Wedding Blog
Over the weekend I finally got my act together and made a list of everything that needs to be done for the wedding. Although it was long and quite daunting, it kind of made me excited. I was eager to tackle some fun new crafts, and really, the list meant that the wedding was fast approaching.
The first thing on my list to tackle were table runners. I did a few Sunday night, and planned to do a few more Monday night after dinner. I don’t think table runners are going to get made today or tomorrow. I’m just not in a wedding mood.
This afternoon I got an email from a friend saying he had to change his RSVP status to decline. The deadline for a big project he’s been working on has been moved to the week after the wedding. Things are going to be too crazy, and he’s not going to be able to take time off from work.
Yes, it’s just one decline, but it’s one at the end of a long list of others. A few people got laid off, some had their salaries cut, 3 are having babies (yay!), and a handful can’t come because they can’t get time off. I can’t complain. Seattle is really far away for a lot of our guests, especially those who would be coming from DC, New York, New Zealand, and Singapore. The economy is tough, and even I’ve had to skip a wedding this month and just sent Mr. Joey alone. But all the same, it’s really hard to get excited for the wedding when some really important people aren’t going to be there.
I’m trying to look on the bright side; my Uncles are coming all the way from Sri Lanka and England, and my Mom’s entire family (all 50) will be there. My sister is coming home from Italy and said she would quit her job if she isn’t given the time off. I hope she doesn’t quit, and I hope she gets the time off. She’s the Maid of Honor, and I don’t have bridesmaids.
Have you had any discouraging wedding moments? How did you pull through and get back on track?
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Share this post: Not Feeling in the Wedding Mood
I felt the same way. We invited 275 guests… and are ending up with about 185. I was really discouraged at first… and bummed. But things DO come up, and it’s nothing personal. I had said initially to my FH that I didn’t care about the money, I just wanted people to be there. He felt the same way. But now, as the day approaches and we really examine what’s left to pay… I’m not going to lie, it’s kinda nice that a lot of people said no! It’ll still be an amazing day, no doubt!
At least you will have a lot of your family there! (Those are the people that will mean the most to you, after all). My uncle’s family lives in Italy, and he had ZERO members of his family at his wedding. Not even his parents, because they couldn’t afford to come overseas. The whole guest list consisted of my aunt’s family and friends. Be thankful for the people that you DO have coming to your wedding!
Yes, I’ve had some stuff like that happen too… I’m a musician, and a very close friend of mine who is also a musician had said to me “I wouldn’t miss your wedding for world. I would love to play for it too as my gift to you!”
My FI and I had it all set up that he could play for the cocktail hour…and now he’s not returning any of my calls, other than the one where he said he’s not sure he can make my wedding at all!!!
I am so upset. He used to be such a close friend of mine!
I’m having the opposite problem! My whole extended family is deciding to travel, and I planned on them not coming because of cost and time off work. Most of our friends can make it as well.
It still is disappointing to get no’s though. There will always be a close friend or family member missing, but when the day comes–you’ll have so many close, it will still me exhilarating I’m sure!
I’m not in the mood either! With 6 1/2 weeks to go I just don’t want to think about it anymore. And I agree, the declines are sometimes discouraging even if the reasons are valid! But, it’ll be a great day regardless - we’re almost there!!!
I forgot to say that these are all my friends that are declining (not ours as a couple) which makes it harder for me I think.
I definitely know the feeling, my venue just canceled on me this morning (two months before the wedding), so I know how daunting those to-do lists can be!
Hi Miss Joey,
I hear you. I think we invited something like 150 people, and all-told, only half that number made it. I was disappointed (yes, most of those people were on my side), but our wedding was basically a destination wedding for everyone but 15% of the guests.
Even so, it was wonderful and intimate, and we had a little more room in our reception hall (which would have maxed out at 110). I don’t regret marrying here, either… as it’s an important place to both my husband and I, and it’s where we met.
Oh, Miss Joey! My wedding isn’t until October, but I was worried that I might feel the same way. At least you’re marrying your best friend and you know that the people that love you the very most will be there with you - and the others in spirit!
@Becky: Yikes! I hope you find somewhere. I’m thinking good thoughts your way 
Part of me doesn’t want to send RSVP’s at all, just wait and see who shows up - by that time I probably won’t even notice who’s ‘missing’!!
Miss Joey. Ugh. I totally feel where you’re coming from. My fiance and I are planning a November ceremony in Newport Beach, Calif. We live in Arkansas and decided to have it out there to accomodate more of our friends/family (the brunt of our peeps live in that direction).
Despite the fact that we arranged it around THEM we’re getting pretty discouraging feedback. We had planned on a small wedding but..um…not this small.
Our list has dropped from 100 to 60~!
My FMIL just told us she’s not coming which means most of that side of the family won’t come (long story).
Chin up, Miss Joey!!! Although it is disappointing to hear some declines, it’s quality and not quantity that counts in the end. Your wedding is going to be wonderful no matter what!
I’ve been feeling the same way lately. It’s been tough to see my guests attending shrink. I’m pushing to get a few wedding things done, but it’s not as exciting as it used to be. I’m even on Weddingbee less 
I think I’ve been thinking about it all for so long that I’m just ready to have a party and be married already!
I would probably hold out hope, even if it’s unlikely, that some things will change before August and more of your desired guests can come. I guess that could just lead to disappointment in the end, though.
Sadly enough I haven’t really felt in the ‘mood’ for most of the planning (about a year now) because one bad thing after another keeps happening to our guests, illness, job loss, financial issues etc. I’ve been planning in my own little world because friends and family are understandably distracted. Some might say just to elope but my grandmother is the only surviving grandparent amongst both families she can’t travel anymore and may not get to see her other two grandchildren get married so I’m pretty much doing this for her. We have small families so with only 60 on the invite list I’m worried about RSVPs as well. We have a cozy venue/reception room but it can still hold up to 150. So even with a few “no” RSVPs could mean one less table to fill out the room.
It is sad friends aren’t going to be there but it’s, how to phrase this, a sadness of this time not wedding time. On the actual wedding day you will not have enough time to hug everyone! And now you’ll have some more time to hug those precious, wonderful people who will be there!
I went through the same thing last week. It was never ending list of declines. Especially from friends that don’t have the decency to call or email. Just the RSVP to my parents. But we’ve also been pleasantly surprised as well. Those who are able to come many are sacrificing a lot. Including my good friend and her husband. It’s their first wedding anniversary the weekend of our wedding and he’s been laid-off since January! And they have to travel in. So I try to think of the many friends and family who will be there and treasure every moment with them. It really does make you reasses who your true friends are.
I’m actually having the same problem as lattelove. We invited 100 people, and so far, 85 are coming, even when my mom (who invited some coworkers I’ve never met) assured me they wouldn’t come. Oy!
I was furious at first. Mostly at myself for letting my mom do that (I really should have put my foot down … we wanted a more intimate wedding), but then my fiance calmed me down and made me realize that when it’s all said and done, as long as the both of us show up, what does it matter?
Maybe you can look at your dwindling guest list as saving serious dough. Less people = less dinners you have to buy! No matter what, the people who truly care will be there, and regardless, the day will be amazing once it’s in full swing.
RSVPs were my wedding downer too! AND I remember the weekend where I finally did the round up TO DO list too! The vision of who would be there with us was a big part of “our vision” for our wedding….and everyone always says to keep in mind your original vision, but I kinda forgot that part wasn’t totally up to me! It hurt a lot when certain people who I really really wanted there couldn’t make it, or other declined without explanation. BUT, West Coast Groomie and I will both be there and in the end, that’s all that REALLY matters.
Oh Miss J, don’t let this bring you down. The MVPs of your wedding; Mr J and Miss J (you) will be there Sounds like common run of the mill wedding-itis, dont worry, it’ll pass. Everyone needs a few days to let the wedding crafts sit there.
Miss Joey, I had a wedding shower this past weekend and ALL of my friends declined (all 18 that were invited who live in town). My FMIL/ Future Aunt planned it, and all of my fiance’s family went but only 3 out of my 6 bridesmaids came. So out of a shower of 30+ people, they were all his guests (in his family grooms go too).
I tried to look at the brightside but I was really bummed! Don’t people like me?! Is the wedding going to be one family reunion for the groom’s family when I’m footing the majority of the bill and have already compromised on a 60/90 split of the guest list?!
I’m sure you are feeling these feelings (times 100 since it’s the big day). So… no good advice or encouragement to give but at least you are not alone with the downers sometimes. I’m sorry!
The economy definitely impacted our guest list. It was a bummer to get those phone calls, or the reversed RSVPs. They do want to be there in spirit, though…. Though we had between 20-30 people less than we expected, the reception ended up feeling perfect. It was just the right size.
Just think of it this way: appreciate any early declines because its the no-shows that will really get you down. I had several no-shows at my wedding and that is way worse than any decline. Although, fingers crossed that everyone who does rsvp to your wedding shows!
My awful first alteration appointment was a major wedding-related disappointed! I’m pulling through with the knowledge that I handled the situation well — thanks to great comments from bees and readers alike — and have made another appointment to make it right!
Lists and schedules keep me on track…even if I’m feeling like I don’t want to be!
It is always sad when people can’t come to things. In my case FI had a very short list of people he wanted invited: his parents, brother, his 4 best friends, and his only 3 aunts and uncles. I on the other hand have a much larger family so already the invite list was disproportionate which I felt bad about. To make matters worse, of his 4 friends only 1 is coming. His aunt will be joining us along with his immediate family. I feel so bad for him especially since he REALLY wanted the other 3 friends to attend and they never RSVPed and pretty much just blew him off. He had to hound them down to get an answer….we really needed to know since they were prospective groomsmen. Now he has to use my guy friend and cousins to be his groomsmen which I know he isn’t as thrilled about. I know everyone has their reasons for not attending but it still sucks. I really wanted him to have his friends there too. He is such a good sport though since we are splitting the cost of the wedding 50/50. He has complained at all about the guest list being more like 80/20.
I agree that once the day comes it will all feel right and perfect especially since our best friend will be standing in front of us saying “I do.”
Miss Joey I’m sorry for your disappointment. We’ve recieved a couple regrets from our save the dates and I was really bummed. One was our family friend who was also going to do my hair, now he can’t come b/c of his mother’s birthday. I’m more bummed he can’t make it but also bummed I have to find someone else to do my hair.
@Becky: Wow, I’m so sorry!
I’ve been out of the wedding mood for about a week or so now. It’s a combo of finals, not having money, and feeling like poopy. I hope this feeling passes soon. I think that since I’ll be staying the summer with FSIL & FMIL during my internships, I’ll start getting more into the mood! I hope things get better for you and I’m glad you’re looking on the bright side of things.
I can completely relate. I am from Canada, but living in Australia and marrying an Aussie. A year ago when we started planning our wedding here, the economy was looking great - we were going to get a bunch of Canuck family and friends. Now, the only people who can come are my parents. I won’t have my bridesmaids, my sister as my MOH, my nephew as our ring bearer, etc. And I don’t think I can bear it. We are seriously considering cancelling the wedding and just eloping.
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Mrs. Joey, Seattle
Age and Occupation: 28, Project Administrator for Public Health NGO
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 30, High School History Teacher
Engagement Date: June 24, 2008
Wedding Date: August 2009
Venue: Eastside Catholic Chapel and Lake Union Cafe
About Me: I'm a Seattle girl through and through except for the fact that I don't drink coffee. I love my job most of the time because I get to travel and work with brilliant people who are trying to prevent Malaria. I love DIY projects of all sorts, cooking, and watching sports. I'd wear anything at Anthropologie and could spend all day on Etsy. I love to travel but shouldn't because I always get myself into unbelievable situations!
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