Wedding Blog
Miss Crab Cake’s post got me thinking (as it did many of you) about how I want to deal with being escorted down the aisle (or in our case, “the trail”). This is where sentimentality meets reality and I’m conflicted.
I very much wanted to walk alone, a la Mrs. Lovebug (on whom I will admit I have a huge crush). The symbolism of my presenting myself to my beloved is clearest to me and I know he’d like to see me for the first time “on the aisle”.
But reality rears its messy, woody, and unevenly graded self: the trail leading to our ceremony site, plus my somewhat snug dress, plus heels (stability meets fashion) make this a slightly risky plan. I could trip, I could fall, or I could spend the whole time watching my feet instead of my loveys. And if I have to lean on someone, I’d like to lean on my guy. So, I thought we could do a “first look”.
Then we started “Wedding Wednesdays” (love them) and one of the items on the agenda was for him to give me his opinion on “first looks”. Of course, Mr. Traditionalist (except, evidently, for living in sin) wanted to see me for the first time on the aisle. Who am I to keep a guy from his romantic wedding wish?
So crap. Back to the beginning.
I could ask my dad to escort me and it would be sweet. We have a much better relationship now that I have a much greater appreciation for him and the gifts I’ve inherited from him. Or I could ask both of my parents as I did for my first wedding. It took both of them to create my fabulous self, right? (*snicker*) Either option would be fine and I’d have someone to lean on.
But is it bad that I really, really, really want to escort myself? Traditions and potential hurt feelings aside — not to mention possible face-plants — I feel like a grown-up for the very first time in my almost 30 years and I’m making a fully-aware decision to join someone in a life I see clearly and honestly. I see what a marriage really is and I’m choosing it anyway. While I mean no disrespect to my fabulous parents or their awesome impact on my life, it’s been a lot of darned hard work to be able to stand proud and pledge myself to a man… and I really want to do it all by my very own self! {No, I didn’t stomp my foot when I said that, though I thought about it. Ha.}
Will I regret it? I don’t know. I’ve scoffed at traditions in the past only to realize too late why they matter. But my gut’s telling me that the way for me is by myself. Evidently it doesn’t care about gravel trails and steep declines.
What about you? How will you make it down the aisle? Is anyone choosing their escort out of some inexplicable gut feeling?
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I think my dad will be walking me down the aisle. But I love that you are walking yourself. It should make your parents prouder, that they raised a girl who can stand up for herself and her decisions. I may have just cried (on the T) just a little, thinking about it!
I’ll be walking with my dad as well, but I agree that if you want to do it on your own, you should do it!
I have a fantastic relationship with both of my parents but I felt really strongly about wanting to walk alone for the same reasons you listed. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!
I think the symbolism in walking yourself down the aisle is very sweet and meaningful. Do what feels right for you!
I couldn’t take that away from my dad! I’m the youngest, the only girl, the last single child! I’m trying as much as I can to include every tradition to include my parents! Too bad most of the planning part is all by my lonesome.
I think these issues are just about balancing what we want and not hurting feelings. I totally get why you want to walk alone, and I think it’s beautiful–but these little symbolic acts are tied up in so much emotional stuff for our loved ones, that it’s really up to you to decide if this is important enough to you to merit your parents potentially feeling snubbed, you know? I myself would love love love for me and the mister to walk down the aisle together–I like how egalitarian it is, and I like that it is honest, in that we are already living together, we are already merged, so this symbolism would make more sense than pretending we were just leaving our parents’ homes.
All that aside, I knew it would really really hurt my parents if I chose to do it that way, despite the fact that it’s not at all about snubbing them in my head. We chose to compromise on this one–beautiful symbolism aside, it wasn’t worth the hurt feelings.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with such a tough decision. You should probably check with your parents to make sure they’re really okay with you walking yourself down the aisle. Not that you shouldn’t ultimately make the decision on your own, if you are going to regret the decision when you look back at your wedding, it’s more likely to be “Wow, I really hurt dad’s feelings,’ instead of “I wish my wedding had been more traditional.” That doesn’t have to mean you put his preferences only yours, but you ought to at least know what you’re getting into when you make your decision.
That aside, good job taking the symbolism of your wedding so seriously. People can say so much in a well-planned service. I’ve had an amazing time finding out what all the little quirks and gestures mean as my fiance and I plan our own ceremony.
I agree that you should do what you think is right… and if you’re worried about falling, practice that walk a bunch 
I think you should go with what you gut says. If it doesn’t feel right for you, then it doesn’t. My father passed almost 5 years ago and I was considering walking alone even before it was a necessity. I have no male relatives that would fit the bill and no mom in the picture either and like Mrs. Lovebug, my FFIL offered to walk me down the aisle, but I couldn’t accept that (especially from the symbolism aspect).
While reading through the comments on the post you linked to, an idea from the comments stuck out to me. Walking down the aisle and having the groom meet you halfway. That just sounds so lovely and what a marriage should be about - meeting each other half way.
Good luck with this decision. It’s probably not the biggest of decisions but it also weighs heavily on my mind - so I totally understand!
I really like the symbolism of you walking yourself down the aisle and think you should do what you feel right about. I am, however, a little worried about you tripping!
Does the trail level off as you approach the spot where you will meet the Mr? You could have one or both of your parents walk you down the rough part and then kiss you goodbye and send you on your way- on your own- along the smoother path. That would be awesome symbolism as well- they helped bring you to a place where you can make it on your own! Just a thought
If you want to walk yourself down the aisle, I say do it. Your right, your the one giving yourself to Mr. Cheese. I also really like lia’s idea.
Both my parents are walking me down the aisle.
GO FOR IT! If you don’t think your parents will be hurt by it, forget the rocks and twigs and heels (kick ‘em off if you have to!), and walk proudly and confidently to your soon to be husband.
I think walking by yourself can be a proud independent moment. But if your dad has his heart set on escorting you, it can turn into a painful moment of regret, or he might be proud of you for wanting to walk yourself. Because this affects more than just you, you really need to talk to your family too. The other alternative is that he/they escort you, but when it comes to “who gives this woman?” ask your dad to say something to the effect of “she gives herself freely, but with our love and support.”
I think you have to do what is best for you. What will make you your happiest. maybe you can practice walking it in heels see how it goes and change your mind on the shoes if this is really important to you.
I asked my dad to see if he wanted to escort me.
I asked my Mr if he wanted to see me coming.
In the end, we’ll get ready together, mingle and greet our guests, and then begin the ceremony when we’re ready. No aisle walking. I like it this way, but I would have considered another tradition if it were meaningful to someone else.
I like lia’s idea too!
There is no question that my dad will walk me down the aisle. I’m his little girl and he’s been waiting his whole life to be able to do this. and the fact that almost 30 years before he spent his wedding day in the same place (my parents reception was in the same place) will be very powerful. I can’t wait and really hoping I don’t cry
Being Jewish, I should be walked down by both parents, but I am incredibly close with my father and not very close with my mother. I have always dreamed of my dad, and only my dad, walking me down the aisle. Therefore, I am walking down the aisle with just my dad. My mother will walk down with my brother. It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and having my brother walk her down kind of makes her feel better, without having her walk down by some random groomsman she doesn’t know. I say go with what you would want and feel most comfortable with- don’t try to make everyone else happy, you’ll be worn out.
I have a very similar feeling. I want to either walk down the aisle by my self (me giving myself to my man) or walk down the aisle with my man (giving ourselves to eachother) For some unknown reason I don’t want to walk down with my dad, or both my parents as I did the first time. (I am also an encore bride) Luckily for me so far my man has agreed.
I say do whatever is most comfortable to you and your hubby-to-be!
Next time, I’m doing exactly what your thinking of doing. I say follow your gut…. only you know what that will mean to you! GL!
I’m in a very similar predicament. The best that I’ve come up with is to have both of my parents walk me up most of the way (I also have more of a trail than an aisle) and then I’ll go the last little bit by myself. If they were still married I would have them leave me at the first row of guests and walk to the front together and then I would go after them. Since it’s a recent divorce I’ll have to make do with a shorter solo walk. Oh well. It works.
I rather like the symbolism of it. They were there for the majority of my life, I was on my own for the most recent little bit and now it will be my (future) husband and I going the rest of the way together.
Whoops! I didn’t read the comments very carefully! Lia basically summed up what I’ll be doing.
I think it would be wonderful for you to walk yourself down the aisle.
If you think it will cause hard feelings, could you come up with something that would incorporate your parents but not be the traditional walk? Have them walk you part way (past the dangerous hilly part) and then give you a kiss and send you on your way by yourself? That might be nice symbolism too.
I think that you should go with how you feel today. Not whether you will regret something in the future. This is a moment now not later and I think personally that you walking on your own would be a representation of you today as a woman.
My father who is my rock will be walking down the aisle with me plus his relationship with my Mr and of dad and son standard. I was originally going to have my brother join me on my walk down the aisle but I think that he should be with my mother.
I think you should go with your gut feeling. I am having my father walk me down the aisle, but me and the FI are nixing several other normal wedding traditions like the unity candle, doing a first look, to name a few.
I’m walking by myself, too. I definitely love bucking tradition! If my dad were alive, I’d probably have him walk me down the aisle, b/c it would have meant a lot to him, but I can’t think of anyone who could take his place.
I also think you should go with your gut!
I think you should do what you want. I love the meaning you have behind it and I think it’s special. As for tripping…maybe just practice that path a few times.
If you are truly have your mind made up to walk solo go for it! And if you should change your mind closer to the wedding day that’s ok too. Nothing is set in stone
I am struggling with this too… our aisle is too small to have both my parents walk me down + it would devestate my mom if I just had my dad do it (they are divorced and she raised me). I asked my fiance to walk me down the aisle and he is considering it, but is really stuck on the idea of watching me come down the aisle! I just don’t know if I could walk down by myself although that may be my only option. I’m just scared to go down alone! What is important, is that you do what YOU want. Don’t worry about offending anyone because it is your day + you’re the one who needs to be happy
I have my ‘dad’ who is my step-dad who raised me… and my real dad, who I just recently started having a good relationship with (he was out of my life for most of it). I thought about having my dad walk me but I thought this might upset the newfound relationship with my real dad… I thought about having both but that just seemed awkward… SOOOO… My 6 year old son will be walking me… I figure he’s old enough and this will be his way of accepting the new relationship (he gets along with my FI and are GREAT together)… all works out
I walked by myself down the aisle. A couple weeks before I started to panic about that decision because I would have to walk in a snug (same dress as yours!) dress in 3 inch heals across an uneven patio. Ultimately I decided that I want to do it alone with no escort. I am SO glad I made that decision. But let me tell you the minute I saw my man standing up there waiting for me I nearly broke into a run to get to him! Thinking back, the moments before the wedding I wasn’t nervous about falling or tripping anymore, I was just ready to be standing next to him. Walking down the aisle I might have looked down once, but my eyes were locked on my man.
I really wanted to walk myself down the aisle as well, being that I am my own woman and I choose to give MYSELF to this man. At the same time I was also afraid that my dad may be hurt by me taking away one of these important father-daughter moments.
I finally talked to him about it and he said he didnt really WANT to walk me down the aisle. (He’s really introverted, almost reclusive- so it totally makes sense that he wouldnt want to be the center of attention).
I am going to talk about it with him one more time, now that he’s had time to think about it. But most likely I will be walking myself down the aisle as well.
Since my dad isn’t in my life right now and hasn’t been for the last 7 years I knew long before I was engaged that I would want my mom to walk me down the aisle. But I’ve now decided that not only do I want my mom to walk me down but I also want my brother to walk me down as well. So I will have one on each arm…two of the most important people in my life. I cannot wait!
I always dreamt my Dad would walk me down the aisle, but he passed away last May. I thought about walking myself, but that doesn’t feel right, I asked my Uncle but due to him being unemployed he’s not sure he can make it to our wedding, I even thought about walking down together with my FI but then I realized that I want him to get teary eyed watching me walk that aisle… LOL. I decided that I’d ask my Mom. I’m not sure she will but who knows. I’m still hoping my Uncle can make it - he’s my Dad’s brother and it would mean the world to me and my Mom for him to walk me down in my Dad’s place. I guess I always pictured myself in Julia Roberts place in Steel Magnolias (with my Father screaming “HER MOTHER & I” and all! LOL).
It’s a hard choice to make but it had to be made! 
What if your parents walk you halfway and you do the rest yourself? Or you walk the first half yourself and they meet you halfway?
I am 29 years old, just like you, and have also been married (and divorced). My first wedding was pretty traditional and I did have my Dad walk me down the aisle, but I was also young and looking back, I’m not sure that I knew what I was doing, and I made decisions for the ceremony based on tradition and what wedding books said I should do, because I didn’t know any better. I have been with my new guy for almost 6 years now, and we are talking about getting married sometime next year (FINALLY!). One of the very first things that I decided was that I would walk myself down the aisle, for the exact same reasons that you want to. So, it’s very easy for me to understand your feelings since I am in the exact same boat! I would never want to hurt my parents’ feelings, because I love them and they’re awesome, but I think the symbolism of ME and ONLY ME walking toward the future and giving MYSELF to the only man that I want to spend the rest of my life with is a big one for him and I, and I fully intend to walk down the aisle alone. And hey, if I fall, I’ll just pull a Carrie Bradshaw - get right back up, laugh it off, and keep walking!!!! Hah!
i walked alone as well….and managed not to fall!
good luck with what you decide, this must be a hard decision. I will just throw in a little info about my experience with this. Although, I plan on having my father walk me down the aisle, my parents walked down the aisle together (31 years of marriage this year!) They were married in the 70s and were talked into it by the minister who was all about independence, etc. My mother has always said that she regrets not having her father walk her down the aisle.
Miss Cheese,
This is an issue I have wrestled with for a while. When I first started planning I fully thought I’d be walking with a male relative. The problem is that after a point in my life, I really wasn’t close to many of my male relatives, or the females (though I’ve started working on those bonds over the last couple years!!). My father, if he comes for my wedding, thinks he will walk with me, my brother has offered, but understands my desire to go it alone. When I met my fiance and fell in love with him, I was alone and I, alone, fell for him and made the decision to join my life with his when he asked me to.
I love tradition and am including it where I can, but only as long as it is meaningful and not just “because everyone does it”. To me, the most meaningful thing I can do is offer myself, by myself, to my groom on our wedding day.
That said, it IS a deeply personal choice and as long as the people who are most important to you understand and support your decision, go for it!
Check out this thread for my journey:
http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/walking-down-the-aisle-alone
Follow your gut!
I’m definitely walking myself down the aisle. My parents divorced when I was 3. My stepdad (married mom when I was 
works far away from mom, so was only a father on weekends. And my bachelor uncle, lived with my grandmother/babysitter, who I saw more than the other two combined. How could I pick between them?
I’m walking myself.
I really really want to walk down the aisle alone, but I do have a perfectly good relationship with my dad and I think it would hurt him to deprive him the walk. Personally, I feel the same way about the symbolism of being walked down the aisle (by anyone) that many brides seem to feel about the words “who gives this woman.” I have been independent for as much of my life as I’ve been legally allowed to, and my independence is one of my favorite things about myself. However, I think my family would see walking alone as a slap in the face.
Cheese, since your dad walked with you last time (even if it was with your mom too), he’s already ‘given you away,’ and I think walking by yourself would be even more appropriate because of that.
I walked down the aisle by myself, as had been my plan from the beginning. Since my parents had had months to acclimate themselves to the idea, they accepted it.
I wasn’t prepared for the crying. We didn’t have a first look, so I was literally overcome. It was hard to get my head together.
Not that I would have done anything differently. Maybe a few more deep breaths. I was glad I had a lace handkercheif.
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Mrs. Cheese, Knoxville
Age and Occupation: 29, Engineering Manager
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 27, CAD Designer
Engagement Date: July 31, 2008
Wedding Date: May, 2009
Blogging Since: October 16, 2008
Venue: Our home and the two acres it sits on
About Me: I’m an emotional girl who loves sentimental things, parenthetical asides, and trying to do things herself. I can cook, sew, am a whiz at planning, terrible at delegating, and totally in love with my fiancé (who will be my second husband but first love of the rest of my life). For our home/ garden/ DIY wedding, we’ll be moonlighting as interior designers, home improvers, and gardeners with the help of our fabulous friends and neighbors. We can’t wait to be married, and are learning how fun getting married can be.
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