Wedding Blog
I spoke to my mom yesterday and the news was not so good. My Nana (Dad’s mother) had been pretty ill for a while, but she’s always pulled through. Unfortunately it was getting to the point where she wasn’t going to pull through; she’d been moved to a Hospice and the outlook wasn’t so good.
So not good that my mother said even if I did fly home, I might not even make it back in time to see her. Mr. D and I always say, ” _____ is just a plane ride away,” and that if things were really bad, we’d be able to be where we need to be. I couldn’t believe that I was so out of control; that there was nothing I could really do.
There are so many things I wanted to tell her—how much she meant to me, how she inspired me, how much I loved her. Sometimes my Nana could be tough to get along with, but honestly, it made me love her all the more. She set standards (no matter how absurd they seemed) and she stuck to them. She said what was on her mind, and she didn’t apologize for it. I think those qualities are really rare these days, and I’ll miss her dearly.
I called the hospice so they could hold the phone up and she could hear me, but the people at the hospice didn’t understand what I was asking. The woman just kept telling me that my Nana couldn’t speak and that I should come in if I wanted to speak to her. I gave up trying to explain that I was in England, that I couldn’t make it there, and just called my mother instead. My father called me from her bedside and I was able to tell her how much I loved her, missed her, and wished I could see her to give her a hug. I honestly didn’t think it would be the last time I spoke to her, and I planned on speaking to her the next day.
She passed away only a few hours after I spoke to her. I think I was still hoping she would pull through, and I was still shocked by it. Even as I write this, I’m constantly changing things to past tense for her. I didn’t know she had gone into hospice, and in the span of only a few hours I found out she was in hospice, dying, and that she had passed away.
One of the reasons I was so excited to choose our venue was that it was literally down the street from her nursing home. She had serious mobility issues, tired very easily, and was in near constant pain, so I was happy to pick the place that would mean the least amount of travel for her because I knew she’d want to be there for our wedding. I know Mr. D and I will find a way to honor her, and her presence will be intensely missed.
How are you honoring a loved one who won’t be able to be at your wedding? Did you plan your wedding so that a loved one with mobility issues could attend?
|
Share this post: Sometimes Life Abroad Feels Extra Far Away
I’m so sorry for your loss. This post actually struck a chord with me. I understand how it feels to not know it would be the last time I would speak to a loved one. It hurst in so many ways. You and your family are in my prayers.
Aww, so sorry to hear that Miss D.
Sometimes being so far away from family really sucks, right? I’m in Chicago, and my favourite aunt has recently had a stroke, and has been in hospital since December. It’s horrible to think that she wont be able to make the wedding - I just hope I get a chance to see her when I’m over next.
I’m sorry to hear Miss D’Orsay. Sending you a big hug and good vibes. My uncle passed away a few months before my wedding and I honored him by lighting a candle at his place, where he would have sat at my wedding. It really comforted me to make the candle holder and note and I know it made my aunt happy that we could share my day with him in some way.
I’m so sorry Miss D’orsay!
We’re having memorial candles for each immediate family member that has passed. Instead of just having their name on a glass vase I’m attaching pictures in pretty frames to each candle so everyone can see them.
((((BIG HUGS))))
I’m so sorry, Miss D’orsay!
I understand, as an expat, how stressful it is to plan your wedding from another country. I can’t imaging having to deal with losing a family member during the process, as well. If you need to talk more about missing family members, planning as an expat - anything - don’t hesitate to pm me.
::hug!!::
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I too understand not being able to say that final goodbye to a loved one either based on distance and travel or the suddeness. I’m sorry for your loss, but happy you did at least get to speak with her one last time. She knows you love her and will watch over your beautiful wedding day.
I’m so sorry to hear about your family’s loss! Obviously, your Nana was a special person who helped to shape your outlook on life. Her life made yours possible, and you honor her by living your life and planning your wedding just as you would have had she been just down the road.
Miss D, I’m so sorry. This is very familiar to me, except it was my sister on the phone and my father was in the hospital. Even if it didn’t appear that she was coherent, she heard your voice, and that counts, Miss D. It mattered.
So sorry to hear about your loss Miss D, but glad you got to tell your grandmother how special she was to you.
I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is not to be present for family events like this. When my mom passed away my brother in law had to say his good byes over the phone while my sister rushed onto a flight, and made it there just two hours before my mom passed. However, i fully believe, that people wait until all loose ends are tied up before leaving this earth. It sounds like your grandmother waited for you to call before she left the world, and probably left with a smile in her heart because of that last phone call.
I also know how difficult it is to have someone not be at your wedding. I for one am really struggling with the fact that my mom will not be there, but FH and I have found a few different ways to incorporate her. (1) our color scheme includes a color that has become extremely important because of her (a chartruese for the Hispanic Cancer Bracelets we all wear) (2)we are using her favorite flowers in our wedding (cala lilies) and mine and my sisters bouquets will both have some. (3) I am attaching little picture tiles to my bouquet. (4) we are giving the bracelets as party favors. These are things that many people probably will not notice (except for the bracelets), but they help me feel like she will be there with me.
Good luck finding a way to honor her in your wedding. My heart goes out to you and your family. Just remember the last thing she would want is for you to be unhappy, so try to remember all the good times, and the silly times, and the irreverent times. They help make it a little easier.
I am so, so sorry for your loss. I recall when my grandmother was in hospice, she passed soon after. Now I hate to hear of anyone getting hospice care 
I have had two family members on my initial guest list pass away. It is so hard.
I plan to remember them in the prayers of the faithful, as well as placing a photo of my grandmother in a locket to have clipped onto my bouquet.
It is hard living far away from your family, but it is such a blessing that you were able to talk with her. She will be with you in spirit on you wedding day!
I am so sorry for your loss. Reading your post brings tears to my eyes. I am so glad you were able to say goodbye. Hang in there! It must be hard to plan a wedding and mourn her at the same time. I am sure everyone one here is sending you hugs “across the pond” 
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad that you at least got to speak to her and tell her what you wanted to say. I’m sure anyway you honor her will be a wonderful tribute to her.
I’m so sorry. I’m deeply moved by your post and couldn’t help shed a few tears. Prayers are lifted to you and your family.
I ‘m so sorry Miss D’orsay. It must have been so difficult knowing even if you took a plane ride you wouldn’t have gotten to speak to her, but she will be at your wedding in spirit and in your heart forever. *hugs*
I’m sorry for your loss. {{{{HUGS}}} I lost my grandpa while I was deployed, and I couldn’t be flown off the ship to go to his funeral. It was very upsetting, and your post really brought back how hard it was. I hope that you’re able to honor her the way you’d like on your day.
I’m so sorry to hear this, and I can completely understand how you expect to be able to talk one more time. When my grandmother died, I was actually on vacation with my now fiance, but at the time we’d only known each other 3 months. I chose the vacation with him over going to see my grandmother, and I put off visiting her until later. In the end, I got to make both trips that one week.
I am glad you were be able to speak to her that day, especially after the trouble you had with the hospice staff understanding your request. I’m sure that meant a lot to hear even if she could not speak. Will be able to go home for the funeral?
Awwww, Miss D, so sorry to hear that your Nana passed. I’m sure she loved hearing from you one last time, even if it was on the phone.
FI and I have both lost grandmothers since we’ve been together (My Mommom and his Grammay), and we’ll definitely be finding a way to have them with us at the wedding. Right now, I’m leaning towards doing both a memory candle, probably on the table where we’ll be displaying our parents’ & grandparents’ wedding photos; and also I’d like to get a small locket made to tie onto my bouquet.
In the past I’ve been to weddings where a loved one was lost very recently, and they left an empty seat with a rose on it in the front row, where the family was sitting, which I thought was very meaningful.
So sorry for your loss.
My great grandmother is 100, will be almost 101 when we get married and I desperately want her to be there (she is still somewhat mobile. I am hoping her health stays good for the next few months, but that is tough.
looking forward to seeing how you remember her.
I am so sorry My grandmother recently passed as well and it all just happened so fast with her as well. It is very hard to get your head around . I will be thinking of you.
Thank you so much for all of your kind comments. The funeral will be at Arlington National Cemetery and we know from my Grandfather there was a 2 month wait. So it could end up that I’ll be home for her funeral, which (in the way that it’s weird to hope that it won’t be for awhile) is very nice. I really do appreciate all your kind words, I can’t even tell you how much they mean to me.
