Wedding Blog
There’s an elephant in the blog. I made a passing reference to it, but in the interest of full disclosure, wanted to provide some more detail.
Several months after Mr. Bruschetta and I were engaged, FBIL Bruschetta was preparing to propose to his girlfriend. As we had already set our date — and owing to other, personal factors — Mr. Bruschetta’s brother assured us he wasn’t looking to schedule the wedding until 2010.
Fast-forward a few months. Mr. Bruschetta and I are visiting with the newly-engaged couple, and after an uncomfortable silence, they ask how we’d feel if their wedding were in mid-June. We suggest a three-month cushion from our late August affair. We tell them, honestly, that it makes us uncomfortable, chiefly because we are worried about the strain on mutual guests’ schedules and (in some cases) wallets.
The other wedding will take place on June 20.
I’m sharing this not to point fingers or accuse anyone of anything. Truly, I’m thrilled for FBIL and FSIL Bruschetta. Their engagement, though, has become part of our wedding planning. And I’m not going to pretend that planning our wedding — with another tagging along, conveniently (uncomfortably?) close enough for comparison — has been a walk in the park.
As his brother’s best man, Mr. Bruschetta has started planning how to juggle two sets of pre-wedding festivities with the final months of his grad school career. (Possible solution: a joint bachelor party?) And we’ve had to look more closely at our budget, since some of our available funds now have to stretch to cover two weddings.
Have you successfully coped with another wedding being a little too close to yours for comfort?
|
Share this post: Acknowledging Dumbo
I never really thought of it this way, although it could be a problem for guests. My bro is getting married 5 months after I am, and FI has a cousin tying the knot in August and an uncle who is still making plans (no date that I know of). We only have a few mutual guests, though, so it’s not a problem. I’m very happy for the weddings! They are all going to be SO different!
Oh wow. Is FBIL older than Mr. Bruschetta? Why the sudden rush to move their wedding up?
Honestly, I have to say they are being very selfish.
I hope it all works out in the end. :::hugs:::
Thats tough. My sister and I, both got engaged last year, so we set our weddigns almost exactly a year apart.
However, she does have a cousin of ours the month before and another cousin 3 months before. So lots of overlapping guests.
Our family happens to love weddings and never comments on financial strains, they just love to be a part of them. I know I look forward to it when I have lots of weddign activities, although thats not saying much since I’m a little obsessed.
I think the couples usually worries more about the inconvenience for guests than the guests actaully do.
While your predicament sounds much more serious than mine, I had some date dilemmas when booking my wedding! The only Saturday dates our venue had left were: 1) My brother’s birthday and 2) Halloween! My brother was not happy about sharing his birthday with our anniversary. So we decided not to do that. Halloween just wasn’t our style. In the end, we decided a Sunday wedding was in order and booked our first-choice weekend. Since everyone is traveling, they would’ve had to take a Friday off anyway if we had it on a Saturday. Now they’ll take a Monday off.
You poor thing…. that kind of steals your thunder doesn’t it? Well…I’m sure in the end it will all be fine…. I understand the grad school thing…my FI is finishing up 2 weeks before we wed and it’s hard doing everything for just one wedding let alone two. The important thing to remember is that you both are going to have a blast at your own. Also, think of theirs as a dress rehearsal for yours….you can see what improvements you’d make to the schedule, seating assignments, etc. and then implement them a few months later. Just try to make sure you get your own showers, parties and such if you can so that no one feels jipped!
I can relate Miss Bruschetta. We are doing our best to cope. Our wedding is in July. His best friend is getting married in May. No problem there. It wasn’t until my Mom announced her May wedding date back in February that led to worries. The financial strain of two cross country weddings in the month of May along with our own cross country wedding makes for some sleepless nights!
Well, actually this exact thing happened to me this year. I have been planning my wedding for over a year now and it is scheduled for August. One of my maids got engaged after dating her fiance for just a short time and now their wedding is two weeks before mine…At first it was pretty upsetting to me. I have since moved on, there is too much to plan for the wedding and everything that I can’t worry about it. It isn’t like she is going to change her date. She knew what she was doing when she planned it. What am I to do but move on. My biggest concern is I am in her wedding a mere two weeks before mine…at the height of stress for planning.
