Wedding Blog
Mr. Joey and I have always been open about our incomes. We’ve had to be. When we first moved back to Seattle, I was partially supporting him as he looked for full-time work. We split the rent, but I covered most of our grocery expenses and most of our utility bills. He helped out as much as he could by doing temp work while he was working part-time as a history teacher. Apparently, not all teachers are in high demand. Finding work as an English or History high school teacher can be hard.
Mr. Joey has been full-time for 2 years, so we now split all the expenses evenly. We’ve talked about our financial future before, but only briefly, and only when talking about how we’ll never be able to retire or buy a house.
Recently, my parents told me that they wanted to give my sister and me part of our inheritance before they passed away.
My Mom had breast cancer last year and while she was recovering, she decided that she wanted to see her children enjoy their lives and what they were set to inherit. My parents have a double lot in a neighborhood in Seattle that is up and coming. They want to split the lot and give each one of us one a piece.
This is a HUGE gift. I’m not sure Mr. Joey and I could afford to buy or build anything in Seattle on our incomes. This is our chance to actually own something. We were ready to undertake this huge gift and project over the summer, but then before we knew it, the country was in a mortgage crisis and we decided we probably needed to wait and see how things developed.
Even though the economy doesn’t look like it’s doing that much better, we think we need to actively start thinking about building a house. We’ve set up some meetings with some friends who are architects and one who is mortgage loan officer to see where we are and if we have a chance in the next few years of actually getting this project off the ground.
Setting up these meeting has made Mr. Joey and me think about our bigger financial future. How do we merge our limited assets? Once we’re married, what’s the best way to save for retirement and those big expenses in life, like a home, children, etc. In addition, Mr. Joey still has grad school loans, whereas I have paid all mine off. How does that work? Should I be helping him pay that off? We have so many financial questions that we think we need to talk to a professional. I always read that money and financial problems are two of the most common reasons marriages fall apart.
We’re asking around for referrals and hoping to meet with a financial counselor in the next few months.
Have you and your fiance discussed your financial future together? Did you see financial planner together before getting married? Was it helpful?
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I have no recommendations for you, I just wanted to say that my fiance and I are in a similar boat questions-wise. Should I be helping him pay off his school debt? Should he help me with mine? Should we consolidate them and go at it as a team? His debt is twice what mine is, so I have no idea how we should work it.
Right now he supports me while I am in school, but pretty soon we’re going to be moving back into “equals” territory and I don’t know how to approach the bills anymore!
Your post couldn’t have come at a better time. My FI keeps saying that we need to sit down and talk about how we’re going to deal with money after we’re married, and I keep dodging it. Thanks for inspiring me to finally tell him that we can have that talk now! I don’t know why, but the thought of ’sharing a budget’ when i’ve always been so financially independent scares the crud out of me.
Good luck with building your dream home! That’s so awesome of your parents to do that for you 
I should say that since writing this post, we’ve found out that we can build the house which makes meeting with a financial planner all the more important.
Good for you! So many couples avoid this, and then get into bad money habits early on in their marriage, which are then difficult to change later on. I agree that it can be really uncomfortable to talk about, but it’s just so important.
My FI and I went to a financial advisor about 6 months ago before the economy was in the state it is now. We are both living at home with our parents saving money and both are in our first year of full-time jobs that are probably about average in the payscale (teacher/cook). He advised us to rent and not buy a house. We ended up not listening to him and just bought a very reasonably priced townhouse that will cost us less than rent. The sellers gave us tremendous incentives plus we are also getting money from the government as first time buyers! Our first home will be finished in May - 2 months before our wedding! It is a little scarey taking two big steps at once but we couldn’t be happier!
Bottom line…….. be sure that you do your homework and don’t just count on the first financial advisor you talk to. Sometimes it is wise to get 2 or even 3 opinions and it is always wise to read up on these things yourselves. Education is liberating!!!
I’ve met a little with a financial planner for my own finances…but until we’re ready to buy something and have a few more assets, I think I’ll manage it on my own for now. I’ve got a little bit of an idea being a business major and having an accountant for a dad.
When we start having to make really big decisions on investing or taking out a mortgage, we’ll definitely seek some professional advice!
In one way, it is easier to start a marriage with not much money!
My fiance and I just decided to merge our finances a few months ago. It is a rocky process, as I make more money than he does. However, I also have more debt than he does. For now we are approaching everything as a team, and I think in the long run, it’s the easiest way to go.
Have been talking to the fiance about merging finances since we have just recently moved in together. We both agree that it’s a good idea but haven’t got around to having the financial talk/meeting. Your post is a good nudge. Just talked to the fiance about doing it tomorrow. Thanks!
What a great post! My FI and I are going through this as well… he makes significantly more than I do, as I run my own business - and we both still have student loans, and are also hoping to buy a house this year… it’s tough deciding how to split everything because 50/50 doesn’t always work - all the while keeping in {his} mind that the non-financial duties are far from a 50/50 split…
And here I thought you were referring to family planning… You can see where my mind was!
Fiance and I were talking about this earlier in the week. He’s inheriting med school debt, and we have home improvements that *need* to get done if we ever hope to sell this house.
I don’t really know where to start in looking for a planner. Fidelity hasn’t been that helpful to us so far. We have a friend who does this kind of stuff, and hopefully can give us a referral.
Well my weekend agenda with the Mr is making a definite decision on what we are doing with our financial future. We have been talking about it and we have ideas but nothing has been set in stone. His stake is that I am the bread winner right now so the final decisions are up to me but the way I see it is that it is our future and his say is just as important as mine.
We do have a financial planner as well as a mortgage broker and realtor all of which we are working on getting finances situated so come July or August the house search can be at its peak.
i just want to give you kudos for talking to each other about this very important subject before the wedding! It’s not easy, and so many people want to avoid the difficult money/credit/etc convo, and just assume that everything will work out by getting caught up in the “one day when” conversations… one day when we own a home, one day when we have kids, one day when our kids get married and go to college. Well, it doesn’t always work out and people need to start planning NOW so that it does!
I was a history major- and agree, getting a job as a history teacher is difficult because history is one of those things alot of people major in, unlike chemistry or physics.
Right now we split everything evenly- we also live in an expensive city, Miami, and it seems like we wont be able to afford a house on our own until after I pay off my loans in 10-15 years. We want kids and aren’t going to wait to have them, but its difficult to continue renting and putting money in a bucket that is never going to amount to anything
Read Suze Orman’s “The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke.” - It changed my life and will give you both a lot to think about!
Another recommended book to read is “Smart Couples Finish Rich”. I haven’t finished it yet, but so far it’s been enlightening.
FI and I have always been very open about finances. We merged ours nearly the same day we started dating! We always joke about how much I spend vs. him, because frankly I’m sure I spend more than my share. But, I argue, I spend on things that I can resell and therefore think of my purchases more as investments or cheap rentals. But in any case we are coming together much better about $$$ mostly because of the wedding budget and such.
Mr. Bruschetta finishes his grad program a few weeks before our wedding. AFTER the honeymoon, he’ll start work full time as a physical therapist, and our financial situation will change drastically — for the better.
We haven’t talked much about how a regular, increased source of income for him will impact us…but this post is an excellent reminder to do so!
We are going to a financial counselor as soon as we graduate in May! We need to figure out which student loans we should pay off first or if we should consolidate them! All that stuff is way over my head!
ooh both great books! we have met up with a financial advisor, but it was a public meeting so it was not directed to us personally. still, very useful! i know we want to do a one-on-one (or one-on-two lol) with an advisor soon. maybe with tax return money! who knows!?
we do already have our money pretty much joined… and we are working on paying off any previous debts (his car, my son’s medical… etc) before we tie the knot so we have a clean slate. we plan on wiping out everything but student loans. we keep on talking about putting together a rainy day account. anyone do that? my FI got let go last Sept and it took him until Nov to get a job so it was intense. The economy is scary so I think this is another thing we are trying to set before we put any money down on venues or anything. Makes me sad… I just want to plan and know a date already!!! I do agree with him though, it is important to be financially secure first.
I love this post. It’s refreshing to hear of a lot of other brides are thinking this way and that we’re not alone.
I agree with the history/english teaching thing. one of the major reasons i chose special ed over english!
Congrats on the house!!! 
For those of you who can’t afford a financial planner, or are just skeptical, most of the information you’re seeking can easily be found in books and on the web. And be careful who you trust your money too — be sure YOU know why you think that your money manager is any better than simply buying an index fund. (Remember Bernie Madoff as a caution tale…)
We’ve talked about it, of course, and we have several options we are thinking about. We got different ideas from married couples that seem to have that stuff figured out. One option (probably my personal favorite) is to try and pay all expenses using one income and using the second income to pay down debt and put money away in savings.
That way, if something happens and one of you loses their jobs and gets a job that pays less, you know you can still cover all the expenses. Things might be tight but you can do it.
My FI and I merged money 6 months in–about a week or two after we moved into our newly bought home. (So technically it was a bit before then.) It gets hard at times–we’ve flip flopped with who makes more over the last few years…right now it’s me. I won’t lie that there are days I WISH i could go out and buy a wicked new pair of jeans as opposed to paying to have his bass amp fixed (argh) but you get through it. At the same time, he has no school debt, and I have a lot, so we just look at it all as gravy and move forward. Good luck!
We merged finances about 6 months after we moved in together. We still argue about money, but we are slowly making changes that help us look at the pot as “ours” instead of “yours” and “mine.” It helps that we have seperate accounts and seperate money also, so every single penny doesn’t have to be approved by the other party.
Finances are such a tough topic. With the way this economy is hitting people (FH’s job, my father’s industry) we’re reconsidering our wedding and spending, and it’s a touchy subject.
Thanks for bringing it up.
My fiance and I were just having this conversation over lunch. I am working full time while he is in graduate school full time. I also have school loans to pay off. I didn’t think about going to a financial planner for help. This is definitely something I am going to bring up to the FI. Thanks for this post!
FYI, expect building a house to be significantly more expensive than buying a pre-made one right now; houses are a buyer’s market, but building expenses and supplies are as expensive (if not more so) than ever.
Not to be a downer, but to be honest. My fiancé’s family is in the custom home business.
@Peggy Sue: Thanks for the info We are getting some great deals since my dad owns a construction company. Actually, we have found that is is $40 cheaper to build per square foot than it was 6 months ago. We’re also finding amazing deals because not many people are building now. The land is free for us which make building that much more less.
Financial planners can be extremely helpful. Perhaps I am bias as I am one. However, each person/couple is different therefore it is imperative that you consider a few things before ‘taking the plunge’ with your financial planner. First ask how they are paid, it is best if you can find someone who does not work on commission for the products they sell, they are out there-I promise. Sometimes it seems a bit more pricy up front but in the long run you will get the most objective advice. Now don’t be scared off if they do get paid by products they sell, there are great options and individuals out there. Just go with your gut and always ponder the motive behind their advice. It’s difficult because of human nature and the economy effecting so many in this field. If he/she starts telling you to save in a brokerage account so they can manage your money (and earn a %) instead of investing all you can in your retirement plan =red flag! However, to me, mental accounting is the key to every financial issues one faces w and you can answer those yourself if you really think about it. Every person has their own tolerance levels. Individuals in the same financial situation can sleep at night with a $100,000 mortgage while others couldn’t although both might be financially sound. Explore each others tolerance levels. Like, how you helping pay his student loans might affect the dynamics of your marriage? It is only natural to think, well I had to take care of mine, now you take care of yours but you might find it fulfilling and extremely satisfying to help your husband as yours and mine becomes ours, especially when you make that final payment!
It’s so important for any committed long-term couple to talk money and their financial goals. It doesn’t mean you have to merge finances (West Coast Groom and I still keep all of our money seperate, though we have shared assets like our home and our car), but you definately need to talk about your future in relation to your household income so everyone has realistic expectations and goals for the future.
We totally merged our finances and although I know a lot of people disagree, I think it has been a great move for us as a couple. It has made us that much more united, and we talk about all big purchases before making them, and consider small purchases so we can stay responsible. I think keeping things separate would be tough… especially if you plan to have a family. In my opinion it’s better to get used to sharing from the beginning.
I second Suze Orman…”The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke” has a section in there about merging finances. Good luck!
p.s.- My fiance is also an English teacher and I know just how hard it can be for them to find jobs!!!
Great topic. My FI pretty much split everything now evenly, and I think while we’ll have a joint savings account, we’ll probably keep separate checking accounts…but it is such a touchy topic! I’ll look forward to hearing about your experience while making these tough decision.
My FI and I have been open about our finances as well. Neither of us believe in pre-nups therefore what’s his is MINE haha and vice versa. [haha I say that all the time but in reality I make just as much as he does and this yr maybe more] It was hard to open up to him at first bc I don’t like talking money with people. The more we do, the more I realize it really is about a joint partnership I can’t get uncomfortable.
Glad to hear some folks are NOT merging finances. We split expenses evenly, settling up at the end of every month so it’s 50/50, and this has worked well for a couple of years now. I don’t see why we should change just because we’re getting married. I could see a joint credit card for big purchases, but don’t really see the point of rocking the boat at this point.
I guess I’m a few weeks late in my blog reading, but I wanted to say that I definitely recommend talking to a financial adviser! My fiance dragged me to his, and it really helped us to be more open and willing to talk about different possibilities for how to handle our money. I’d never seen a fin adv before, but it ended up being relatively painless.
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Mrs. Joey, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 28, Project Administrator for Public Health NGO
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, High School History Teacher
Engagement Date: June 24, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
About Me: I'm a Seattle girl through and through except for the fact that I don't drink coffee. I love my job most of the time because I get to travel and work with brilliant people who are trying to prevent Malaria. I love DIY projects of all sorts, cooking, and watching sports. I'd wear anything at Anthropologie and could spend all day on Etsy. I love to travel but shouldn't because I always get myself into unbelievable situations!
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