Who’s Going to Shake Their Booty With Me?

Who’s Going to Shake Their Booty With Me?

April 12th, 2009 @ 3:15 pm by Mrs. Joey
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Thanks to everyone who helped us make a decision about the after party. We are definitely going with Option 3: A party later in the evening. I think everyone will need a chance to recover after the ceremony and reception.

Now that we have that bit sorted, the next thing we’re thinking about is the guest list for the after party. Obviously, everyone who attended the wedding is invited. What we can’t decide is whether to open up the after party to friends and co-workers who weren’t invited to the day’s earlier festivities. Since we worked at the EMP together several years ago, Mr. Joey and I have a lot of friends in common we only see occasionally who aren’t invited to the wedding. Also, everyone at Mr. Joey’s school knows we’re getting married this summer at the school. The priest announced it during a faculty meeting. So much for secrets! I also have some people from work I’d love to invite.

We wish we could have invited everyone, but it just wasn’t in the budget. Is it weird to invite people to the after party who aren’t invited to the wedding? Would you feel slighted that you weren’t invited to the wedding, or would you be happy to share a few drinks with us later in celebration?

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24 Responses to “Who’s Going to Shake Their Booty With Me?”

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Member

JennyBryde (message) 1,168 posts, Bumble bee

We are going to have everyone pay for their own tab for the after party, so as far as we are concerned, everyone and their mom’s can come!

4/12/09 @ 3:52 pm (reply)

Member

lethie (message) 232 posts, Helper bee

I think it’s ok for you to invite people who aren’t invited to the wedding. I would be excited to celebrate with my friend. I read a post from another blog, i can’t remember which one, and a couple did the same thing. I say go for it!

4/12/09 @ 4:22 pm (reply)

Guest

FutureMrsMorgan

We’re having an after-party too. We are inviting all of our wedding guests, and the local friends that we did not have space to invite to the reception.

4/12/09 @ 4:44 pm (reply)

Member

bexieclean (message) 1 posts, Wannabee

Here in the UK it’s totally common to invite people to the evening reception who unfortunately you just couldn’t accommodate at the wedding proper. I think it’s nice to include people where you can, so an invite to evening-only is completely acceptable.

4/12/09 @ 5:04 pm (reply)

Member

fabulouslyengaged (message) 503 posts, Busy bee

I just think that it’s totally weird and rude. I just would feel really uncomfortable if someone sent me an invitation that said “come to our afterparty!” and didn’t say anything about the reception itself.

It just would kinda make me feel like I was obviously a B-List guest…and now I’m supposed to go hang out with all the A-Listers.

I just think it would make someone look and feel like a second class citizen, but maybe that’s just me.

4/12/09 @ 5:57 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Glitter (message) 986 posts, Busy bee

I don’t think I would feel slighted if we weren’t close friends. Plus, your wedding is not a huge wedding - so there are many friends/coworkers/etc. that won’t be invited to your actual wedding. Our friends had an after-party to their wedding and others joined us later. It was A LOT of fun!!

4/12/09 @ 6:51 pm (reply)

Guest

Amy

I think the majority of people would be more than happy to have a chance to celebrate with you. Who doesn’t love getting dressed up for a party? There probably will be a few people who feel “second best”, but you’re in the middle of planning a wedding - you already know that *someone* is going to disagree with nearly everything you do! I love the after-party idea and have been thinking of doing it myself. Go for it, and have an awesome time.

4/12/09 @ 8:03 pm (reply)

Guest

Starry-Eyed Barefoot Bride

That has to be a person to person decision. I know lots of people that would be thrilled to be at the after party even if not invited to the wedding. But if they felt like they should have been invited to the wedding, it could be a pretty big hurdle for them not to feel insulted again. This is one of those things that emily post is probably not the most helpful ally. Gotta go with your gut on a person by person basis.

4/12/09 @ 9:17 pm (reply)

Bee

miss mouse (message) 5,844 posts, Bee Keeper

I think it’s OK to invite people who weren’t invited to the wedding! Unless it was someone I was very close to, I wouldn’t feel slighted about not getting invited to the wedding–I’d just be happy they thought of me to party with after!