My situation is similar but not at the same time. We got engaged … decided to wait just a few weeks to pick a date/plan anything big … three weeks later my cousin (same age, very close friend) also got engaged. We were both super excited for each other. And when I picked a date nearly two years away I figured they would have plenty of time to get married before our date — well they chose exactly one month before. And as much as we want to be upset and annoyed, we are just trying to be happy for her and her fiance. Thankfully both of the weddings are local and our family is mostly local so travel shouldnt be a problem. It still stinks a little bit.
I attended a friend’s wedding on 7-7-07 and her older brother (and only sibling) was married the weekend before AND during the middle of the week between the two weddings they celebrated their dad’s 50th birthday. They said it was very stressful but at the same time looked at it as an opportunity since they were able to utilize each other for resources and ideas as well as save guests two trips.
i feel your worries, my best friend got engaged 3 months after me. i chose my late aug date right away and then she picked her wedding date - less than a month before. since hers is first, she has booked many of the days leading up to our weddings for her showers and events so i am left to plan around her. it has just made it very difficult but i knew there wasnt anything i could do about it. hang in there!
My wedding is close to my MOH/cousin’s wedding and also very near to one of my best friend’s (who is also very close to most of my other bridesmaids). Joint Bachelorette parties etc. have been thrown around as options because everyone lives in different states from everyone else so traveling to the weddings and all of the parties just isn’t feasable. But I truly do not mind that the thunder is being shared, that the bachelorette must either be joint or a couple days before the wedding to give the travelers a break or that I had to discuss my potential wedding date with the other ladies so we could all find a time that worked for us. Honestly, all I’ve encountered is a positive experience where I have two ladies who are going through this whole wedding planning experience with me and we have eachother to learn from. They are the only people I can talk about weddings with non-stop and nobody is bored. That is priceless. And yes, some of my family will only be able to make my cousin’s wedding and some will only make mine, my friends are cutting the time they will be able to spend with me before the wedding short because they can’t afford all of the time off with both weddings. To me, that’s life. Life will continue to happen regardless of when I set the wedding date.
I totally understand. My FBIL got engaged after we did, and we originally thought they would be having their wedding in 2010 or late 2009 (we’re getting married in June 09), but they ended up deciding on Feb 09. There’s definitely more time between our weddings than yours and your FBIL & FSIL’s wedding — but I still felt upset. I was afraid that people would compare the two weddings unnecessarily and that we would all get way too stressed out dealing with two weddings. I have definitely gotten the “Your FBIL and FSIL are doing such-and-such, why aren’t you guys?” from my FMIL…it can be rough, but chin up and it’ll all work out in the end. And hey, it’s kind of nice having their seating chart to steal from 
My FBIL’s wedding is two months before ours. We originally were going to have ours in October too, but couldn’t since they were. Then we found out how cheap January weddings are. I don’t thin anyone really thinks it’s a big deal b/c their wedding is a lot different from ours. They’re going for the smaller, intimate thing and we’re doing the big omg I never met some of these people thing.
I had a similar problem and it was upsetting and I could not help but feel that my thunder had been stolen. On the flip side, I ended up with the most gorgeous winter wedding that cost significantly less due to the off season, and all mutual friends and family were ready to party again!
This has been THE battle for me since the day after we got engaged. My FI and I were the first ones to get engaged, told family members that we wanted it on a certain month and then by the end of the month, 3 other people in the family/family circle were engaged and had all decided their dates…2 are a month before ours and one is a month after ours.
I am very excited for the other girls and understand that every one deserves their special day…but feel like my “spotlight” was taken away if that makes sense. We didn’t even have the chance to tell everyone in the family before the other girls started to get engaged.
And the worst part, I feel like our wedding is just another ceremony & reception on the looooong list of weddings this summer. 
Not to mention the HUGE financial burden that this has placed on the rest of the family members who have to attend all these weddings.
