Wedding Blog
Now, you all know that I think you’re fabulous, you who have given me inspiration, support, friendship, and the knowledge that I am not alone in my Crazy—wedding-related, or otherwise. But I am finding myself losing my sh!t way too often lately, and with two months to go, my guy staged a bit of an intervention.
Background: It’s Wedding Wednesday, and we’ve just finished going through a checklist of “stuff”. Invites, check. Guest list, check. RSVP options, check. I ask if he’s thought about first dance songs, and off we go down the YouTube rabbit hole. 90 minutes later, we have a long list of fun and happy songs for our playlist… and two romantic songs, one of which is totally cheesy.
[sh!t-losing]
We’re in bed, in the dark, and I’m sniffling because we’re not romantic, I know, but I thought that for this one day, at least… and on and on. He’s great, he really is, and the bright side to these “sessions” is that I’m reminded how supportive and sweet he is. And also that he’ll only be sweet and supportive for so long before he gets annoyed and basically asks me to buck up.
[sh!t-losing]
And then, as kindly as he can manage, he suggests that blogs are bad. That I am getting caught up in exactly the kind of stuff I used to scoff at, and that it’s becoming a detriment to our (somewhat precarious*) happiness. This isn’t the first time he’s said it, but it is the first time I’ve really heard him. I agree to think about it.
I’m a girl who revels in possibility. I love to dream, to imagine, to consider the options and opportunities. Wedding blogs have filled in the gaps, helped me imagine pretty things, and provided me with more than a few ideas for which I get full credit (ha). I’m also a girl who gets overwhelmed when it’s time to choose something, to commit to one of the many options and then forge confidently ahead. I melt down. I know this, and so does everyone who’s ever had to hear me obsess about paint colors or invite designs or the pants I just paid full price for.
The hardest part of wedding planning, for me, is finding a balance between everything I wish I was and everything I can’t help but being. I wish — oh, how I wish — that I was crafty and had one single shred of design sense (in wedding terms) in my body. I do not. I do, however, have an abundance of nerve (hello, tent in the street), creativity, and furniture. And the ability (nee, need) to prioritize.
So, I unsubscribed to every wedding inspiration blog in my reader. With sixty days to go, it’s time to say adios to inspiration and hola to getting things done. If I haven’t heard of it, pictured it, or imagined it, it’s no longer a possibility. I will limit my visual inspiration to the pictures I’ve already saved off to my PC. Wedding information will be on an as-needed basis, and any and all “pushed” communication is cut off.
As with every project, it’s a little bit sad to realize that everything you’ve dreamed of won’t happen. The family tree I’d planned probably won’t happen (too much dependence on other people’s willingness to hunt down old pictures for me). The lovey dovey conversations dreaming about our wedding day definitely won’t happen (we’re just not that kind of couple). My mental photograph of a bride in a vintage lace dress (I’m too busty for vintage) and a bunch of dressed up people grilling steaks in the late afternoon (too difficult to pull off) won’t happen.
But in a few months, I’ll marry a guy that makes me smile, makes me laugh, and makes me believe that this whole marriage thing is worth the risk and roller coaster. If he thinks that my Crazy is being exacerbated by the bazillion blog entries I read in a day, I will trust that he is trying to look out for me. And I will unsubscribe.
Um, except for Weddingbee and A Practical Wedding. I’m feeling totally justified because those are about the experience of planning a wedding, not the details of said wedding. Or so I’m telling myself.
Your turn. Have you hit a “blogs are bad” point in your wedding planning?
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Not yet, but I don’t think my FI knows how many hours I log into my blogging! Ha! But I am totally with you: in the end, it’s about marrying your person and creating a new family. And while blogs give huge amounts of inspiration and support, sometimes there is just too much. I think it’s smart that as you get closer to your wedding that you reduce the white noise around you so that you can concentrate on relaxing and enjoying your last couple months of engagement and the start of your marriage. 
Can relate. Even the boards on the beloved Bee get me all riled up sometimes. I forget that my relationship is not someone else’s and that what other people need, isn’t necessarily what I need…it’s like a kid watching commercials. I think I need it b/c it’s out there but really, I don’t. I commend your mister for asking you to press the unsubscribe button and I really commend you for actually doing it!
