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A couple of weeks ago, I sat down with one of our good friends for a little chat. He had just gotten the job offer of a lifetime, and was incredibly excited. So what was the problem? He had also just met a girl. One who could be “The One”. And taking the job meant that he would have to move across the country, basically squashing all hopes of a relationship with this person. He vented to me about the situation, and asked for my advice.
What did I tell him? Well, my friends, I wove him a little tale about myself and the mister that went something like this:
Back when Mr. PP and I first met, he was finishing up his master’s degree and looking for jobs. He had been seriously interviewing with a lot of different universities, and had been offered a great position with one in Texas.
Then he met me. We had a few fantastic dates, and things were going really well, but the deadline for his decision was fast approaching. Either Mr. PP would have to end things with me and move away, or take a leap of faith and see how things went with us.
In the end, Mr. Powder Puff turned down the out of state jobs, and instead accepted one that would be closer to where I was living at the time.
A few months later Mr. Powder Puff told me about this. He explained to me that while the jobs were great opportunities, he recognized an even greater opportunity in our budding relationship. He knew that if he didn’t see how things went with us, he would always regret it. I was incredibly touched!
But seriously, how could you move away from a girl who loves faux gang signs?! This was a touching moment from our early dating days.
So, in the end, I told our friend that sometimes you need to take chances, and put yourself out there, otherwise you might really regret it later. The job is an amazing opportunity, but I’ll bet more amazing opportunities will come around. More amazing girls might not.
Have you ever made a huge sacrifice for the one you love?
Is it harder decision to make now when jobs are scarce and layoffs common? Amazing work opportunities are much fewer these days than at any other time in our lives. Long distance relationships can and do work, although they are hard.
What did your friend decide in the end?
I did. He moved away and we never got back together. He has since married, as have I, but I always tell myself it was being with that first “could have been” that I allowed myself to fall hard. And I couldn’t have been happier 
Plus, we’re still friends (me and the “maybe” guy)
@Janna19: I don’t think I would recommend a long distance relationship if the couple is just starting out. It’s one thing if they have been together for a year plus, but I don’t think the “getting to know you” stage should be spent far apart. At least in my opinion.
My fiancee did the same thing! Someone he was working with was going to open up a business in a state very far away from where I lived and where we met and my fiancee had seriously considered going with him. But we’d been on a couple dates and he liked the way things were going so he decided not to go. He told me about it a while later. I was so glad; I don’t know that I would have had the confidence in our relationship to do that.
When my FI and I met, we were living about a 3 hour drive from each other. Not a big deal, but enough that people cautioned us, “are you sure to want to get involved?” About a month after we met, he got transfered to small town in Indiana (about a 3 hour plane ride)! It was bad timing but we decided that there was “something” between us and that we would do the long distance thing. Within a year he switched jobs, moved again, and I joined him. So I guess the moral of the story is: stick with a good thing, even if it means less than ideal circumstances.
The mister and I met a few weeks before I was slated to move out of state for grad school in a professional program, one that I had been planning to pursue for the past five years. Three weeks into our relationship, I moved (about a month and a half before I would have started the program). Two weeks after that, he proposed. A few days after that, I decided that putting my career on hold for 12 months was worth what we could have together. I moved back a couple of weeks later. I reapplied and was accepted, and will start in August. He’s in our new city today for an interview, and we’re getting married this Saturday. Not what I would have predicted if someone had asked me about the course of my life, not for everyone, but definitely the right choice for us. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Furthering your education though, is a little different than turning down a job opportunity.
Amazing girls come along a lot more frequently than amazing jobs, in my experience. I’ll be the first to say my FH isn’t “the One”. There is no “One”. There may only be one true opportunity of successful lifelong commitment to come along in someone’s lifetime, but the things that prevent this opportunity usually have more to do with the maturity of the participants and outside forces than some perfect once-in-a-lifetime connection. My grandpa lost his wife and mother of his 3 children, but he remarried a great lady and was with her many more years than his first wife. Who was “the One”? Well, from an illogical, but beautiful and entirely subjective perspective, they both were.
I’m not saying not to take chances, and definitely not to avoid sacrifices for your loved ones. I’m saying if he doesn’t know yet, I’d tell him to take the job. If once-in-a-lifetime romances really transcend material stuff like dream jobs, they can transcend long-distance relationships. But, hey, I’ve been in a couple, and I know the real world has a lot to say about even the best couples.
My FH has decided to make job/location sacrifices for me completely because I am career-oriented and he is family-focused and would be happy anywhere if he can afford his hobbies. As I said, I’ve previously undertaken long-distance relationships to proceed with potential “the Ones”, and while they ultimately tanked (yes, due to user error, but not entirely user incompatibility), it was a good sacrifice. I’ve also moved for one of them, and it, too, was worthwhile. But I was certain I was committed to that partner for at least the immediate future.
Another idea is for your friend to ask his love interest if she might be interested in moving along with him. It might sound crazy, but maybe she has a great feeling about him too and maybe she’s ready for a change of scenery. I moved to a new state and a new school just months into dating my finace and it was the best decision I ever made - four years later we’re getting married and still insanely in love!
