Wedding Blog
They call me Stacy… okay, well no one actually calls me Stacy, but I don’t know what I want to be called after August 2009. After Miss Cheese’s name change post, I tried really hard to avoid thinking about our own situation. Since I haven’t made the decision yet (though I have reserved all possible email choices) I thought I’d share what other people in my life have done in regards to the name change situation.
As for us?
Every family member in my generation is a girl, so I really do worry about our family name dying out. I can remember, as clearly as yesterday, learning about someone with my last name in 4th grade. I ran home and made my mother find our genealogy to see if we were related. Like Miss Peep Toe, I enjoy being on that first page of Google results. Plus, according to this site (thanks mrstye!), there is only 1 person in the entire United States with my name. I’m not sure how accurate it is, but I think it’s pretty neat and I don’t want to lose the history or individuality that comes with my name.
Have you decided to go a non-traditional route in changing your name?
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Share this post: That’s Not My Name…
I love that Ting Tings song! Okay, back to post reading…
Yea for uniqueness! That’s actually one of the factors inspiring me to keep my name. But I applaud people who go the unique route — like MB’s friend’s parents! — though I wonder how to handle all that, legally. Sounds like it could be confusing!
I find these posts about name changing very interesting. I am one of three girls in my family and we only have one guy cousin on my dad’s side…and I’m not pretty sure where he lives or anything about him so I dont know if he has kids to pass on the name…but I know we have other family members out there with our name because my grandpa had sisters or a sister?! See I dont really know that much! But I love my last name and it has always been very unique…but I love that I am marrying a wonderful man with a wonderful last name and I am honored to take his last name. Not saying that there is anything wrong with anyone else who has a different opinion…to each his/her own. But I can’t wait until the day I become Mrs. T!
My sister had a great idea - she took her maiden name as her middle name, and her husband’s last name. So her last name isn’t hyphenated, but she can go by her full name (especcially for mailings/business cards) and still be able to be found! 
I changed my name though am keeping my maiden name as my middle name. It’s definitely tough and I think it’s a personal decision, but I like the unity I feel with my husband. I like that people can call us “the Smiths” and that our entire family will have the same last name. (In my family we always referred to other families as “the Johnsons.” I wonder how people refer to mixed families now?)
I’m not sure yet either. I really like my last name! That site is neat, there are 98 people in the us with my name, and 71 people with Mr. Taffy’s.
I changed my name because I wanted to share a family name with Mr. Onion and our kids. That being said, an old friend did something I loved. Her mother gave her and her 2 sisters middle names that were maiden names of women in their family. You could always do that — give your child your maiden name as a middle name (or even first name if it would work). I loved the idea.
I also am the only person in the country with my name. All of my female cousins who share a last name with me are changing theirs…We mutually have griped about our name for so many years that I feel like we have been forced to “own” it.
I don’t have any friends who have not changed their names after they’ve married (and I’m the last), but I ADAMANTLY am sticking with the name I was given at birth.
My name is difficult to spell and pronounce, and I am used to people misspelling it or mispronouncing it. When — if — we have children, they will take his name. After we are married, I will be “Mrs. DH’s last name” and will take no offense (in fact, I will revel in it) to being called that. But I will not legally erase the one person in the country with my name.
My mom thinks I’m nuts
So are you planning on having your fiance change his name to yours? I’ve heard many women give the “my last name is a dying breed” reason for not changing their name - but the only real way to continue the name is to pass it on to your children. Have you discussed with your fiance that you’d like your children to have your last name? Because that’s definitely NOT a conversation that should wait until you’re pregnant. I’ve seen it; it’s ugly. I have known people to have the whole family take the mother’s last name or to have just the children (not the father) take the mother’s last name.
@Mrs. Onion: OoOoh, I really like that idea! @Julie: I really like that idea, I just don’t want to lose my google results (how pathetic?)
I should probably also mention I always wanted to marry into alliteration but to no avail.@chicagowife: I always wanted a house plate or welcome mat that would say “The D’orsays”. Mr. D and I kind of liek what Holly and Mike did, so we could have one made as the D’orsay - Ds
Woah - a shout-out! And I’m just a newbee! But seriously, it is a cool site.
Also, sis might want to know that changing your name later on is an even bigger name, b/c at that point, it’s not considered doing so b/c of marriage, so you have to follow the regular name change procedures. Those can be much more onerous, like having to have the new name published in a newspaper, etc.
