Wedding Blog
I got my wedding band from the jeweler’s the other week, and I must say that I don’t love it. He is the same jeweler in New York who made my engagement ring, and he has excellent prices (and we trust him). After a couple very specific emails back and forth, he sent me an image of the ring. It’s everything I wanted: bead set, milgrain, thin band, with engraving detail on the sides.
It looks great magnified like this on camera, but in person it looked and felt cheap. The milgrain was barely visible (microscopic) and the platinum is paper-thin. It’s pernicious, this discontent. My first impression was not, OH! But rather, Oh. And I really wanted to love it. So I wore it for a few hours, took pictures of it, did all the silly things a woman does in that situation, which was to try to love it from a different angle. Under the bathroom lights at a 37 degree angle it looked pretty good, and I was satisfied for a minute. But when I woke the next morning and saw it in the daylight, that was it. I didn’t like it. But I felt torn because the detailing was quite nice and Mark put a lot of work into it. So we went to a local jeweler to examine their version. It was much better. Bigger milgraining, more substantial platinum, and the bead setting was more proportionate to the diamonds (i.e. they were smaller, not the same size).
So I confronted Mark and told him about my dissatisfaction and it came out that he used the wrong size stones. Um, what??? That wasn’t the primary issue. I was adamant that he also used chintzy platinum. Anyway, now he’s going to redo the ring. But this time, it’ll be something completely different—something not so intricate (unfortunately)—that can’t be screwed up: a prong-set eternity. I will have to give up the detailed, antique-y milgraining and engraving design. (I know, big sacrifice. I realize how childish this sounds.) I’m stuck with using this jeweler because I can only exchange, but not return the ring. So he is supposed to send me an invoice today, and the ring will be delivered in about two weeks. Ugh.
I’m not unhappy about this turn of events. But the discontent made me feel uncomfortable, and the hassle and anxiety over creating another ring is annoying. With the BM dress flub and some invitation-related issues (more on that later), this has been a strange week of disappointments.
Did you go through a series of wedding disappointments? What were they?
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Share this post: Can’t Bring Myself to Love It
Don’t let it get you down; you need to be happy b/c you’ll be wearing it the rest of your life 
Is he charging you for both rings, or letting you do a credit exchange?? I would be choked if I had put in the $$ and time with a custom ring and it didn’t turn out as I had hoped. Your band is something you’ll wear every day, even if you don’t always wear your engagement ring, so you shouldn’t dislike it. I don’t like really wide bands, but when it comes to wedding bands, I’m not surprised that the combination of milgrain and a thin band made it feel flimsy. Hopefully a more substantial band will do the trick! Plus, let’s try to focus on the positives–you’re able to afford an eternity band! There are lots of brides out there who can’t!
Perfume, I am so with you. I’ve had a couple disappointments lately and I too am uncomfortable with confrontation. I hope your new ring doesn’t disappoint!! Always work with them until you are satisfied. This ring is your symbol of the day! Good luck!
Miss Perfume, join the club. When I first saw my eternity band my gut feeling was being underwhelmed. I’m in the process of debating whether or not to reset the stones into another setting as well. Your post couldn’t have come at a better time.
I’m going through the exact same thing with a similar ring. We’re in the process of getting it sent back now. The milgrain was “smudged” and sharp in places and wavy so that it was not the same thickness everywhere.
We got such a good deal that I didn’t want to make a stink about it, but neither of us is happy with it… so back it goes! And like you, we’re stuck with it. Hopefully they make it work!
In order to have a this kind of ring in high quality, what are some signs that its a quality ring. I kind of like the milgrain micropave setting, but haven’t seen enough of them to able to see which ones come out the shinest and best. I’m a little clueless about settings for engagement bands and my finance and i have only gone shopping once for bands and then he said he would find the perfect one. I want to make sure it comes out perfect, it kills me that its something you wear forever and you dont even choose and buy it.
I’m so sorry it didn’t come out right! My largest disappointment has been the plummeting exchange rate 
Hmmm … I was just visiting with a custom jeweler tonight and my one concern is that you put a lot of trust in the fact this ring that you’ve never seen is going to be *the* ring.
I hear you! You will be wearing this for the rest of your life - literally. You want the ring to sweep you off your feet just as Mr. P did!
Don’t be discouraged. I have had very similar things happen. And all this time I thought FINDING THE BOY would have been the hard part!
That really sucks, but at least you get a do-over! My fiance promised I could help design my e-ring because I hammered it into his head that I wanted to do that. (He sucks at picking out jewelry.) Then he surprised me and gave me a ring with the last setting I would have ever picked. He didn’t even ask any of my friends or family what I might like. He said I could reset the stone in a setting I liked more, but we can’t afford that so now I feel like a brat.
Aw! I’m so sorry!! I went through the same thing with my dress…I thought I would love it but now I really don’t. I think it looks like a tiger attacked my dress. Such a letdown!!
aww, what a shame…it looks so pretty in these pictures…
i’m glad you’re having it redone. it can’t be flimsy cos you’re gonna wear it for life!
haven’t had any major disappointments yet cos i’m still very s-l-o-w-l-y plodding alone with wedding preps (eeks).
i hope the revised version of the ring turns out better! good luck!
