All By My Very Own Self

All By My Very Own Self

April 28th, 2009 @ 5:23 pm by Mrs. Cheese
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Miss Crab Cake’s post got me thinking (as it did many of you) about how I want to deal with being escorted down the aisle (or in our case, “the trail”). This is where sentimentality meets reality and I’m conflicted.

I very much wanted to walk alone, a la Mrs. Lovebug (on whom I will admit I have a huge crush). The symbolism of my presenting myself to my beloved is clearest to me and I know he’d like to see me for the first time “on the aisle”.

But reality rears its messy, woody, and unevenly graded self: the trail leading to our ceremony site, plus my somewhat snug dress, plus heels (stability meets fashion) make this a slightly risky plan. I could trip, I could fall, or I could spend the whole time watching my feet instead of my loveys. And if I have to lean on someone, I’d like to lean on my guy. So, I thought we could do a “first look”.

Then we started “Wedding Wednesdays” (love them) and one of the items on the agenda was for him to give me his opinion on “first looks”. Of course, Mr. Traditionalist (except, evidently, for living in sin) wanted to see me for the first time on the aisle. Who am I to keep a guy from his romantic wedding wish?

So crap. Back to the beginning.

I could ask my dad to escort me and it would be sweet. We have a much better relationship now that I have a much greater appreciation for him and the gifts I’ve inherited from him. Or I could ask both of my parents as I did for my first wedding. It took both of them to create my fabulous self, right? (*snicker*) Either option would be fine and I’d have someone to lean on.

But is it bad that I really, really, really want to escort myself? Traditions and potential hurt feelings aside — not to mention possible face-plants — I feel like a grown-up for the very first time in my almost 30 years and I’m making a fully-aware decision to join someone in a life I see clearly and honestly. I see what a marriage really is and I’m choosing it anyway. While I mean no disrespect to my fabulous parents or their awesome impact on my life, it’s been a lot of darned hard work to be able to stand proud and pledge myself to a man… and I really want to do it all by my very own self! {No, I didn’t stomp my foot when I said that, though I thought about it. Ha.}

Will I regret it? I don’t know. I’ve scoffed at traditions in the past only to realize too late why they matter. But my gut’s telling me that the way for me is by myself. Evidently it doesn’t care about gravel trails and steep declines.

What about you? How will you make it down the aisle? Is anyone choosing their escort out of some inexplicable gut feeling?

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41 Responses to “All By My Very Own Self”

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Bee

Miss Gloss (message) 1,222 posts, Bumble bee

I think my dad will be walking me down the aisle. But I love that you are walking yourself. It should make your parents prouder, that they raised a girl who can stand up for herself and her decisions. I may have just cried (on the T) just a little, thinking about it!

4/28/09 @ 5:34 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss Mascara (message) 859 posts, Busy bee

I’ll be walking with my dad as well, but I agree that if you want to do it on your own, you should do it!

4/28/09 @ 5:43 pm (reply)

Bee

Mrs. Bluebell (message) 310 posts, Helper bee

I have a fantastic relationship with both of my parents but I felt really strongly about wanting to walk alone for the same reasons you listed. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!

4/28/09 @ 5:45 pm (reply)

Guest

emileee

I think the symbolism in walking yourself down the aisle is very sweet and meaningful. Do what feels right for you!

4/28/09 @ 5:45 pm (reply)

Hostess

MightySapphire (message) 7,632 posts, Bee Keeper

I couldn’t take that away from my dad! I’m the youngest, the only girl, the last single child! I’m trying as much as I can to include every tradition to include my parents! Too bad most of the planning part is all by my lonesome.

4/28/09 @ 5:47 pm (reply)

Guest

Kodiak

I think these issues are just about balancing what we want and not hurting feelings. I totally get why you want to walk alone, and I think it’s beautiful–but these little symbolic acts are tied up in so much emotional stuff for our loved ones, that it’s really up to you to decide if this is important enough to you to merit your parents potentially feeling snubbed, you know? I myself would love love love for me and the mister to walk down the aisle together–I like how egalitarian it is, and I like that it is honest, in that we are already living together, we are already merged, so this symbolism would make more sense than pretending we were just leaving our parents’ homes.

All that aside, I knew it would really really hurt my parents if I chose to do it that way, despite the fact that it’s not at all about snubbing them in my head. We chose to compromise on this one–beautiful symbolism aside, it wasn’t worth the hurt feelings.

4/28/09 @ 5:57 pm (reply)

Guest

And Enide

I’m sorry you’re struggling with such a tough decision. You should probably check with your parents to make sure they’re really okay with you walking yourself down the aisle. Not that you shouldn’t ultimately make the decision on your own, if you are going to regret the decision when you look back at your wedding, it’s more likely to be “Wow, I really hurt dad’s feelings,’ instead of “I wish my wedding had been more traditional.” That doesn’t have to mean you put his preferences only yours, but you ought to at least know what you’re getting into when you make your decision.

That aside, good job taking the symbolism of your wedding so seriously. People can say so much in a well-planned service. I’ve had an amazing time finding out what all the little quirks and gestures mean as my fiance and I plan our own ceremony.

