Wedding Blog
Why do I feel compelled to point out these fabulous weddings? They’re sometimes referred to as “budget” or “DIY” weddings, and while I feel that those terms should be a source of pride, I think they’re often seen as second-tier weddings. I saw this thread on the boards and I was mildly miffed about the part where the colleague said he couldn’t afford a wedding.
Why does this miff me? Though I have my sneaking suspicions that his excuse was exactly that: an excuse, I wanted to address it from my heart. Weddings are about marriage, and if you and your partner want to be married, then cost shouldn’t hold you back. I know that it often feels like we need a dove release, a 10 tier cake, designer gowns, Manolo Blahniks, peonies, and the like. Those aren’t needs, they’re wants, and this should be the message we all keep in our heads when we start to get overwhelmed.
These weddings are at courthouses, backyards, restaurants, and other beautiful venues. I know it isn’t everyone’s dream to be married at one of these venues, but should we rule it out? I think the saving grace for Mr. D and I has been to set a budget and to create the wedding within it. If we started creating the wedding before the budget, I would have easily been heartbroken over things like peonies and Monique Lhuillier gowns.
(cannot get enough of her blog)
You want more “budget” or “DIY” wedding porn? Click those links. This is my favorite “budget” backyard wedding. These guys had a fabulous $2,000 wedding. Mrs. Tulip also makes a great point about a “budget” wedding.
Who am I to be discussing this? Our budget began at a certain number, and grew by a couple thousand dollars due to tent rentals. (What is UP with tent rentals?!) It has since shrunk further because of the falling exchange rate. Such is life, as our budget shrinks, so will our plans. Beer and wine instead of an alcohol free-for-all? So be it. I have to do my own makeup? So be it. The smaller guest list has been painful yet necessary, and I never realized how large my family is. I hope my friends understand that if there is lack of an invitation, it doesn’t mean there is a lack of love or friendship.
I’m the kind of girl who refused to try on dresses that cost more than my budget allowed. I’ve made purchasing mistakes, and embossing our own invitations cost us more than we would of liked. It happens. I’m not going to beat myself up about it, but I am going to go to the thrift store and find ways to save money. Whatever happens, we’ve all agreed not to go into any sort of credit card debt for this soirée, and we’re not taking out any loans or dipping into the down payment we have saved for a home.
Am I saying we ALL should have budget weddings? Nope, I’m saying that we should have the kind of weddings we can have. I don’t wear my size 6 jeans anymore because they don’t fit, nor do I wear my size 14s, because they don’t fit either. I think it’s important to have a wedding that fits you.
What do you think?
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Great post, and I think it’s good to call out that it’s OKAY to scale back on things if need be. Sometimes I think we begin to feel guilty about not doing certain things (what will people say if I don’t have custom cocktails and a designer gown? Heaven forbid.)
In Chicago people talk about doing a wedding on the cheap side for $30,000 (gasp!). I’m trying to pull off a wedding for just over half of that (yes, we started at 15K and have slowly worked our way up, sigh). I couldn’t even imagine if I had $30,000 to have fun with for this wedding!
So important to keep your priorities straight, focus on the elements that are most important to you and the Mr. and be flexible on elements that aren’t as important. Oh and like you said, don’t fall in love with a dress three times your budget 
Right on, Lady! Our wedding is currently holding at about $8500 and I think it will still be a fabulous affair! We still have struggles (cutting the guest list is a current issue) and it may not be the most extravagant affair, but at the end of the day, we will be just as married as anyone else, and I think we will have a lovely time!
Great post! I completely agree about having a wedding that fits you and your budget. Of course, I would love to have a huge, elaborate affair filled with fresh flowers, string quartets and the finest food, but that’s just not a reality for my situation. Does that make my wedding invalid? No. In the same regard, I don’t think it’s a bad thing for people to have all of these fancy things if they can afford it, I just don’t see anything wrong with having the “budget-friendly” options as well. You can live in an elaborate house, but that doesn’t make it a home. Same goes for weddings, regardless if they are elaborate, budget or somewhere in between—the wedding doesn’t make the marriage.
