Now What?

February 27th, 2009 @ 5:08 pm by Mrs. Daffodil

It’s unjust. You spend hours, days, even months searching and agonizing over finding the perfect dress. Then you finally find it, order it, wait forever for it to come, and go through the expensive alterations process. It’s finally completely perfect… and you get to wear it for a total of less than 24 hours!

I’ve been putting off this decision for a while, but the time has come to decide what to do with my beloved wedding gown. To be honest, I had always thought I would sell my dress. It’s the practical thing to do, considering how much it is worth and how much joy it could bring another person. Plus, I really never will have an opportunity to wear it again. Plus, we could use a new couch. Plus, it doesn’t deserve to be in a box forever. I could go on and on. So selling my dress was always the plan. Except, it’s been eight? no, NINE months, and I still can’t quite bring myself to put it out on the market.

You see, I’m a pretty sentimental person, being a scrapbooker and all. I love little keepsakes and saving things or pieces of things that elicit a beautiful memory. It is so easy to forget and take for granted all your blessings, and there is something about having a tangible keepsake that helps to keep those moments alive. My wedding gown… see, that is something so special and personal.

But keeping it doesn’t make any sense!

For one thing, it’s in a huge box that is taking up a lot of space. I’ve only opened it twice, for fear of messing up the whole “preservation” process. And I doubt my future daughter would want to wear it, given how styles change so much.

I know that there is always the option of donating it to charity, which is the best option for many brides. But for me, I really want its next owner to truly love it as much as I do. I am only speaking for myself here, but for me, the charity route feels a little impersonal when it comes to something with sentimental value (i.e. I have no problem giving money to charity, but it’s different with a keepsake type item… kind of like if you had to give up something that was passed on to you from your grandparents or something). It’s just a little bit easier to take something somewhat for granted when you get it for free, especially if there is no personal connection. If I were to give my dress away, I would want it to be a very personal gift and for it to go to someone who I know really will love it as much as I do. I wanted to give it to my sisters, but they gently and graciously declined. Who wants to wear her big sister’s wedding dress that she just wore, anyway?

So, I still think I should sell it. But I keep putting it off.

Are you planning to or did you sell your dress? Was it easy to let go? And if you didn’t, what did you do with it?

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26 Responses to “Now What?”

Guest

Shopaholica

Mrs. Daffodil, I feel your pain. After a long, hard decision process, I finally decided to sell my dream wedding dress. It was hard, but in the end it went to a wonderful couple who was SO excited about the dress and loved it just as much as I did. It felt good to be able to pass it on, and the money helped pay down remnant wedding debt!

2/27/09 @ 5:28 pm (reply)

Member

Kara321 (message) 240 posts, Helper bee

That is a very good question! I am super practical with nearly everything–I don’t get too sentimental about much. However, I have started to think about selling my wedding gown, and it makes me really sad! I just think how much fun it would have been to be able to at least look at or try on my mom’s gown, even if I decided not to wear it or try to adapt it.

However, a friend recently told me what she plans to do, and I love her idea. She hasn’t placed much emphasis on the dress at all, and has really splurged on accessories (shoes and jewelry mostly). She said that while dress styles change dramatically, heirloom quality jewelry never goes out of style–and wouldn’t that be something special to pass down to your future generations? And the shoes, although they might be out of style, would just be super fun to keep around.

I kind of splurged on my dress and probably won’t be able to splurge on jewelry, but I really love the idea of passing down the earrings I wore on my wedding day. As for now, I am completely torn on what to do with the dress!

2/27/09 @ 5:32 pm (reply)

Member

LzzNYC (message) 877 posts, Busy bee

OMG I dream about this! And this is the dilemma I have in my head and I haven’t walked down the aisle yet! haha even worse it’s not even in my possession I have only just ordered it. I can already tell I’m going to have a hard time parting with it… eeee

2/27/09 @ 5:33 pm (reply)

Member

dogcatrabbit (message) 6 posts, Newbee

What about having it cut up (I know, the horrors!) and being incorporated into a quilt or throw. You should get more use out of that.

