Wedding Blog
I used to think, “I’m not a conventional girl…” (Mainly because I’m a 36 year old woman.)
But perhaps I’m turning into a version of her: That girl. That girl of lusciously buoyant dresses, ginormous icey rings and sticky sweet frosted cupcakery.
But I’ve never been that girl. I mean, I don’t even like shopping (have you heard?) or anything too sweet (macarons are the extent of it), and have NEVER SEEN an episode of Sex and the City! What?! Now hear what I’m saying, there is nothing wrong with Thatgirl (T.G.). Nothing at all, I think she’s wonderful and fanciful and delightful. All those sweet confectionary things. I love grand flourishes in artwork, concepts, and theory… even touches of it in decor… but not so much on my person, you know?
Well… after Mr. P and I got engaged last Spring, that resistance to T.G. softened (for a short period of time, at least). I got all confused about myself and who I was… I had to see the SATC movie, especially after this email exchange with my friend, M:
M: How’s living in Mr. P’s fabulous pad? It looks gorgeous!
Perfume: Great! He’s building closets for my junk!
M: Ooh, building closets! Just like the Sex and the City movie! 
You give me hope. The dream can come true!
Perfume: …What? They build closets?
M: He asks her if she wants a ring and she says, “No, just build me a big closet.”
Perfume: [Hm.]
Well, mine are just California Closets. And I’ll admit it, if I had to make the choice, I’d go for the ring. Yeah, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m totally, unfortunately, creepily T.G. (Good thing I didn’t have to make that choice.)
Anyhoo, I had varying ideas on what I wanted—they seemed to be ever changing. And it was making me anxious! Like the wedding gown, a woman/girl has to really think about how the e-ring represents her personality, tastes, antecedents, etc.
Recall that Mr. P proposed without a ring, insisting that I choose it. (More on shopping for the stone later.) So before stepping into a store, I spent quite a bit of time online just browsing around. And it seemed that my taste made a bit of an evolution from ornate to simple, to… well, you’ll see.
All over the nets, on the Knot, Martha, Weddingbee, etc. I kept seeing gorgeous Super Bowl ring-sized paved/micropave lovelies…
I really liked the old-timey oval and cushion shapes! My personal style is pretty austere, so I thought, CONTRAST it! But I kept asking myself, is this me? Will this style “date” my ring? Will this be too flashy for my plain everyday sensibilities? Then I thought, why not go uber classic?
Ah, Tiffany
I love the look of a an exquisitely simple, flawless stone floating on top of a femininely thin and delicate loop of precious metal! (Maybe it’s the level of connoisseurship that I find appealing?) Visions of Audrey Hepburn, Jackie O, and wrist gloves passed before me…
Eventually, I thought, what is me? Really, me? I want classic, but not common. I want understated, discreet, streamlined, modern. But at the same time I love vintage… I have a vintage watch, I have vintage handbags.
Art deco, perhaps? And then, I saw this:
Now, this… this is me, only “me” is not (so) ostentatious… (and no, don’t freak out, this isn’t my ring—that’ll be in the next post—yes, that’s right, just hang on!).
It was hard reconciling Thatgirlness with feelings of guilt and living consciously. Having traveled quite a bit, I’ve seen poverty, modesty, and world views so different from the fluffy, happy, self-indulgent consumerism that was my reality for a time there. But at the same time, I wanted something stunning and beautiful.
Can a ring be quiet, dignified and magnificent all at once?
Were you able to choose your own ring? Do you think it is very different from what your fiance would have chose on his own?
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Share this post: E-Ring Part 1: Closets, Carats and That Girl
Oooo, I’m eager to see what your ring looks like! I love diamonds with straight edges — mine’s a Dream (from Hearts on Fire).
I was able to choose my own e-ring. I showed my FI the style that I was interested in and he had a ring made for me…
I can’t wait to see your ring - I know it is going to be fabulous
Yes, I designed my own ring. It makes me happy knowing that no one else has it. Although it is modeled after a Tiffany style, it is actually quite different.
