think I would force him, for personal reasons. My stepfather didn’t want to wear a wedding band for the 20 years he and my mom were married, supposedly because it was too tight and he “wasn’t a jewelry kind of guy anyway.” And Mom discovered much too late that he cheated repeatedly in all those years. Not that a wedding ring is a guarantee against cheating, but with that history, I would freak if Mr T wanted to start leaving his at home….
My husband stopped wearing his ring when he began his affair with a coworker. He is now my ex and if i ever remarry, it will be REQUIRED–based on my personal experience–for my new husband to wear his.
In the two years that we’ve been together, he’s broken 2 fingers, jammed both thumbs, almost cut off his finger with a lawnmower….and that’s only half of it. (and these were all non-work-related incidents!) i don’t really expect him to wear his ring, and i would rather he not wear it than have to have it cut off in the ER!
Neither parent wears his/her ring — my dad even lost his many years ago in a cab, and didn’t bother to replace it! That said, I want Mr. MagPie to find one he really likes, and get used to wearing it all the time, because I love the sentimentality of it (rings blessed by our priest, signifying the start of our marriage and the eternal commitment we’re making to each other, of course! — not so much that “he’s mine!).
My husband wears his all the time - I’ve caught him making meatloaf, digging up a tree stump, and cleaning out the fishpond with it on. I finally convinced him to take it off for fishpond related chores, because of the very real possibility of losing it in the muck. He’s very proud of it, as he is of our marriage, and loves to show it off. So if he ever stopped wearing it, that would be a total deal-breaker.
And seriously - I work with mostly men, and there are two kinds of guys who don’t wear rings. There’s the kind who rock climb or do a lot of serious manual labor, and have had some kind of ring-related scare where they have had to cut it off - which is understandable. And there’s the kind that have some reason to think there might be some advantage to not being obviously married. You might not want to believe it, but take if from somebody who has spent the past 20 years working and traveling with all kinds of married men - there are a few guys out who are obviously devoted to their wives and families, and there are a lot more who can be had, and are not shy about letting it be known. Only a few of the first kind don’t wear rings. A whole lot of the second kind don’t.
my fi seems excited about wearing his band now, because he got to pick it. I think i’ll definitely be dissapointed if he doesn’t want to wear it (I’ve only ever been around men–grandpa’s and dad that have worn their wedding bands constantly!)
I can’t wait to wake up next to him after the wedding and see that band on his finger!
The ring is a symbol of the commitment that we’ve made to each other. Because of my job, I would be the one that would be less-likely to wear my ring, but I have no plans to take it off for work. I’m proud of being committed to him. If he didn’t wear his? Yes, I would be hurt.
@LatteLove: I can’t wait for that either!
Very interesting responses! This is why I love Weddingbee! Everyone feels differently about it, which makes sense, because it is a pretty personal subject.
Here’s our deal - Mr. G is excited to wear his ring. It has never been a conversation that we have had to delve into too deeply because he wants to wear it. If he didn’t, I don’t think I could ever force him to do it. I wouldn’t be too happy about it and I would let him know I wasn’t too happy, but ultimately it is his decision. If he needed to take it off for work, then that’s a no brainer. I wouldn’t expect that he’d wear it while at work.
@suzanno: Only two kinds? I recognize the two kinds you describe and yes, I know a few men who would fall into these categories. But I do think there are other men who are just as committed but are just not into the jewelry thing or don’t feel they need to wear a ring to be committed or a combination of the two. To say there are only two kinds of men is not really fair.
Sure, I get a little thrill out of Mr Breezy’s wearing of the ring but at the same time, I don’t think of my dad as any less married because he doesn’t wear one. It just depends on the person.
Maybe husbands who don’t wear theirs wouldn’t care if their wives took theirs off too, but I would be upset if he decided not to wear his ring just like I know he would be upset if I stopped wearing mine. I know men have not always worn wedding rings, but the priest in our ceremony will say that those rings are the symbol of our love and commitment. That symbol doesn’t do a whole lot of good inside the box!
my friends and I had this discussion and some of the guys are saying they don’t want to wear theirs… I don’t know but I think I would take personal offense to it even if it wasn’t meant to be. luckily I don’t have to worry about that bc there’s no way my FI won’t be wearing his 
My husband pretty much never takes his off, and I love seeing the ring on his finger. I don’t know why, but I think its sexy! I am happy he wears it - not because him not wearing it would make me trust him less or think he loves me less. It just makes him feel more like my husband and less like my boyfriend
My dad never wore his ring, and it never occurred to me that this was a bad thing - and my parents have a great marriage - so to each his own!
