What the Gilmore Girls Taught Me About Weddings

What the Gilmore Girls Taught Me About Weddings

April 21st, 2009 @ 3:44 pm by Mrs. D'orsay
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Yes… you read that correctly. When it’s rainy and I can’t go out for a walks and such, I often get holed up in my room and watch programs like Smallville and Gilmore Girls. Just a reminder, the other options I have here to watch are the British version of Jerry Springer (his name is Jeremy Kyle), and old episodes of Sally Jesse Raphael.

In any case, the episode today was about Sookie’s wedding. What jump-started this post is that Sookie (the bride) has a last minute cancellation, and asks her friend to invite her parents. Her parents realize the wedding is in one week, and call it a pity invite (which it sort of is).

I’ve seen so many bridal websites and magazines promote an A list and a B list, but I had to wonder - what is the true difference between B list guests and “pity invites”, as they called them?

At first I thought the difference would be that pity invites are the “I don’t want to pay for a meal that no one is eating” type of invites, whereas B-listers are people that you really want to come, but because of space or budgetary constraints, you had to place them on the B list. The next choice, of course, is what to do with your B-listers. Do you send out the first round of invites early, wait for the RSVPs to roll in, and when you have enough “nos”, then do you send out the B-lister invites?

While that plan sounds simple enough, what do you do about Save the Dates? You can’t send them to B-listers, because what if you don’t send them an invite? What if you have a group of friends, and they’re split between the B list and A list? For a while I felt like I was back in my game theory class, trying to figure out the advantages/disadvantages of A/B lists, selective save the dates, and what not. Finally, I just gave up.

I stopped trying to predict who would/would not be able to come, gave up on 75 guests, and decided to invite all 85 guests on our potential list. The D’orsays have no B list. I repeat, the D’orsays have no B list. We just invited everyone, which comes to about 94 people. Granted, my brain can’t fully give up guest projections (I think I have 3 current scenarios). But either way, everyone receives a save the date, and everyone receives an invite.

Do you have an A list/B list? How did you decide to handle the seperate guest lists?

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34 Responses to “What the Gilmore Girls Taught Me About Weddings”

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Member

MissCamera (message) 770 posts, Busy bee

I used to LOVE the Gilmore Girls!

We don’t have an A or B list either. To me it isn’t hard, you either REALLY want those people there or you dont. We made a list of everyone that was important to us and invited them. All 72 of them. We didn’t invite the mailman, or co-workers, or neighbors, or family memeber we haven’t seen in 10 years, etc. Just the people we have known and loved forever and we think it’ll turn out great.

It also seems to be that since we don’t have any “B list” type guests, everyone is RSVP’ing yes to our destination wedding. Amazing. We feel so lucky

4/21/09 @ 3:57 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Bear Cub (message) 1,566 posts, Bumble bee

The majority of our B-listers would be family members… so they’d know if they didn’t get an invite.
We, too, are biting the bullet and inviting everyone. EVERYONE! 150!!
Our wedding’s on a sunday, though, and kind of hard to get to, so we’re thinking (hoping) about 80 will actually come.

4/21/09 @ 3:58 pm (reply)

Member

Jenny Bee (message) 258 posts, Helper bee

We did not send out B list invitations. No real reason other than we hope to have a smaller wedding.

I LOVE the Gilmore Girls!!!!

4/21/09 @ 4:04 pm (reply)

Bee

frenchbulldog (message) 7,730 posts, Bee Keeper

We chose our venue b/c it allowed us to not have a B list and just invite everyone we wanted

4/21/09 @ 4:05 pm (reply)

Member

PrettyKitty (message) 505 posts, Busy bee

I am right there with you Miss D. We invited absolutely everyone, no A and B list. AND we allowed EVERYONE to bring a guest. That means we invited 230 people even though we think only 150 will come. It was a big decision to invite everyone but felt that was the only fair way to go. STDs mostly went to family and bridal party, and few guests who would have to travel from far away.

4/21/09 @ 4:05 pm (reply)

Member

K610 (message) 177 posts, Blushing bee

I just wanted to say I love Gilmore Girls! And luckily I recently got my fiance addicted as well, score.

I don’t know what we’ll do about a B-list or not yet - our venue holds 160 and our list is currently about 190, but we have plenty of time to go over the list with our family and work things out, so I am waiting til later to worry about it!

4/21/09 @ 4:05 pm (reply)

Member

thebackyardbride (message) 65 posts, Worker bee

Just had to say that I love Gilmore Girls too! In fact, I think I’ve subconsciously been using the gazebo and all the twinkle lights as my decoration inspiration.

We definitely nixed the B list entirely because we’re limiting our entire guest list to 15.

4/21/09 @ 4:08 pm (reply)

Guest

lou

We invited everyone (plus guests) - after all, if you’re not close enough to the person to have them on your A list, why would you want them at such an important day as your wedding?

Having said that, we did make sure that those on our list were people that we really wanted to share our day with us. We invited 130, and have 100 coming (other 30 mostly due to travel issues)

4/21/09 @ 4:12 pm (reply)

Member

MsJoe (message) 156 posts, Blushing bee

Yes we have a A/B list. We are paying for the wedding our selves and we can’t invite everyone. The B list people are co-workers and friends. It also depends how many RSVPs we get back. Its kind of hard to know until we get closer to the date!!

