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We are nearly two months away from the wedding. As I’ve said many, many times… there’s a lot to do. I am hoping to keep myself so “busy” that I forget to remember that I won’t have a bridal shower.
Several months ago, my lovely maid of honor, N, asked me if I wanted a bridal shower, and even offered to fly to California and host one for me. So sweet! I told her I’d get back to her about it, and left it at that. I procrastinated for weeks, and let a lot of time pass before telling her that the answer was, “No, I won’t be having a shower.” Of course, I thanked her profusely for her kind gesture. She touched my heart with her offer.
I won’t go into too much detail about the reasons behind not having a shower. But I will say that one of the big reasons was that my side of the family is small, and hasn’t always been the picture of perfection. Some people haven’t seen or spoken to one another in years. Awkward. I am mostly okay with my decision to skip the shower, but at times, it hits me and I feel like I am missing out. I also can’t pretend that it doesn’t bother me that no one (meaning my family or Mr. G’s family) seems to care. It’s not like anyone is sitting around wondering if or when I will have a bridal shower. I haven’t gotten one inquiry from the people I hoped would care the most.
Okay, before the pity party gets out of control, I’ll stop. I just wanted to write this post to reach out to any of you who are mad, sad, embarrassed, etc. that certain traditional wedding events won’t be happening for you. Whether it’s the shower, the bachelorette party, the honeymoon, or anything in between - just know that not everyone celebrates a whole slew of events in their honor… for whatever reason. You’re not alone!!! (This is in no way meant to put down the lovely brides who have events hosted in their honor. Please feel lucky and loved!)
Feel free to vent in the comments or write something positive that has happened to you as a result of not following certain traditions. I would love to read your experiences.
When my best friend got married, I wasn’t her maid of honor - I was the officiant. I did a lot of maid of honor stuff (hosted the bachelorette party, etc) with the official MOH, but completely delegated the bridal shower to her. We had a mis-communication, and the bridal shower never ended up happening, and I think my friend was a bit sad about it. I’ve since apologize (and, uhm, sent email back up where I told the MOH to do the bridal shower…), but sometimes I think she’s still sad she didn’t get one.
OYYYYYY!! I was very, very close to being in the position you’re in right now. Sans bridal shower. As you might have read, there was some tension in the planning of one. And there was a point where nothing was being done. I, admittedly and surprisingly (I didn’t expect to be) was upset about not having one. Somehow it became an important milestone that should have been and then was lost. But in the end, things came together. The synopsis is that I will have one. Actually two. The first is a half hearted effort on my sister’s part, but a valiant one on my mom’s. It’s this weekend in fact. The other is a couples non-shower dinner thrown by a friend.
Anyway, that was long! Sorry. I feel you, I really do. Because for a while there, I wasn’t having one either and it just made me sad. Chin up and bee hug, Glitter. 
The bridal shower is a tradition that not everyone seems to take part in - I’ve never been to one and I wouldn’t expect to have one. So, ladies, please don’t feel bad if someone like me doesn’t think to throw you one!
I refused to have a shower too. Only because to me, the pressure for people to purchase gifts off my registry during the recession rested heavily on my heart. I could have chosen to have a “No-Gifts” party, but I think many people would have gotten me something anyway, out of obligation. Anyways. I’m very comfortable with my choice. My wedding is going to be about my MARRIAGE. Although the many steps along the way that contribute to your big day, I’m realizing that ritualistic events (or the lack thereof) do not take away from the overwhelming joy I will experience when I become a Mrs!
I’m sorry. It really stinks that family issues are getting in the way of you having your shower. It is hard when you expect something and it doesn’t turn out the way you’d planned. I am dealing with a similar issue with a wedding I’m in - the MOH is planning it and she won’t really let us help. I’m afraid it’s not going to be what the bride wants but we’ll keep our fingers crossed and see!
I’m not even going to try to end this post with a “try to feel better!” message. If you feel like it sucks, then it sucks! Just focus on the BIG party, your wedding, and hopefully that will help.
I’m not expecting to have a shower either. My fiance’s family is tiny and my family photograph should probably be right beside Webster’s definition of “dysfunctional”. Throw that in with the fact that everyone feels I’m “too young” (at 23?!?!) to be married, and everyone seems to be strapped for cash these days.
I haven’t planned anything for my wedding yet (specific date included) and I’m already feeling much like you. No one in my family even threw a heartfelt “Congratulations” in my direction when I got engaged.
All I can say is, as long as those people who DO love me and support me continue to do so, I will be satisfied. Not ecstatic, but satisfied.
And on another note, as an unemployed MOH two years ago, I was saved - as the bride’s out of town family threw her a lovely shower while she was visiting them. I felt terrible, but what could I do?
If I was on the west coast I would totally throw you a partay!!!
This post is perfectly timed for me!