My FI feels the same way, but luckily hasn’t pushed him over the edge…yet. He laughs and puts up with my ideas and ramblings of things I’ve seen, but we’re also 6 months away from the wedding. Plenty of time to push him over the edge still. I think I will at some point have to stop looking because we’re making some final decisions even at this point and I have to know I can’t have everything I see and fall in love with having. This was brought up to me last night during our final venue decoration visit with our rental company. Lighting and chair choices are made - I can look, but I can’t have. It gets to be so overwhelming at times. I can sympathize with you on the non crafty issues. I was so proud of our DIY save the dates, until I saw some of the bees and how amazing they were in their craftiness!
Cheers to having an amazing man to marry who loves you Crazy and all!
While I am not engaged at this time, I agree with Habibi that sometimes reading about so many other ideas and relationships makes you lose sight of your own, and what works for you.
It’s not that all blogs are bad. You have a wonderful wedding that’s all your own coming up. I think you’re right that it’s better to focus on what your wedding will be and not what it “could” be. And most importantly, be happy!
I hear ya’ Miss Cheese! I still have months to go and I already find myself being indecisive when it comes to certain decisions because I’m overwhelmed by all the beautiful inspiration I find on my favorite blogs. I think “unsubscribing” before the wedding is a smart idea. I don’t know if I could do 2 months, but definitely a few weeks. 
Miss Cheese, you’re my favourite. Just as long as you keep blogging, I totally understand. Thanks for all your posts thus far!
Miss Cheese,
I lub you. I lub this post. I think this post is the perfect *hard knock back to reality* for ALL brides.
We are ALL different. We all want something different in our wedding. Blogs should be used for inspiration. It’s fun to ooh and ahh over other people’s great ideas. But at the end of the day I think your wedding should be a reflection of you & your fiance. Not someone else’s wedding.
People have different budgets, different priorities, different figures, different locales, different families, different budgets.
I think at the end of the day it’s important that you’re marrying the love of your life and celebrating with friends and families that matter to you.
Again, Miss Cheese, I lub you!
Miss Cheese you just gave me a heart attack. I thought you were going to say you’re leaving the hive. YOU CANNOT DO THAT! I love reading your honest and open posts.
My FI just told me last night that our wedding became bigger than what we had talked about (and I let him know that it was b/c we didn’t have the money then that we have now). Not getting caught up in the woulda, coulda, shouldas is hard with weddings. There is so much of a monopoly on weddings that it’s nearly impossible to have a wedding that doesn’t cross the budget. I wish I could go back and not let it get this out of control but it’s too late. We’ll just have to not let it get bigger…
Oh and high five to another woman whose FI accepts her brand of Crazy. I’m surprised at the Crazy FI can handle (I once cried b/c the milk was boiling for mashed potatoes and I wasn’t ready for them to be done. Not just sniffled - I broke out the dreaded ugly cry… all because of MASHED POTATOES? That’s CRAZY right there!).
Absolutely. Although I came to that realization all by myself, at the point when I started wondering if I needed things for the wedding that I never would have considered necessary if I hadn’t seen photos of them online, or read about them online. Things like programs, seating charts, a DOC… and you can drive yourself crazy, and suck up all your time, working on the list of things that you *have* to have - even though you never would have thought so initially.
My solution was to, for every additional thing that came up, carefully consider what where I work they call the “worth-to-crap” ratio. In a nutshell - what would this really add to the event, and is it worth the money and the time it would require? Not surprisingly, most things dropped right back off the list pretty quickly.
I did love the internet as an inspiration for the things I knew I did want. You can do a nicely focused search (wedding cake buttercream). I did find that it helped to limit myself (I will spend an hour, no more, looking at photos of cakes/dresses/wishing trees.) And my mom was a huge help, mostly in her absolute refusal to even consider any remotely complicated DIY project, or any DIY project that would require any of us to do anything in the week right before the wedding. She was always there to write a check for somebody else to provide the labor, so that we could relax.
I liken all those fabulously inspirational wedding blogs to Catalog People. You know, those folks in J.Crew who make you want to jump into the pages and join them—guys and gals in plaid shorts, bikinis, and galoshes hoisting a canoe above their shoulders, a perfectly clad couple in terry cloth robes sharing croissants and coffee.
Blogs may be a new(er) media, but they subscribe to the same tenets of other advertising: make the reader want to get in, and think “well if I order this J.Crew flowy skirt I too might huddle around a camp fire in late summer with five hot guys in cable-knit sweaters.”