Oh Miss D! I lost my grandmother a few months ago… and completely understand what you are going through =) I was lucky enough to make it home to see her… and before and after she passed, I found it SOO helpful to think about my favorite memories of her….yes, they made me cry, but it helped me process what an amazing life she lead and how she helped me become the woman I am. My thoughts are with you and your family….
To answer your question, I am hoping to incorporate lace from her wedding dress onto my veil…though if that doesn’t work, I keep joking with my mom saying that I will make “granny panties” instead =) I know that my granny would get a kick out of me saying that =)
I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard being so far away from your family.
I lost my best friend and maid of honor a few months before our wedding. She was in a car accident almost three years prior to our wedding that put her in a coma and slowly her body gave out. I knew I wanted to include her in our wedding, it just took me some time to figure out how. I chose to include her in the bridal party as my honorary maid of honor and in lieu of favors, we donated money to a traumatic brain injury rehabilitation center. It may seem kinda weird but after the ceremony, we visited her grave and left a small bouqet of flowers for her. Most of the bridal party was good friends with her so it was important for us to take a moment to remember her. She helped to shape who I was and her accident had a big impact on how I live my life. She helped me to let go and really love someone. In addition, we had a memory candle for her and each family member that had passed away and were unable to celebrate with us.
I’m so sorry for your loss! My Nana died in July of last year. I’m still sad she won’t be at my wedding, but know that she is happy in heaven with my grandpa! Hugs, thoughts and prayers to you and your family!
Im so sorry for your loss, and even though you couldn’t physically be there you’ll always know you got to tell her how you felt and that you loved her.
To answer your other question, only my husband’s grandmother is still living and she couldn’t travel to the wedding. On the morning of the wedding, I had a corsage matching our colors and flowers delivered to her retirement home (along with a flower bow collar for her dog and companion Salty) with a card saying we were thinking of her. Then right before the ceremony (like 5 minutes until) we called her and it was very emotional. She’s become like my own grandmother since I have lost mine. We also honored all of our grandparents by featuring pictures of all of them on their wedding days on the guest book table. I also wore a locket bracelet with a picture of my grandparents on their wedding day. My aunt had it made for me with a locket of my grandmother’s and bracelet made with pearls from a necklace my grandfather had given my aunt. We also included a note in our programs to honor loved ones who were no longer with us.
As others have said I am sorry. The mobility issue was something I constantly thought about. One venue we seriously considered had a ton of steps but there was a side entrane with an elevator. Both my grandfather and fi’s grandmother have a hard time getting around so it was always a consideration.
I am sure you will find a way to honor your grandmother and anyone else who isn’t able to physically be with you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I will keep you & your family in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry for the loss of your nana. I know how hard it is to be away from family and friends when something like this happens, both my Grandmother and my Poppa passed while I have been away. I know you’d rather have been with her but I’m sure your nana was so happy to be able to hear your voice. My thoughts are with you.
Oh Miss D, (((hugs))) So sorry about your Nana. I just lost my Grandma this past July, thankfully I was able to see her a couple of days before she died. She passed on a Saturday night at 8:30 and I was supposed to go spend the day with her in the hospital the following Sunday morning (she had just had her aortic valve replaced). She did much better before she passed, fooling us all into believing she was coming home and would still love for a few more years, she was 86 when she passed. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her, and I still haven’t been able to bring myself to go visit her at the cemetery. I agree with lobstergirl, she knew she had to wait until she spoke to you.
In order to honor her memory, I plan on putting a bouquet of red roses on the chair reserved for her at the ceremony. There will be a table set up with pictures of my family members getting married in the same hall displayed, so that’s where the roses will go. Then either after the wedding or the following day, I’m going to visit her and put them in a pretty vase and set them up for her. Their silk, so hopefully she will be able to enjoy them for a while.
I’ll be thinking of you D’orsay, stay strong and try to think about all the good times whenever you want to cry…
Awww. I feel so much for you. I’m so sorry. I’m sure she was happy to at least have known that you were going to get married soon and you have a bright future ahead.
*hugs* I’m so sorry for your loss! At least you were able to tell her how much you loved her and share that moment with her before she passed. My grandparents on my mother’s side both fell extremely ill late last fall and we were so worried about them…I was especially, because they were pretty much the ones who raised me, since both my parents worked all the time. FI and I were able to go overseas and see them over Christmas and it was really great to spend time with them and to have them meet FI, who they both loved ever since they heard I was dating him =P! Thankfully they’re both still okay for now, but realistically the family all knows they don’t have much time left. I’m saddened that they won’t be able to come to the wedding — age, health, and travel just won’t allow that — but I’m hopeful they will be around long enough to see pictures of the wedding and feel like they were able to share in that moment with us, because I know I will be thinking of them that day!