I’m coming to the realization that my bachelorette party might not happen, or will be very different from what I imagined. We’re less than 6 months away from the wedding and my sister and I picked a Saturday in the summer when we were both free (no easy feat to just find a free weekend for the two of us!). Of course so many people’s weekends are already booked with vacations and other weddings. My bachelorette party even coincides with my friend’s bachelorette party so we cannot attend each others! Not to mention the fact that 5 of the girls we are inviting are not local and I doubt they will be able to travel just for the party.
I didn’t even want anything crazy…Just spending a day at the vineyeards on the east end of LI where we could bring a picnic, then get dinner later on and have a sleepover at my sisters house. I’m really disappointed - it feels like I’m missing out on a rite of passage.
I’m trying not to be too bummed about it because I know how accommodating everyone is about being at my shower and even the wedding (our families live in different states). Anyway, it helps to know that it’s not just me who feels this way.
Miss Glitter,
I’m sorry no one has yet to throw you a shower. But there IS still two months!
From the very beginning I was told that I would be thrown a bridal shower and we even talked about when we could have so that my family can also be in attendance. Well things have since changed and I’m not sure if that’s going to happen? Anyway, I certainly won’t be the one to bring it up bc it will mean greatly inconveincing the person offering to throw me one. But it would mean a lot to me if they still did. Did that make any sense?!
I hear ya and feel for you Ms. G! My family hasn’t offered or even hinted at the fact of a bridal shower. For me, I’m having a small destination wedding so things aren’t conventional (no bridal party, etc). But I was hoping that someone might extend the offer, but no. I was my bf’s MOH many years ago and went out of my way to throw her shower (for her whole family) and bachelorette party. I was hoping some day the favor would be returned. Maybe I’m asking for too much since I don’t think she can even attend my wedding. But it still sucks all the same.
I’m realizing the same things too. For me, without a traditional wedding, I probably won’t have a shower, a bachelorette, or even a registry.
It’s true, not everyone has THE picture perfect wedding/engagement experience… but in the end you’ll be married! And I second Miss Gloss - the bees would totally shower the HECK out of you if we lived closer!!
[Not that I'm being Greedy McPresents or anything regarding the registry - honestly I was hoping to get a chance to make some cute thank-yous. ]
It could be that people just don’t know how important this stuff can be until they get married themselves. I admit, I never knew much about wedding protocol until I got engaged last year. When my future SIL got married a few years back, I asked around about whether there would be a shower, but no one really answered and I let it go. She never had one, and now I feel I should have just taken the initiative to throw it myself. My little sis is really going all-out to plan my shower, and I appreciate it so much that I feel guilty that SIL didn’t get the same experience.
My sister didn’t want a shower initially for her wedding, but after all the pushing from her FMIL she decided to have one but under one condition—she wanted my mother and I equally involved. Yeah, you can guess that didn’t happen. We tried to help and to put stuff together but the FMIL took over and went with it. In the end it was all done by her and she didn’t even try to include us. The shower was completely uncomfortable and I will probably not have one, or a “typical” shower, when I get married due to the experience.
Just as Miss Gloss and Miss MaryJane said…we would totally throw you a bee shower! If you want to come to Chicago I could make it happen
I didn’t get a bridal shower. Our family and friends are spread across the nation and world and would likely not have traveled for only a shower, and I only had a MOH and a bridesman (who wouldn’t have known how to throw a shower). For a while, I was really sad in thinking that I wasn’t going to have a b-party or a shower, and my FI caught onto that. He mentioned it to my MOH, who made it happen for me, and it was wonderful, adding to the fact that my FI was sensitive enough to see how I felt and make sure that I got the experience I wanted.
Thank you all for the support and for sharing your stories!
And a special thanks to my dear Bees. I wish we could have one HUGE Weddingbee shower to celebrate all of us.
I may not have a bachelorette party which I didn’t think I wanted until i went to a great one a few months ago. My sister is planning everything and she’s abroad until a week before the wedding. The shower is the saturday before the wedding and it seems like overkill to ask people to come to a shower, rehearsal dinner (for some) and the wedding all in one week. Oh well….
Miss Glitter….you make me feel soooooo fortunate to be having 3 (with protest!)….sometimes I take my awesome friends and families for granted and forget how truly lucky I am….I am sorry you are not having one, but thank you for putting things in perspective for me!
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Mrs. Glitter, Los Angeles Age and Occupation: 27, Research Consultant/Writer Fiance's Age and Occupation: 29, Accounting Engagement Date: May 6, 2007 Wedding Date: June, 2009 Venue: Millenium Biltmore Hotel About Me: I was born and raised in West Los Angeles, California. I spent eight years in the Northeast working and completing my education. Having split time between two sides of the country has given me a true appreciation for both coasts. It has also provided an overabundance of cross country drives, flights and long distance relationship fun/misery! I love my family, my doggy Emma, fabulous wine, Anthropologie, politics, reading, being outdoors, exploring new cities, and good movies! My fiance and I are complete opposites, but somehow we have managed to fall completely and hopelessly in love.
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LOVE that idea!
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