Two years ago I moved from the East Coast to Las Vegas to take a job that was a major step back for me so that my boyfriend at the time could take a great job with a paper here. We were in the same industry, and I had more experience than he did, but they wanted him, not me, so we came. Turns out, they offered me a job, too, a few months later. And although I’m leaving that job this week for an even better opportunity here (he’s staying at the paper), my leap turned out wonderfully in the end. Not only did I get the job, but I kept the man I loved… and two years later we’re getting married! Good gamble, Vegas!
I am way too practical — and I have seen way too many people get burned because they have had lopsided feelings about the person they are dating. While it’s awesome that things worked out with you and Mr. PP, it doesn’t work that way for everyone. In this economy, it’s also hard to turn down job offers. I’m a big believer in the ol’ “if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be,” even if that means long distance and late-night phone calls and lots of plane rides to see each other.
@Mandalynn17 - I completely agree, I wouldn’t recommend it either! I do have a great friend who lived in NYC, met an amazing girl by chance who lived in CA, and dated long distance for 9-12 months. He eventually moved out there, and they are now married and have a kid so it is *possible* although not ideal. I just think that in this job market the decisions are not the same as they used to be!
Interesting post. I think you have to weigh it all. I don’t think that there is just one person for everyone, but then again you can say the same thing for jobs … and some people put a greater emphasis on their work life than their personal life (and some, the opposite). I did stay around the area where my DF lived when we were first starting out, even though I was just finished school and eager to leave. I don’t know that I would have stayed if I had a good offer to go elsewhere, though.
I had several boyfriends move away or we were long distance while in college. I don’t know that I spend time wondering “what if” with them. But who knows, sometimes you just have that feeling…
I would say take the job. These people are just starting out and this might be the one. However the career is the dream opportunity. Especially if this guy has put in years being in school and working up to this point, jobs like this may not come along again.
Hmm… Interesting food for thought.
I think it depends on what your priorities are, but I have to say, when my fiance and I were faced with the same decision, we opted to start our relationship long distance.
With the economy the way it is, I don’t think anyone should take their career for granted. For me, career was always a priority. I wanted a guy who could fit in with my career and who could understand my commitment to it. Otherwise, I don’t think we’d make it as a couple anyway.
I took a job in Washington, knowing that he was in California and that I might be putting a budding romance in jeopardy. I made this decision with my eyes wide open.
In fact, there was an advantage. Long distance allowed our relationship to start slowly… We avoided some of the classic relationship pitfalls by developing a strongly communication-based relationship. We survived the long distance for 2 years.
In the end, there is no “one size fits all” for this kind of decision. I know that I could have never been comfortable with my decisions if I felt that I had made them for my fiance, but someone else might feel the same way about putting career in front of someone they are dating.
In the modern world, I do believe that we have to make tough choices, but we also have the advantage of technology making long distance easier.
Who knows if the girl your friend just met really is “the one”. Only time will tell. It’s just all about how he wants to spend that time…
I wish your friend the best of luck!
Awwww, sweet story of you and the mister. The only “tough” choice I had to make was coming home (to Philly) after grad school (in Boston). Mr. MagPie and I were together at that time, but also, my whole family was in the area — so it was really a no-brainer! Any job I would have gotten up in Massachusetts would have been lonely when everyone I love is 300 miles away!
My fi and I met while I lived in MN and he lived and worked in CA. We lasted this way for about 10 months, then he moved closer to be with me.
it helped immensely that he flew home every weekend, but it still was tough.
WOW, I disagree, glad that it worked out for you, but not everyone has the same luck. Also if this girl is truly amazing and really “the one” then the long distance issue will work itself out.
I’ve done both at different times in my life, and been happy with both outcomes– I think it’s highly dependent on where you are in life and how it could impact your future.
Basically I swore off dating during med school because my career was the one and only thing I wanted to concentrate on. It sounds harsh, but absolutely nobody was worth the effort at that point. Sure, there were nice, cute, smart guys around, and maybe one of them could’ve been my soulmate, but I wasn’t even willing to try.
When the heavy lifting was over and I was interviewing for finance jobs, I met my now-FI. We lived about an hour apart in CA, but I was looking all over the US. While I didn’t tell him this, my top serious contenders came down to the CA spots because having that chance with him was completely worth it. My career was essentially set, and I know I would’ve had serious regrets later on if I didn’t at least give it a try.
Even though “job offer of a lifetime” sounds awesome, the girl could be the future mother of his children… and in the end, I’m sure he’ll make the decision that’s best for him. Tell him good luck!
he he, Mr PP, he he. sorry, I’m immature 
I’d definitely pick the guy over the job any day. And well, I did. Though this job is probably better than the other job. The other one was a little more money and close to my parents. So more like I chose him over my parents And dogs.
That is putting a lot of pressure on a brand new relationship is all I can think.
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Mrs. Powder Puff, Chicago Age and Occupation: 25, Preschool Teacher Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Career Services Engagement Date: May, 2008 Wedding Date: July, 2009 Blogging Since: November 12, 2008 Venue: Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception About Me: I am your typical Midwestern girl attempting to plan a sane, budget-friendly, fun wedding to the man of my dreams. I love shoes, laughing at “Platinum Weddings”, crafts, inspiration boards, candy, and basically anything I can DIY. While weddings can certainly be all-consuming, I honestly can’t wait until the ceremony is over and I can finally call Mr. Powder Puff my husband!
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