Wedding Blog
By taking such a budget-oriented, low-key approach to wedding planning, I’m fortunate to be able to avoid a lot of big stresses. I don’t have to deal with big bills, with unresponsive vendors, or with choosing favors. A lot of people have told me that if they could do it again, they’d do what I’m doing. But let’s think about that for a sec. By tossing traditional wedding ideals to the wind, I’m also missing out on a lot of the fun stuff…
Engagement pictures.
Why would we get them? We have no paper products in which to incorporate them, and we won’t be displaying them on any reception tables, table-number cards, etc. We already have a ton of photos of us on various vacations and such, so we don’t need them. They’re an unnecessary expense. It might have been fun though, anyway.
Invitations, STDs and other fun paper products.
I love paper products! I love being crafty! The single biggest thing I’m sad to miss out on is designing a sweet save-the-date and a stellar invitation suite. I am really looking forward to our wedding announcements and thank-you cards, though.
Bridal showers, bachelorette and other wedding party shenanigans.
I have no wedding party, and hardly anyone knows when I’m getting married. So, I’m not expecting any showers or parties in my honor. It’s one of many things you have to let go when you’re planning to basically elope*. I’ve never been anyone’s bridesmaid, but I have a couple of good friends getting married in 2010 for whom I’ll be the photographer… so I hope to vicariously get my girlie-time on with them while photographing these events in their lives.
Limousine!
A silly thing to include, but I’ve never ridden in a limo. This doesn’t bother me too much though. I tend to get carsick in basically any vehicle driven by someone other than myself or Mr. Mary Jane, so the lack of a wedding day chauffeur is probably a blessing.
Dancing, laughing and being merry(ied) with our guests.
This is the most noticeable sacrifice. We aren’t big in to parties, drinking, dancing or the like, but it would have been awesome to celebrate our new marriage with all of those who are close to us. The path we’ve chosen is the right one for us, but still… it would have been fun.
Are there aspects of your wedding experience that you’re sad to be missing out on? Or on the flip side, is there stuff you’d rather pass on, but can’t?
*What we’re doing is not, technically eloping. Eloping is when you run off and get married by yourselves. We’re planning something and inviting guests. Just not very many of them.
|
Share this post: The Flip Side of Getting (Non)Wed
I’m going to miss the dance! I might still add a dj, but think it might be a wasted expense, since there wont be a whole lot of time to dance..and only a handful of people that would dance.
We seriously thought about just going and getting married like you guys, but decided against it. I can’t not let my dad walk me down the aisle, or get the fanciest dress I’ll ever wear, or have everyone we love in the same room to see us make the biggest commitment of our lives. I have a handful of friends who went to the courthouse and got married and they all regret not getting their wedding. I know I would too, so we’re doing it even though we have to pay for it ourselves.
I respect your decision not to, and at times are envious of your much smaller to do list
You know, you could still have a big party with your friends and family afterwards. Since it won’t be a wedding, you can ask people to bring stuff and make it a pot luck. Renting a hall is pretty inexpensive if you don’t have access to a place big enough. Then you would be able to get back some of those things you’ll miss 
Just a thought…
I’m sad I can’t spend my engagement period working on crafts and such with my sister and bridesmaids 
I’m doing the big wedding thing but still am skipping out on some of the same things that you are. No engagement photos (why do we need professional photos of us in our everyday clothes?!). Booked the ceremony venue and reception at the same place where we can also get ready - no limo.
But you are still doing some fun wedding stuff so don’t get too bummed about what you are “missing out” on. You get something that a lot of brides don’t—quality time with your guests!
I wish I could take a semester off from school and really focus on DIY stuff and make it awesome. But I can’t, so I’m trying to squeeze as much DIY in as I can.
It breaks my heart to see you write off engagement pictures just because you won’t use them at a reception. We did ours with a fabulous photographer and had an awesome day out with her. We had tons of pictures of us together on trips and at events over the time of our relationship, but the engagement pics were SO GOOD. You can do all of the cheesy posing and play kissy face without a friend taking the picture saying “get a room!” We loved ours so much that we’re doing a post wedding shoot too! It was SO worth every penny.
It breaks my heart when people say something like “it breaks my heart” in response to decisions you or I make about or own weddings….it’s your wedding and it’s great that your doing it on your own terms.
It’s funny, but I sometimes feel the same way. Perhaps it’s the result of cultural training? 
We’re having a small wedding (not compared to you, but I’ve seen bridal parties bigger than our guest list), and foregoing most of the same things. No photographer, no showers/pre-wedding parties, no registry, and (gasp!) no fancy long dress. We didn’t even do an engagement ring. Heresy, no?
I sometimes wish we were going to have a big dance party, but one look at our guest list told us that no one but us would really have fun at a standard dance party reception, so we’re doing a very nice restaurant dinner that everyone will enjoy instead. For the record, I do love big weddings–especially the dancing!–I’d just prefer to be a guest, I guess!
We are not dancing people, however, I’m sad we’re not going to have a first dance, I had a song picked out and everything! But, we will be dancing for the first time together at some nightclub in Vegas, so I guess that is a good replacement!