4/12/09 @ 10:08 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

LaurENors

I think it’s a great idea, and one we’re tossing around ourselves. I’ve been to an after party where the couple had a destination wedding, then invited everyone and their brother to their after party when they got back - and as a friend but not a close friend, I appreciated getting to celebrate with them AND not having to worry about bringing a gift! It’s win-win-win!

4/12/09 @ 10:14 pm (reply)

11.

Guest

Lynn

We totally did the same thing, except we did a welcome BBQ two days before the wedding, inviting all our co-workers and friends that couldn’t come to the wedding. It totally wasn’t a big deal and it gave us a chance to celebrate with more people! In the invite, we just said that b/c of our large families, we couldn’t invite everyone we want to the wedding. But we still love you and want to celebrate with you. Also it’s important to note, that no gift is necessary!!

4/12/09 @ 10:43 pm (reply)

12.

Member

happilywaiting (message) 1,389 posts, Bumble bee

My cousin did that for her wedding, they had people just show up for the “afters”. At first, my mum & I were surprised by it, (we thought they were wedding-crashers lol) but it turns out like bexieclean said, it’s quite the norm to do that in the UK & in Ireland. My parents have also been invited to “afters” at some weddings here where they were not super close enough with the couple to be invited to the formal reception. They were actually pleasantly surprised to be invited to the after parties (and my dad was relieved not to have to attend the whole wedding :).

4/12/09 @ 11:27 pm (reply)

13.

Member

lotus (message) 73 posts, Worker bee

I think it is definitely ok to invite people to the after party and not the wedding, especially if they’re laid back about tradition. My best friend got married last summer in Vancouver and invited a bunch of her friends from school to come to the reception just for the dancing. They came dressed for the theme and had a good time.

4/13/09 @ 1:47 am (reply)

14.

Guest

Fal

It seems like something that would only be appropriate if it was done in a fairly informal manner. I agree with fabulouslyengaged, I’d feel a bit odd if I got an actual in-the-mail invitation for that kind of event. But if you phoned people personally, or e-mailed them individually, I think it would be a really nice gesture. Especially if they already know you’re getting married!

4/13/09 @ 8:31 am (reply)

15.

Member

BexSH (message) 81 posts, Worker bee

I think it’s acceptable! If I were invited to the after party-only (assuming I was not super-close to either of you), I would completely understand. And, this may be crass, but I would probably be slightly relieved to not have to go overboard on a wedding gift for you. However, it might be tricky to convey to the after party guests that while you’re inviting them out, you are not footing the bill. Not sure if that would be assumed or if you’d need to get the word out.

4/13/09 @ 9:34 am (reply)

16.

Member

mary-alice-me (message) 1,864 posts, Buzzing bee

I’d say it’s acceptable, but I’m no etiquette expert. I wouldn’t be offended if a coworker invited me to a party the night of her wedding but not the ceremony.

4/13/09 @ 11:47 am (reply)

17.

Member

West Coast Bride (message) 708 posts, Busy bee

IMHO this will make some people feel like second class guests. I’m not saying you’re responsible for them feeling that way, it’s something to consider. The way I see it, it all depends on how many of your non-wedding guests actually confirm that they will be at your after party. The atmosphere will be different depending on which group is the majority at the event. I know your schedules/lifestyles might not allow for this, but in my opinion, you could make a nicer gesture to all of these people by hosting a relaxed party at home (or someone’s home) after you get back from your honeymoon.

4/13/09 @ 12:23 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Joey (message) 1,031 posts, Bumble bee

@fabulouslyengaged: Would you feel this way if we explained in the evite that we have HUGE families?

@Lynn: We’re not expecting gifts. We know non-invited friends know about the wedding and we just wanted them to know we thought about them in the planning process.

@West Coast Bride: We’re going to have a house warming party a few weeks after the wedding — I guess that’s also a thought.

4/13/09 @ 12:40 pm (reply)

19.

Member

Crash (message) 377 posts, Helper bee

I think it’s totally appropriate! I think people understand that you can’t invite everyone you’ve ever met to your wedding. If I wasn’t a close friend, I would prefer to go to an after party than a wedding. No one will think they have to bring gifts.

4/13/09 @ 4:00 pm (reply)

20.