Thank you for posting this! I couldn’t agree with you more! I sometimes feel down about not being able to afford an extravagant wedding, but then I remind myself that going into debt just to have a few extra “wants” is totally not worth it. Scaling back is allowing us to focus on the things that are really important to have at our wedding rather than the things we feel we must have to be trendy or stylish. Besides, I would much rather invest in my MARRIAGE.
I can’t agree with you more! Personal and meaningful doesn’t have to mean flashy and expensive! It should be you!!! And I don’t think that correlates with a price tag! You’re absolutely right, D!
I was proud of us- we set our budget first, before we began to think about anything else. It really helps keep expectations in line- I’ve never thought I “needed” “a dove release, a 10 tier cake, designer gowns, Manolo Blahniks, peonies, and the like”.
Thanks for the great post! Just last night I had a mini meltdown about the budget. My FI looked at me and said “At the end of the day I want to marry you.” If we all keep that in mind we will be better for it. And thanks to Weddingbee and the wonderful ladies who post and blog we can have custom aisle runners and beautiful centerpieces, you just have to know how to DIY!
well put & I totally agree. We are having a backyard wedding at my parent’s and have cut out our Vegas ceremony because that extra money was needed elsewhere. I love the links you gave, those are my 2 favorite blogs besides WB
These weddings ARE fantastic! They are so personal and just all about the couple - which is how it SHOULD be!
I totally agree with you, Miss D. We just had our wedding last saturday (v-day!). It was awesome! It’s a potluck reception, so our relatives brought something. We have 2 photographers, and a videographer. All for free. I found one of the photographers online. We made our own invitations, decorated the backyard. Our friends decorated the church. We got 3 cakes! One of then is a 3-layer chocolate cake…All were gifts from friends. Our biggest expense is my BCBG dress and his Express Tuxedo. Our total expenses? Less than $2,000! we have no debt, didn’t use credit cards. We got cash, gift cards, and cheques as gifts. So now we have some savings in the bank.
The party was a hit. The wedding started at 1pm and ended at 2am. You just need to be creative and patient to have a wonderful wedding. In the end, it’s the fun and memorable times you have with your family and friends that counts.
I love the yellow dress, the bouquet with the touches of yellow in it, and his yellow touches as they come down the steps from the courthouse!
Style does not have to mean EXPENSIVE or extravagant! Good taste is free!
Love all these wonderful pictures!
My fiance just found out that his department will be cut in one to 5 months. Our wedding is in 4. The very first thing he said to me was “don’t worry honey, i’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you have the wedding of your dreams.” I looked at him and said then follow me to the courthouse because the wedding of my dreams is about marrying you and becoming your wife. It’s not about the peonies, or table runners, or even the food. We will do what we can, but at the end of the day, if i’m your wife, my dreams will have come true.
Well said! Our wedding budget is shrinking too. We are afraid that Mr PK may get laid off, so we are saving more money towards a saftey net then a wedding right now.
A wedding is the celebration of the beginning of a marriage, and a marriage is two people coming together. Beyond that there is nothing that is necessary unless we deem it so. Loved your post.
Well said! I think it’s very easy for people to lose perspective on the fact that a wedding is a celebration of your choice to marry. I think we all have to have a bit of a love-hate relationship at times with the different aspects of the wedding industry, because it can give us lots of ideas, but it can also fill our heads with desires we may not have ever really had when we pictured our weddings before the planning began. I couldn’t agree with you more that nothing feels better than creating a memorable, personal, beautiful day within our means (and I am right there with ya on the tent rental costs!)
Such a great post! Even though all signs put to having a more budget friendly wedding, your wedding is about you. For most, we splurge on a few things and then try to find the best prices for the rest.
It seems like there is a backlash to buying anything that seems extravagant (except shoes and photographers). As my mom reminds me every day, I’m paying for it so the decisions are what fit us as a couple.
I find myself being extremely conscious of others people’s budgets and finding budget friendly accomadations, buddy systems - whatever it takes to get people there more affordably. That’s my thing though.
Thank you for posting EXACTLY what I’m always thinking! Any wedding is beautiful, because its a celebration of two people’s love for each other. Everything else is just details.
Yes! I totally agree! A wedding is about love and the fact that two people decided to spend the rest of their lives together and that’s huge! So in that sense there are no big or small weddings in my mind.