So sorry for your loss *hugs*
We’re each having memorial candles on our family tables for our dads, and I will have a picture of my dad in a locket on my bouquet.
I’m so sorry for your loss! I’m glad you were able to tell her how you felt, though. We lost my brother a little over a year ago, and we are honoring him by having guitar music at our wedding and mentioning our family members with an “in spirit” section. My grandmother had a stroke and is confined to a wheelchair. We’d always assumed she would come anyways, but my mother just informed me that she can’t due to the unpredictable nature of her diabetes. My other grandmother has severe alheizmers and having her come is completely out of the question! I’m saddened that they cannot come, but my amazing photographer should be able to photoshop pictures together so they have one for their mantles.
I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Miss D. I lived abroad, so I know just how far “a plane ride” can be in moments like this. I think its wonderful that you got to talk to your Nana to tell her your thoughts, even if she couldn’t talk back.
have you considered putting her picture in a bouquet charm and tying it to your bouquet? That’s what I’ll be doing– you can find quite a few online.
Aww, I’m soo soo sorry for your loss. Know that you don’t always have to be physically present to be present for someone. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
So sorry to read the sad news about your Nana. You and your family are in my thoughts.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I had also planned for my Grandma to be at my wedding and she was in rehabilitation and recovering. Then I got a call in the middle of the night just this past December saying she had passed away. I was devastated and I still have a difficult time coping with the fact that she won’t be there to see me get married. She helped to raise me and suddenly she’s gone. So your post has truly resonated with me and I hope that you are getting through this difficult time as best as you can. I will send a prayer for you and your Nana.
I’m so sorry for your loss! My grandma is on Hospice right now, so I really feel your pain!
My thoughts go out to you and your family.
Miss D, I’m so so sorry. I’m glad you were able to talk to her and I know that she heard your words. Big hug!
I’m SO sorry for your loss, Miss D. I will be sure to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers…
My thoughts go out to you and your family. Hopefully you’ll be able to choose a meaningful way to celebrate her life and her impact on you at your wedding.
I am so, so sorry. My prayers go out to you and your family!
I’m so sorry about your Nana. (((Hugs))) and I’ll keep you in my prayers!
So sorry for your loss, Miss D. I’m sure you’ll find a lovely way to honor your Nana at your wedding.
I having a small Rosemary plant and a picture with a poem. Rosemary is the plant of love and remembrance and my grandmother loved to garden and every year she took me to the town’s herb festival and we bought plants. So just find something that is meaningful to you. I love the idea of small lockets pinned to your bouquet and if you want to do candles that’s nice too.
Miss D, I’m sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers! *HUGS*
So sorry for your loss. I know it is so hard to be far away when a loved one passes! I honored my grandfather by placing a special note about him in our programs, and placing his picture and a rose on the piano at our venue. He was a jazz pianist in his younger days, so it seemed so fitting to have him there.
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I’m glad you could say good-bye even if it was brief.
You and your family are in my thoughts.
Oh, D’orsay, I’m so sorry. I am sure you will find a way to incorporate her into the ceremony in a way she would’ve appreciated. have you thought about a particular song you could play in the ceremony that would have meaning for her?
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. D'orsay, Baltimore/Lancaster UK
Age and Occupation: 24, Stay at home fiance (formerly in nonprofit communications)
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Web site developer and designer; co-owner of men's skincare shop
Engagement Date: August 10, 2008
Wedding Date: August, 2009
Venue: Oakland Manor
About Me: I'm a Maryland raised environmental policy wonk/activist/organizer and communications aficionado. In the past year I've lived in Baltimore, MD, Tucson, AZ, Miami, FL and Lancaster, England. In my not so spare time I enjoy planning trips with Mr. D' Orsay, visiting friends and family and crafting like a mo-fo. I also enjoy modern dance classes, rugby and soccer but have been banned by my mother, MOHs, and Mr. D' Orsay from playing till after the wedding. I have an unnatural addiction to cheese and shoes, but love Mr. D' Orsay more than either and can't wait to become Mrs. D' Orsay!
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics