Wedding Blog

Words amuse me. They can entice, empower, tickle or taunt. Accuse me of persiflage, and I’ll readily admit to being the guilty party.

Why? Because I’m in good company, with people like her and her.

And with myriad nuptial neologisms contending for the prime position at the tip of my tongue, I thought I’d share some freshly-minted Miss Bruschetta phraseology.

preen-up
-noun
a binding, written agreement between bride-to-be and hair and/or make-up expert(s) arranging for the day-of styling needs

Since I don’t usually wear much make-up or do anything special with my hair, I’m definitely going to need to sign a preen-up for the wedding day.

cleave-neck
-noun
an extreme v-neck, usually resulting in an inappropriate display of womanly parts

Originally, I wanted to the bridesmaid dresses to have straps; however, too many of them turned out to be cleave-necks, so we decided to try out strapless designs for more coverage.

gourmache
-noun
stomach pains brought on by excessively rich caterer’s cuisine

After one caterer’s open house, we both were suffering from what we thought was gourmache — but actually turned out to be food poisoning!

cannonize
-verb
to rely exclusively on the hackneyed (albeit beautiful) Cannon in D for wedding processionals

The unoriginal church music director cannonizes every bride that marries there!

ring master
-noun
the individual charged with guarding the wedding rings until the ceremony

After a particularly harsh glower from the bride, the ring master stopped tossing the tiny box around, and replaced it in his pocket.

Have you coined any terms — wedding-related or otherwise?