Just a question though to people who keep their name b/c it might die out b/c of lack of males: Unless you also give your kids the name, isn’t going to die out w/ you anyway?
Grr — changing the name later on is an even bigger PAIN, I mean. An even bigger “name”? That just doesn’t make sense at all.
I’m not changing my name, and we’re going to give our children my last name as well (although my FI won’t be changing his). Despite the fact that I’m an only child, it has nothing to do with not wanting the last name to die out because I have an extremely common last name. This is just what we prefer to do.
I find this society is too patriarchal, and after all I’ll be giving birth to them! I also find nothing wrong with one parent having a different last name from their child. My mom retained her maiden name and never caused me any great trauma. Moreover most women I know keep their names, regardless of what surname they choose to give their children.
I would really like to keep my last name and take his. Unfortunately, my last name is already hyphenated thanks to my hippie parents. Two hypens is a bit much! Plus my bf has the coolest last name in the world (really people tell him this) so it would be hard to say no if he asked me to take it. I’m thinking that when we have kids I will give them my parent’s last names (one a piece) as a middle name just to make everyone happy.
PS… I am Diana…forgot to log in yet again…but as I am honored to take his name…we will be getting tattoos of the symbols of both our last names.
Don’t get me started! I like my name and want to keep it as it is. PERIOD. I have no “reason” at all. It’s my darn name. However to him that translates to “I don’t like your name.” Which is not true it’s just, like your post title, “not my name.” I have no prob with the kids having his last name and heck I may even tack it on if we have kids. He thinks I’m making a big deal, to which I responded, “Since it’s so easy, change your name!” That changed his tune!
@Veiled Vows: woah, Mr.D and I were *just* talking about this. That there it would be highly unlikely our kids would want to become Jones-Smith-Anderson or something. Thanks for commenting!
that there, liek? it’s after 11:30 in the uk - I should sleep
Regarding children with hyphenated names marrying: there was a metafilter question that a bee linked to at one point which had a variety of view-points on this issue. One I thought particularly interesting was to start a matrilineal-patrilineal naming convention. As an example if a woman with the last name momsname1-dadsname1 married a man with the last name momsname2-dadsname2 their kids would be momsname1-dadsname 2…they inherit their mom’s mom’s last name hyphenated with the dad’s dad’s last name, that way each parent would still be part of the name but you could repeat it without ending up with a ridiculous number of hyphenated names.
I really like my last name too! Mr. K and I always joke that he should just adopt my last name, but I think his parents would disown us! I am taking his name because I come from a blended family (3 different last names among us), and I’m tired of all the confusion!
Howmanyofme.com is a cool site…thanks for sharing. Apparently my last name is the 8th most popular in the US. I will be taking FH’s last name…I think it will make us feel like a family and I definitely want our children -when we have them - to have the same last name. Fortunately for me, I have two brothers who will have children (hopefully) to carry on the name.
I love that song! The Ting Tings rock! I was so glad to see a bee reference it! 
I’m all for being unique.. but the blending with the Posil is kind of strange to me. My family is really important to me, as is the Mr.’s, and none of them would understand that at all. I would hate to confuse everyone!
My mom didn’t change her name and so I grew up with a different last name than her (her last name is my middle name, though). I grew up in a tiny, fairly conservative town and us having different last names never caused me one bit of trouble. I think the worry that “families have to share the same last name name” is way overblown. It was never a source of stress for me or any of my siblings.
I’m leaning in the same direction agrosses mentioned above. I’m not changing my name (it helps that we don’t plan to have children so that arguement becomes a mute point) but I will take no offense if we are addressed as Mr. & Mrs. or Dr. & Mrs. DH’s last name.
Call me old fashioned, but I can’t wait to have CityBoy’s last name!!! I know it will be a pain in the butt to get everything changed and learn a new signature and get new business cards printed and all that, but I’m excited!
I kept my name, as did my DH. Our girl children will have my last name, the boys will have his. I guess we will be the mylastname-hislastnames.
I agree that the matchy-matchy last name thing is totally overblown. Igrew up in a mixed family with 3 last names and never found it made us feel less connected, so this is fine with me. Also, our last names are pretty similar.
I changed mine and you know, I was surprised to discover it wasn’t nearly as big a pain as I thought it would be. I like being ‘Team Breezy’ but I think keeping your own name or making one up is cool too. ‘A rose by any other name’ and all that.