The time comes, and kudos to you for recognizing it and putting the kibosh on it, when one must say, Well, that’s a pretty photo but it’s just not me. My hair is messy and my socks don’t match.
Doesn’t mean I can’t find inspiration in these blogs, just that I sometimes need to remind myself that my reality is just as good.
(Sorry that was kinda rambly. I’m in a rush and think I have a point in there, somewhere..?)
I must say Miss Cheese that I find a kindred spirit in you. I read your blog and find my thoughts so well written. This post brought a tear to my eye becasue it is exactly how I feel.
That blogs are bad. That the finace can only take so much…and having to reconcile who you WANT to be with who you really are.
Thanks for this post!
I have 4 months to go, but I think when I am 2 months away I will do exactly what you have done. For my own sanity…and for those around me haha
i actually had to unsubscribe months ago. i only read weddingbee. it was just too overwhelming for me, too many ideas. i am a person who chooses something and then goes with it. that meant a LOT of extra things. so i cut it all off!!
Every time I read Mrs. Cherry Pie’s recaps I feel like I’m in way over my head…her whole wedding was…well, perfect! And I feel like I could never add up to that. I don’t know how to “subscribe” to blogs (thank god!) so at least I’m safe there, but I read WB RELIGIOUSLY and I get discouraged sometimes. But what you wrote makes total sense, sometimes I should just…back off. Re-evaluate. Remember what I’m working towards (the marriage!). Good blog Miss Cheese!
Miss Cheese, I know how you feel. I went through much the same thing, though I came to the blogs are bad decision on my own. I unsubscribed to all but Weddingbee, A Pracitcal Wedding and Offbeat Bride. We then went on editing spree and ended with the day that felt like us. That’s all that matters in the end. Details, shmetails I say.
Can I make a suggestion about the first dance song? Amos Lee “Sweet Pea” off of his Supply and Demand album (if it’s not on your list already). It’s sweet and fun, but the lyrics are romantic, but not in an overly cheesy way. “You’re the only reason I keep on coming home.” Indeed.
I have, but then I can’t pull myself away from the bee and a practical wedding and 2000dollarwedding - for the same reasons as you!
yes. they take up all of my time. weddingbee is even bad sometimes because i’m constantly looking at it, constantly waiting to hear who the winners of the contests are from two weeks ago.
I ditto everyone else! I’m just a few weeks away from the wedding but I’ve definitely put things in a “worth it-not worth it” pile as well as, “Will anyone REALLY notice/care or is it just me trying to make it harder than it needs to be?” I definitely had grand ideas to make welcome bags (and after looking at one bee’s blog, I was set on gable boxes) but then I realized that in the days of priceline and orbitz…my guests will be scattered all over downtown and I just don’t want to spend half my day dropping off water bottles and chips! So, there are some things I’ve learned that have been lovely (ie. the plumeria/candle centerpiece!) and some that are lovely, but pretty far down on my priority list at this point (gable boxes). Every time I get wrapped up in the great ideas others have had, thinking these are the things I “should” be doing, I remember that my wedding is going to rock, not because of this or that tiny detail, but because I’m marrying my BFF and all of our friends and family are going to be there with us…rocking out too
Hmm… I love reading the blogs. I also keep an eye on A Practical Wedding (and yes it is about the experience!!).
I find myself getting carried away wanting some things that are way beyond what I need or really want, but I bring myself back to reality. I love the blogs and can enjoy them even when I don’t do everything they suggest.
Oops! I forgot to explain the asterisk: our happiness is somewhat precarious because of the usual “life” things — plumbing issues, budget issues, animal issues, and sleep issues — not because of relationship-specific issues.
Good for you Cheese!
I agree with you, and I’m totally getting to that point. Where I need to start focusing on what needs to get done, rather than what could be. Blah!
I am right there with ya! I haven’t unsubscribed yet, but haven’t been posting comments on blogs or on Weddingbee. I’m not changing my mind on things, but there is one DIY project in particular that I would have never thought to do and now I can’t seem to finish it! It’s just a card box, but it seems to be the vain of my existence!
Thanks for the honest post…you definitely hit the nail right on the head with this one!