Amen! My budget is $6000, and we are currently just within it (May wedding).. and it is going to be fun, family oriented, AND beautiful. Thanks for this post, Miss D’Orsay
I think people should do what feels right to them. It is easier said then done much of the time, but ultimately, we all have to live with whatever decisions we make. Thanks for the post! It comes at a good time in my planning process.
I really really like this post! I think it is way to easy to get caught up in thinking you need certain stuff. Or that if you don’t spend alot on certain things then they are going to turn out bad. One thing I struggled with was photography, many of the weddings on here and all the other sites made me think if I don’t have certain pictures or if my pictures don’t turn out fantastic like so many I see online then I would just be depressed. Then one day, I realized that’s ridiculous. I am going to be happy regardless because I am getting married to my best friend and that’s all that really matters. You know my pictures aren’t the best ever, but I am smiling and laughing in ALL of them and that is alot more important than lighting and angles and all that.
I love that! “Have the wedding that fits you” is the best advice.
If you don’t mind my asking, how much did embossing your invites cost you? It’s something we’ve been planning to do, though not if it’s likely to cost us as much as buying the invites we want…
amen sista! thank you for emphasizing this. i sometimes get caught up in the whirlwind of wedding planning and lose sight of what’s important… the happily ever after
I love this post! It is something Mr. FF and me are facing not so much the money side of it. Because I refuse to spend money on an expensive wedding dress and I will have a wedding under 5000 but our stress seems to come from it being US. And fitting us. And not what it should be or is expected to be! Who care if we have little skulls hidden in different places and who cares if we have loud music and good beer and not other “fancy drinks” It is us. Down to earth and fun! Thanks for this awesome post!!
@everyone Thanks so much for the support! You guys rule!
@driftslikesmoke: Well, our invites cost more because of buying the wrong embossing powder/stamp pads. See this for what not to do:http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/01/13/embossing-tutoria/
and this for what I did http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/01/14/heat-embossing/
Here is a rough estimate ( I don’t have any receipts in England)
$20 for recycled (50%) cardstock from LCI paper (1 pk ivory, 1pk choc)
$11 for embossing gun (bought and black Friday and died before we finished the last 5 STD’s)
$25 Kinkos printing (I think? I remember being surprised how inexpensive it was AND they cut 1cm from each side, this also includes STDs, RSVP cards, reception cards)
$15 (maybe?) for the brown stamp pads and clear embossing powder)
$40 for custom stamps from simonstamp.com
$14 for recycled (10%) brown envelopes
so a total of $125 for 60 invites? so $2.08 an invite?
(we *should* add in the other $15 we spent on stamp pads and powder we didn’t use)
We still need to address and mail the invites, so that will probably add the cost of calligraphy pens into the equation. We had a ton of fun doing them and my friends came and helped which was really nice. Although Mr. D enjoyed designing the invites if I could do it over I would have headed to Michaels/JoAnn’s and found a premade damask, filigree, swirl or something.
So beautifully said. I couldn’t agree more!
Weddings should absolutely reflect the couples style and taste as well as fit within their means.
All weddings are beautiful!
@driftslikesmoke:
@Firefighter_Prazs_Girl:
Its a dangerous thing to tell people to make their wedding “them”. Some times is cool and DIY, sometimes its cool in other ways, sometimes… brides sustain minor injury. I leave it up to Miss Dorsay to decide if she wants you to know how we made our wedding ‘us’. Its her wedding blog, and she’s far more eloquent than I.
But one of the coolest weddings i’ve been at involved ‘liberating’ (with blessing) the ambulance from the station for an end of reception get away. So much cooler than a limo, very them, and free.
Thanks for including us above, Miss D — I’m honored!!! To be honest, there are times when I see something on Weddingbee or in a magazine or wherever and still think “if only.” But our wedding was truly amazing in the sense of meaning, joy, fellowship, and good wishes all around, so when I get a case of the What Ifs I have to remember to re-focus on the joy and how much more that matters….
Wow! I just noticed that I was included in this post, and I can’t help but blush a little bit.
WeddingBee was such a help in planning my wedding it’s strange to see myself on here!
Katie
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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