Wedding Blog
Now more than ever, I have noticed that there are plenty of ways to politely decline an invitation to a wedding. You see, during the past few weeks we have received several polite declines.
Unfortunately, a polite decline is still a decline, and in my case, it still hurts. I understand that not every guest can attend, but with each “sends regret” box checked, my heart sinks a little. It especially hurts when a decline is a decline without reason. You see, our RSVP cards included a place for guests to leave us a note; many declined without a note, without reason. I was secretly hoping for guests to explain their decline. Overall, I am very grateful that we have family and friends attending, but I can’t help feeling rejected by many.
How do you/did you deal with RSVP rejection?
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I totally agree. We haven’t gotten any replies back yet, but I’m already imaging how I’ll worry and wonder why some people chose not to come (or couldn’t come). We included space on our RSVP cards for a message as well, but we’ll see if people actually use it. I try and tell myself that the day will be wonderful regardless of who I do (or do not) get to celebrate with.
I haven’t yet sent my invites, but I am very afraid of rejection and know some is coming just based on geographical proximity to our friends. It’s really important to me to get my family together for a happy occasion - seems like too often it’s just for funerals - and I hope I am giving everyone enough notice to come out for my wedding! It’s as much family reunion as it is marital union!
I love leaving space to write a note on the response card, though. Maybe these guests will send kind words with a gift?
Awww, I’m sorry! It’s hard not to be a little hurt — especially when someone checks EVERY no box on the invite! 
I know we’re going to get a ton of ‘with regrets’ because our wedding is overseas, but I know i’ll be sad too. My biggest nightmare is that no one comes! Of course the other side to that coin is that everyone comes and we can’t fit them all into our venue! So i’m just going to have to take a deep breath and go one person at a time.
I know someone who RSVP’d with regrets to a CA wedding (she lives in new york) and the groom sent her an email saying “i just got your rsvp card. is this some kind of joke?”, which I thought was - in the words of Clueless - “way harsh”.
I agree with MarryingtheNavy. We love everyone we’ve invited, and it will be a blessing to have any/all of them there.
p.s. I’m Marrying the AirForce 
Well my FI is marrying into the Navy…LOL but I don’t think we’ll be too surprised to see “No” RSVPs coming back. With all the economic troubles, our families are pretty strapped for cash. We’ve told everyone not to even bother with gifts, as we know how hard it is for some to even get by right now…
No rejections yet as we haven’t sent out our invites, but I’m sure it will still be really hard
I get upset when people don’t even write a quick note with the “no” replies. At least make it seem like you wanted to attend…
I just received a “no” today from one of my good friends… no note, no explanation. I’m pretty crushed right now.
Oh I’m sorry, Spring Roll. We are actually hoping for a bunch of declines–we are inviting 186 & want 150-160 max! I just know that the people we really want to be there will decline & the ones we HAD to invite will be there with bells on!
I’m so far away from that but I still think about it all the time! Just think about all the people who have said YES!
@eileen marie: I’m in the same situation…I hope we get a good amount of declines too because our obligatory invite list was pretty long. Like you though, I just *know* those will be the first ones to RSVP yes while people I really want to be there may not be able to come.
But I hope if anyone can’t come they will at least tell me why!
Awww. We havent’ sent our invites out yet, but that’s how I felt with our engagement party. There are still a few friends that didn’t come and I don’t know why. It made me sad, but seriously your wedding will be rockin with the folks who do come!!
eeeeeeeeee haven’t thought of it yet.. I haven’t sent out invitations and I”m in this naive notion that everybody I want will be there… eeee I’ll have a rude awakening won’t I?
I haven’t sent out invites but I’m afraid of the rejections. For those who got regrets and no explanation to why did you ask? Is it ok to ask?
I agree with Eileen - we haven’t sent them but from the save the dates the ones we were counting on may not make it - and the ones that were “nos” on our list are in! (we’ll see when the RSVPs come back!)
Oh well.
our invites haven’t been sent yet, but our hotel block deadlines are fastly approaching (the early deadline meant we HAD to do STD’s). So now that I’m seeing how many people haven’t blocked rooms and I’m worried that means they aren’t coming….so I can’t imagine how I’ll be with the actual “nos”.
Ms. SR, I feel your pain. All of my RSVPs are due on this Saturday and it has been so hard to get as many regrets as we have gotten. We are still waiting to hear from over 80 people, but each day that goes by gets harder and harder. I think the ones that hurt the most are the ones that have been saying for months that they wouldn’t miss it. I know the economy has impacted some, so I understand. It’s the ones that did not plan ahead that bother me.
The largest challenge with it all is that we might be 50 ppl less than we originally thought. That’s hard news to break to our families who have invested so much in our wedding. Next step, seeing about contract revisions.