To deal with it, I have been personalizing our wedding down to the very last detail. We are making it our own. There are going to be all kinds of personal touches that will be memorable to us as a couple. I know everybody gets caught up in pleasing everybody and stuff like that, but at the end of the day, your wedding has to be something that you and your future husband remember for the rest of your lives…so I just took this as an oppertunity to plan an extra special wedding 
Good luck and happy planning!
I’m going through the same thing. I think it is harder when it is family, immediate family. My FBIL is getting married 3 months and 5 days before us. And they keep trying to compare stuff to our wedding - when in reality, you can’t. I think immediate family is harder b/c friends of the family are the same, along with extended family. It’s different if it is two friends *usually* because you have different families and friends of families. But I find it easiest to cope when I remove myself from their wedding planning. I don’t mean that to be mean, I just can’t handle the comments they are constantly making - and as dumb as it sounds, I feel like they’re planning their wedding based off of ours. They were going to have 3 BMs/GMs, found out we’re having 6 and they are trying to get 6 as well. They’ve had multiple people back out and now they have 4 or 5, it keeps changing and yes the wedding is 3 months away, with 1 of the BM/GM being 12 years old. I recommened they go with ‘Jr. BM and GM.’ Well, I guess that is my rant for the day! But Ms. B…just keep your focus on your wedding and if it comes down to it, remove yourself from their planning…and think of how excited your parents are for YOU!
My fiance and I got engaged last March, then booked an August 2009 date. A few weeks after we booked our venue, a co-worker/friend got engaged. They looked at June 2009 dates, but ended up booking exactly four weeks before us because of availability at their venue.
They didn’t do it on purpose, there are really only five overlapping guests that are affected and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter, but it does suck.
It’s because I feel so posessive about my wedding and don’t want it to be compared to others. Plus, it’s essentially forcing those five people to choose between our weddings, since both will be long distance. Who knows? Even if our wedding dates were further apart, the five might still have to choose between us. The other couple might feel the same way.
So I’m just focusing on being happy for them and us and planning our amazing wedding.
My dad told me a few months ago that he and his long-time girlfriend are planning on getting married this summer. Mine is in October and I’m not concerned at all since I’m sure theirs will be small and intimate. I actually think it’s kinda funny that my dad and I are getting married in the same year! My FI’s oldest brother has been engaged for a few years now but they have yet to set a date. She is in Singapore and it is taking a long time to work things out for her to come over. I’ll admit that I have fears about them making last minute plans and deciding to get married around the same time as us! As much as you love them it can still stress you out and make you a little crazy! Hang in there Miss. Bruschetta, it’ll all work out!
3 friends of mine all got engaged around the same time as us, spread out over several months. We were last. We’ve all managed to schedule weddings within our personal schedules and still be fairly spaced apart. I know in our circumstance it helps that neither of us are in the others wedding, but we also jointly decided not to get the other a present in order to save money
My fiance and I got engaged 2/2008 and are getting married 9/26/09, our best friends got engaged 10/08 and picked a date then next weekend after us, then my brother got engaged and picked the weekend after that. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have to plan all our party dates around them now. It’s getting a little overwhelming because i’m in both of them. So both couples get to go on a honeymoon and we have to wait. I’m over the moon that our best friends and my brother are getting married, it’s just hard when because a small part of me just wants it to be our wedding during that time.
This is a general comment, and not aimed as Miss B’s own personal situation…
My husband proposed in December. One best friend had been engaged since August, another since October. We had all been hoping to get engaged for a fair few months by then, and it was largely because of their proposals that he waited til December. BFF 1 set her date for late February, BFF 2 set hers for mid January.
Two friends in our extended group had been engaged for some months and set their dates for early Jan and early Feb.
We wanted to get married during the NZ wedding season (December-March), as we wanted a summer wedding, and (at the time) were planning to travel overseas in May. We also wanted our overseas friends to be able to make it. So we talked to a number of people and set our date for 31 January.
Just because we got engaged last does not mean we weren’t entitled to get married when we wanted to on a date that suited our families and friends. Yes- it was a mission getting everyone’s different wedding parties sorted out, and of course we tried to be as considerate as possible of other people’s dates, but we expected the same in return. Being last doesn’t mean being wrong.
Everyone involved in our “wedding season” behaved like grown ups about the whole thing. We all enjoyed each others’ weddings, and made the most of the shared planning process.
If we hadn’t been married when we had, I would have not been able to get married for 18 months (due to work commitments).
It’s slightly different with family, as there’s the whole duplicate, travelling guests issue. But seriously- you get a day, and if the other bride is someone you care about, remember that she gets one too.
You have a great attitude about this Miss B. From someone in a very similar situation it is a major struggle. Trying to stay positive. Honestly, if it was a friend I’d be overjoyed to be close together and being able to plan together. I don’t feel as if I could ever tell a friend to wait or anything. But after dating for less than a year FBIL proposed out of nowhere to now FSIL, who I love. Then they decide to get married four days after we get back from our honeymoon. We never had that conversation you had and there’s never been an acknowledgment from the family that “Hey, this is a real PITA.” Planning showers, bachelorettes, bachelor parties and tastings etc. gets real complicated. I would feel a lot different if they ever spoke to us or asked but they booked the date without telling anyone, even their parents. They just asked when we’d be back from our honeymoon and a few weeks later told us we are getting married in a destination, which requires travel and time off. I’m trying to focus on the positive I’m getting a great SIL and BIL. Sometimes I just have to take a deep breath.
I read these comments with great interest, as I got engaged after a good friend of mine (not family) who had already asked me to be a bridesmaid for her at her 4/25 wedding. When my fiance and I were planning our wedding, we both agreed that my friend should get to go first. Other friends told me that was silly — there was no requirement for that — but it just seemed RIGHT to me. She had asked me to be a MAID, and I would *BE* a maid (and not a matron).
That said, our wedding is about 5 weeks after hers. I didn’t want a summer wedding (Cleveland is disgusting in the summertime) and I didn’t want to wait until fall — and I’ve always had a thing against June weddings. So ours will be 5/30. There is NO overlap between my friend’s wedding and mine, but I can’t help but worry if she feels like some of her “thunder” is being taken away. But I can’t be too worried about it — I did the best I could to do the honorable thing for my friend, and, after all, it is a wedding DAY, not a wedding week or month.
One HUGE consolation: You have a blog on WB and you are MISS BRUSCHETTA, the coolest, wittiest word-o-phile on here! So yeah, they broke a promise and stole your thunder…but they don’t get to gush about their wedding all the way up until the day of to the Hive, SO THERE!!
my fsil is getting married only a month before us and to say that me and the Fi are thrilled is from the truth. But we have learned how to deal with it and its going okay although it does cause financial strian on are guest and FI’s parents!
I also read these comments with interest, since like Katherine I am in somewhat the opposite situation.
One of my good friends got engaged in early summer, asked me to be a bridesmaid, and set her date in June. My fiancee proposed to me in August, and we began to discuss dates. With my dad’s work situation, we basically couldn’t do anything in the months August through December. January and February were too soon to plan. March and April already had weddings of two of our friends. June and July are HOT (outdoor reception) so we were left with May 2009 or January 2010.
We chose a date in May since we didn’t want to wait a year and a half to get married. I didn’t choose the date to upstage my friend or steal her thunder, I chose it because I was working around many circumstances, including her wedding.
I can understand how some people may feel upstaged in these situations, but please also keep in mind that, like you, most of these brides worked hard to choose a date that would be best for their circumstances and the majority of their guests.
Hmm ya I’m with Gerbera…I don’t understand why they’re having their wedding so close to someone else’s. If they were friends I think that’d be ok…but the fact that it’s his BROTHER…I dunno…it’s SO trying to steal thunder if you ask me.
we are getting married about a month before my fiance’s college friend, who is getting married in seattle. we would love to go but are afraid that it cuts too close to our day and we haven’t really budgeted for the travel.
@ all: Dang, hive, you all are so awesome. Thanks for the comments of support and concern!
@Gerbera: See, I don’t want to play the age game. Because as soon as one person starts that, someone else could start with the “how long have you been together?” question, and then it just gets messy and further immature, ya know?
@MightySapphire: Oh geez! See that big balloon swelling up on top of my shoulders? It’s my head! You’re too kind. 
I’m going to echo @Kate - not directed at anyone. I guess as the person on the other end of things. My FI’s friends (same group in college but not close) has been engaged for 2 years if not more and we got engaged in Jan. We were conscious of it because they do have mutual college friends that would probably attend both weddings, not to mention groomsmen. At the end of the day we did what we had to for his friends, his groomsmen and our day and I think we found a happy medium even though we did pick the week right after.
Hang in there Miss B - sorry you feel like she’s taking your thunder, but don’t. Your day is going to be super special and memorable to all your guests and like MightySapphire said you are a bee there’s no one who’s gonna top that! In 10 years I doubt you’ll remember the other wedding back to back. Enjoy your moment bc if he/she really does want to take your thunder you are letting them - haha don’t Ok gonna stop rambling now!
Ohhhhh yes, I am so there right now. 4 weddings (including ours) between August and October this year!
My FI and I got engaged last April, and set our date for 9/6/09. I asked my bridesmaids, everything was peachy. Fast forward to the beginning of July - one of my maids gets engaged. Mid-July- my MOH gets engaged! My FI and I are also in both of their weddings. All we asked was for a month of cushion - so my BM’s wedding is 8/8/09, and my MOH’s wedding is 10/10/09.
I’m so happy for all of them… my BM and her fiance have been dating for 8(!) years (since high school), so it was only a matter of time for them, and my MOH and her fiance had been together for about the same amount of time as my FI and me.
Truthfully, the most upsetting wedding we found out about was my FI’s friend’s wedding. He got engaged to his fiancee (who I don’t like much, so that may be playing into why I’m upset) after dating for not-very-long. They stayed very quiet about their wedding plans, until one day (the day our save-the-dates went out, in fact), we received a save-the-date for their wedding… 2 weeks after ours - the day we were planning on flying back from our honeymoon. Ugh.
It’s really frustrating because the biggest overlap in guest list will be with that wedding (we have a lot of mutual friends). We had pretty much decided on our date even before they were engaged, and it wasn’t a secret. Whenever we asked them about their plans, they were very vague, so it was a little hurtful (especially for my FI, since he thought they were close friends) that we had no warning until the save-the-date came.
I’m afraid I don’t have much advice, but I just wanted you to know that you’re not the only one who feels a little overwhelmed and frustrated with too many weddings at once! Hang in there!
I’m dealing with almost the same scenario. My fiance’s brother and his (then) girlfriend had been together for a few years when my fiance and I got engaged last April. We started planning our wedding after I finished the bar exam in July, and set a wedding date for 9/19/09. His brother proposed that November, and they’re getting married on October 16, almost one month to the day after we are getting married.
I have been quite miffed at the whole affair, to put it mildly. Mostly I am annoyed because our wedding was supposed to be a smallish shindig, but since the brother is having a destination wedding that so many family friends cannot make it to, they’ve told us they will try extra hard to come to our wedding. I’m having problems cutting the lists down as it is, and this just adds another dimension to the problem.
I am happy for them that they are getting married. I just wish they didn’t have to schedule it so close to ours, especially since we set our wedding date before they got engaged. But…live and let live, I guess. My wedding will great, even if they’re “stepping on my toes” a bit.