I’ve never seen an episode of sex and the city either- and I don’t have a love affair with shoes.
I picked out both my engagement rings- 1 I thought was me, but I guess i was trying to be more flashy than myself. The 2nd one is all me though. I love love love it
I showed FI what I wanted (a tiny natural ruby) but he got me a gorgeous sapphire. He said it seemed more “me” and more “us” than the ruby ring I showed him. I wouldn’t have it anyother way! It makes me feel so giddy to know that he knew what I thought I wanted but knew what I’d LOVE instead! 
I can’t wait to see your ring! Bring on the bling!
I hope we achieved quiet, dignified and magnificent. It is a huge deal for me to have anything remotely bling-y, and I have to say that shopping for it was one of the highlights of the engagement thus far.
I’ve had some pangs of “well this is self-indulgent”… but it isn’t austentacious and I figure I held out for 36 years, so damn it I was getting a pretty ring!
God I hated the SATC movie, I hated the way Carrie changed! The best part were to poop jokes.
I’ve seen every episode of SATC and love shopping, particularly for shoes. But I’m so masculine I spent several years male-identified.
I know what it’s like to not be T.G. and get confused early in the engagement about how much of a T.G. the WIC wants everyone to become, how a wedding can be a wedding but not T.G.’s wedding since I’ve only ever been to that kind. I considered going to the courthouse to avoid having a weddingy wedding, at which point I realized that since anything but the courthouse was extra and not required, I could do whatever the hell else I wanted.
The ring saga…well, it’s your blog, dear.
I have to say that I love this post!! I’m not That Girl either! I watch Sex and The City…the noncable version after it was off cable! So I know I’m missing some things!! And I rented the movie and watched it with my fiance…which was great! But Im not into fashion, trendy clothes…and I def hate a lot of things SJP’s character wears in the show…I’m like, “Really?”!! And I love that my fiance asked me to pick out the ring before he proposed. I picked out a top stone which is a heart and little circle diamonds around it…and I didnt get to see the finish product until he proposed…which was nice because when we picked them out they were two seperate rings. I love my ring and it is def me and my style.
I have the classic Tiffany solitaire. My fiance picked it out on his own, but then started second guessing himself, thinking maybe I would want something a little more blingy. So he started doing the whole, “Sooooo if I were to buy you an ering…what kind would you want?” And I said a Tiffany solitaire was my dream ring.
Oh, Miss Perfume, I love this post! I have had many similar thoughts, especially about being “that girl”. Thank you for the perspective.
Now I’ll play the role of “that girl’s friend” and exclaim in a high pitched voice, “I can’t wait to see the ring!”
ahhhh the emerald cut, a girl after my own heart!
I am Mrs. Emerald not because I have an actual emerald, but because I have an emerald CUT e-ring! =)
I think all of us can relate to not being ‘that girl,’ but then some how changing our minds! BTW, love your ring porn- can’t wait to see what you got!!
My ring was my mother’s, so there was no picking involved. Mr. Onion knew I loved it, she offered it to us before he proposed…so no surprise there. But I do love it. I don’t think he would have gotten something all that different (all be it smaller) on his own.
My FH let me pick mine out mostly. I showed him a great many I adored, he countered with very classic solitaires. We went with a kite set trio we both loved because it did NOT look like an “engagement ring.” To me that phrase conjures up images of diamonds. I am not a diamond type girl, so yes, I did get to choose mine
LOVE emerald cuts….i have 3, and then princesses in the band =)
My FI and I picked out my ring at a pawn shop in Las Vegas. I feel a little bad profiting on someone else’s misfortune, but the deals are great and somehow it just seemed…. us to do it that way.
I did get to pick out my own ring which I knew was the ring for me when I saw it. An antique art deco lovely. And I do think it’s “quiet, dignified and magnificent all at once” thank you very much. It’s not HUGE but it’s sparkly and sweet and perfect. I picked when I still believed I wasn’t t.g. Getting engaged seems to be a shot of t.g. though and sometimes I do wonder if I should have begged for the bling. I know I’ll be happy with my choice in the long run (and he can always get me a right hand bling when he wins the lotto).
I can’t wait to see your ring! Mr. D and I picked my ring out together. I picked the setting and he picked the stone. He told me that he would have never been able to find the setting that I did, and has even encouraged his bro to let his gf pick her own ring. I guess Mr. D was happy with the results of our ring shopping adventure!
I can’t wait to see what you chose! Don’t leave us hanging!
We went with a very expensive LOOKING ring, that many confuse for a real diamond, an assumption I don’t bother to correct. My fiance and I laugh at the absurdity of people that respect us more because we seem wealthy. That said, I did eventually break down and decide to get a nicer wedding ring that has real but RECYCLED diamonds and gold.
We went shopping together for my ring, and I was the one who said, yes, that’s the stone for me. It’s a cushion solitaire and I looooove it.
Wow what a lovely gowns and very elegant jewerlies, hope I could have those in my wedding someday.
My FH designed my ring , but I gave him quite a few hints. I know that with out them I’d end up with a very different (beautiful! but different) ring. I probably would have ended up with a very traditional solitaire , and not the vintage look i wanted. I so happy I spoke to him BEFORE he bought a ring. And I very blessed that he worked as hard as he did to find what I wanted.
i didn’t fancy myself a T.G. until the bf took me ering shopping and suddenly i was dazzled by all the sparkling diamonds. i seriously went, “oooh! shiny!” in my head. lol. i ended up changing my mind on what i wanted to something that both the bf and i love more. i’m eager to see what he ends up picking out!
I love the emerald cut. I posted on the tragedy of not being able to get the emerald cut a while ago. Sigh. I will live vicariously through you.
I DIDN’T pick out my ring, and had no clue my FH was going to propose, and I wouldn’t want it any other way! My love picked a perfect princess cut with two baguettes on each side and 4 pairds of tiny rounds down the sides…very vintage-y and I love every bit of it!
I’m the classic girl, Tiffany Setting… I have always loved solitaires and CityBoy knew I wouldn’t want something too “blingy,” so he walked me into Tiffany in Austin and let me try them on and I’m pretty sure the look on my face gave him his answer!
While I truly enjoy shopping (though I’ve been very good about not shopping lately to save some money), I’m not a total girly girl. I never wear jewelry, aside from my still-sort-of-new e-ring.
I had no idea my man was going to propose, and never told him anything I had in mind for a ring aside from “Not yellow gold.” The ring he gave me was much blingy-er than anything I would have picked out for myself. It’s three round diamonds, one bigger center, two side ones, with a slim white gold band.
I have to say, I love the look of the vintage rings, but I wouldn’t change my ring for anything. Now, I may have to get myself a vintage-y looking right hand ring at some point in the future though 
Mine was custom designed by FH and the jeweler based on a picture of one that I liked. The center stone is unbelievable! The diamond is actually a 49er cut which makes it even more unique. I adore it! And I am happily that girl with the shiny ring! However, it is unquestionably rude when people ask how much he spent on it. I have yet to find an appropriate response without sounding rude.
I so hear you. I STILL see rings that make me sigh and question my own ring just a teensy bit. But then I remember “me”. And it’s good to come home.
Mr T and I chose the ring together, and I love the fact that it reflects a perfect meld of both our styles. Also, it’s exactly that Harry Winston ring! If by “exact” you mean a diamond a fraction of that size. And, you know, not Harry Winston….
There are so many pretties out there, but at the end of the day I know mine is a one of a kind custom ring and it makes my heart smile.
I picked out the Novo from Tiffany, which is what my FH got me… who knows what he would have picked out on his own! When he proposed, though, I did not even look at the ring–it’s so funny, isn’t it, how the ring seems so important until you’re actually engaged, and then you never think about it until other people ask to look at it?