I luckily have been getting a lot of yeses from my list. My FH, is so sad, he’s getting tons of no’s. Since most of his family is older 50+ and 1000 miles away they are not going to come, except for his mom, aunt and grandma.
Rejection is definitely tough. We had a lot more “No”s than I expected. But don’t forget that for out of town guests, the reason they’re unable to attend could be financial. If that’s the case, it might be hard for them to write that on their reply.
aww, I bet that is tough! Hopefully the “yes” rsvp’s counter balance the no’s when you go through the mail.
Rejection sucks, no question about that. I’m hoping we won’t get too many regrets, especially if we give a set number and then there are significantly less people who come, then you feel like you wasted money that you didn’t need to (sorry, we just had a major blow to our budget, so every little bit helps). Just remember, the most important people will go to the ends of the earth to be there to see you in all your bridely glory!
We invited 157 people and had 65 people attend. I was pretty bummed about it before the wedding - but on the wedding day, I realized how FABULOUS it was to actually spend lots of time with my guests. I’ve been to so many weddings where you get a quick hug and kiss from the bride/groom, and that’s it! I was able to really connect with my guests and feel like I’d spent some quality time with them.
If I’m really honest … I could even have dealt with fewer guests. 40 would have been PERFECT!
oh man… have you ever spoken with them about the wedding? have they mentioned anything verbally?
i am in a tough situation, only the exact opposite! some of my parent’s friends are giving them hell, demanding to know why they were not invited. in fact, we had to add three people to our guestlist, even though they never got an invite and that caused a huge argument with my parents. I have friends who can’t look me in the eye because we couldn’t invite them, and there are other friends who are forced to come alone without a date. And here are rude people who are forcing themselves into our wedding guestlist. it has truly been a nightmare.
It is sad, but think about the money you’re saving per head! I would rather they decline now than accept and not show up.
Accept and not show up would be the ultimate insult.
Check out Mrs. Cupcake post about rejection.
What a great post. We haven’t sent out invitations yet but I’m already feeling sad about possible future rejections. Especially those from close friends with no explanation.
I know the economy is going to lead to lots of declines for our wedding, which makes me very very sad. I am not looking forward to getting the declines.
I too am not looking forward to the declines either. I know that I have several coming my way, as my wedding is 3000 miles from some friends and family. Time will tell….
I wasn’t upset by the rejections I got. What did upset me was that some of my friends who couldn’t come decided that they also couldn’t talk to me because of that. It was as if they were ashamed they couldn’t come and thought that was the end of the friendship. It was awful! I really didn’t mind that they weren’t coming! Did anyone else feel this way?
We haven’t sent out invitations yet, but I feel like it will be sad knowing that people we really want there won’t be able to attend.
We’re also not there yet, but the good thing about having a very small wedding (50-60) is that we pretty much already know who will be coming and who might not.
Try not to take it personally, you’ll have a good time regardless of the no-shows.
We’re not there yet, but if we end up moving and getting married after, I’m thinking we’re going to get a lot of declines…
Oh! I’m sensitive with this kind of thing too. I make sure that, whenever I have to decline, I make sure it’s for a good reason and that I write a note — not just explaining why I can’t attend and that I’m quite unhappy about that fact but I also make sure I include happy wishes.
I hope this doesn’t sound crass, but do you have a “B list” so you can fill in the empty spaces the rejections are leaving, if that’s important to you??
We will soon be sending out our invitations. I’m also worried that even though I know a lot of people will not be able to make it and I’ve prepared myself for this that it will still be hard to see it on the RSVPs.
Dear Blogger(s):
Don’t worry, and I totally feel your pain. I originally planned for my co-workers to show, however, they reply last minute that they are unable to make it. Once talking over with my mother, things were much better. My mom ended up inviting all her extended families and friends, which makes-up for my loss on 40 ppl. So no worries. there are lot wotst than the list. Like my close friend tore my wedding dress in half, now.. that’s bad.. i had to bring my dress to Jo-anns to buy replacement parts. Walking around with my wedding gown in Jo-anns.. that was so horrible.. and my friend did not offer to fix my dress… and the worst part.. my mom hand picked and ordered the dress internationally… so yeah… and my wedding is in 26 days… so smile and be glad.. ^_^
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Mrs. Spring Roll, Tampa
Age and Occupation: 23, Certified Pharmacy Technician
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Concert Photographer
Engagement Date: May 1, 2008
Wedding Date: March 2009
Blogging Since: September 16, 2008
Venue: Beach Social Hall
About Me: I'm the stereotypical girl who enjoys sewing, baking, and decorating. I am blessed to share my life with Mr. Spring Roll and our two shih tzu's, Isabella and Gabriella. Hello Kitty, musicals, Target, and Chick-fil-a are a few of my favorite things. I have a fear of fish and Freddy Krueger. Planning our wedding has become a huge part of my life, and I love every minute of it!
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