@Branseen: Hey! I LOVE Amos Lee! And you got me thinking… I’ve been a little unfair in asking Mr. Cheese to come up with something just to prove that he can be romantic. If there’s anything I’m learning (er, trying to learn) it’s that we each have to do what we’re good at. Words: me. Making sure the house doesn’t fall over: him. Romance: me. Sex: him. (Let’s not tell him I said that!)
Haven’t hit that point yet, but my fiance DOES think that I’m a little too “extreme” in the whole wedding planning process. And since I’ve started blogging, I just get teased worse! And when the conversation starts with me saying “I saw this cool thing on weddingbee today…” the glazed-over eyes come out immediately! LOL!
So don’t feel like you’re alone…and I too think that maybe it’s time to put the wedding magazines DOWN and stop thinking of new projects….finish what’s already in my head.
Hang in thre!
I had to give up Weddingbee a month before and 2 months after the wedding. It was time to focus on my wedding. However, now I’ve fully creeped back and love reading Weddingbee from a very different perspective.
Lit_Geek–I think you might be using me as a mental example, because I woke up too late to shower this morning, my hair is insane and I’m wearing white socks, yes, but one has a blue top edge and the other has a green top edge. Clas-sy
I work at a wedding magazine (there, I said it), and I agree. It’s so very easy to get overwhelmed when all you see is wedding stuff. I don’t know how many people have said to me (or my other engaged coworkers), “Oh, you must have everything planned out perfectly then!”
No, actually, I really don’t. There’re too many great ideas, there’s too much pressure to have everything picture perfect, too much pressure to either be picture-perfect fabulous or unabashedly indie.
Middle of the road cheapskate that I am, I think I may be with you in that I need to eventually limit my wedding idea intake. Sadly, unless I change jobs, I can’t be wedding-crap free, but such is life. ^_^
phew! I’m so GLAD you’re not leaving! You’re one of the two that are my absolute faves!
At some points since the wedding planning, I did realize that blogs are bad because it makes me wish mine was this or that. However, I have found comfort in other blogs like 2000dollarwedding.com where it is encouraged to do YOUR OWN wedding and no one elses. AND if it weren’t for inspirational wedding blogs, I would never EVER know what things were so it still has great pros, little cons!
I AM starting to feel like I need to buckle down and finish my projects cause it’s almost the 6-month mark and I have a long list to go!
I hear ya. There’s so many times I’ve read an amazing reading, or heard a romantic song, and thought “that’s perfect” … but as soon as I bring it up in front of the fiance I realise it’s just not us.
Like the reading ‘Union’. For ages, I thought it was the perfect summary of what this wedding means to us. And it is … but I just can’t bring myself to have something that lovey-dovey and … earnest … read in front of my family, friends and co-workers. Cringe!
It can be a little disappointing at first, but I just know it’s better to realise that now than to be embarrassed by something that’s not us on the day.
I am slowly moving away from most blogs, but more from a growing lack of interest than having to force myself away. I’m just not in the inspiration stage any more.
And Miss Cheese … don’t worry about having a ‘fun and happy’ first dance … this is a celebration after all! I think we’re going to go for Nat King Cole’s ‘Almost Like Being in Love’ … classic, fun, and we can dance to it without having to do the cheesy staring into each others eyes
My aunt (who doubles as my wedding planner/coordinator) has sworn me off wedding blogs and inspiration from now on. It’s just too tempting! I have way more projects than I can handle already underway….If I haven’t gotten it already–I guess I won’t have it on the big day, and that is just ok!
I love Inside Weddings, but everytime I read it I realize I don’t have 100k to put into a wedding…I also love southern weddings and stylemepretty too..gorgeous eye candy there. I also just try to remember it’s eye “candy” and what works for somebody else may not be the cup o’ tea for me!
I still have a six months before my wedding but I totally hear ya. Sometimes it’s just overwhelming and I also see myself lost in thoughts when I should be looking at numbers and excel sheets at work. I still love all these blogs bc I love weddings but realized that I need to be grounded first
Thank god you aren’t leaving the hive. I would be heartbroken! I think we all witnessed you headed on a mini downward spiral, and you knew it was happening too. Kudos to you for taking some action, and for making the effort to hear Mr. Cheese’s suggestion. Although they can’t always communicate how we want them to, our partners can still be pretty perceptive creatures (even if they still don’t always know when to button it and just send flowers, candle light or backrubs).
