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Um, well hopefully not ALL of them, but I’m crossing my fingers for one in particular (that’s you, Mr. Gloss).
As we discussed here, my workout regimen is not going so hot, so I figure the next best thing to actual weight loss is a weight loss illusion… i.e., SPANX!!
Hey – a girl is allowed to have a little help, right? Fake it till you make it, ladies.
Who knew there were so many SPANX options? The girl at Nordstrom was SUPER helpful—we had a very informative Q&A:
Q: Will I have a muffin top around my leg where the Spanx stop? (Because let’s face it, the only thing worse than a regular muffin top is a mid-thigh muffin top.)
A: Nope, the Spanx are sewn all the way back up to the top of the leg, so there is no seam on the thigh itself.
Q: Is it going to slide down as I’m walking/dancing/standing/sitting?
A: It might, if you don’t pull it up all the way in the back. Pull it up all the way in the back and you will be fine, tuck it under your bra strap if you can, or at least make sure it is as high as that, and there will be no slippage.
Q: Um, my dress doesn’t go up that far in the back – is it going to be an issue (and by issue, I mean extra muffin-top) if I wear them lower?
A: No – your rib-cage is pretty thin, so you shouldn’t have a problem by wearing them lower. *Internal thoughts: What? Me? Something thin? - I heart you saleslady.*
Q: Do you have any? Do you love them?
A: Yes and yes. I wear them every day (pulls up dress to prove it).
I opted for the mid-thigh to boob option in nude, aka, “Higher Power”, thinking it will be the most useful pre- and post-wedding. I haven’t tried it on with my dress yet to see if it makes a difference, but it’s actually pretty comfy. And as all comfy and controlling things go – it’s pretty much everything BUT that cute, stand-alone, jaw-dropping sexy garment you want to be secretly hidden under your perfect dress for um, post-wedding Twister.
Um, yeah – see the difference? Do you think Mr. Gloss will notice?
Is anyone else signed up for a little wedding day assistance in the undergarment department?
Images: 1 & 2 from Spanx.com, 3 from La Perla.com
Oh boy, I’ve got my own undergarment story I’ll hafta post about — not so much an issue worthy of Spanx, but I’m definitely going to need assistance as well. (For me, in the chestal region.)
I wonder if they have a spanx thats just for the midsection and rear. I’m worried about one of the shorts ones being visible under my short dress. I need some serious torso help, and situps are just not my forte. 
Oh god, the title of your post is hilarious. Now I have that song in my head. Thanks, Gloss.
No spanx for me, but pushup needed!
@Miss Bruschetta: I’m waiting for this post! My barely A’s and I need advice!
I tried all the spanx options, and couldn’t wear the kind you purchased because I guess I have a big rib cage. I had a little overflow going on in certain areas, so I got the wacoal shorts. I was sad because it would have been awesome to have the full smoothness of the spanx. But my little shorts do a great job too. Thank you for blogging about it too, before I went to buy I checked all the blogs so I would know what to expect, they helped a lot!
Best Spanx moment from my wedding: I had changed into a shorter dress for the end of the reception, and it was getting late and down to the last few guests. I saw all the comfy couches in the lobby of the hotel just as we were about to leave, and, emboldened by my Spanx, I decided I need to do a handstand/front walkover over the back of the couch. Luckily I executed it perfectly, so much so that I was trying to convince my brother’s girlfriend to try it. “Buy I’m wearing a dress!” she protested. “It’s ok, your Spanx will keep you decent!” I countered. Apparently she wasn’t wearing any, but she tried it anyway.
I am planning to buy that exact same one!
This is my 1st time using spanx
Yeah I have spanx that I am wearing under my dress I am more worried about bathroom time but oh well. Better to have issues there than not fitting the dress right,
Also Rue La La is having a sale on spanx- you can pm me if you need an invite.
@Miss Mary Jane: they do! It’s like a full panty/boy short and it rises to just under the breasts. Check the spanx website!
They do! I think this is what you’re referring to, I have one I bought for a short Halloween costume 
It worked for me and is comfortable.
http://www.spanx.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3533581&cp=2992553.3010022
It would help if I added a link
@Miss Mary Jane: That kind does show under shorter dresses when you sit down, so I’d definitely be careful w/ that. I wore mine under a suit that’s a tank dress w/ a jacket, and spent the whole day trying to pull my hemline down when i sat down.
Also, there’s two types. One is basically for smoothing, the other is for slimming. The smoothing one has a peice of gripping material around the top to stop slippage, while the slimming one has hooks and straps that you can use to hook the spanx to your bra. If you opt for the latter, definitely use the hooks. I don’t think I have a large ribcage, and I definitely had slippage issues when I tried wearing it w/out the hooks.
I am concerned about the kinda-red squeezed in all night look my body is going to have after the wedding when the Mr. helps me out of my gown? Does this not happen to others who wear spanx, or are we of the , pfft-he’s-married-to-me-now! opinion?
I have the higher power ones as well, not sure if I’ll need them for the wedding, but I do wear them quite a bit under dresses!
That’s the one I bought and wrote about way back when…http://www.weddingbee.com/2007/06/09/forget-losing-weight-for-the-weddingi-found-this/
One of the best things about it was that I pulled it up over the boning of the long-line bra I had purchased and it totally smoothed it out so the boning lumps didn’t show through the fabric of my dress!
I already warned him… I said that the sexy stuff is the stuff that’s just in the movies. These are undergarments that must be warn under the dress to “work” haha… he gives me the confused puppy dog face and was like “oh, okay”. So he just thinks everyone has to do it Haha…
Miss Gloss the post is hilarious! I love the title and your love for the saleslady hahaha… I would have felt the same way.
I tried Spanx once, but I don’t think I bought the right size b/c it didn’t help any. I’m lucky b/c my dress is a corset so it holds me in real good 
Mr Gloss will never notice if you sneak away to ditch them just before twister! Thats what I did!
Oh, for anyone else who is considering spanx, there is another similar brand called Go Figure. I went to dillards to get spanx and realized that the Go Figure was about the same… except in price. Spanx - $40. Go Figure (on sale) $6!! Just another option in case anyone is looking.
This interview cracks me up. I’m not sure what I’m doing yet.
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Mrs. Gloss, Boston/Maine Age and Occupation: 24, Designer/soon-to-be Architect Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Systems Engineer Engagement Date: May 23, 2008 Wedding Date: August 2009 Venue: SS Katahdin/Lakeside Tent About Me: I don't like nickels or the skin that forms on pudding when it's in the fridge for too long. I couldn't live without Pantone markers, fountain soda (3/4 diet, ¼ regular Coke), run-on sentences, or ridiculously oversized sunglasses. I will try to DIY almost anything and am just OCD enough to make most of it work. I am truly excited about having all my family and friends together, becoming Mrs. Gloss, and having amazing photos to prove it!
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