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No, this post isn’t about kittens. But aren’t they the cutest?!
As our wedding gets closer, one MAJOR detail of our big day is driving me crazy. Should we do a “first look”, or wait until the ceremony to see each other? Although I’m not one to rigidly stick to longstanding wedding traditions (bye-bye garter toss!), I have always imagined that on my wedding day, my hubby-to-be would see me for the first time as I was walking down the aisle. I’ll admit it–this is all based on the fact that I want Mr. K to tear up (which I’ve only seen happen once—when he proposed)! I just want that point where he sees me walking down the aisle to be a huge, breathtaking moment for both of us. And if we spend all day taking pictures before the ceremony, I just don’t see that happening.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know that the “first look” is very popular these days, and it is definitely the smart way to schedule your wedding day. You have plenty of time for pictures, whereas if you wait until after the ceremony to take them, everything will be a lot more rushed, which doesn’t sound very romantic! My brother got married last October and he and his bride-to-be took all of their pictures before the ceremony. And here’s the thing–their wedding was probably the most emotional wedding I’ve ever been to! Tears were streaming down his face as he saw his now-wife walking down the aisle toward him. It started a chain reaction of crying that my mother and I couldn’t even escape, and we hardly ever cry!
So I know that seeing each other before the ceremony doesn’t necessarily mean that the ceremony won’t be emotional and special. But I know myself and Mr. K. And for some reason, I feel like doing a first look may not be the right thing for us. This hunch stems from the fact that neither one of us is very emotional, so we need to save up all the emotions for the ceremony and not “waste” them ahead of time!
I was pretty secure about the idea of not doing a first look until I started noticing that nearly every Weddingbee recap included a first look before the ceremony (lately, Mrs. Cupcake’s and Mrs. Avocado’s come to mind). And every bee that had a first look had AMAZING pictures to show for it! It makes sense. When you are making a large investment in your photographer, maybe you should take advantage of that fact and take pictures all day, not just after the ceremony. Because we aren’t doing a first look (as of now!), we will be having a long cocktail “hour” (1.5 hours) so we can make sure we have enough time for photos! And this also brings up problems! Will guests be bored after an hour and a half of waiting around for dinner to start? Will they run out of things to talk about? Will the tab for our consumption bar be sky-high because of adding the extra half-hour? All because I want to see Mr. K tear up when I meet him at the end of the aisle?! Is this crazy?! What do you think?
Are you doing a first look? Or are you waiting until you walk down the aisle to see your fiance?
I really think its a personal decision for every couple. We did a first look b/c I knew it may be emotional and neither of us wanted to share that with everyone. We wanted it to be a private moment where we could talkt o eachother (which is hard to do during a religious ceremony like we were about to have). We love our family and friends but they can be fairly intrusive so this was a nice way for us to take a moment for ourselves. It was my absolute favorite part of the day. Tears can be shed there or at the alter, its totally your call.
I’m with you - as practical as I know meeting before the ceremony can be, I just can’t bring myself to do it. It seems like cheating - you spend all the time from the night before trying to avoid each other, only to see each other 10 minutes before the ceremony! (I know some people spend the night before with their groom’s, but again, I can’t bring myself to do it).
Our decision is easier, because we’re not planning on doing a long photo session with just the two of us anyway. We specifically chose a photographer that is more reportage style, so that we could spend as much time with our guests as possible. Plus, I don’t think I want hundreds of pictures of just the two of us … it’s more important that we have photos of all our guests having a good time.
I so agree that it’s a personal choice! I’m a private person so I would much rather have a quiet moment alone when we first see eachother then having people look at me as it happens.
I do plan on having a quiet moment alone together before the big event!
I fortunately have a few more months to think about this but I keep going back and forth for the very same reasons you mentioned above! I think we are leaning towards doing the first look because EVERYBODY I ask suggests it and says that I won’t regret it!
However, I say if you have this gut feeling that the “first look” isn’t for you all don’t do it!
I’m waiting until I walk down the aisle. I want the love on his face, the surprise and maybe the tears to be recorded while I come down and he’s next to his best friends and our minister. It’s so hard to say but a decision between you and your mister. We knew right off the bat this is what we wanted.
Maybe you could take some of the formal pictures before hand, so you can shorten the cocktail hour.
i.e. bridesmaids, you and your family, groomsmen, your FI and his family…
that way you can get some of your pictures out of the way ahead of time and shave off that half an hour.
We’re not doing the first look either. I think we both want that “huge breathtaking moment” too. We live together, and we don’t want to just get up and get ready like it’s just another day. Plus, we’re having so few traditions in our wedding day, it seemed like a nice one to hold onto.
We’ve built in some time in between the ceremony and the reception to take pics, about 1.5 hours, so we should be pretty good. Still working that out actually. We both want to come to the cocktail hour, so we’ve actually got 2.5 hours for photos if we don’t do the cocktail hour.
