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There’s an elephant in the blog. I made a passing reference to it, but in the interest of full disclosure, wanted to provide some more detail.
Several months after Mr. Bruschetta and I were engaged, FBIL Bruschetta was preparing to propose to his girlfriend. As we had already set our date — and owing to other, personal factors — Mr. Bruschetta’s brother assured us he wasn’t looking to schedule the wedding until 2010.
Fast-forward a few months. Mr. Bruschetta and I are visiting with the newly-engaged couple, and after an uncomfortable silence, they ask how we’d feel if their wedding were in mid-June. We suggest a three-month cushion from our late August affair. We tell them, honestly, that it makes us uncomfortable, chiefly because we are worried about the strain on mutual guests’ schedules and (in some cases) wallets.
The other wedding will take place on June 20.
I’m sharing this not to point fingers or accuse anyone of anything. Truly, I’m thrilled for FBIL and FSIL Bruschetta. Their engagement, though, has become part of our wedding planning. And I’m not going to pretend that planning our wedding — with another tagging along, conveniently (uncomfortably?) close enough for comparison — has been a walk in the park.
As his brother’s best man, Mr. Bruschetta has started planning how to juggle two sets of pre-wedding festivities with the final months of his grad school career. (Possible solution: a joint bachelor party?) And we’ve had to look more closely at our budget, since some of our available funds now have to stretch to cover two weddings.
Have you successfully coped with another wedding being a little too close to yours for comfort?
I never really thought of it this way, although it could be a problem for guests. My bro is getting married 5 months after I am, and FI has a cousin tying the knot in August and an uncle who is still making plans (no date that I know of). We only have a few mutual guests, though, so it’s not a problem. I’m very happy for the weddings! They are all going to be SO different!
Oh wow. Is FBIL older than Mr. Bruschetta? Why the sudden rush to move their wedding up?
Honestly, I have to say they are being very selfish.
I hope it all works out in the end. :::hugs:::
Thats tough. My sister and I, both got engaged last year, so we set our weddigns almost exactly a year apart.
However, she does have a cousin of ours the month before and another cousin 3 months before. So lots of overlapping guests.
Our family happens to love weddings and never comments on financial strains, they just love to be a part of them. I know I look forward to it when I have lots of weddign activities, although thats not saying much since I’m a little obsessed.
I think the couples usually worries more about the inconvenience for guests than the guests actaully do.
While your predicament sounds much more serious than mine, I had some date dilemmas when booking my wedding! The only Saturday dates our venue had left were: 1) My brother’s birthday and 2) Halloween! My brother was not happy about sharing his birthday with our anniversary. So we decided not to do that. Halloween just wasn’t our style. In the end, we decided a Sunday wedding was in order and booked our first-choice weekend. Since everyone is traveling, they would’ve had to take a Friday off anyway if we had it on a Saturday. Now they’ll take a Monday off.
You poor thing…. that kind of steals your thunder doesn’t it? Well…I’m sure in the end it will all be fine…. I understand the grad school thing…my FI is finishing up 2 weeks before we wed and it’s hard doing everything for just one wedding let alone two. The important thing to remember is that you both are going to have a blast at your own. Also, think of theirs as a dress rehearsal for yours….you can see what improvements you’d make to the schedule, seating assignments, etc. and then implement them a few months later. Just try to make sure you get your own showers, parties and such if you can so that no one feels jipped!
I can relate Miss Bruschetta. We are doing our best to cope. Our wedding is in July. His best friend is getting married in May. No problem there. It wasn’t until my Mom announced her May wedding date back in February that led to worries. The financial strain of two cross country weddings in the month of May along with our own cross country wedding makes for some sleepless nights!
Well, actually this exact thing happened to me this year. I have been planning my wedding for over a year now and it is scheduled for August. One of my maids got engaged after dating her fiance for just a short time and now their wedding is two weeks before mine…At first it was pretty upsetting to me. I have since moved on, there is too much to plan for the wedding and everything that I can’t worry about it. It isn’t like she is going to change her date. She knew what she was doing when she planned it. What am I to do but move on. My biggest concern is I am in her wedding a mere two weeks before mine…at the height of stress for planning.