4/28/09 @ 5:57 pm (reply)

Bee

Miss French Bulldog (message) 7,730 posts, Bee Keeper

I agree that you should do what you think is right… and if you’re worried about falling, practice that walk a bunch

4/28/09 @ 5:59 pm (reply)

Member

LegallyWed (message) 31 posts, Newbee

I think you should go with what you gut says. If it doesn’t feel right for you, then it doesn’t. My father passed almost 5 years ago and I was considering walking alone even before it was a necessity. I have no male relatives that would fit the bill and no mom in the picture either and like Mrs. Lovebug, my FFIL offered to walk me down the aisle, but I couldn’t accept that (especially from the symbolism aspect).

While reading through the comments on the post you linked to, an idea from the comments stuck out to me. Walking down the aisle and having the groom meet you halfway. That just sounds so lovely and what a marriage should be about - meeting each other half way.

Good luck with this decision. It’s probably not the biggest of decisions but it also weighs heavily on my mind - so I totally understand!

4/28/09 @ 6:02 pm (reply)

10.

Guest

(lia)

I really like the symbolism of you walking yourself down the aisle and think you should do what you feel right about. I am, however, a little worried about you tripping!

Does the trail level off as you approach the spot where you will meet the Mr? You could have one or both of your parents walk you down the rough part and then kiss you goodbye and send you on your way- on your own- along the smoother path. That would be awesome symbolism as well- they helped bring you to a place where you can make it on your own! Just a thought

4/28/09 @ 6:04 pm (reply)

11.

Bee

Miss Joey (message) 1,031 posts, Bumble bee

If you want to walk yourself down the aisle, I say do it. Your right, your the one giving yourself to Mr. Cheese. I also really like lia’s idea.

Both my parents are walking me down the aisle.

4/28/09 @ 6:11 pm (reply)

12.

Guest

Turtle

GO FOR IT! If you don’t think your parents will be hurt by it, forget the rocks and twigs and heels (kick ‘em off if you have to!), and walk proudly and confidently to your soon to be husband.

4/28/09 @ 6:14 pm (reply)

13.

Member

mdarrah (message) 1,205 posts, Bumble bee

I think walking by yourself can be a proud independent moment. But if your dad has his heart set on escorting you, it can turn into a painful moment of regret, or he might be proud of you for wanting to walk yourself. Because this affects more than just you, you really need to talk to your family too. The other alternative is that he/they escort you, but when it comes to “who gives this woman?” ask your dad to say something to the effect of “she gives herself freely, but with our love and support.”

4/28/09 @ 6:22 pm (reply)

14.

Member

lobstergirl (message) 260 posts, Helper bee

I think you have to do what is best for you. What will make you your happiest. maybe you can practice walking it in heels see how it goes and change your mind on the shoes if this is really important to you.

4/28/09 @ 6:22 pm (reply)

15.

Member

mary-alice-me (message) 1,864 posts, Buzzing bee

I asked my dad to see if he wanted to escort me.

I asked my Mr if he wanted to see me coming.

In the end, we’ll get ready together, mingle and greet our guests, and then begin the ceremony when we’re ready. No aisle walking. I like it this way, but I would have considered another tradition if it were meaningful to someone else.

4/28/09 @ 6:27 pm (reply)

16.

Member

MrsSl82be (message) 7,970 posts, Bee Keeper

I like lia’s idea too!

There is no question that my dad will walk me down the aisle. I’m his little girl and he’s been waiting his whole life to be able to do this. and the fact that almost 30 years before he spent his wedding day in the same place (my parents reception was in the same place) will be very powerful. I can’t wait and really hoping I don’t cry

4/28/09 @ 6:40 pm (reply)

17.

Member

Perk (message) 216 posts, Helper bee

Being Jewish, I should be walked down by both parents, but I am incredibly close with my father and not very close with my mother. I have always dreamed of my dad, and only my dad, walking me down the aisle. Therefore, I am walking down the aisle with just my dad. My mother will walk down with my brother. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and having my brother walk her down kind of makes her feel better, without having her walk down by some random groomsman she doesn’t know. I say go with what you would want and feel most comfortable with- don’t try to make everyone else happy, you’ll be worn out.

4/28/09 @ 7:24 pm (reply)

18.

Member

EllyMay (message) 36 posts, Newbee

I have a very similar feeling. I want to either walk down the aisle by my self (me giving myself to my man) or walk down the aisle with my man (giving ourselves to eachother) For some unknown reason I don’t want to walk down with my dad, or both my parents as I did the first time. (I am also an encore bride) Luckily for me so far my man has agreed.

I say do whatever is most comfortable to you and your hubby-to-be!

4/28/09 @ 7:46 pm (reply)

19.

Member

mrsjl09 (message) 5 posts, Newbee

Next time, I’m doing exactly what your thinking of doing. I say follow your gut…. only you know what that will mean to you! GL!

4/28/09 @ 8:41 pm (reply)

20.

Member

caitlanc (message) 2,084 posts, Buzzing bee

I’m in a very similar predicament. The best that I’ve come up with is to have both of my parents walk me up most of the way (I also have more of a trail than an aisle) and then I’ll go the last little bit by myself. If they were still married I would have them leave me at the first row of guests and walk to the front together and then I would go after them. Since it’s a recent divorce I’ll have to make do with a shorter solo walk. Oh well. It works.
I rather like the symbolism of it. They were there for the majority of my life, I was on my own for the most recent little bit and now it will be my (future) husband and I going the rest of the way together.

4/28/09 @ 8:57 pm (reply)

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