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Well… to me at least. Not so much to the rest of my family. You see, I was raised Catholic. My grandparents, as well as some of my extended family, are very much practicing Catholics. In the past several years I’ve really drifted away from the Church and I don’t really know how to spiritually “classify” myself now. I’ve always dreamt of being married outside, as nothing would make me happier than to marry Mr. D with sunshine on my shoulders, surrounded by God’s creations.
The only problem with out lovely outdoor ceremony? It isn’t exactly valid in the eyes of the Catholic Church. My grandparents are going to figure out it isn’t a Catholic ceremony, because not only is it outside, but we also have a female officiant. I thought about finding a Catholic priest to perform the ceremony outside, but it still wouldn’t be recognized in the Catholic Church and it wouldn’t be considered Catholic by my extended family, either.
My mother, sister, and all of my aunts on my mother’s side have been married in the Catholic church. One of my aunts was divorced before I was born and remarried several years ago, but not in the Catholic church. She worked hard to have her first marriage annulled so that she could still remarry within the Catholic church. So, you can see the importance that my extended family puts on being married in the Catholic church.
Mr. D’s family is (not surprisingly) part of the Church of England, and is still practicing. I’m not exactly sure what the rules are within the Church of England as to where you can get married, but I’m pretty sure a wedding also needs to be in a church. To be completely honest, until I can say for sure, I no longer want to be a part of the Catholic Church, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable being married under another faith. Mr. D and I agreed we would prefer a spiritual, yet non-denominational service. I’d love to be able to make everyone in my family happy, but at the end of the day, the decision is mine and Mr. D’s alone.
How did you decide on the religious/spiritual aspect of your ceremony, especially if you both come from mixed religious backgrounds?
Its so hard to make everyone happy! It sounds like you are doing the right thing for you and Mr. D!
It’s not a universal rule that you can’t have an outdoor, Catholic wedding. The Church encourages marriages in the church building to symbolize their belief that the entire faith community is promising to nurture that marriage. You can get permission though to have it outdoors. I’m not sure how it works in the UK, but if you would like an outdoors, Catholic wedding in the US, most dioceses require the bishops permission. I know you said that you’re not interested in marrying in the Catholic church, but I mention it in case others are. Good luck finding a ceremony that fits you and Mr. D just right!
I think you are doing the right thing. Regardless of what your loved ones’ religious beliefs are, your marriage would be invalid in the eyes of God anyway if you did it in a church you didn’t believe in. I am not very religious and I’m pretty anti-chuch but believe in God and prayer. I can relate to your concern because I sometimes feel that “church” people don’t understand or respect my beliefs. Bravo to you for doing what you believe in!
Within the Church of England you must be within a church to be married- no outside weddings for us either!
We are being married outside, although part of me wishes we were marrying in a church. The truth is, none of our parents regularly attend a church, and neither do my fiancee and I, so we decided not to do it. I’m sure some of the older members of my family don’t think it’s the greatest idea, but they haven’t said anything.
You have to do what’s best for the two of you. It sounds like this is it!
We got married in the church because it was important to me. But I can sympathize with the compromises you have to make. I hope that your family accepts your decision!
Ours was easy to decide as one of the most important things to both of us when we met was not only the other’s “religion” but the particular denominations, belief and doctrine. We knew that there was no way we’d be able to live harmoniously unless we were on the same page, as well as raise our children with non-conflicting beliefs!
The pastor that’s marrying us was our college pastor (and still is my pastor).
Hope you figure out the best way for you both.
huh. i just went through this this weekend. Solution: Wednesday before my “real wedding’ we’re going to have a 10 minutes quick ceremony in my FI’s parent’s catholic church. then have the real wedding with a pastor in my outdoor wedding!!!
The Mr and I are both Catholic and I also had like you something that caused certain family members to look at us with wide eyes. The parish that myself and the mister were raised in is not were we are getting married. We deceided that we wanted to be married in a a church and become apart of the parish together. Dont get me wrong I will always love the church that our history is in but that history is as individuals we want to start our life together some where new where our children can be raised.
Do what will make you and the mister happy. Remember that it is YOUR wedding and you dont ever want to look back and regret anything.
I’m getting married in the Catholic church because my fiance and I are both Catholic. But, like you, I have always wanted to get married outside because I think I see more of God outdoors among his creations. But, my fiance and his family are super strict Catholics so we will be getting married in the church. I just wish the Catholic church would change their rules. It doesn’t make much sense to me.
The Episcopal church (i.e. the Church of England in the United States) will do outdoor ceremonies– I’ve been to several in fact. It might be left to the discretion of the individual priest e.g. he or she might not want to hike miles up to a remote mountain-top.
I think England has specific laws limiting weddings to specific registered sites– churches, nice hotels and registry offices. Some people (like Charles and Camilla) go to the registry office first to take care of the legal paperwork if they want to hold their ceremony in a non-registered wedding site.
I went to Catholic School til I was 11, needless to say I don’t practice anymore. I have a lot of issues with the validity of the Bible and all its contradictions. FI never practiced and barely went to church, so we’re having a custom made non denominational wedding. Mom wasn’t too happy we were getting married in a church, but I stood my ground and she’s ok with it now.
I really wanted to have an outdoor wedding, but since our wedding is in July (we booked the reception location first), and because I am a control freak, we decided that it would be best to have it indoors. My fiance’s father is very religious (Catholic) and had a strong opinion about the location. The church is ok; not quite the Catholic church I was thinking of, but as long as my fiance is happy (or his dad is happy), things will work out.
I was raised Catholic and my fiance is Jewish. We live Jewishly, but I am not ready to even say I’m a practicing Jew, let alone ponder conversion. Fiance’s mom is super-Jew, and puts a lot of pressure on me (which is likely why I’m so resistant to say I live like a Jew). My parents understand, but I think my dad is really disappointed. (He is happy that I picked SOMETHING, my sister is kind of wandering, and he’s less happy with that.)
We haven’t found an officiant yet, but it’s certainly something I’m anxious about–blending traditions nicely in a way that won’t piss off anyone. We’ll have a rabbi, but my Catholic-lay-minister Aunt will co-officiate. I hope that’s a happy compromise…
This is such a personal issue. I’m Christian and my FI was raised Catholic. EW have the same views and morals but my faith is very important to me and my family as for him and his they are not practicing. It was important that he converted and that we have the ceremony at a church. We didn’t have a problem with this .. but I can see how it can be so difficult and touchy.
My fiancee and I compromised by choosing a church/pastor neither of us was a member of (he was raised LDS and I was raised Episcopalian). We were originally to be married in the church (it was a Methodist church) and then ended up just having the pastor from the church officiate our outdoor ceremony. We can’t imagine having it any other way now. It was still very spiritual, our pastor was so wonderful and welcoming (and non-judgmental). I think being true to yourselves and not other people is the most important thing I could tell you based on my experience, and when the day came around all of our families were very happy and loved our ceremony.
I always knew I would get married outside! To me and Mr. K, the outdoors are so much closer to God than any church building!
I ended up getting married in a church neither my fiance or I or anyone in our family belonged too. But we had planned to get married at a church that was the same religion I was but due to pastors moving and not being replaced, we ended up being referred to another church of similar religion. At first I wasn’t sure about it, but after meeting several times with the pastor I was very comfortable and new that she cared about us having successful marriage and finding a church/religion that both of us were comfortable with and could attend together. She wasn’t pushy or anything. Of course our families were like what a female pastor? But I just told them I liked her and had learned alot from her, and she was going to do our ceremony. And that’s that 
It sounds like you are doing what is right for you and that’s all that really matters. I wanted to get married outside too but I had to get married in winter so that didn’t work out…
I had magical and spirtual ceremony in a barn (mind you a beautifully renovated barn space), but I guarantee I felt God’s presence fully there because of our wonderful officiate and our ceremony choices. I was so lucky that anyone who may have not agreed never mentioned it. Any nay sayers most certainly had a change of heart when they realized how spiritual a ceremony outside of a church building can be. Best of luck with your decision! I know it can be a frustrating process!
We are in a situation similar to yours. I was raised Catholic and he was raised Presbyterian. We are not regular church goers. We are getting married outdoors because that’s who we are. We love the outdoors and we just want to be married. If we were to get married in the Catholic church, he’d have to go through too much hoopla. We could get married in his parents church but we really want an outdoor, simple ceremony. We both agree that we want our future children raised with some sort of religious education. But I don’t totally agree with all of the Catholics Church’s “rules” and he gets frustrated with the monetary/political aspects of organized religion. But we both have a deep faith and spiritualism so I’m we’ll work it out sooner or later.
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Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK Age and Occupation: 24, nonprofit communications Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop Engagement Date: August 10, 2008 Wedding Date: August, 2009 Venue: Oakland Manor About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
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