Weddingbee Blog

I’m an old married lady. No longer watching for the new issue of Martha Stewart Weddings, now I’m reading Real Simple, and religiously checking Apartment Therapy Los Angeles for tips on furnishing our new pad. Still, not much else has changed.

Here are some things I think would be good to know about being married, stuff I learned post-ceremony.

1.) The wedding is not the most stressful experience you’ll ever go through together. Right now we’re packing for a move to a new two bedroom apartment (with two differing opinions on how to pack), as well as continuing what has become a full year of trying to conceive, along with familial strife and the usual drama that comes from trying to make time for all members of our families. It can get insane, the ups and downs of living life, when things aren’t quite turning out how you had planned, but I’m a believer of things working out sooner or later. I’m usually just hoping it’s sooner!

2.) Sometimes you may not like your husband very much. Despite what it sounds like, it’s not the end of the world, nor is it the kiss of death for your marriage. It is normal and heck, even healthy to let out your feelings. Then again, if you don’t like your husband every day something is not right. No, I may not always like my husband, but I always LOVE him. Does that make sense? When he puts his dishes in the sink, and just piles them one on top of another like the leaning tower of crusty dishes, I want to bite my hand- how many times do we have to talk about this? Then I realize he’s just as scattered as I am, and like I leave my shoes in the bathroom (right behind the door so it smacks him in the face when he tries to push it open- SO not on purpose) every day like he asks me not to, I take a deep breath, remove my shoes and ask him to please move his dishes. It’s part of life; sometimes you may get a little frustrated, but it just means you’re human. Hey, he doesn’t ALWAYS leave his dishes in the sink; sometimes he’ll do the dishes in the morning while I’m sleeping in, and that’s when I am so happy I have him.

3.) On the vein of number 2, Talk about who does what around the house. We know that he’ll do all things regarding the trash, vacuuming, and bringing the laundry down and washing it. I know I do the dishes, sort the laundry and bag it, and fold the laundry, as well as take the dog out in the afternoons and some evenings (Mr. Kiwi takes Woofie out every morning- weekends included). We’ve also decided what we’ll do when we have a baby- I’ll do the nighttime feedings and he’ll do the early morning feedings (obviously bottle fed). Then there are things we do together or switch off: grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. We usually clean together, and once we finally move into our bigger apartment with the bigger kitchen, we’ll cook more together.

4.) Two bathrooms are fabulous. While I know it’s not feasible to have two bathrooms in every house or apartment, it does a wonder for your relationship! We had a craaaappy one bed/one bath apartment. When we went on our honeymoon, we had at least two bathrooms everywhere we stayed- we didn’t ask for it, it just happened that way. We had two bathrooms in the one night we stayed in our reception site room, two bathrooms in our Vegas suite, and this past July, had two bathrooms in the Hawaii pad. Not only does it keep you from pointing fingers regarding messes he’s left (or you’ve left), it almost adds a sense of competition. Who can keep their bathroom cleanest? We’re in the middle of that bet right now.

5.) Have fun. Not everything is utterly serious. Take a date night once a week or bi-weekly. Go see a movie, or get a new video game you both can play. Send a little treat to his work, like this baby I sent Mr. Kiwi for his birthday (yes, it was a joke- much loved by his co-workers!). Do anything to let off a little steam, so you don’t get pressurized with stress.

6.) One of our favorite things of all time, and FREE: Snuggle Time. When Mr. Kiwi gets home from work, I’ve usually been home for an hour or two. After he gets a drink and maybe has a snack, one of us will say, “Snuggle Time?” Then we both jump up and run for the bedroom, sliding under the covers to snuggle and talk about our day. After about a half an hour of that, we call Woofie and he comes running in, and we pick him up and let him “Woof Daddy”, which is basically Woofie giving Mr. Kiwi kisses until Mr. Kiwi calms him down- at which point Woofie greedily takes my pillow as his new bed. Snuggle Time is stress relieving and brings us closer, with us sharing problems we had that day, and hopefully getting some solutions.

7.) Tell him “I Love You” whenever you feel like it. Sometimes I just can’t help myself and have to tell him all the time. Sometimes I wonder if I say it too much, to which Mr. Kiwi says, “What? That’s not even possible.”

8.) Never be afraid to ask for help or support. He’s your husband, and wants you to be happy. If something is worrying you, or stressing you out, let him in on it. He doesn’t need to be spared the “drama”, he’s your partner in life and should know what’s going on with you.

9.) Don’t be afraid to fight. I don’t mean scrapping like a bunch of alley cats, I mean, argue, bicker, get it out. It’s okay to fight. Not like, physical fights, but discussions. Nothing is worse than indifference, or bottling up your emotions, only to be released in a big explosion. Wouldn’t you rather have little fights than one big blowout? I apply my theory of tiny earthquakes. In my sad little mind, I feel that little earthquakes release pressure that has been building, which deters a big earth-crushing 7.9er. Perhaps it’s incorrect, but hey, I’m not rational.

10.) There is always tomorrow. Things will get worse, and then better- it’s the way of life. As long as you’re happy with the idea of spending your life with this person, and love the idea of your tomorrow being with him, everything is a-okay.

Well, that’s pretty much all I’ve got. Any questions, or comments? Would you like to ask me anything? I’m an open book, baby.

This is for you, Mr. Kiwi: