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I want to attempt to lessen the stereotype that the groom/better half/significant other’s involvement in wedding planning is little more than silent consent to the bride’s demands and a general lack of helpfulness. Also why, as brides, do we sometimes fall victim to having such feeble expectations of our grooms? Just last week, an incident with Mr. G reminded me (again) not to sell him short on the planning front.
By accident, I found out Mr. G is plotting a wedding-related surprise. I was complaining about wedding stuff (a common activity of mine these days). In particular, I was trying to figure out what we should do about addressing the invitation envelopes. Should we do it ourselves? Should we get a friend with good handwriting to address them? Then Mr. G chimed in with, “Let me ask my calligrapher.”
“Who? Wait, wha? You have a calligrapher?” Seriously, I think that was my response.
He coolly replied that he was doing “research for something” and was in contact with a calligrapher. Okie dokie. I have no idea what he is cooking up, but I must say, I’m excited. I’m also happy (and, at times, pleasantly surprised) he’s found ways throughout the planning process to involve himself. He lets me know what is important to him; and he is also honest if he is clueless about something or doesn’t particularly care. (e.g. If you ask him about the types of flowers for the centerpieces, his focus will begin to fade. But ask him about the food, and he’s back on track.) All in all, it has worked well for us.
If this is a day that only comes “once in a lifetime” for the bride, the same is true for the groom. He has as much invested in this day as we do. It has taken me months of wading through a lot of “this is the bride’s day”-type comments from people to realize that, yes, this is my wedding day. But, it’s Mr. G’s day, too.
Has your fiance found ways to get involved with wedding planning? How so?
That’s so sweet!
My fiancé is working on the food and the website, but at 5 months to go, we’ve still got a lot to do!!
Thanks for this post. My mister is as involved as I am in the wedding planning–we make absolutely all of our decisions together. I admit that I do more “research” than he does but when it comes to making decisions or brainstorming or even crafting, we are 100% together! And he is craftier than me, in many ways, so I’m lucky to have him alongside me! Doing all this stuff together has actually been really fun and I look forward to our diy sessions together!
Honestly I would feel terrible if I just went ahead and did whatever I wanted without him in the picture. Like you say, it’s an equally important day for both of us, and I am grateful that he’s as invested as I am.
Awww, that is such a sweet story Miss G! I run all the wedding decisions by Mr. Beagle to get his input & opinion or to get a veto if he hates the idea.. 
Mr. M helps out all the time too! It’s so nice to have a groom that wants to be involved! I could never do it without him.
That’s so cute! “His” calligrapher! What a helper! When we were wedding planning, Mr. K was good about doing anything I asked him to do, but this with Mr. G and the calligraphy is a whole other level of involvement! Good job Mr. G!
Awww, I’m impressed! Mr. Bruschetta’s definitely in charge of some decisions/vendors — and it helps me stress less, so we’re BOTH happier!
My hubby was so involved! He became a liasion bewteen me and our vendors and basically made any stressful calls I didn’t or couldn’t make. AMAZING!
Three cheers for Mr. Glitter! What a prince!
Thanks for posting this! My guy is equally involved in the process, as well he should be; it’s his wedding too! Just because he’s a dude doesn’t mean he can’t help plan a party!
It is so cute that Mr G has a calligrapher! I wonder what he’s working on.
So cute! I wonder what his surprise is?? My mister is not at all involved, unfortunately. This is 100 percent attributable to the fact that he is in his first year of grad school and his finals end, um, 4 days before our wedding. Nice timing, huh? We’ve done some stuff together — picking the venue, tasting the food, attending pre-Cana — but the rest is all me. He’s in charge of the honeymoon, though (which we’re taking 2 months after the wedding).
With all the vendors my hubby played the role of “bad cop” and let me be “good cop” so I could focus on finishing school and other projects. He was SO amazing with the planning and helped assemble invites, set appointments, made various decisions, and my favorite was he did our timeline for us!
I must say I am a bit of a planner, so getting him involved has been more of a task on my end. He definitely is a part of the process, offers suggestions and help, and is my sounding board for ideas. All-in-all, it has been nice to have him more involved that most.
ooh! Can’t wait to see what the suprise is, lucky girl!!
If it weren’t for Mr. Q planning and making decisions, I’d probably still be googling “destination wedding ideas”. Thank God!
While I’ve been doing most of the organizing and planning (just like in our daily lives), my FH has been a huge help. He’s booked a group of rooms at a hotel, researched things for our out-of-town guests, called any vendors I didn’t feel like talking to, talked me down off of quite a few emotional ledges, and cutest of all, has been helping me over the course of many nights of crafting our favors, which have been a labor of love. I think he’s been more excited to craft than I have 
I also got him a book about what to do as the groom to help out with wedding planning, and he read it cover-to-cover in three days. So cute.
Mr G is so cute!
FH is very involved in the planning process and I make and effort to say our wedding, instead of my wedding, when ever I talk about it. I hate the streotype too
My FH is very involved—mostly because I make him be involved and want his opinion. But, he is absolutely insistent on having a say in the music. He is a band teacher and music is his thing, so it’s appropriate that he have a say. I kind of love him being involved….just sometimes wish he would be a bit more involved in non-musical aspects.
Mr.D has been involved with everything except the finding of DIY projects (though he works on them) and choosing flowers
It’s actually my Mr. that says “It’s your day”. That always makes me mad so I pout and then he gives me his 2 cents LOL. I’m sick of it being “the bride’s day”! It’s OUR day! LOL Mr. Grumpy isn’t all up in the planning but he does tell me if he doesn’t like something and is honest when I ask him. He always says that he wants me to be happy which is sweet unless I really want his opinion! LOL
my fiance has hardly been involved because of his disinterest in the details, our long-distance and his grad school.
I guess I never really minded because I thought it was normal until Weddingbee! But it’s normal for us.
@grumpybear722: my fiance calls it my wedding as well, but he claims the honeymoon!
Mr. Perfume is definitely involved, but as an executor or a task manager if you will. He likes to make lists and get things squared away. It’s just his personality, not that he cares about the sentimental details of the wedding.
I love Mr. G…”my calligrapher” indeed! Can’t wait to know what he’s cooking up for you!
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting Engagement Date: May 6, 2007 Wedding Date: June, 2009 Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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