Miss B, I hope all of these comments are helping to show you that really, other people continue to plan their lives for themselves, and few people actually have the experience of our families rallying around our wedding as a singular, special occaision. You’re probably right in the middle of a life stage where people are getting married and having babies and buying houses and graduating from college and basically, making huge life transitions all over the place. West Coast sister and I were engaged at the same time, and are being married just a few months apart. West Coast MOH is getting married three months after me, and is basically in almost the same stage of planning as me while being my MOH. West Coast Cousin in-law is having a baby about two weeks after the wedding, and West Coast Sister in law JUST announced her engagement to her boyfriend of less than 1 year, just a month before West Coast Groom and I tie the knot. The important thing, I think, is to focus on your special day as your own, and to be happy for everyone else going through similar joys. Explore some of the other feelings/reactions we are all prone to having to these types of situations and I think you’ll probably find a lot of them to be a waste of time that could be spent being spent counting and everyone else’s blessings. (Still, I feel bad for you that they set their date before you! :-))
I agree with Kate, I don’t think the order in which you get engaged should or does have any bearing on when you’re allowed to get married. My fiance’s sister got engaged right before we did and they have not set a date yet. My cousin got engaged several months after us and will be getting married one month before us. I admit I was a little taken aback when I learned that, but I’ve learned it’s truly not a big deal. I know the fact that FBIL B. originally agreed to wait til 2010 might make the blow a little harder, but I’m sure they have their own life reasons for doing it and I think some of these comments are a little harsh on them for that.
My cousin and I are the only two girls in our family, she set her date a month before mine, so naturally there will be some comparison there but we are trying not to think of it that way. We just have to accept that people like to get married in summer. I know it seems like a burden on your guests, but in all likelihood these guests attend more than one wedding a year as it is. They are probably quite used to budgeting for traveling to different weddings and buying more than one gift etc. Sharing the bachelor party is a great idea. I’m glad you have a good attitude about it! I promise everyone will be happy to celebrate with both of you!
Kate - you wrote about exactly what I’ve been through! I worried that my MOH would be upset that I was getting married first, but instead we’ve enjoyed planning together and sharing the experience.
I just want to point out that whenever this issue is brought up on the boards, you get 20 people saying the same thing: “you don’t get a year, a month or a week…” ad nauseum
my sis got engaged the week before me but my fiance had been planning our engagement for a year and my sister’s engagement was kinda spontaneous (seeing as they were only dating for 2 weeks)…anyways…they got married in december and my wedding is in june. it’s worked out. But for a while she was getting mad because I was trying to plan some aspects of my wedding during her time. I had to plan early considering my wedding was going to be mid june. all in all it has been working out well. i got to see what not to do by planning her wedding and the family can’t wait to get together for one more!
A little late to the thread, but it’s interesting to read all this. ^_^
Mr. Spin and I are in a rather opposite position. Instead of being frustrated about close proximity weddings, we are TRYING for it.
Mr. Spin has a group of super close friends, they’ve known each other since kindergarten, etc. One got engaged about 6 months before us. However, he’s in med school, set to graduate roughly when Mr. Spin does. One of the other guys in the group works in out of the country and must use his vacay in 1 month blocks. Therefore, we are trying to coordinate with Mr. Spin’s engaged friend so that our weddings are within a month of each other so Out-of-country friend can come to both. Right now, it looks like they will get married and we’ll marry 2 weeks later.
The guys are going to have a joint bachelor party (in Vegas, those stinkers. I’m totes jealous ^_^). There is going to be a fairly significant guest overlap as there are 4 of these guys, all of their families are friends, and they seem to have basically the same family friends as well. So, I know there is going to be a lot of comparison, especially because I work at a wedding magazine.
And yes, that will rather annoying, but it’s really important to both Mr. Spin and his friend that Out-of-town friend doesn’t have to choose which wedding to go to. So. We’ll deal. And ultimately, his prescence will be worth it. ^_^
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Bruschetta, Philadelphia
Age and Occupation: 25, Communication Professional
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Physical Therapy Graduate Student
Engagement Date: November 30, 2007
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
About Me: I’m a self-proclaimed grammar geek who loves singing (like, really belting it) in the car. My mister and I are planning a vibrant summer soiree celebrating our passions – including food and Philly – and when we make it official, we’ll have been together for eight years! Being super competitive is in my nature, and talking excessively is in my genes. I’ve got a terrible sense of direction, but can always easily find my way into Mr. Bruschetta’s arms.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics