Wedding Blog
Let me begin by clarifying: This post is in no way reflective of the members of my bridal party. I love these girls, and am so happy to have them actively involved in my wedding.
So why the melodramatic post title? Allow me to explain.
Recently, I’ve reconnected with several friends from high school. We lost touch during college, but for the past few months, have easily fallen back into a comfortable pattern. It’s like our friendship never lapsed, and we have a great time getting together — pretty frequently — for girls’ night. Every few Thursdays, it’s dinner out or a night of bowling (or, in my case, knocking down some pins, and rolling way too many gutter balls).
And I’m feeling like a pinhead.
A “B-list” for your wedding guests is controversial, so I can’t imagine it’d be appropriate to have late additions to the bridal party. I’d also prefer to keep this group on the smaller side; I know from previous experience how challenging it gets to coordinate with larger numbers, and don’t wish that on any of my friends!
So, what do I do? How can I acknowledge my friends — to let them know how much they mean to me, and that I really do want them actively involved (somehow!) in the wedding? We’re planning on involving our family in the ceremony, so that’s not an option. I’m a Philly girl, but am intrigued by the Miss Lemonade’s description of the house party.
I’d love some suggestions! If you were me, what would you do?
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I’m sure you’ll need lots of help at the reception, etc. That’s one way to get them involved. You can only have so many bridesmaids. It’s understandable.
I had a similar problem Miss Bruschetta. I lost touch (because of busy schedules) with one of my very good friends. We reconnected a few months after my engagement and I asked her, later than the rest of my bridal party, to be a bridesmaid. She assures me she in no way is offended I asked late. I just couldn’t stop thinking that it didn’t feel right not having her a part of my special group. I’m so glad I made the decision to add her, even if it was late.
I’m also having a couple of my other really good friends as “honor attendants,” but haven’t figured out their exact roll yet.
I would love to hear more about the House Party idea. Until now, I never heard of one before…
I am going thru the same thing!
I have a freind who was my best freind from age 16-25…with a few years on and off.
We lost touch for 3 years (on bad terms)and now she is back in my life. I always thought she would be my bridemaid…but then she was out of my life so I let it go. It is weird to have her in my life and at my wedding without being a part of my wedding party. I also don’t feel like I can add her at such a late date, but it just a weird and overall sad feeling
I totally understand what you are going thru
My oldest, longest, always close friend is not one of our bridesmaids and is actually thrilled that she gets to come and just have fun and enjoy the festivities.
I only have 4 attendants- all family memebers. My friends don’t want to be IN the wedding. One is married, and has been in all her sister’s weddings, so I think they’re all happy 
I’m just going to seat them by the bar and let them have fun!
I recently had this happen with a wedding I am in. The bride wanted to have one of our other HS friends, but was unsure for the longest time if the friend would even want to be a part since their contact was not consistent through college. She took the chance and explained to her why she had not asked earlier, and our friend totally understood and accepted her offer to be a bridesmaid. I think she is really happy.
House party is a great way to go too! I had one and they were so helpful setting things up the day of the wedding and directing guests where to go. I used two friends from high school.
Either way, they will be honored to be a part of it all!
I’m having a small-ish bridal party and couldn’t pick beween my college sorority sisters to be BM’s. I’m having a house party.
My other girlfriends are invited to all wedding related events. They will walk down the aisle before the bridal party, but will get to wear whatever they choose. They will have special seating and are willing to be called upon to be “wedding helpers.”
Having a house party has solved lots of my problems and has been a nice way of incoporating those I want to share my day with too.
I think a house party is the perfect way to go to include additional ladies in other roles. I was recently in a friend’s house party where my job was to move the guest book from the ceremony to the reception and then to encourage guests to sign at the reception. The other house party duties included punch and cake servers, gift table attendants, and something else that is slipping my mind (sorry!). It was fun for me as I got to show up to the wedding early, spend time with the other house party members and bridesmaids, ooh and aah over my friend, but not have the full duties of a bridesmaid. We all got special corsages to indicate our house party status and were mentioned in the program, and we were included in the pictures of the bridal party. I am having a small bridal party, but consider myself fortunate to have a very good group of girlfriends- the house party is the only way I know to include them all and I plan on doing so.
I was going to suggest the idea of a house party or something similar. Perhaps you could invite them all to get ready with you & have a brunch or lunch with them AND your bridesmaids the day of the wedding.
I saw a post A Practical Wedding with an idea that might work- http://www.apracticalwedding.com/2009/02/wedding-party-alternatives-color-team.html.
This particular bride didn’t have bridesmaids, instead she asked close girlfriends to choose colors from a specific palette so they’d “stand out” on the wedding day. She didn’t have them walk down the aisle or anything, but it was a nice way to include people without increasing the size of the bridal party.