My situation is similar but not at the same time. We got engaged … decided to wait just a few weeks to pick a date/plan anything big … three weeks later my cousin (same age, very close friend) also got engaged. We were both super excited for each other. And when I picked a date nearly two years away I figured they would have plenty of time to get married before our date — well they chose exactly one month before. And as much as we want to be upset and annoyed, we are just trying to be happy for her and her fiance. Thankfully both of the weddings are local and our family is mostly local so travel shouldnt be a problem. It still stinks a little bit.
I attended a friend’s wedding on 7-7-07 and her older brother (and only sibling) was married the weekend before AND during the middle of the week between the two weddings they celebrated their dad’s 50th birthday. They said it was very stressful but at the same time looked at it as an opportunity since they were able to utilize each other for resources and ideas as well as save guests two trips.
i feel your worries, my best friend got engaged 3 months after me. i chose my late aug date right away and then she picked her wedding date - less than a month before. since hers is first, she has booked many of the days leading up to our weddings for her showers and events so i am left to plan around her. it has just made it very difficult but i knew there wasnt anything i could do about it. hang in there!
My wedding is close to my MOH/cousin’s wedding and also very near to one of my best friend’s (who is also very close to most of my other bridesmaids). Joint Bachelorette parties etc. have been thrown around as options because everyone lives in different states from everyone else so traveling to the weddings and all of the parties just isn’t feasable. But I truly do not mind that the thunder is being shared, that the bachelorette must either be joint or a couple days before the wedding to give the travelers a break or that I had to discuss my potential wedding date with the other ladies so we could all find a time that worked for us. Honestly, all I’ve encountered is a positive experience where I have two ladies who are going through this whole wedding planning experience with me and we have eachother to learn from. They are the only people I can talk about weddings with non-stop and nobody is bored. That is priceless. And yes, some of my family will only be able to make my cousin’s wedding and some will only make mine, my friends are cutting the time they will be able to spend with me before the wedding short because they can’t afford all of the time off with both weddings. To me, that’s life. Life will continue to happen regardless of when I set the wedding date.
I totally understand. My FBIL got engaged after we did, and we originally thought they would be having their wedding in 2010 or late 2009 (we’re getting married in June 09), but they ended up deciding on Feb 09. There’s definitely more time between our weddings than yours and your FBIL & FSIL’s wedding — but I still felt upset. I was afraid that people would compare the two weddings unnecessarily and that we would all get way too stressed out dealing with two weddings. I have definitely gotten the “Your FBIL and FSIL are doing such-and-such, why aren’t you guys?” from my FMIL…it can be rough, but chin up and it’ll all work out in the end. And hey, it’s kind of nice having their seating chart to steal from 
My FBIL’s wedding is two months before ours. We originally were going to have ours in October too, but couldn’t since they were. Then we found out how cheap January weddings are. I don’t thin anyone really thinks it’s a big deal b/c their wedding is a lot different from ours. They’re going for the smaller, intimate thing and we’re doing the big omg I never met some of these people thing.
I had a similar problem and it was upsetting and I could not help but feel that my thunder had been stolen. On the flip side, I ended up with the most gorgeous winter wedding that cost significantly less due to the off season, and all mutual friends and family were ready to party again!
This has been THE battle for me since the day after we got engaged. My FI and I were the first ones to get engaged, told family members that we wanted it on a certain month and then by the end of the month, 3 other people in the family/family circle were engaged and had all decided their dates…2 are a month before ours and one is a month after ours.
I am very excited for the other girls and understand that every one deserves their special day…but feel like my “spotlight” was taken away if that makes sense. We didn’t even have the chance to tell everyone in the family before the other girls started to get engaged.
And the worst part, I feel like our wedding is just another ceremony & reception on the looooong list of weddings this summer. 
Not to mention the HUGE financial burden that this has placed on the rest of the family members who have to attend all these weddings.