2/27/09 @ 5:33 pm (reply)

Member

dogcatrabbit (message) 6 posts, Newbee

I just wanted to add that I’m planning to have my dress made into a wall hanging that I can mat and frame. I’m thinking of ways to incorporate our names and wedding dates into the hanging as well.

2/27/09 @ 5:35 pm (reply)

Hostess

Firefighter_Prazs_Girl (message) 819 posts, Busy bee

I am going to do the whole Trash the dress thing. And what is left I want to make a quilt out of it. And a christening gown for our future children! What ever is left over it is going in the trash.

2/27/09 @ 5:50 pm (reply)

Guest

MissXC

I saw some ad where they can make your dress into a quilt. I’m going with this option as it might make for a nice wall hanging or a bedspread in a guest bedroom.
Quiltsandpurses.com, based in NC, does this sort of thing but there’s also a lot of other professional quilters out there, too.

2/27/09 @ 5:59 pm (reply)

Member

preppydoc (message) 42 posts, Newbee

this is such a tough call, but i think that you should hold onto it until you feel in you gut you are giving it to the right person… you will know when the time is right (and if it isnt soon then so be it :))

2/27/09 @ 6:04 pm (reply)

Guest

I feel the EXACT same way. Not sure if my yet to be born baby is even a girl and will she hate it years from now? I’ve thought of having the dress made into a Christening gown… but that scares me too. Who would I trust to do that?

It’s been 15 months and it’s still dirty, hanging in the closet. Not very “respectful” for the dress I love so…

Sigh..

2/27/09 @ 6:13 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

furelysse

I think if your dress is still in style or is a popular style and therefore in high demand, you should try and sell it and get the most money out of it now. If not, I would try to do something with it be it making it into a quilt or something more functional/decorative. Otherwise, just leaving it in a box is such a waste of space. Though I did splurge on a dress, it doesn’t have a lot of sentimental value to me, not as much as say the earrings or something. So like you, I do plan to sell it while I can.

2/27/09 @ 6:16 pm (reply)

11.

Member

han_lyn (message) 36 posts, Newbee

I’m donating mine to http://www.bridesagainstbreastcancer.org/ I love the idea that it will be used, and loved again… and that it can also at the same time help with a cause that i am passionate about!

2/27/09 @ 6:19 pm (reply)

12.

Member

laurajane (message) 320 posts, Helper bee

Mrs Daffodil, I feel your pain.

I’m not yet married (not ’til July!), but I’m already dreading selling my dress. Before I found “her” I was completely unattached to the idea of a gown being sentimental. I told myself I wouldn’t obsess about it, and that no future daughters (my fi thinks there will be three= ha!) would likely want to wear it… However, now that I have her, I am so sad about not keeping her. And since it’s designer, I know I will likely get a good chunk of change for it when I do sell it, which makes me feel a little better. I would be sad for it to just sit there all lonely, you know?

I am considering selling my gown, donating half to a charity, keeping half for me to buy myself something to make myself feel better…

Since I’m yet to go for alterations (the length needs to be shortened) I am planning to ask to keep my “scraps” and used a piece of the dress for a future christening gown (even just a little square for the front, or for a hem?) & possibly a handful of silk hankies for my future babiesweddings.

2/27/09 @ 6:29 pm (reply)

13.

Member

rachspiegel (message) 15 posts, Newbee

Here’s a question, my parents generously paid for my dress. If I sold it, I would feel that some, if not all, of the proceeds should go back to them. What do you think?

2/27/09 @ 8:31 pm (reply)

14.

Hostess

MightySapphire (message) 2,608 posts, Sugar bee

I’m still torn on this. I suppose if I end up buying a designer dress I’ll sell it (anything with a name would sell I think). But I’m seriously considering having a dress made. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to sell a specialty dress! But technically…I’d buy a dress for twice the cost of having one made, and then sell it for half the price…so what’s the difference??

2/27/09 @ 9:08 pm (reply)

15.

Bee

Miss Peep Toe (message) 1,636 posts, Bumble bee

I like the idea of selling it to someone deserving . Then donate half and keep half. It’ll at least give you some piece of mind and a down payment for a couch?!

2/27/09 @ 9:49 pm (reply)

16.