Not to say that you can’t have the breathtaking moment AND see each other, but for us, the anticipation, we think will just add to it.
We’re doing a first look for a variety of reasons. I actually have NO idea how I’ll be feeling on the wedding day — calm, cool and collected or a crazy ball of emotions — so I think it’s great you have a handle on how you and the mister’ll be acting.
Our first look will be in Old City (near our reception site), and obviously, the wedding will be at the church. Both places are special to us for different reasons, so I’m sure emotion and sentimentality will be key when we see each other for the first time, and when I walk down the aisle!
Have you considered having “conversation napkins” — I know a few bees have done something like this! — to keep guests entertained throughout their cocktails?
Whew! Sorry for the novel-sized comment! 
Ms. Kitten, you’re reading my mind. I’ve been debating this recently too. I never really considering not waiting until the ceremony, until I started reading Weddingbee.
I asked my FI and he answered with the typical, “whatever you want” so I’m back debating this in my own mind again.
I think I’m leaning towards the traditional ceremony reveal because I really want that “moment.”
Lol, “reveal” . . . I think I’m watching too much reality TV
We are definetly doing a first look — I want to get all the jitters out and relax. ESPECIALLY since I won’t have seen my FI ALL DAY!!! LEMME SEE HIM!!!
I sincerley doubt that your guests will be anxious for dinner to start and run out of things to talk about — don’t stress yourself out more
My husband and I took photos after the ceremony (we had plenty of time). One thing to consider (which I didn’t think of until the wedding day) is that if you do pictures beforehand, you’re not married during those photos. That’s not a big deal for many people, but to me it would be.
we’re doing a first look at fi’s suggestion/begging. He thinks we’ll waste way too much time taking photos after the ceremony.
Everyone that I’ve known or talked to that has done things that way has still said there were plenty of emotions going on when the bride walked down the aisle! It’s still a special moment.
Wow, after I wrote that it looks like I’m stating the obvious. hmm. I guess I’m trying to say that for me, doing the photos beforehand changes the whole meaning of the photos The photos are of us celebrating being married. But if you take them beforehand, there are of you celebrating about to be married, which is different.
But that’s just me.
I agree with Michelle - we didn’t see eachother before hand because we wanted to uphold the tradition, and my husband was adamant about not seeing me before hand. my photographer got an AMAZING shot of my husbands face as he saw me down the aisle - it’s priceless.
I was at a wedding where the cocktail hour was 1.5 hours. People started to get really antsy, and they started to run out of food. Everyone was wondering what was taking so long, and they just wanted to sit for dinner. Note- then dinner took another 45 minutes. As a guest, I’d rather the bride take photos before hand, so there wasn’t a huge lag time between ceremony and start of reception… It came across to all the guests at the wedding that I was at that the bride and groom didn’t care that much for teh comfort of their guests.
@lou: Your grammar clarification cracks me up! I just did a class presentation on “apostrophe abuse!” 
@Miss B: We are having Moo trivia cards so far, need to look into this conversation napkin thing! One more project for me to add at the last minute!
@leahkj387: Yep! We decided to do as many pictures as possible before the ceremony, but we are still doing 1.5 after because we are going to a nearby beach for some fun pictures after the ceremony!
@cfitz621: I believe the correct terminology is “the BIG reveal”
At all the weddings I’ve been to, I’ve always focused on the groom’s reactions to seeing his bride walk down the aisle. I love seeing that reaction! and I think I would want to wait and not do a first look.
We did a first look, and we are so glad we did. It was so special, spending time together just the two of you on your wedding day (we didnt get a moment alone otherwise) brings such a solid connection of love that continues into your ceremony. The walk down the isle is so overwhelming all on it’s own, it is incredible to have so many loving eyes on you. The Ceremony goes by so fast, it is really nice to get that time away from everyone else to glow in the natural light (It was dark by the time our ceremony was over, and our first look photos are my favorite) What I’m trying to say is we had a first look, and it was amazing, and it didn’t detract from walking down the aisle at the ceremony at all. My husbands eyes were on me the whole time, and we both teared up because it is such a special moment. I dont know what is right for you, but I highly recommend the first look!!!
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Mrs. Kitten, Austin/Grand Cayman Age and Occupation: 25, Law Student Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, Dental Student Engagement Date: October 19, 2006 Wedding Date: April, 2009 Venue: The Grand Old House, Grand Cayman About Me: In 2009 I will get married (after a two and a half year engagement!), become an Army wife, graduate from law school, take the bar, move from Austin to Washington, D.C., and start my career as a lawyer! With all this going on, Mr. Kitten and I decided to have a tropical, "stress-free" destination wedding. Nevertheless, my micromanaging, detail-oriented, perfectionist side has prevailed---I am currently obsessed with every last detail of my "stress-free" destination wedding! But most of all, I'm beyond excited to become Mrs. Kitten on a fabulous Caribbean vacation surrounded by my friends and family!
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