To deal with it, I have been personalizing our wedding down to the very last detail. We are making it our own. There are going to be all kinds of personal touches that will be memorable to us as a couple. I know everybody gets caught up in pleasing everybody and stuff like that, but at the end of the day, your wedding has to be something that you and your future husband remember for the rest of your lives…so I just took this as an oppertunity to plan an extra special wedding 
Good luck and happy planning!
I’m going through the same thing. I think it is harder when it is family, immediate family. My FBIL is getting married 3 months and 5 days before us. And they keep trying to compare stuff to our wedding - when in reality, you can’t. I think immediate family is harder b/c friends of the family are the same, along with extended family. It’s different if it is two friends *usually* because you have different families and friends of families. But I find it easiest to cope when I remove myself from their wedding planning. I don’t mean that to be mean, I just can’t handle the comments they are constantly making - and as dumb as it sounds, I feel like they’re planning their wedding based off of ours. They were going to have 3 BMs/GMs, found out we’re having 6 and they are trying to get 6 as well. They’ve had multiple people back out and now they have 4 or 5, it keeps changing and yes the wedding is 3 months away, with 1 of the BM/GM being 12 years old. I recommened they go with ‘Jr. BM and GM.’ Well, I guess that is my rant for the day! But Ms. B…just keep your focus on your wedding and if it comes down to it, remove yourself from their planning…and think of how excited your parents are for YOU!
My fiance and I got engaged last March, then booked an August 2009 date. A few weeks after we booked our venue, a co-worker/friend got engaged. They looked at June 2009 dates, but ended up booking exactly four weeks before us because of availability at their venue.
They didn’t do it on purpose, there are really only five overlapping guests that are affected and in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter, but it does suck.
It’s because I feel so posessive about my wedding and don’t want it to be compared to others. Plus, it’s essentially forcing those five people to choose between our weddings, since both will be long distance. Who knows? Even if our wedding dates were further apart, the five might still have to choose between us. The other couple might feel the same way.
So I’m just focusing on being happy for them and us and planning our amazing wedding.
My dad told me a few months ago that he and his long-time girlfriend are planning on getting married this summer. Mine is in October and I’m not concerned at all since I’m sure theirs will be small and intimate. I actually think it’s kinda funny that my dad and I are getting married in the same year! My FI’s oldest brother has been engaged for a few years now but they have yet to set a date. She is in Singapore and it is taking a long time to work things out for her to come over. I’ll admit that I have fears about them making last minute plans and deciding to get married around the same time as us! As much as you love them it can still stress you out and make you a little crazy! Hang in there Miss. Bruschetta, it’ll all work out!
3 friends of mine all got engaged around the same time as us, spread out over several months. We were last. We’ve all managed to schedule weddings within our personal schedules and still be fairly spaced apart. I know in our circumstance it helps that neither of us are in the others wedding, but we also jointly decided not to get the other a present in order to save money
My fiance and I got engaged 2/2008 and are getting married 9/26/09, our best friends got engaged 10/08 and picked a date then next weekend after us, then my brother got engaged and picked the weekend after that. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I have to plan all our party dates around them now. It’s getting a little overwhelming because i’m in both of them. So both couples get to go on a honeymoon and we have to wait. I’m over the moon that our best friends and my brother are getting married, it’s just hard when because a small part of me just wants it to be our wedding during that time.
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Mrs. Bruschetta, Philadelphia Age and Occupation: 25, Communication Professional Fiance's Age and Occupation: 25, Physical Therapy Graduate Student Engagement Date: November 30, 2007 Wedding Date: August 2009 Venue: St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House About Me: I’m a self-proclaimed grammar geek who loves singing (like, really belting it) in the car. My mister and I are planning a vibrant summer soiree celebrating our passions – including food and Philly – and when we make it official, we’ll have been together for eight years! Being super competitive is in my nature, and talking excessively is in my genes. I’ve got a terrible sense of direction, but can always easily find my way into Mr. Bruschetta’s arms.
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