I think shutting off the “inspiration” is a natural transition in the planning, and to me, it means we’re on the final stretch! As a project manager I’m sure you’ll be able to train your brain to think about execution, not planning, right?? I’m personally trying to use the time I WAS spending on blogs getting back in touch with the sketches, clippings and conversations from earlier days that remind me I wanted a simply decorated, at home party where West Coast Groom and I happen to get married before dinner.
I was completely head-over-heels in love with our photographer when we booked her, but because I look at so many other amazing wedding pictures every day, her work is starting to seem sort of… well, average. I need to spend some more time looking at photography that I DON’T like to remind myself of how much I like hers!
@West Coast Bride: I swear, you are just the most perceptive woman… and all via blogs, to boot! Let’s be friends! {After all, we have talked about sex and boobs and men!}
I find myself comparing all the time! It’s a bad habit! I found invitations I love and are super cheap, but because I’ve seen so many amazing DIY invites on blogs, I feel the need to make my own, which would probably cost more than the ones I already love!
This post could not have come at a better time! I was totally complaining to myself about this yesterday and had to tell myself that I was not going to have ALL the things I dreamt. Somethings FH wasn’t going to like and I needed to learn I wasn’t always going to get my way I was being a big baby about the “C” word (compromise) and I needed to grow up
I hear ya!! With five months to go I want to definitely break the habit but it is so addicting. I shamefully subscribe to over 100 wedding, event planning and design blogs. It is way too much and totally overwhelming for a day’s worth…skip a day and forget it…getting stressed over blogs…craziness. In a year I have saved probably over 500 blog entries add to that hundreds of photos on my computer in numerous catergorized folders. A few months back I took the time to weed through them, save photos and delete but it’s growing again. At this point there really is no need as most of my projects have been decided upon (thankfully - after a year of planning I was getting tired of my own indecisions).
I am also ready to lock and load! Too much daily inspiration leaves me with a horrible case of insomina- every. single. night. This is a great post!
ps- the Riesling that I had last night helped too. I think I will have some more tonight! It might keep me from throwing our printer down the stairs.
I always feel that way. Way too overwhelmed by the whole planning process, i cant even enjoy my engagement. Also overstressed by all the ideas i want to pursue but lack the money to do so. You make the best posts that always let me know I’m not alone or crazy in my feelings.
ha! i LOVE this post! and i seriously, totally feel ya on it. I’m about 2 months out too and i’m feeling like i’m past the point of “inspiration” and need to move on the the point of “getting things done”. I’m so bad about that…. i love to dream it all up and jot down tons of “ideas”, but committing to those “ideas” is always difficult for me. I will quite literally put things I want to purchase for my “ideas” in shopping carts (i’m talking online here, of course) and then bookmark said shopping cart to follow though on at another time. Most of the time those items are sold out by the time i come back to it. oh well…. such is my life!
I have started to realize the very same thing (with some subtle hints from my FI). It seems the more I read different wedding blogs, the more grand my ideas become and the more difficult it is for me to decide what I really want. It makes me wish I was craftier and then more stressed when a failed project reminds me that I just don’t have the skills. While I love having the inspiration, I think it does add a level of frustration in the end. I am trying to teach myself to filter the realistic from the “wow, thats cool”
I haven’t *unsubscribed* technically, but I’ve been ignoring my google reader except for a few staple blogs (3). There are 100+ on there!! I need no more inspiration!!
Brilliant. Just the kick in the pants I needed to remind myself that I should be confident in my wedding decisions, and that it’s time to just do it already - it’s time to make the decisions I’ve been putting off, thinking I need to look at just one more blog post about bridesmaid gifts, or doing just one more google search on ceremony programs. I have all the ideas (perhaps too many?) that I need; now it’s time to make it a reality, not simply an inspiration board or a binder of ideas and dreams.
They can be bad for me. I have a 4k budget for the wedding, more like 3500. It’s hard to look at these beautiful, and lavish weddings sometimes.
The web is so huge it can get confusing, but at the same time very informative. Planning a wedding is not easy, however, it can be done with a little research.
OMG, I actually started feeling the same way! And our wedding is still more than a year away. I constantly visit wedding inspiration blogs and I think because of this, I keep changing my mind - on colors, details, attire, everything almost. It’s crazy! My friends yell at me to stop looking at more stuff when I’ve already settled on one thing.
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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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