Wow, there are 8,849 people with the same name as me in the US. I wish there was a Canadian equivalent so I could find out for my own country!
I have NO idea what to do about the name thing. I really like my name - but he’d really like me to take his on, it’s part of his culture for each kid to have both parents names. But I really really don’t like hyphenated names (no offense to those of you that have one) and he thinks it would be weird for me to take just his name, as it’s not how it’s done in his country and it would be weird for me to have a Latino last name when I’m not.
Basically… I have oh, five months left to figure this puzzle out - eep!
Professionally, I’m going as First Maiden Married, with Maiden Married as one last name, no hyphen, no middle name. Aside from me loving my maiden name, I sort of have to keep it professionally because I’ve been published under that name, and it’s really hard to maintain any sort of continuity or reputation if you don’t professionally exist!
My regular ole’ life name will be First Maiden Married, with Maiden as my middle, and I’ll go as “Mrs. Married.”
I’m keeping my name, and doing that sort of thing in a small conservative town is just *asking* to make waves…but I love my name (it’s alliterative!) and am not ready to change it. I’m open to the idea of changing it down the road (i.e. when we have children), but for now we’re both keeping our names.
I love that how many of me website! Two for me! (The other one has way more google hits, too. Boo.)
That’s who sings that song!
Like you, I’ve struggled with my name change. I’ve been married for 5 months already and I still don’t know what to do. I really want to do like Mrs. Hydrangea suggested and do something like Jones de Smith…but ya know how that goes. I do want our future kids to have a name we all share so I’m just stumped.
A friend of mine recently got married, and her husband took her last name instead of the other way around! His parents were divorced, and he still had his father’s last name. The man hadn’t really been part of his life, so he felt no sentimental attachment to it. His mother’s last name was that of her second husband. My friend, on the other hand, had a very rich family history attached to her last name and wasn’t at all ready to give that up. I thought it was such an awesome thing for them to do, and so very 21st century. They actually discussed which last name meant more to them and went with it. I was totally impressed.
A word of warning though to anyone considering this route. While their decision was very 21st century, our legal system isn’t quite up to speed. It took longer for them to get his name changed than it would for a wife to get her name changed, and they actually needed to hire a lawyer since it was technically a legal name change. (They knew one, so it cost them nothing, but they did need the consult to know how to do everything!) It’s just more legally-intensive for a husband to change his last name than a wife. Also, the his mom wasn’t thrilled with the idea … I don’t know what she would have wanted instead, but it did cause some hurt feelings.
I am taking my fiance’s last name, and am pretty excited about it because it’s shorter than my maiden name.
I love my last name, despite most people not being able to pronouce it - and maybe it has something to do with being almost 30, but it’s been my name for that long and I don’t see any reason to change it.
I’d consider hyphonating but I already have 4 names, and both our last names are long and apparently hard to pronounce… When the time comes I might try to persuade the Mr. to translating my French last name to English and using it as a first name for one of the kids! 
My first name / last name combo is the only one in the world, but I am still excited to change my name to my husband’s family name. The truth is, I don’t really keep in touch with my dad or his family, so I don’t feel a desire to keep my/their last name, and I am so proud to carry on my future husband’s last name. But I do dread switching over my name in the professional setting–where does a woman even start? It seems like such a pain!
we’re both hyphanating (or as the brits call it- double barralled).
i actually have the name change papers here for him to sign today- he’s going to change his name to MYlast-HISlast, and then when we get married, i’ll “take his last name”
I kept my last name. After 26 years of life I have found that I am pretty attached to it. Not to mention there are only girl cousin’s on this side of the family and so if we changed our names the line would die out (on paper only obviously).
I do like the idea of sharing the same last name as my children but on the other hand I don’t think it will really make a difference at all. My kids aren’t really going to call me by my full name so it’s not like it will be broadcasted every moment of my life.
Also, I would take no offense in someone calling me Mrs. Hubby’sName. And my husband is not offended when someone calls him Mr. MyLastName!
Our children will have his last name, but I intend on giving at least the oldest (if not all of them) my maiden name as their middle name.
It’s totally a personal decision and there’s no right or wrong answer to it. Just make sure it’s the right decision for you!