Don’t get me wrong, I love my ring, so much. But when I think about how much he paid for it, I think–my God, we could have paid that towards a HOUSE. Isn’t it funny, how much emphasis we’ve put on rings? But I still wouldn’t trade mine for anything!
p.s. you should really consider watching SATC–it’s so brilliantly written, and when you take away all the fashion and the ridiculously unrealistic lifestyles they all live, it really an amazing show! I almost feel like they girls on the show are some of my friends… I love watching it when I need a “girl power” boost.
Actually, Grace Kelly and Jacquie O’s (from JFK not Onassis) e-rings were emerald cuts! Great choice!
My FH had no clue, so i think he was just happy that i was happy. I think mine is magnificent yet dignified all at once
ooo I want to see your ring!!! I wanted him to pick my ring, know that it came from him, also test to see that he knows my taste/style. When I was propose to it was the perfect ring, it was so me! More than that it was his grandmother’s ring that she wore for 70 years
I wanted my FI to pick my ring on his own, to know that he chose what he thought would best represent me and he did beautifully! He didn’t even know that he picked out my favorite cut until I told him through my happy tears after he proposed.
I totally can’t wait to see your ring! I bet it’s fabulous!!
My FH picked out my ring - it’s also a Tiffany solitare. I may not have picked it out if I had the choice, but I love it and it means so much to me that he picked it out all on his own and surprised me with it!
Can’t wait to see yours!
@Miss Hot Cocoa: I’ve seen your ring…that’s hardly a tragedy!!!
@MagPie518: i just googled it…ooh, that’s very nice!!!!!
@Miss Quiche: your ring is magnificent!! i can’t believe you designed it!
@Josalyn: would love to hear more about your rings and how the second is more you.
@grumpybear722: @BunnyBlue: @mertiqua: @jkoala: @lyndsay: @LzzNYC: @purpleHaze79: @deejaylondon: I’m really envious of all you ladies whose fiances chose your rings for you! Seriously, you’ll see why in my next post!!
@Miss Glitter: @Diana:
@fifisweet: that’s awesome. (i always enjoy reading your commentary)
So on POINT!!! I cant wait to see your ring…I didnt pickout my ring but the FI did a great job on caputuring my personlity and spirit in my e-ring and even though many people comment on how its not really an e-ring but the acutal band..I wouldn’t have it any other way..It fits me and my quirky self
@Kittel-Wilson: you sound quirkly cool. i’m sorry you experienced petty comments. e-rings are representative, not definitional! geez!
Oh I can’t wait to see what you get! My ring looks just like the Harry Winston ring but it was actually my grandmothers.
@Mrs. Emerald: heart you!
@Globetrotting Bride: um, i just checked out your blog (awesome, btw)…and we have the same ring! what’s more remarkable! our guys do too!!
i picked mine too. months after he proposed we used the ring from his grandma’s e-ring and i went with him to pick out the setting
I actually liked the idea of having my Fi’s birthstone in my ering. After giving me 2 diamond erings, my Fi surprised me last year with a ring containing her birthstone with 2 small diamonds on either side. I love it!
speaking of rings - check this out
http://www.touchwoodrings.com/
I don’t usually reply to posts but I will in this case. I’ve been experiencing this very same problem with a new WordPress installation of mine. I’ve spent weeks calibrating and getting it ready when all of a sudden… I cannot delete any content. It’s a workaround that, although isn’t perfect, does the trick so thanks! I really hope this problem gets solved properly asap.
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Mrs. Perfume, DC
Age and Occupation: 36, Consultant (and Part-Time Professor)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 41, Consultant
Engagement Date: May 13, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Venue: The Homestead, Hot Springs, Virginia
About Me: I'd like to think that I'm a modern day Little Edie Beale. Only not as..."talented". More realistically, I'm a foodie who can't bake; a dancer and dilettente; an art collector with a penchant for the whimsical and subversive. I live in the city and adore the country, but not much in between. I like smart design, great craftmanship and good value. Most of all, I love the new vintage aesthetic: classic, sweet, delicate, bespoke. If I had to do it all over again, I'd go for a culinary arts degree rather than a PhD; but wouldn't trade Mr. P for the world.
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