My Dad does not wear his ring. I know he did when he was younger and first married, but took it off when he gained weight. I don’t think a piece of jewelry makes your marriage less significant, it definitelly depends on the person as Mrs. Sea Breeze and Janna19 have mentioned. I certainly don’t think its a bad thing and my FI is not really a jelewry person, so I won’t be surprised if he hardly wears his.
My dad never wore a ring. He works in construction and is just not a jewelry person in general. He doesn’t even wear a watch.
My boyfriend plans on wearing a ring, although he does a lot of work on cars as well as construction, so I wouldn’t be surprised if later he changed his mind.
It wouldn’t bother me at all. It would bother me if he told people and acted like he wasn’t married. Luckily I know he would never do that:)
@suzanno
I agree with Miss Seabreeze. My husband doesn’t wear his ring because he doesn’t like jewelry. And though you may think I’m “kidding myself” that he’s actually devoted to me, you’d be mistaken. I’ve been with guys that weren’t fully committed, and I know putting a ring on them wouldn’t have made one bit of difference — in fact I wonder if this would have made them worse! My husband on the other hand is the most attentive, loyal, sweet, and caring guy, and he shows me his devotion every day. Even ringless.
I’ve honestly never thought about this before! My dad has always worn his ring, as has FFIL. FH and I are both excited to wear wedding bands. He has told me on mulitple occasions that he’s ready to be able to wear it. He’s keeping both bands safe at his house, and he’s told me that sometimes he’ll even wear it around the house! I think if he decided not to wear it I would be surprised, and then I would ask him what he would feel like if I decided to stop wearing mine. I think it’s a personal decision, but if he would have a problem with me going sans-ring, I think he would need to reconsider his decision to go without it.
my husband wears a ring, but regularly takes it off for weight lifting and rock climbing and leaves it on a table in or house. sometimes he forgets to put it back on. when he does, i’ve started taking my ring off and putting it next to his, “so they won’t be lonely”. he usually puts his ring back on pretty quickly when he sees that
I know it is not that important, and there are many other ways to show love and commitment, but I think I would be pretty upset if Mr. PN didn’t wear his wedding band. But that is just me. I think what matters is that the couple is okay with whatever situation they decide on. To each their own!
I think I would be pretty upset if my FI didn’t wear it after the wedding. We spent all this time looking for the perfect ring for him, one he would like wearing all the time, so if he decides he doesn’t want to wear it, it would be rather strange. But if he has a valid reason I’ll understand, I would never want him to feel forced to wear it.
I have to say, I would not be pleased at all if Mr. Lobster didn’t want to wear his ring. It would just seems strange.
But on a related topic… Mr. L and I were out to eat the other night and he asked me if once we got married I would stop wearing my Ering and only wear my wedding band. I thought that was one of the funniest things ever. Yep… I’ll just put this shiny baby in the box, and it’ll never see the light of day again. Boy are so cute.
I’d be worried about mine, because he likes jewelry and wants an e-ring too. If he didn’t, I wouldn’t. I don’t know if I can wear a ring every day, either. I never could wear a watch.
My FI and I have been talking about this a lot recently… the usual responses: “I’m not a jewelery guy” and “I wore a ring years ago and hated it” (sidenote: the ring was too big). He’s promised that when he meets new women he’ll introduce himself with “Hi, I’m P, and I’m married to a wonderful woman.” Funny, but it still doesnt cut it for me! I polled my friends who all said that it took their husbands time to get used to wearing their ring, so I told my FI that it’s important to me that he wears it, and if he could wear it for a month after we got married, then we could discuss it again. That’ll give him a chance to get used to it (and hopefully it’ll put the topic to rest for a little while).
He’s a PhD student in engineering so he’s totally a geek — we’re looking at (cheap) rings in cool materials for him… I’m hoping that’ll help the situation as well. I saw some interesting rings on Etsy if you’re looking for something a little different.
I’m curious to see how it’ll pan out, but Miss Dumpling said it well: If I thought he wanted to hang on to his bachelor days, I wouldnt marry him. Thanks for the insights everyone!
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles
Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting
Engagement Date: May 6, 2007
Wedding Date: June, 2009
Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel
About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics