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I have read numerous board posts on Weddingbee about wedding guests and who gets a plus one and who doesn’t. Mrs. Jasmine even wrote her own post about this very subject. Here is my take on it.
Some brides have the plus one down to a science. Something like this:
Allowable Plus Ones - Married couples or significant others who have been dating for 12 months or more. By “dating” this means they have had been on more than 25 consecutive Friday night dinner dates with one another and/or have slept over one another’s places at least 50 times. In addition, you (as the bride and groom) both must have met this alleged significant other no less than 20 times in mixed company.
I’m kidding! Every couple has to make up their own rules about this situation. I get that. But seriously, what is it that makes brides go bananas over plus ones?
Mr. G and I have been working on our wedding guest list, and we have been faced with the plus one conundrum. But, we’ve decided we need to breathe and relax. Whether second cousin Jim gets a plus one or not is not the end of the world.
Here are a few things I have jotted down to keep some perspective. (These tips, in no way, are endorsed by the Weddingbee community. They are all my own personal opinion.)
1) No one over the age of 25 wants to show up to the wedding by themselves or (even worse) accompanied by their parents! Just think about it. Would you want to be 30 years old with your mom as your date?
2) If you disapprove of a friend’s significant other and therefore are considering not allowing your friend a plus one, think twice. Honestly, just because you are getting married doesn’t make you the relationship police. If you have that much of a problem with the situation, don’t invite your friend because the whole situation will just cause grief.
3) If you are having a destination wedding or a wedding where many will have to travel far distances, please make your plus one rules very clear. People will usually assume that they can bring someone with them in these situations. If you have certain rules to your destination wedding game plan, share them on your Save the Date or write it clearly in an email to guests.
4) Participants in your wedding party should absolutely be allowed a plus one. They are doing you a favor by standing up for you. Never deny your wedding court members a plus one.
5) If you are so upset by the fact that you have to pay X amount of dollars for so-and-so to eat and enjoy themselves… seriously, don’t invite them or their plus ones.
6) There are many people who have zero clue when it comes to wedding etiquette, guest lists, and plus ones. I should know. I was one of them. Until Weddingbee and other planning sites, I had no clue about the intricacies of the plus one. Lucky I know better now, but please try and be patient with the non-wedding planning community.
7) Having the option of a plus one is always a nice gesture. Most guests are not going to abuse their plus one powers and bring a one-night stand. Some might, but most won’t. They might even surprise you, and decide against bringing a date. Who knows? Anything is possible.
Lastly, this post is meant to be fun. I know for some of you this is a serious concern. Add a little humor to the situation. I think it could help things a lot. 
What are your “Plus One” rules?
Our gripe wasn’t dates, it was adult children, as in “Thanks for the invitation, my husband can’t come, so I’m bringing my two 20-something daughters in his place.” Um, what?
I think it’s a frsutrating topic for many..and for obvious reasons - every person adds, on average, $100! I know some who have been frustrated that friends who don’t have significant others have brought another friend/sibling/etc as their “date.”
But really, who wants to go to a wedding by themselves if they don’t have a significant other? I want my guests to have fun, dance, and celebrate with me and Mr. Stiletto! So when we’re making up our guest list, we assume everyone will be a “+1″ regardless of their situation, and are budgeting accordingly…
And, I’ve been my sister’s +1 before..there was a 4-hour gap between ceremony and reception, and she would have been bored stiff without me…we went to a movie in between 
Um yeah, I have never forgotten my single days when I rarely got a plus-1. Nobody wants to go to a wedding alone! It’s one thing if you will know tons of people there, but another thing entirely when you only know a few and then aren’t allowed to bring any sort of date. Brutal.
About six months ago, I was sent an invite to my friend’s wedding. She did not include a plus one for me. I was 22 had been dating the same guy for 2 years (we actually got engaged over Christmas:). So, I would definitely call that a serious relationship. Because I would have had to drive about 8 hours, get a hotel by myself (I am an adult and a little past sharing a hotel with my parents), attend a wedding with the only people I knew were my parents and the bride and her parents, I decided not to attend at all. She has commented several times how much she wished I would have come. I honestly never think about missing her wedding except when she brings up the subject.
If you cannot afford to include the person you want to invite and there plus one, you shouldn’t invite them.
I know it is hard but take the bride goggles off and think about how much weddings suck if you are alone. We have all been there. Explaining why you don’t have a date is not fun.
We are including a +1 for all of our single friends, I know its always tricky being a guest not knowing whether or not it is appropriate to bring a date, so we’re clearly inviting our friends’ significant others by name or including “& guest” for those who are only casually dating.
OH thank GOD you wrote this. I feel VERY strongly that at a certain age EVERYONE should get a plus one. If you are just out of college and think your friends will abuse it, fine…do it your way, but to have specific ideas and rules over who can and can not have a plus one is extraordinarily tacky. I don’t care how much it adds to the cost…if you don’t want to pay the extra $100 per head, than save yourself $100 and don’t invite them at all.