Member

mrspaetz (message) 1,707 posts, Bumble bee

i’m planning to keep mine around for a while after the wedding cos my husband-to-be is a photographer and we’re planning a whole series of spring/summer/autumn/winter photos (pure indulgence )

after that i intend to shorten it so it’s wearable for date night / cocktail events. i guess i have that option cos i had a very simple, timeless design in mind when i had it made.

in yr case, i’d say sell / donate it, because in these tough times, there are brides-to-be out there that could do with a little help

2/27/09 @ 10:00 pm (reply)

17.

Hostess

Lillindy (message) 4,208 posts, Honey bee

I was wanting to sell mine, but since WedClean messed it up, it’s not looking like an option right now. Someone told me on here recently about a local place I should take it to, so it’s what I’m planning on doing to see if there’s any way to salvage it. Since my dress is a custom Anne Barge, I’m hoping to recoup some of my losses.

2/27/09 @ 10:55 pm (reply)

18.

Member

MrsSl82be (message) 1,472 posts, Bumble bee

I think that as long as it goes to a loving home, you’ll be ok with it. So take the plunge, put it on the market, and only sell it someone who loves it as much as you do. You’ll be so happy once you did, you won’t feel so bad about it when you look at your new couch every day

2/27/09 @ 10:56 pm (reply)

19.

Member

Ruby Slippers (message) 482 posts, Helper bee

I have the exact same problem. Except I haven’t had mine cleaned or preserved yet, even..

2/28/09 @ 1:19 am (reply)

20.

Guest

TR Williams

Hello , I saw your blog and thought your readers might like another option . I purchase cleaned gowns , find a new brides for them and custom re-design the gowns for them at an affordable price . Thus enabling brides on a tight budget the opportunity to have their dream gown in their budget . A portion of the profit goes to the charity of the original brides in her name . any fabric removed from the gown is returned to the first bride to save or create keepsakes from . Please let your visitors know I offer a great alternative for the gown they so love . Thanks , TR

2/28/09 @ 4:44 am (reply)

21.

Bee

Miss Bruschetta (message) 5,553 posts, Bee Keeper

My sister and I want to do a sister TTD shoot — but not really trash them badly — after my August wedding. She was married in November 2007, and we’re using the same photographer, so this is something I’m so excited about!

2/28/09 @ 8:41 am (reply)

22.

Member

dogcatrabbit (message) 6 posts, Newbee

Just another thought…what about making your wedding dress into a christening gown (if you do that sort of thing)?

2/28/09 @ 11:55 am (reply)

23.

Member

daisywu (message) 68 posts, Worker bee

Mrs. Daffodil,
My wedding isn’t for another 4 months and I’ve just had my first fitting. I’ve been thinking about the same issue as well. What am I going to do with my BIG dress afterwards?? I don’t even know if I’ll room for it where we’re going to live!!!!! I’d be the smart thing to do to sell it since we ALSO could use a new couch once we’re back from the honeymoon. But, but, but…it’s MINE!!!! I’ve wanted to get married since forever and to wear MY wedding dress. I feel so bad just getting rid of it. Thinking about it makes me feel sad!!! I dunno…let me know if and when you do decide to really sell it…and tell me how the emotional process went!!!! After I ordered my dress back in September I realized that the saddest thing about getting married is that you’ll never get to go dress shopping (for youself) again and you’ll never get to wear one again =( Maybe I SHOULD keep my dress and just walts around in it every so often huh? Date night with the future hubby in my dress (of course we’ll be staying home for dinner that night HAHA).

3/2/09 @ 1:30 am (reply)

24.

Hostess

driftslikesmoke (message) 1,220 posts, Bumble bee

This has been a tough question for me too! I’m actually justifying the desire to keep my dress with the idea that I originally bought a different dress for my wedding, and I’m going to sell THAT one (I know; it doesn’t hold water!). I keep thinking that I could have a Christening gown made for my future daughter (or a first communion gown, maybe?), but I don’t know if I’d be able to cannibalize my dress when the time came.

Still, I’m too sentimental to think of getting rid of it…

3/2/09 @ 9:33 am (reply)

25.