You’ll like this, Ms. Bruschetta - she included paint chips to guide in the direction for colors 
Maybe if explain to your HS friends you want to acknowledge your special relationship to them by having them wear a particular color dress/accessory, it would do the trick for you. Don’t forget to get some pics, as I bet that will look really cute!
I agree with bluedec and MissStellar…I think anyone just going to a Wedding…esp if they are great friends or family members…will have a great time because you are a part of their life and they are there to have fun with you. Being invited to a friends wedding is still so much fun even if your not in the “party”.
I love the idea of a house party, but as a fellow northeastern girl, I don’t think any of your friends will have ever heard of it and might be weirded out if you ask them to be a part of it. Honestly, I have been a bridesmaid so many times that it is a RELIEF when I don’t get asked to be a bridesmaid. Since you’ve just reconnected with these ladies, savor that friendship and leave it at that. Your friends will be so happy to be a guest — you don’t need to give them any honors that don’t mean anything in the northeast. Maybe you could give them corsages or something, though?
I’m from Philly and I’m having a house party!! One member of my house party jokingly asked “great, who’s bringing the keg”
@cfitz621: That is a really cute idea… I might use it
I gotta agree with a few other posters and say it feels pretty special to share in a friend’s wedding regardless of whether I’m in the wedding or not. That being said, it kinda depends on the size of the wedding. If you’re having a 200 guest affair, then obviously the “stand out” factor is greater for the bridal party than if you’re having an intimate, 50-80 guest kind of wedding. I really tried not to let “roles” get in the way of having people around in the ways that I wanted them to be. Example? Neither my sister nor West Coast Groom’s sister are bridesmaids, but they’re still getting their hair and make up done with all the ladies, and getting ready with us at the ceremony site. Roles, schmoles. Show them they’re special by including them in meaningful ways.
Be careful about the house party idea because pending where you are from being asked to be a house girl is an insult.
I really don’t worry about the numbers of girls that are standing up there with me (8 so far) because these are all people that have been very important women in my life and I cannot imagine not being surrounded with that support system on my wedding day.
I’m doing something like what everyone else is saying. I’m doing my best to include them in everything I can, especially during the actual weekend of the wedding, and to express throughout how important they are to me.
I had 3 BMs for our 150 wedding and had other friends involved by helping in other ways: guestbook, greeting, music, etc.
Let me know what you decide bc you know I have a similar issue!
I had a category I called “bridesfriends” — since I just had my sisters stand up for me and my SILs do readings, I asked these girls (7 good friends from various points in life) to be with me under that title. I told them to just wear a black dress and show up! They helped set up some stuff/greet people/help with odd jobs, but mostly they were there for morale and support. We went to the spa on Friday, and hung out after the rehearsal dinner and I made sure to get pictures with them on the day-of. It was a great solution: I got to honor them; they didn’t have to buy new dresses; we had a blast in the pre-wedding time!
I am feeling your pain for sure! I don’t have this issue with friends, but I do have the issue of several friends coming back into the picture recently and now I feel like I need to invite them when I hadn’t planned on it before. It seems as soon as I’m engaged everyone wanted to be friends again.
I was also inspired by ML’s house party description. My thought is to include all the ladies who couldn’t be in the bridal party in a wedding pre-party. Invite them to hang in the bridal suite, take pictures, and drink champagne with you as you get ready.
If you’re talking about a lot of people it could be chaotic, but I think it could be fun. I’d be like back in high school when all of us girls would get together to get primped before a school dance. Music, makeup, giggling, etc.
One of my friends had “honorary bridesmaids.” They hung out with the bridal party some the day of (you could have them attend a tea or a luncheon), and then were ushered in right before the family and sat in a designated row. You could also give each girl a little pin or flower to wear during the wedding to let them know they’re special to you!
I have 8 bridesmaids! I can’t add more but I want to so I understand. The house party sounds so nice and fun! I had two of my gfs be wedding coordinators - I can’t afford a real one and I trust them. As for the other girls I’m making sure my MOH includes them in the planning of events…
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Mrs. Bruschetta, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 25, Communication Professional
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Physical Therapy Graduate Student
Engagement Date: November 30, 2007
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
About Me: I’m a self-proclaimed grammar geek who loves singing (like, really belting it) in the car. My mister and I are planning a vibrant summer soiree celebrating our passions – including food and Philly – and when we make it official, we’ll have been together for eight years! Being super competitive is in my nature, and talking excessively is in my genes. I’ve got a terrible sense of direction, but can always easily find my way into Mr. Bruschetta’s arms.
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