Better yet, figure your plus ones into your budget FIRST THING!! Before you pick a venue, before you pick a caterer. That way, if the plus ones don’t come you have that much extra wiggle room to work with.
Phew…pardon me while I step off my soapbox..and again, thank you, for saying what should be said.
Mr. MagPie and I have been joking with our single friends they’ll be plus one only if they can prove they are in serious relationships by the time our invites mail. Kidding, of course, but at least we all recognize when it’s in good fun. And the group — singles, couples — all has fun together!
In my single days, I was one of those guests who didn’t bring a plus one. I figured I’d have more fun hanging out with the people I did know than I would with entertaining a guest who didn’t know anyone.
I don’t really have any plus one rules, but I think all of your tips are great.
Since most of our friends all know each other, we are only giving a plus 1 to people who have been in a serious relationship for at least a year. We don’t have a lot of money for the wedding, so I don’t feel like we should have to pay to have someone we don’t even know come to our wedding!
We were having this discussion this weekend… we are having a small affair… less than 50 people mostly composed of family and close friends. There are two cousins who could potentially need a plus one, but we almost think their plus ones would feel more awkward than anything. Also, we really want to keep things intimate, we’ll be all together friday night thru Sunday morning… so we’d prefer to keep it intimate vs. following the plus one rules
We are having this problem too! We are on a budget and can only invite max 150 guests. However, both of our families are huge and we want our friends there too…but it just stinks to invite the plus ones :(. We’re gonna invite the plus ones, but it still makes me sad.
Ohhh this is going to be interesting for me in the future, I just know. And by intersting I mean hellish. I am not planning on inviting my cousins’ kids to our wedding. But I don’t think that my cousins will understand that if it is only his or her name plus spouse that means the kids aren’t invited. It will have to be outlined in a personal email or something. I mean these are the same cousins who didn’t invite me to their wedding and after the fact said that of course I was invited, my parents got an invitaiton (addressed only to them). Um, hello I was 25 and live 9 hours and 5 states away from my parents! Haha! But I think you outlined really realistic guidelines.
I think these are wonderful rules! I agree with them all. As for FH and me, we both have small families and our venue has a required minimum number of guests… so we’re in the rare situation of actually *encouraging* all of our single guests to bring a date. Even if it’s just a friend or a one night stand, we don’t care because we have to pay for that many meals anyway.
I have a related question, though: How do you indicate a +1 is invited if your invitations don’t have inner envelopes?
OKay ps mine wasn’t exactly about plus ones - but close enough!
Great tips! Every bride & groom have trouble deciding who gets a plus one and who doesn’t! *Including me— going back to look over my list now ;)*
We allowed everyone plus 1’s. If you’re looking for an easy solution, there it is. Lots of people flew or drove 2-7 hours, so it was only fair. I can see how if it were an “in town” wedding for most that you would rethink giving them to everyone, but man, as a guest, traveling alone SUCKS. Most of my single girlfriends in LA brought a girlfriend with them. I think they had much more fun than they would if they had to come alone (or they wouldn’t have come at all).
It’s tough because even when you talk with the people about how many guests they are allowed, some will still do whatever they want. We had a family of six invited, and they RSVPed: five if our daughter wins her soccer game that day, six if she doesn’t. The hubs called them, explained the situation, so they RSVPed for five. At the wedding, six came. So a table that I squeezed for 10, now had to squeeze for 11.
So even when you explain the situation to the people, they’ll still surprise you. While I won’t lie and say it didn’t bug me, I will tell you that I didn’t let it affect me. Big difference.
Anyone who was in a relationship when we made the guest list for the STD was invited with their SO (we made sure to get the name). BAsically, if that person considered their SOt o be their boyfriend/girlfriend, that was enough for us (eg # months/living situation was none of our business). We ended up with a list with more people than our venue could hold, but we felt like with a reasonable % yield, we would be fine. Once we started getting back RSVPs and saw we had space, we extended +1s to anyone who was coming who did not have an SO when we sent out STDs. The only people who took us up on the offer were those that had gotten into a relationship in the meantime. Oh, and anyone travelling far got a +1 regardless of status (so they wouldn’t have to travel alone).
@GwenMarieDC: no worries, i plan on not inviting my cousins. we’re not close and besides, trouble always seems to follow one of them and quite frankly i’m looking forward to a drama free day!
and thanks for this post! i got stung by a ‘plus-1′ and lost some friends because of it [seriously, that was lame]. but i didn’t know the rule! many people don’t and i’m glad you mentioned that. i think we’ll be adding plus-1s on an available space basis for the single friends if they request.
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting Engagement Date: May 6, 2007 Wedding Date: June, 2009 Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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