I can’t think of anything that I feel like I’m missing out on… but I am trying desperately to talk my mom out of throwing me a bridal shower - we’re having a super small wedding, and I HATE being the center of attention, so I feel bad continually hitting up the same group of twenty people for gifts and celebrations.
Miss Mary Jane - I just like you more and more every post. The way you approach your marriage (because you’re not technically having a wedding) is so so so similar to how I approached my marriage (because technically, we eloped). While we are planning a “wedding” now (I refuse to call it that) all of the stress is taken away because we are already married and I’m really just planning a big party to celebrate. While I did do invitations, and I am doing favors, most everything else is very untraditional and I have avoided the frenzy and stress that involves weddings. But, I am married nonetheless!
I wish I could give up those things like you Miss MJ! We’re going the City Hall route too and forgoing all the items you’re mentioning above except photography! I think your wedding will be fantastic regardless!
There are moments I wish I’d refused the budget my parents allotted to us for our wedding and gone for something much simpler. But then I realize that there are a lot of people who are very happy to be a part of our wedding. Besides, my fiance and I have tried to spend most of our budget on things other people will enjoy, too–namely the food and the band. We’ve also splurged a bit a nice photographer, though I’m still impressed by the bang for our buck we’re getting out of our photographer.
Have you considered having a post-wedding party for your friends? Our wedding will be in Atlanta, so my fiance and I are throwing a pot-luck “reception” with a lot of our friends and family in Washington, DC when we move there after the wedding. We wanted them to be a part of our big day, too, even if our budget didn’t allow us to invite them and the trip was a bit too much to ask. Add an iPod with some speakers, and you can have something very like a wedding reception, minus all the formality and expense.
@MrsSl82be & And Enide: I’ll blog about that soon, promise
@kim0309: What would we do with the photos? That’s my question. We’re not PDA/showy/flashy people. I’d probably be a little embarrassed to have a photo of us kissing or whatever - sure wouldn’t send it to others of have it at work. Our parents/relatives aren’t either. Also we’re very capable photographers; if we wanted a fancypants shot of us we’d set up our equipment, set a scene, dress up and take the shot. So I guess we’re not too worried about not having good photos of us… we have a ton and we’ll have more when we get married 
@Alison: You’ve got my back, thanks!
Gilneas: Recipe shower. Seriously. All people need is an index card and a recipe idea (or access to a cookbook).
Technically, I could never have had the wedding you’re having. Being the youngest of three and the only girl (and the only one who’s not getting married because *somebody* got knocked up…) I am the only one having a “real” wedding. I keep telling my parents that a “real” wedding need only include a bride, a groom, and a witness, but they insist it involves cake, music, and a big puffy dress. So I’m jealous that you had the choice!!
@MightySapphire: I’m an “only” and one of only 2 grandkids, so I’m amazed that I had the choice too! Kudos to you to giving your mom and dad “the experience” though!! Ours said it wasn’t a huge deal so we’re thankful for that.
We didn’t get engagement photos either. I think because we’d end up doing the robot in them.
I would have rather have done a destination wedding if I could have redone anything. I think it would have been cheaper and I would enjoy the more intimate feeling.
It’s definitely you’re wedding, so you are entitled to do as you please. Each couple needs to do what is the best and most fitting for them. Your you and Mr. MJ, that happens to be a small intimate ceremony. For me and Mr. WTE, it is celebrating with our friends and family.
Do what makes you happy. If someone doesn’t like it, they can do what they want for their wedding!
@LPC That’s a good point! My uncle paid for my cousin and her husband to take a limo to their courthouse wedding and the dinner afterwards.
But of course, if it makes Miss Mary Jane carsick, probably not a good idea
Having a destination wedding with no real reception, we skipped a lot of the “traditional” wedding ideas too. No bridal party, no traditional reception (we took everyone to a luau dinner), no first dance (or did we?!), no cake cutting….ALL stress free!
We ditched engagement photos, STDs, bridal party, limo but we are still having a large traditional wedding with dancing at a great venue. We are having a family friends who are professionals to dj, photograph, and print the invites I designed. I’m all about kicking out extraneous items on the budget list. Even if this wasn’t a recession, I wouldn’t be able to rationalize spending $$$ on some of these items.
I think you have the right idea and I’m excited to see how your day turns out. I too am having a small wedding with just family and a few close friends. So we are forgoing a lot of the traditional fan-fare as well. However we did opt for engagement pictures. We just don’t have any good pics for us and so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to have someone capture us and our dogs. I’m just so glad I don’t have to deal with all the stressors of having a big wedding. Definitely not for me!
| Visit our sister sites | Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Fertile Thoughts Infertility Support |
Mrs. Mary Jane, Grand Forks, ND
Age and Occupation: 26, Instructional Designer
Fiance's Age and Occupation: 26, Lead Programmer
Engagement Date: February 28, 2009
Wedding Date: September 2009
Venue: City Hall
About Me: I'm a career woman on the surface and a homemaker at heart. I love fast cars and high heels, and my favorite food is cake. Mr. Mary Jane and I are both full-time employees and students, and we just bought our first house. We love to curl up on the couch with buttery popcorn, Sour Patch Kids, and the latest Netflix arrival -- whenever we can get a break from everyday life.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 |
Latest Gallery Pics