As a side note, when we went to get our marriage license the worker told us that if we wanted to change our names we should do it right then as opposed to later because the process is infintely simplier. Apparently, they will give you all the forms to fill out and process it for you there as opposed. If you try to do it later you have to go through an entirely different process which I have heard is a huge pain!
the site said there was only one of me too, but I happen to know of several other people in the US with the same name as me.
I struggle with this. I LOVE my last name, it’s very unique, and according to the “how many of me” site there are only 336 people in the country with my last name. Since it’s just my sister and me in the family with it, after us it will be done 
Fortunately, my last name is also a first name (with a slightly different spelling than the first name version, but pronounced the same)…so I’ve pondered moving it up to my middle name and then taking Mr. Stiletto’s last name! Although we have a cute combo of our two last names turned into a new name, but I don’t know if we’re bold enough to actually go through with that!
sigh* I’m glad that all women think about this .. it’s tough.. why can’t men change their names? =P I think I’m going to take his name because I want us to be one family but I might keep my maiden name as well because that’s how everybody knows me.
I’m choosing to change my name, but love that we have the choice to choose! I’ve struggled with losing my sense of identity especially since I go by my middle name. So in a few months at the doctor’s office when they call my first name (I never go by) and my new married last name I’ll have no clue who they’re talking about!
That’s a really neat site! I’m lucking out–I’m the only one in America with my name, even after I get married. I think I’m going the route of making my maiden name to be my middle name and taking his name. Why CAN’T men change theirs?!
One of the most special parts of our marriage is that I will be taking my FIs last name. This is an encore for him, and his ex never took his name because “she didn’t like having to repeat it when people asked her what it was…”
Not to burst your buble about the name website (howmanyofme.com) but I just typed in the name of myself and three other friends, and for all of us it said that there is one person OR LESS of each of us. Nope, I’m pretty sure we’re here, there isn’t an “or less” of us.
It’s just an estimating system, based on the number of people with your first and last name, and the odds that they would be put together
My husband took my name. It wasn’t difficult for him to change his name at all. We live in NY, and filled the license out right at our local county office building with the name change from the beginning. It was a surprise for many of our wedding guests and actually was a shock to most of my family. We have a number of personal reasons for the decision and it still makes me smile to see the mail coming in addressed to Mr. My Last Name. I feel like it was a true, outward act of love for him to take my name. He works in a very masculine field and has gotten some harassment for the decision. It reminds me how strong he is and how much I love him everyday.
In my younger more radical days I thought I would have my husband take my name. But in this case he would have the same name as my brother, which would be icky. I think I’ll take his and keep mine as a second middle but I have several more months of going back and forth on that.
I just checked that website and the results were great!
Maiden Name: 495
Married Name: 1
I’m glad that I’m going from a more popular last name (#2 to be exact) to a more unique name!
1 - Love that song by the Ting Tings
2 - I checked the website and my name will be equally unique if I change it… I will still be the only one
3 - I’m changing my name b/c of how important it is to FH
You could do what latinos do. Women traditionally keep their maiden names and become First HisLast Maiden. When the kids are born they take the two names so they’re Kidname DadsLast Moms Last. Middle names are option…and on and on…
@markyK:
That is exactly how I felt/ feel! The end result of our discussion was that, when we have them, the kids should all have the same last name, and one of use would pick the first names, and one would get the last name. ( This was a secret discussion, but since Miss D’orsay is thinking about it…) I feel like since we are all girls that I should have chosen to have them have my last name, but I wanted to get to pick their first names more. So my last name will be the different one, but several of my friends had mothers who did the same when I was younger, and it never bothered me or them, so I have no worries about scarring them for life.
The funniest part was work, where management went, ‘Oh Thank God we don’t have to try and change you in the system”, and everyone else went “You have a last name?”
I too am struggling with this. I feel kind of like I’m loosing a part of me, but at the same time I do want to take his name so when we have children we all have the same name. Lucky for me I still have time to decide!
I am also the only one of me! ( as of 1990 anyway) If I change my name I will not be the only one of me! Sorry Mediaprophet, I’m never changing it now!!!
M. D’orsay, did I ever tell you that he agreed to take my last name unless he published before we got married? I was happy he published thrice but sad because no more him taking my last name. Which is how the whole one picks firsts, the other gets lasts discussion came about.
*I am actually M. D’orsay’s sister, not some crazy wedding blog stalker.
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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