4/21/09 @ 4:13 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

Miss Red Head

I found that our B list wasn’t large enough to leave out…
Our park venue holds about 160 and we are inviting 185! I know that is a NO-NO but I couldn’t cut it down and 20 of the guests are children so I thought, “Whatever!” We’ll deal with it as it comes! A B list isn’t worth hurting feelings!

We originally had a B list, so save the dates didn’t go out to all guests but I am sure they will be fine since they all live close to the venue.

4/21/09 @ 4:17 pm (reply)

11.

Member

flbeachbride (message) 497 posts, Helper bee

Technically I should have had one since we can only fit 100 people but I invited all - oh, say 200+ PEOPLE to the wedding. Yes, that is correct, I am delusional. Lucky for us we are actually going to be right at 100. Actually, moreso lucky for ME, because my FI would have BLOWN A GASKET had we been over. Phew. Crisis averted. …Barely and by sheer chance. I’m with you - no B list!

4/21/09 @ 4:26 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

dcwedding

We really struggled with this A/B list because our venue only will allow 60 people. We ended up sending a save the date to 65 people (4 of those we knew couldn’t travel to be with us, and there would be some others who can’t make it as well). But then you’re supposed to invite your officiant ..and your photographer needs a seat, right? And then there’s me and my fiance. Eek! This is my only stress in the wedding planning..but hoping it will all work out in the end.

4/21/09 @ 4:27 pm (reply)

13.

Bee

Mrs. Kitten (message) 868 posts, Busy bee

We didn’t do the A List/B List thing either and I think it made the process a lot less tricky and confusing! We were afraid of hurting people’s feelings if they found out the were B Listers.

4/21/09 @ 4:27 pm (reply)

14.

Bee

Miss Bunny (message) 349 posts, Helper bee

We have a pretty lengthy B list on top of our original 200 person guest list! Our venue capacity tops out at 200, and we both have HUGE families who expect everyone to get an invite, whether or not they’ll eventually come. I’m dealing with it by sending out invites WAY in advance with a super-early RSVP date so we can send out the B-list invites after we get confirmation that half of my out-of-town family will not attend. I’m hoping our friends (most of whom are on the B-list) understand that we have limited space and will invite them if we can.

4/21/09 @ 4:28 pm (reply)

15.

Member

mary-alice-me (message) 1,864 posts, Buzzing bee

Love the Gilmore Girls!!

I don’t have an A/B list, but it was important that for our small wedding we only invite people that knew us both. We’ve been together long enough that this included all our friends expect old college buddies and casual friendly acquaintances. We considered inviting some of those later, but ended up not doing it. I would get overwhelmed by an A/ B list!

4/21/09 @ 4:30 pm (reply)

16.

Hostess

LatteLove (message) 5,587 posts, Bee Keeper

we did the same thing B lists got to sticky and confusing. We’ll probably end up with too many people now, but oh well. I want everyone to come anyway!

4/21/09 @ 4:53 pm (reply)

17.

Member

tea (message) 7,263 posts, Bee Keeper

i also loved how lorelai planned her wedding in a day after finding the perfect dress! it just all came together

4/21/09 @ 5:31 pm (reply)

18.

Bee

Miss Snapdragon (message) 717 posts, Busy bee

I. Love. Gilmore Girls!

4/21/09 @ 5:41 pm (reply)

19.

Guest

miss bliss

This is an interesting comment line. As a guest, I have experienced the A/B list and the invite a “guest” and the last minute invite. I have been at weddings of 300 and weddings of 50. An “A-list” moment is being called as soon as the date is finalized to be sure that you can make it… If you are an A+ lister, your schedule is actually consulted to be sure that you are there! The fuller A list is all those who are important to your life… these are the people who were at your graduation, dance recitals, are there for you in sickness and in health… They are the ones who you celebrate family reunions with, go to funerals for, and dance at their weddings… they may be blood relatives or by love relatives. B-lists are for friends that are your current peers at work, who know that you are getting married and have to put up with your wedding plans… They may not be your best friend, but they are important to your life right now! An A-listers relatives can become an acceptable last minute invite… if you discover that they will be in the area, and you want them to be able fully celebrate with your “A-list” guests. I actually think that the “And Guest” is can become a major issue if you don’t invite the guests carefully. If your guest list doesn’t include a large local group, no one will know “your rules of invitation” but if it’s a local group…follow a clear set of rules…
I noticed a few comments on “family members” being B-listers… Recently, I was invited to a very small wedding that didn’t include the bride and grooms close relatives…but it did include a few friends and their children… Honestly, as a dear friend of the bride. I felt embarressed that she didn’t include the groom’s aunts and uncles at all, and they are close to the groom. On a personal note, I have noticed that my family is consistantly a part of my life. They are there for the good times and the bad times, so I think they deserve that A-list invite. If that means that I can’t invite a college buddy or a friend who I see occasionally that’s okay…

4/21/09 @ 5:54 pm (reply)

20.