I’m so sorry you can’t have the ring redone how you actually originally wanted. I have a ring that is VERY similar (a gift from hubby a few years back) so it’s too bad because it really is a beautiful style. I’m glad you did say something, though, and that he’s somewhat working with you.
My wedding has passed, but I’ve continued to have disappointments with my photographer…it’s been just one issue after another. Them not printing photos correctly, making the corrections on them we’ve asked for, not giving us rights to certain photos even though it was never in the contract, etc.
I hope next week is a better wedding week for you!
Yea, it’s a rough week you’re having. But, you were right not to talk yourself into loving it. You should have a ring that you really love if you’re going to have to wear it forever.
Hopefully this is the last of your not so good news for a while!
I had a disappointing — and sticky — ring issue as well! It’s so frustrating when you want to love something, but just don’t.
The new design you’re getting, though, sounds lovely!
let’s just hope that the new ring is a dream and your dissapointment is soon over!
i had mega venua dissapointment, but it does make you appreciate the things about your wedding that you love or are going smoothly. Focus on those things, it’ll get better!
I had a disappointing dress issue that was later (and luckily) resolved. It is incredible that something so minute, in the spectrum of life’s events, can get you so down, but I cried like three or four times because of it. In hindsight I realize it is not even worth the tears, but it feels like it in the situation because you are trying to plan such a special and momentous day. Sorry you had the disappointment!
I had a major invitation disappontment, but I know it was my fault.
My ring was custom and the Mr. did a fabulous job with it (well, so did the CAD designer, and the jeweler) — thank goodness, but now I worry about finding the right band!
your ring is beautiful!!
all weddings seem to have drama.. but just don’t let it get to you..
Its scary to know that you have to put your trust (& a lot of money) in these “experts.” Makes sense but who would ever think there would be a difference in the quality of platinum! I certainly wouldn’t have thought of that! So sorry you are going through this mess but hopefully the new ring will be spectacular (and he uses better platinum)!
I had the exact same thing happen - the good news is you are working with a jeweller who wants to make you happy. Some custom jewellers wouldn’t let you even exchange! I actually think a shared prong eternity will look super with your ering - and it will stand alone really well too.
Sorry you were disappointed - I know the feeling and although going through round two is a hassle, it is totally worth it IMO.
Oh… that is no fun at all! I too am on my second ring. Which unfortunately should be delivered the week before the wedding. Hope you end up with something you truly love. I am a hopeless romantic about my wedding band. It is a symbol of my marriage and committment to my Mr. It should be something that I love! Hope all turns out well!
My fiance proposed in August (the wedding is in July!) and he got me a princess cut on a plain white gold band. I’ve ALWAYS wanted a princess cut so that was good. I really really liked it at first but now (4 months before the wedding) I’m wishing we went back and exchanged the setting to one with diamonds around the band. I felt sooo bad for telling him about this because I thought ‘Well he chose it so it’s perfect’. He told me that we can get it changed if I really want to but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Afterall HE chose it for me and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him with THAT ring. So now I’m just going to keep it since it has that sentimental value!!
Thanks for the support, everyone. Yeah, this is frustrating! But you’re right, looking on the bright side, at least I get a do-over. (Fingers crossed that it doesn’t get mangled.)
For those of you who experienced something similar, how was your do-over? Did you get one?
bummer, miss perfume! i’m sorry you have to deal with the back and forth. this sort of thing definitely wears on you when you’re dealing with thousands of other things during this thing we call wedding planning. i hope it works out!
I hope things work out! My engagement ring was a heirloom and thankfully my wedding band worked out as well. We are in the process of going to find his!
Oh no I’m sorry to hear that you keep running into hangups…. I think everying will turn around and will work out. Hang in there! I too am having invitations troubles, talk about no fun!
I am so sorry Miss Perfume! I learned (speaking from a person who has just gone through this) in my wedding research that all platinum has to be stamped pt 900 or 950 - that one of the great things about platinum is that its always at least 90% pure. This was really importatnt to me because I’m allergic to other metals so I was very particular about what else is in the ring. The designer I worked with also told me that platinum was one of the most versatile metals - that it’s a designers dream metal becuase it can do so many things. I would go to another jeweler to see if the design is really possible (if you’ve seen it out there chances are it is). If it is he’s obligated to make it for you or give you your money back in my opinion. My wedding band design was simple, but my sister spent weeks working with a designer to design her husband’s wedding band He did a sketch, then showed her the mold, then actually gave then the mold so that only they had the original.
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Mrs. Perfume, DC
Age and Occupation: 36, Consultant (and Part-Time Professor)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 41, Consultant
Engagement Date: May 13, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Venue: The Homestead, Hot Springs, Virginia
About Me: I'd like to think that I'm a modern day Little Edie Beale. Only not as..."talented". More realistically, I'm a foodie who can't bake; a dancer and dilettente; an art collector with a penchant for the whimsical and subversive. I live in the city and adore the country, but not much in between. I like smart design, great craftmanship and good value. Most of all, I love the new vintage aesthetic: classic, sweet, delicate, bespoke. If I had to do it all over again, I'd go for a culinary arts degree rather than a PhD; but wouldn't trade Mr. P for the world.
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